STFU Parents: How The Olympics Have Inspired Parents On Facebook

With the 2014 Winter Olympics soon drawing to a close, I felt a surge of inspiration to compile the incredibly boring ways that moms talk about the Games on social media whenever the multi-sport events are held (which is seemingly every year now — score!). It was nearly two short years ago that I wrote a similar recap of responses to the 2012 Summer Olympics, and now here we are again, cheering for our country’s team and re-discovering the stalest joke in America — that moms, too, are one version of Olympian. Of course, this type of endorsement (that moms often give to themselves) doesn’t come without a formal nudging; for years, we’ve seen the Olympics milk the “moms are our greatest supporters” sentiment — complete with whole campaigns about athletes and their sacrificial mothers, many of which resulted in emotional commercials that bring casual viewers to tears — for several seasons of Olympic Games. These commercials are befitting for a massive-scale event that ties the whole world together, each of us unified by a few crucial things: our love of competition, our motivation to win gold, and the fact that everyone, including all the amazing athletes, was once birthed by a mother who presumably cheered their kid to victory on his or her road to greatness. Aww. So sweet!

And while I’ll admit those maudlin P&G commercials do tug at my heart strings, I’m starting to think we’re turning the realOlympics into one big “mom celebration” so that brands can rake in all the proverbial mom dollars at the supermarket. “Mom Olympics” have long been a running joke among women who understand the importance of multi-tasking, and in my opinion, there’s no sadder comparison than a dishrag-toting mom who likens herself to a world class sportswoman. Rather than let the athletes shine, these hilarious jokesters focus on how there should be a Mom Olympics, because no one exemplifies determination and strength of spirit more than your average mom. NO ONE! Sure, these athletes have worked their way into the Olympics, but do you know who was holding their hand along the way, not to mention doing their laundry and a million other chores?! Their mothers. And that is why every time the Olympic Games roll back around, so do the Mom Olympics jokes.

Thanks to P&G, mothers are already a part of the conversation, and thanks to local businesses, mom bloggers, and parents on social media, they’ll surely remain that way. Want to know what the Mom Olympics would entail? There’s a column for that. There’s also a mom blogger guide for that (shared on Facebook 10k+ times, of course). There was even a charity event in Atlanta called the Coupon Mom Olympics. Soon enough, there will be a REAL Mom Olympics (sponsored by P&G) that will occur every two to four years and we will all feel very silly. Just you wait! In the meantime, let’s check out this year’s best (aka extremely boring) examples of how moms talk about the Olympic Games.

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    • Lauren_Alli

      Allllllllllllllllllllllll the eyerolls for these moms…just…all of them. I. cant. even.

    • keelhaulrose

      I will not click on anything in the sentence “The fact that Huffpost didn’t include a picture *like this* is criminal’. Nothing good will ever come from that link. I respectfully refuse for the sake of my eyes.

    • Metsy

      Ugh, shut up, Susan. Any of us can give birth. A select few can do what that gymnast is doing in that picture. Shoot, I can’t even skate 10 feet without falling.

      And all the LOLs at Mariana thinking her baby can compete with a Corgi. The internet has spoken: Corgis are cuter than almost anything else.

      • Lauren_Alli

        I don’t know…the internet is pretty sold on cats….

      • Metsy

        Yeah, cats are pretty cool, too. Internet law: baby animals’ cuteness >>> baby humans’ cuteness.

      • Momma425

        Right?
        Plus who wants to be scrolling through a bunch of gymnastics photo only to be facially assaulted with a giant crowning pic? No thanks Susan!

      • Crusty Socks

        No matter what, I can never give birth :(

      • Metsy

        I’m sorry, Crusty Socks. (HUGS)

      • Crusty Socks

        Yea, my f’ing Y chromosome did me in >:(

      • Metsy

        Ha! That’ll do it.

      • Tinyfaeri

        What, have you never seen Junior?

      • brebay

        You can pee standing up though, so it all evens out.

    • Mercedes

      Anyone who thinks their infant can out-cute a Corgi has never watched two Corgis hug. Nothing can out-cute that.

      • brebay

        Corgi owns that kid.

