Don’t Ask Me To Vote For Your Ugly Baby On A Facebook Cutie Contest


Now that I’m a parent, I get really excited whenever my friends have a baby and post their squishy little face all over Facebook.

Before I was a parent, I thought that this practice was terribly annoying. I didn’t understand how anyone could think a newborn was cute because, mostly, they are not. But since I’ve had two newborns, I get the attraction—posting a picture of new life is all about AWWWWW as other parents remember what it was like when their own kid was born. Thank God Facebook has a like button so I can show my support.

So, yay for newborn pics and newborn babies on Facebook. Some parents go all crazy and post an album of one hundred newborn photos of a squishy alien, and that’s fine by me. It’s their squishy alien to love.

A growing number of my friends have taken it a step further, and I won’t stand for it. I don’t know how new parents find out about these scammy little contests, but soon enough new parents are URGING their Facebook friends to vote for their baby in some random cute baby picture contest.

I get that every parent thinks that their baby is the cutest, but asking friends to vote on this crosses the line. I thought that I cast my vote when I liked your newborn photo? Why do I have to go to a third-party website and register and like your baby again so that you could maybe, possibly win a year’s supply of diapers? (And we all know that you’re more likely to win the lottery anyway.)

I think the fact that these contests are centered around voting on the cuteness of a baby rubs me the wrong way. I’m not against baby modeling or child actors or anything like that—to each their own. I am against parents cramming their adorable kids down their friends’ throats on social media and now finding one more way to prove that their squishy alien is the cutest newborn on earth. Dislike.

(Image: Vitalinka/Shutterstock)

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  • Andrea

    That falls under the category of “NOPE” for me. Not gonna happen. Go pimp your baby somewhere else. And if they dare to post on my wall about it, I defriend them.

  • EX

    I think all newborns (including my own) look like little old men. When people ask me who the baby looks like they seem very offended when I say “Walter Matthau.” I did post some newborn pictures on Facebook but laugh anytime someone comments that my grumpy old man is “gorgeous” or “beautiful.”

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahaha yes!

    • Williwaw

      My newborn looked like Winston Churchill. In a bad mood.

    • Scarlet

      Haha my brother says that all babies look like Winston Churchill, and I kinda have to agree!!

    • Toaster

      Both of my kids looked like my father-in-law, who’s bald, fat, and incredibly grouchy.

    • Aimee Ogden

      My son looks like John McCain when he cries. We hope he grows out of this but in the meantime we’re not shy about telling him or anyone else this fact.

    • Natasha B

      We called all ours Yoda in the so-ugly-it’s-adorable newborn phase. Luckily they grew into the most adorable babies/toddlers ever.

    • Emily Wight

      Mine looked like the alien on American Dad in the episode where he stuck a prosthetic Kevin Bacon nose to his face. We laughed! We cried. It got better.

  • Kelly

    I’m a bitch about stuff like this. If someone asks me to vote for them or their kid in a contest, I go to the website and vote for who I think should win… and that’s almost never the person who asked me to vote for them. LOL

  • Ms. Anne

    My newborn looked like a pug. A snorty, snuffly little wrinkle-faced pug. Luckily I like pugs. But I did not enter him in a beautiful pug context.

    • M -

      I need to do this. When I have children, I’m entering them into “Cutest Pug Contest” and seeing what my Facebook friends make of THAT.

  • Jennifer Freeman

    THANK YOU! These contests drive me crazy.

