Parents-To-Be, Listen To Your Smug, Sleep-Training Friends


If you’re getting ready to have your first child, you’ve probably been inundated with advice; what diapers to use, which bottles are best, which strollers are best for the money – these are all helpful tips. But really listen up when your parent friends talk about what time their kids go to bed. If it’s before Wheel of Fortune is over – they’re doing it right. And they’re probably sleep training.

I’m having a moment right now where I hate all my friends who went the sleep training route. In my head, I am winning the suffering olympics of parenting, because I do it so many hours a day. If your kids go to bed at seven o’clock, you can’t complain about anything, ever. Do you hear me? Shut your big, fat, sleep-training, superior-parenting mouth-hole. Also – you are a much better parent than I am. I can admit that now. Parents-to-be – here’s what happens when you don’t sleep train:

Right now my toddler is jogging in place in his pack-and-play. It’s 10:02 p.m. Why do you have a 3-year-old falling asleep in a pack-and-play, you ask? Because he has to be in jail or he will wander around his room endlessly. People think I am exaggerating when I say this – I assure you I’m not. I put my child to bed at 8:30 every night, and every night he talks to himself for roughly two and a half hours. Shoot me.

Be Sociable, Share!
You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
Be Sociable, Share!
  • zeisel

    My sleep training is: ALARM CLOCK

    You set the clock for whatever time you get up for work, lets say 6:30AM and they wake-up at that time every day. I’m a stay at home mom, but can handle getting up early when my husband does and we all have breakfast together before he goes to work- I treasure that time together…. You don’t sleep in, but they go to bed between 7:30PM and 8:30PM, because they’re yawning and ready. If you let them sleep in then it will be 10:00 or later… Also, alarm clock for nap… 90 minute nap and no longer. They don’t go down for their nap before 1pm and no later then 2pm. Consistency, consistency, consistency… every toddler is different and I didn’t want to follow a schedule but it WORKS WONDERS!

    Dinner (if feasible) should be done 90 min. before they lay down..

    Side note, I would rather have two hours in the evening alone with husband then two hours in the morning asleep. whatever shakes your boots..

  • melena gasper

    When my first baby was 6 months old and waking every 30-90 minutes ALL NIGHT LONG, my pediatrician said, simply, “You have to let her cry. She needs her sleep, and so do you.” She cried til she puked, but eventually she slept. At 3 she doesn’t nap but sleeps from 8:30-8. My almost 1 year old sleeps 8-6:30/7. SLEEP. TRAINING.

  • Christie Ross

    I had a routine as a baby, I was left to cry until I slept, but it didn’t help. I have always fought sleep and still have major sleep issues.Just like all adults, all babies need different amounts of sleep. Some can sleep 8-12 hours in a row, and bless their sweet angel hearts. Many more only need 4-6 in split shifts. Do whatever works best for your family and try to feel good about it, because you are doing a great job.

  • Steph

    I didn’t realize that parenting ended at 7pm so everyone could watch Scandal and drink wine. I like how sleep training, which hasn’t really been around all that long, is an acceptable form of abuse in our culture.

  • Pingback: Sleep Training My Kids Makes Me Feel Like A Parenting Superstar()

  • Karli

    I did sleep train. 3 year old still won’t sleep. Never slept. Even as a newborn. That child just doesn’t need sleep. :)

  • Pingback: If The Covers Of Sleep-Training Books Spoke The Truth()