When I was in middle school and high school, I was all about retro fashion. I specifically hunted in thrift shops and vintage stores for bellbottoms, bohemian tops, and fringed blouses. In my mind, at least, I was a child of the 60s.
I vividly remember thinking at the time that mom jeans were the worst fashion invention known to man. It must be some kind of hoax. All of the moms in the 90s must be drinking the same water and taking the same crazy pills to think that these fugly, ill-fitting, atrocious jeans were acceptable to wear out in public.
Or, as the 11th Commandment states:
Thou shalt not wear mom jeans.
God said it to Moses in the Old Testament. Who am I to argue with God? But apparently, fashionistas of today are disobedient God-haters that are trying to bring back the mom jean trend. These fashionistas must also be blind because mom jeans haven’t gotten any cuter. If anything, they’ve gotten uglier.
Yesterday’s post on Today Moms claims that mom jeans are back with a vengeance:
Of course despite their name, Top Shopâ€™sÂ Moto Blue Mom Jeans, which theyâ€™ve been carrying since last year, arenâ€™t really targeted for moms like me, who have worked hard (read: popped out two kids) to develop a midsection worth covering. Same goes forÂ â€śThe Mom Jeanâ€ť at UrbanOutfitters.com, which oddly shows them on a midriff-baring skinny-minny model, who doesnâ€™t look at all maternal.
So the real point is, hideous mom jeans are now being targeted to hipster kids, although moms throughout the US are technically free to buy them. Or maybe this terrible trend will inspire moms to stealthily pull their trusty mom jeans from the 90s out of the back of the closet and wear them on the next school drop-off.
Whether mom jeans are in or not, you’ll never catch me dead in them. Sure, I may wear typical mom attire, like black yoga pants, every single day of the week, but I have to draw the line somewhere. The 90s called, and they want their mom jeans back.