  • LaidbackLiz

    Yep, not a fan. Even after my child was legitimately used in some local advertising at the urging of a family friend/baby agent lol I would never enter him in a contest like that. I was opposed to even the few snapshots of him being used by anyone but me at first but he was a very content baby so it worked well for all involved – I got some professional pictures that we own the rights to, he got some money in his college fund (not one penny went anywhere but), and they got a cute mug on some of their stuff. The most irritating thing to me with stuff like this was when moms in my baby group did it. Hello? We all have children the exact same age that could all be entered into this. If I participated in this shiz, I’d vote for your kid because I’m not going to enter my own, but I don’t, so tough luck. Honestly, who tells a bunch of other new moms with 3 month olds “vote for my baby as the cutest!” All those moms who don’t see SUCKER branded on those websites is going to instead register their own child just giving yours more competition. Newborns are funny looking, we love them because they’re ours and it’s a cute funny looking but they are. It’s enough for US to think they’re the cutest, or at least it should be.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yup! You sound like a very rational mom to me. :)

    • Megan Zander

      You are a great parent. I did print modeling as a kid and all I got from it was aching hands from having to hold objects just so for hours and tears because I couldn’t eat painted strawberries at a pancake syrup shoot. I didn’t do a lot of work, but still having the money for college would have been nice.

    • LaidbackLiz

      That’s torture Megan! I’d at least have sprung for some real strawberries after the shoot. I figure anything he does is due to his cuteness and that’s only partially from me and the laid back attitude is not at all me – thank you for the support, it’s hard to know what the best choice is all the time but it’s nice to hear good feedback from a mom who had been there!

  • Kay_Sue

    Yeah. No. I’m not registering to vote for most anything someone touts on Facebook to be honest. I’m lazy like that.

  • Véronique Houde

    You would vote for my baby though… Right?? RIGHT??? ’cause you know, she’s super cute and adorable and would totally win and I should totally register.

    The other day at work, my coworkers asked to see a picture of my kid and they were all commenting on her cuteness, and I started telling them that it’s so awkward when the person has an ugly baby because you really just don’t know what to say. And I promised them that if my little number 2 was ugly, I would TOTALLY say it out loud, and we could all have a giggle about it. It doesn’t mean he’ll grow up ugly and that he’s got less value, but come one, we can laugh about it, no?! And one of my coworkers thought i’d basically done the equivalent of torturing a kitty by saying that lol.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Obviously, your baby is the exception!!!! But really, she is ridiculously cute. My first son had a “rough stage” as a baby and is a way cuter toddler. I look back at some of the pictures that we posted him on Facebook, and I was like… Oh, my.

    • G.E. Phillips

      Oh, so much this. Face looked like Megamind until about 2 years ago. He is SO much cuter as a toddler/preschooler.

    • Bethany Ramos


    • EX

      When I was pregnant with #1 (and super anxious about everything) I used to worry that I would have an ugly baby and wouldn’t know it (because you know how everyone says a mom always thinks their baby is beautiful?). I had this image that everyone would be telling me she’s pretty and then laughing behind my back. That may have been the stupidest (and most superficial) thing I ever worried about. And in the end, of course, she turned out to be the cutest kid ever. Haha.

    • candyvines

      I take care of a really beautiful toddler. He’s gorgeous. I’ve been so worried since I found out I was pregnant that I wouldn’t think my baby was as cute. Like really, stupidly worried. All my fears went away when we got the printout of our first ultrasound and I thought he was the cutest baby I’d ever seen. And he didn’t really look like anything but a see-through, black and gray alien baby.

    • EX

      Aw. I’m glad you think your alien baby is cute! Having now had my second child I really laugh about the completely irrational things I worried about when I was pregnant with my first.

    • Guest

      Two of my friends had an agreement that when they had children they’d totally be honest (which they would) about if the other’s kids were ugly. Thankfully they both ended up with really cute kids or that would have been awkward.

    • Rachel Sea

      I know a few really unfortunate looking kids, and I always have to be ready with false enthusiasm when I see their parents, because i know they are going to gush over the cuteness which does not exist. I’m sure they’ll all grow up to be perfectly good looking adults, but as toddlers? Nope.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Say “breathtaking” a la Seinfeld.

    • Rachel Sea

      No way, they’d totally know what that means.

