One of my favorite pastimes is finding ridiculous vintage ads. Things were just…weirder back in the day. The best ones are the ads with kids, because kids back then were apparently creepy as hell. I mean, kids can be creepy in general and there are plenty of creepy modern ads featuring kids (I’m looking at you, E-Trade). But the nine below really take the cake. And by cake I mean soul-sucking murder cake.

9. Carter’s Children of the Corn ad

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Okay, first of all, apparently glasses = smart. Second, these kids are staring into my SOUL.

8. Van Camp’s Soylent Pork

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It’s made of PEOPLE…

7. Trix’s zombie ad

This kid looks like she’s about to take a chunk out of Ms. Eyebrows up there.

6. Colgate’s…um…I’m not sure what this is

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I don’t know what’s in that toothpaste, but I want some.

5. This maniac kid really loves her jam

 

I’m unsure of the brand here, but this kid loves her some jam. Or is it jam?

4. Kodak’s arm wrestling ad

I don’t know why, but this kid is TERRIFYING.

3. Stokely’s absurd peas ad

NOPE. No one likes peas this much, not even this creeptastic kid.

2. Van Camp’s (AGAIN) Tenderoni ad

What is it with Van Camps and their creepy ads? And WHAT is a tenderoni? It looks like it’s made from the loins of your enemies.

1. Texaco’s whatever this is ad

This little boy looks like he’s about to literally explode from joy. I don’t think Texaco is that exciting so I’m forced to assume he’s consumed with blood lust.