      • guest

        If I saw the Corgi vs. Baby picture on my fb feed I’d tell baby’s mom her kid lost to that dog hands down and wouldn’t feel bad if she never spoke to me again. At least pick a cuter picture of your kid if you’re trying to win.

    • Lauren_Alli

      I reallllllllllllly don’t underestand why people think they need to talk about bathroom functions on social media. As if ANYONE in your newsfeed wants to hear about your child’s poop. And why do you even think your child’s poop is a great topic??? I just can’t crack the case on this one.

      • Picklejar

        I have a theory about this Poop Fascination. For the sake of scientific discourse, I will tell you, at times, I am fascinated with my infant daughter’s poop. It smells like flowers sometimes, and sometimes, it’s so fascinatingly disgusting/explosive/fill-in-the-blank that I want to tell someone about it – just to prove it’s real. I think this is built into our biological evolution so we *don’t abandon our young when they sh!t all over us*! But, here’s the rub. Brad, who works two cubicles down from me, has no need to hear about it, so I keep it off social media. (Besides, Brad’s a d*** and would abandon my young in a heartbeat.)

    • brebay

      Yeah, because you have to be in amazing physical shape to give birth. It’s not like you could achieve the feat of childbirth if you looked, for example, like Honey Boo Boo’s mom…

      • SA

        Just lol’d at my desk.

      • JLH1986

        OMG I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Valerie

        By the power invested in me (which is frankly not that powerful) I hereby award you the gold medal of The Internets.

      • brebay

        woot!!

      • AugustW

        They used to knock women out or childbirth because it seemed easier. Literally, your body will eject the baby on it’s own. It doesn’t need your super mommy powers.

      • Are you nuts

        Honey Boo Boo –> proof evolution can’t be real or these people wouldn’t still be in the gene pool. Kidding but only sort of.

    • SA

      GAWD!!! I am so tired of the mother as a multi-tasker championship. Blech. We all do it, even without children.

      I do have to kinda agree with her on the baby toenails one though. ;)

      • http://www.cafepress.com/ladycrim ladycrim

        I see your baby toenails and raise you two cats who absolutely DO NOT want their claws trimmed. It takes both my boyfriend and me to get it done every time, and there’s still usually bloodshed.

      • Larkin

        Oh God… one of my cats is an absolute hell demon when we try to clip his claws. It takes both my husband and me to do it, and we usually have to forcefully wrap him in a towel and pin him down. Usually, it involves a whole lot of being bitten, accompanied by screaming sounds that should not be uttered by anything on this earth. Seriously, the way he reacts you’d think we were slowly gouging out his eyes.

      • MellyG

        I know that sound……

      • SarahJesness

        I wouldn’t dare try clipping my cat’s claws. She got fired as a patient from her vet. She still goes Wolverine even after being sedated, so we had to find a vet that had a cat restraining device. We just let her scratch up the furniture.

      • MellyG

        Sheesh – and i thought mine as bad. One cat loves getting his mani pedi, the other acts like i’m actually cutting off his paws. I can do 2-3 at a time if i get him good and tight in a purrito.

      • Surfaces

        PURRITO! LOVE!

      • MellyG

        My little one (not so little anymore) has asthma. I developed the Purrito to give him meds. I think he just likes being fussed over, he doesn’t squirm, doesn’t growl, nothing. his big brother though – i can barely get him into a purrito! He’s a drama queen. I had to move both of them halfway across the country, and the vet said benadryl for the car ride. The baby did fine, let me drug him, slept most of the way.His big brother – i gave up after 30 minutes of scratching, so he was wide eyed the entire trip. Poor thing but it was his own fault!

      • SarahJesness

        I just let Tara scratch up the furniture. I’m not gonna hold her down or even handle her a lot unless it’s medically necessary.

      • LuvSkittles

        I thought I was the only one who had to sedate their cat! Phew. Whenever I have to wrangle him, I wear a winter coat. Even in July. *sweat city*

      • SarahJesness

        We don’t bother to sedate her since she can still attack. I have no idea how that happened.

    • brebay

      Dog FTW.

    • brebay

      I always wondered why Wal-Mart was full of amazingly buff women not wearing sweatpants pushing carts full of kids.