    • Psych Student

      My wife and I both talk about how much we’d like to make fun of how ugly our newborns are going to be (because they are all ugly – they seem to get cute really quickly, but they sure as hell don’t come out that way). I’m afraid we’ll just end up so happy to have a baby and so overcome with emotions that we’ll think that the baby is the most beautiful thing ever. I’m still hoping that once the feelings wear off that we’ll be able to see the baby for what it is – a super ugly alien that used to be all up in my uterus and will be *super* cute eventually (especially since all DNA contributors have naturally curly hair).

    • Véronique Houde

      Actually, not to humblebrag, but my baby came out strangely un-ugly – this is her the morning after I gave birth to her lol. We were actually all looking at her weirdly, trying to understand why she wasn’t all squishy… :S

    • Psych Student

      Oh my god, you are SO right! What a cutie! No puffy eyes, no squishy features. The uterus, it wants one!!!! The hands aren’t quite as cute as they will be when they are pudgy and adorable, but she may be hands down, without question, the cutest infant I have ever seen! Though I’m sure that every person reading this also has the cutest infant in the world.

    • Véronique Houde

      LOL she never did become a pudgy child – she’s a tiny skinny minnie child to this day, at 16 months. But apparently, either I have a super large vagina through which she passed, or I pushed her out so fast (in 10 minutes) that there was no time for her to get squished…

    • Psych Student

      You clearly did a great job!

    • Bethany Ramos


    • airbones

      Mine was super cute as a newborn too! She’s the same age as yours too! They should be pretty friends.

    • Psych Student

      Holy crap, how do you all have the CUTEST babies ever!!!!! Such a cutie pie! I wish to officially retract my statement – not all infants come out funny looking. Either that or you both just make super good looking little ones. :)

    • airbones

      To be fair, mine had the c-section advantage.

    • Justin McVay

      This baby actually looks normal. You win!

    • Justin McVay

      Not squishy but that mouth doesnt look quite right. You lose!

  • Williwaw

    If they had a “Which Baby Most Resembles Gollum?” contest, I might cast a vote.

  • AugustW

    My beautiful daughter took some time to get cute. She was mostly “wtf” a lot in her early days.
    No. Fucking. Eyebrows.

    • EX

      This picture just literally made me LOL. Love it. The expression on her face (“what the fuck just happened to me?”) is totally priceless.

    • Bethany Ramos

      But still, awww! Haha priceless.

    • Lauren_Alli

      I have a picture of my daughter making this exact face. It looks identicial. For a second, I thought this was stolen from my phone.Twinsies.

    • Amber Starr

      OH. MY. GOD. I am in love with your daughter……. but that could be because my newborn also had that annoyed “WTF” look and zero eyebrows at birth.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      “Is that a Goddamn camera? I can’t believe they’re already shoving a mother-f*&$ing camera in my face. I will destroy you.”

  • Lee

    Once a girl I hadn’t seen since high school sent me a pm to vote for her kid. It is annoying to see please vote as a status update but as a pm from someone I hadn’t talked to in over a decade I was kind of pissed. I later saw her post a status update to not bother voting anymore since there was a kid with cancer that was getting all the sympathy votes and hers would never win.

    • Kelly

      Grrrr, damn those cancer kids and their sympathy votes. LOL

  • allisonjayne

    I know someone who calls ugly babies “sweater babies”, because if nothing else, at least you can compliment their sweater (or whatever they’re wearing).

  • Aimee Ogden

    Finally someone figured out a more annoying way to use Facebook than Farmville requests.

    • Quiana

      Amen! Or any number of those other games that fill my feed with requests!

  • GG

    “Don’t Ask Me to Vote for Your (ugly, cute, or otherwise) Baby on a Facebook Baby Contest”


  • Crusty Socks

    When will we shallow people learn to look past the outer beauty and look to the babies’ future earnings potential instead?