    • StephanieTruth

      Those Rebeccas.

    • echo7341

      These don’t really irritate me too much, except for the one about “um what about women pushing a baby out. Now THAT’s an accomplishment worthy of a medal” . Hello, giving birth is essentially what every woman can do (short of genital issues that prevent you from doing so… had to throw that in there so no one’s like “um.. actually”). Can every woman do a triple axle? No, didn’t think so. And the last one is odd and downright passive aggressive if they aren’t close friends/bffs.

      My opinion is that it’s actually very depressing: taking something, like the Olympics, that has nothing to do with you or your child, and making it all about you.

      • lina

        Not to mention the fact that if you get pregnant and carry to term, giving birth is just something that happens. I’m sure it is unpleasant and difficult and all the rest of it, but come hell or high water, that baby is going to come out, no matter what you do (barring the possibility that you both just up and die, I suppose).

        Getting to the Olympics and competing at that level do not just happen. You have to have endurance and drive and push yourself through all the gruelling steps along the way. There are so many points where you could just quit and go home. There’s no quit and go home option with childbirth.

      • brebay

        Exactly, its more like torture than a marathon. I hate it when moms compare it to running a marathon. The difference is, in running a marathon, you could make the choice to stop every single time your foot hits the ground. Childbirth is more acutely painful but, like you said, its happening whether you want to quit or not…they won’t let you stop halfway through; I know because I asked. No go.

      • Williwaw

        I found running a marathon tougher than giving birth because the marathon required motivation. Birth? Hey, it wasn’t like I had the option of going home and shrinking for nine months. Also, drugs.

      • Emil

        I guess I am one of those annoying moms who make the comparison to marathons. I had a difficult childbirth after having a previous c-section (which was surprisingly easy) and I knew at any point that I could say screw it- I want another c-section. I may run another marathon one day but my birthing days are definitely behind me .

      • whiteroses

        Yeah. I mean, I didn’t have to train my entire life, getting to the rink at 6 AM, sacrificing thousands of dollars on training and costuming, competing against other people and being judged for it, break bones, fall on my ass, and hope that I nailed triple axels and lutzes and toe loops and God knows what else. I didn’t work for seventeen or eighteen years to be the best in the world at something only to slip once and watch the gold medal slip through my fingers.
        All I did was have sex.
        Not really comparable.

      • wally

        Actually, there are only a handful of ladies who were/are able to do a triple axel :) Which makes it all the more impressive when they do. Birthing is not impressive.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      A sleeping baby is pretty cute… but the dog is being way cuter in that picture.

      • echo7341

        Agree! When I see a puppy I’m like “PUPPY! I WANT THE PUPPY!!!”

        When I see a baby, I back away slowly, hands up.

      • Kay_Sue

        I had that same reaction with my kids and people looked at me like I was nuts.

      • neighbor57

        Puppies are far cuter. But the advantage of a baby is that it eventually cleans up its own poop. Dogs never do.

        Of course, I should post photos of my kids taking care of their own toileting needs, right?

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      As a parent, my one frustration with the Olympics is that my baby keeps preventing me from seeing Canada’s amazing hockey games.
      PS gold is ours this Sunday morning! Beer for breakfast!

      • Raquel

        some of the bars in SK requested permission to open early for the game – they are opening at 5:30 AM! I hope to be drinking mimosas and watching it at home.

      • Lamb

        Yeah, I heard bars in Toronto are opening before 7 am and can serve alcohol at that point. You know you’re intense when you’re drinking at 7 am because hockey is on. I’ll be up to watch, but I don’t think I’ll be drinking, probably still be in my pjs.

      • CrazyFor Kate

        I think there are bars all over Canada doing that. I know some churches are advertising with a “come to the service after the game, in case you need to pray for your sorrows” kind of thing…all in jest of course!

      • MERKIN

        I went to the bar at 7:30am last Saturday to watch the US vs. Russia hockey game. It was all you can drink mimosas/beer/bloodies for $9. I was hungover for four days after that.

        You’re gonna have a good time!

      • Ddaisy

        I’m in Korea and I don’t know any other Canadians here, so I’m trying to wrangle up my American co-workers to be honorary Canadians for the day and watch the game with me!

      • pixie

        I told my mom this. Her response: the bars in BC might as well not close tonight so they can be open for the game tomorrow.
        (We’re in Ontario, so at least I’ll get a couple extra hours of sleep, though I don’t know if my hometown has any bars that are going to be open that early :( )

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Pff, my contribution to the FB Mommeigh Olympics was a pic of my 11-week-old baby laying on the floor totally staring at the ice skaters on TV. “Baby’s First Olympics!”

      • http://abasketcase.blogspot.com/ Basketcase

        Thats cute :)

    • Kelly

      I’m actually surprised most of these bothered anybody enough to submit them. I can’t help but wonder if it’s a last straw kind of scenario because they really aren’t that bad at all.

      Except for the one about birth being included in the powerful images article. Gross, no thanks.

      • Lamb

        I don’t know. I actually found most of this annoying. Sure, they weren’t the worst we’ve seen, but I find someone comparing their kids to an Olympian quite annoying. Especially with words like “Sure it’s impressive to nab an Olympic medal but..” The “but” let’s me know the person is about to say something outrageous, and that I don’t like that person at all.

      • Kelly

        I find lots of stuff people post on facebook annoying but I just scroll past it and forget about it.

        Usually the stuff posted on STFU Parents is stuff that would stop me from scrolling to go “Holy shit! WTF?!”

        I don’t feel most of these inspired that reaction.

      • brebay

        If you ever find yourself talking about anyone’s bowel habits online, back away from the computer and get thee to a hobby store at once.

      • Emil

        I agree, most of these moms are just trying to make a joke. I can understand if people don’t think it’s funny but hard to imagine why they would really bother anyone. I with brebay about talking about bowel habits though. That just needs to stop.

      • Williwaw

        Well, it was kind of a relief after the 2014 Valentine’s Day post on STFU,Parents. No Jocasta complexes here.

      • Kat

        My thoughts exactly. Particularly the “I win” one — I say shit like that all the time on Facebook.

        Maybe I just need to STFU.

    • libraryofbird

      Trying to out cute a corgi is a challenge, showing up with a poorly lit picture and trying to claim gold? Mariana must be new to the Internet.

      • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

        Yeah, my mom’s meatloaf is good, but I’m not bringing it to Mario Batali’s restaurant and going, “You have been SERVED!” If you want to step to the corgi you’re going to need to bring otters or baby hippos or something. Or a well-lit video of a kid doing something really cute, preferably with an animal. You don’t defeat the corgi with just a sleeping kid.

      • TattooedLittleMiss

        Seriously. My pitbull could have given the corgi a run when we first rescued her at a month old and she was tiny and wrinkly and couldn’t sit up without wobbling and falling over. At her cutest now, she still beats Mariana’s kid, but she’s a moose and can’t take on corgi-dorableness anymore.

    • http://abasketcase.blogspot.com/ Basketcase

      Sorry, the corgi is FAR cuter in its photo than the baby.

      • lina

        I don’t really like babies, but even I can see that that’s not a particularly impressive or cute baby photo. Mariana really needs to step up to the plate.

      • http://abasketcase.blogspot.com/ Basketcase

        haha, good call.
        I have some gorgeous photos of my little, but I still reckon a sleeping animal is darned cute, and I wouldn’t enter that sort of fight.

    • Rachel Sea

      But the medal would only go to women who had natural, drug-free, home, water births, in under 4 hours, with an orgasm, because taking drugs or having a c-section is basically walking across the finish line. And infertile women are pansies, because their bodies don’t even make babies, am I right?

      • Williwaw

        I’d have been disqualified from the Giving Birth Olympics for using performance-enhancing drugs.

      • Rachel Sea

        Fertility treatments and induction are the doping of the Momlympics.

      • Williwaw

        Don’t forget the shameless cheat of pain relief!

      • Kat

        The drugs are the pain relief, and this weak shameful mom cheater loves her some of that!

      • Williwaw

        Would making the umbilical cord into a heart shape get me extra points for artistic impression?