  • Megan Zander

    Bethany, I adore you, but I respectfully disagree ( please don’t down vote me). I was always afraid of having unattractive kids- I know, I’m shallow, I own that. When I was in high school my BFF and I would joke that when we had kids, we would be honest and tell the other if the kid was ugly and then make them a nice room under the stairs like Harry Potter. So if you are an adult who’s asking for someone to vote you kid cute,IMO it’s either because you want the attention and you really do think your kid is Athena ( in which case I feed the cray cray for future entertainment purposes) or deep down you know you birthed a troll baby and you want to believe it’s not true, so I will happily click to make you feel better.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahaha then you are the bigger person! I #adore you too. :)

  • airbones

    I thought my daughter was an exceptionally beautiful newborn.

    • Crusty Socks

      Whachu talkin’ bout Willis?

    • airbones


  • SA

    I definitely had what I think was a ‘prettier’ version of a newborn although I knew at the time that she had a ways to go. I was quite proud of her though and then my father patted me on the back and said “And don’t worry honey, her head will eventually have a normal shape”. Um, what?

    • Surfaces

      I said that to my brother when his daughter was born, and we all laughed heartily because we knew her head would eventually be a normal shape.

      She’s now four and it’s still not quite right…oops!

  • MerlePerle

    When I was pregnant with my first a friend of my mother’s made me watch a clip from a local tv channel where her baby was voted ‘baby of the month’. I was very bored and very confused because her baby was one of the ugliest I’d ever seen…

  • Jordana

    Uggg I’ve never even heard of this, but it sounds f ing ridiculous!!! Are people really that insecure about the cuteness of their babies? Def would be removed from my news feed promptly, which usually ends up getting me into trouble lol. Hilarious article!

    • Quiana

      I don’t think they’re really insecure, I think it comes from a place of pride. Like yeah…look at this little creature (my hubby’s fave word) I just co-created…Oh yeah…go us!

  • Amber Starr

    When my daughter was born, she looked EXACTLY like my mother. I was
    trying to breastfeed in the beginning (which ended up not working out,
    but whatevs), and I would look down at the tiny human who was trying to
    feed from me, and I was like “AHHH! MOM!”.

    It was awkward as hell.

  • Emil

    I believed everyone when they told me they thought my first daughter was beautiful. Then my second daughter came along and my husband put this hideous photo of her (5 min after birth and still a little blue) on facebook and still everyone gushed about how beautiful she was. Now I know they’re all liars.

  • Nicole

    My husband’s cousin put up

    • Quiana

      Nicole, thanks for this laugh…when I look back at some of the pics we posted after the kids were born…yup, different outfit, different pose, but all the same face. I do still think they were cute – I’m just not willing to ask others what they think…

    • Nicole

      He’s super cute and she’s obviously thrilled to be his mum but after the first 8 or 9 pics, I was sure I had already seen them before.

  • Ana

    I think it’s wrong to call children ugly. And this article is just flat out rude!! Children are beautiful wtf is wrong with the world these days?

    • Katie

      How is this article rude? If you think some adults are ugly, whats wrong with thinking some kids are ugly? Some really are. Sure, they may be “beautiful on the inside,” and obviously their parents think they’re cute and love them… but sometimes kids are just really unfortunate looking. I won’t lie if someone asks me. Of course I won’t flat out say “OMG your child is hideous, and one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.” But I’m not going to gush to you about how your kid is the most beautiful baby in the world and how adorable and precious it is. I’ll just tell you your baby is unique looking, or compliment its clothing, or “it will probably be gorgeous when it’s older.” Any one who comments on pictures of newborns and says “oh how beautiful! looks just like you!” is a liar. Seriously, majority of newborns look like the aliens from ‘signs’… but if people don’t want an honest answer, they shouldn’t ask the question.

  • Quiana

    I laughed so hard at this I think I want to cry. It was funn-E! And yes most newborns look like blobs o’ mushiness…but I’ll admit…I do still like to look at them and deep down know they’re all cute in their own way!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Once you have one, you can appreciate the blob!!

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