      • Tinyfaeri

        I believe they would also have to have their feet touching over their heads, or at least be in mid air. I’d say while twizzling because it’s my new favorite word to try to say with a straight face, but you have to have your legs together to do those.

    • brebay

      Oh god, I clicked on it. That crop feature is on your photo app for a reason…

    • Emptynesterthankgod

      Number 3 irks me. I get so tired of women like this saying childbirth is the be all, end all of what a woman’s body can do and unless you’re a woman whose had children you just don’t get it. I have two kids so I do get it, childbirth is a major physical event, however delimiting the amazing training, skill, physicality and focus it takes to make it to the Olympics just makes you sound like an asshole.
      Oh and if clipping your infants nails is difficult for you you’re doing it wrong. Try clipping the nails of two 75lb dogs that just don’t like having it done. Now that’s hard.

      • Williwaw

        Giving a cat eyedrops can also be pretty hellish.

      • brebay

        Now that is something I would be all over seeing pop up in my feed. Seriously. Then I would steal it and meme the shit out of it.

      • RCIAG

        Or giving a cat a bath!

        I wonder how long it would take her to perfect a good long program. I’m pretty sure a Triple Salchow with a triple toe loop would take her YEARS to master while giving birth was merely hours, a day at best.

      • Williwaw

        I bet doing some triple axels would speed up labour, though…

    • anon

      Wow – being totally judgmental here – that last picture is about as far from the cute entries as you can get. Corgi wins.

      • Sarah

        Corgis ALWAYS win.

    • 11candlelight

      Dear Mommyish- I recognize your need to have ads to pay the bills, HOWEVER… placing those ads over the images of the article in such a way that it obscures the point of the article– and when I try to minimize the ad it instead takes me OUT of the article to the advertiser’s page– does not induce me to keep reading. On the contrary, it makes me quit the article at page 4, which is not, I think, the point of your ad campaign.
      Seriously, advertise smarter PLEASE!

      • RCIAG

        AdBlock is your friend, google it. They’ve editions for all the browsers. I’ve never seen an ad here thanks to it.

      • Sarah

        +1, AdBlock is brilliant. I didn’t believe my friends for ages, but now, GENUINELY, I don’t see ads, and my internets are happier places

      • AP

        The Android ads on here are the worst- they float down the screen as I scroll and refuse to X when I click on the X.

    • RCIAG

      CORGI FTW!!

    • Kelly S

      corgis > most other creatures. this is just fact. they do have stiff competition from the huskies.

      • Williwaw

        I think a Munchkin kitten riding on a Shiba Inu could also provide some competition.

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

        Shiba!!!!

    • Liberty

      I’m watching the women’s snowboarding parallel slalom & the announcers said one of the women, Kober, participated in the Vancouver Olympics while she was pregnant. Your argument is invalid moms!

      • AP

        The 2010 Olympics featured a pregnant US beach volleyball player and a pregnant rifle shooter from Saudi Arabia. Plus there was all that airtime for Noelle Pikus-Pace, who brought her two kids to Sochi with her.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      The dog is ten times cuter than the human cub.

    • Pixx

      That dog is way cuter than the baby.

      And really–the “giving birth is the most important thing a woman can do” — spare me. That’s internalized sexism 101 right there.

    • Courtney Lynn

      GAH! #3 was a huge eye roll! It’s. NOT. a. skill. Not anymore than taking a shit. Sorry, but true.

    • Leigh

      These submissions are all eye roll worthy – and no I dont think giving birth is the most amazing thing a woman can do. However, when we are talking about the P&G thank yo mom ads and thing shonoring mothers I see nothing wrong with that. Show me an olympic athlete, or anyone who does something at that level – a professional dancer, etc. and I will show you a mom and a family who sacrificed greatly for that achievement. A mom who drove to practices at ungodly hours of the morning, or late at night, and usually both. A mom who gave up vacations that weren’t really road trips to said events, took on jobs ot pay for ice time or coaching, or snow boards or what not etc. A mom who agonized over whether they were making the right choices, the right coaches, the right training, the right programs, when the olympian was too young to make those choices for themselves. You don’t get to that level without that constant support – mentally, financially, etc.

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