Do I Smell Like Puke Right Now?

$(KGrHqN,!k0E3Hs(0DO2BN0+f335bg~~_3-1Last night my son puked on me for the first time. He’s eight months old and he’s puked before, but miraculously on the floor or only partially on me or my husband. Last night, as I was lying him down to breastfeed, he nuzzled in my chest and unfurled an unholy amount of puke directly into my chest.

I don’t know what I would have done if my husband wasn’t home. He went into commando mode and took the baby onto the changing table to get him sorted. I went into the bathroom, wiped off my chest, took my shirt off and realized that my nursing bra also serves as a great puke receptacle.

I probably should have just gotten into the shower with my clothes on. Instead I tried to stem the tide piece by piece. An hour later, the lingering aroma of puke still clung to the bathroom. We ate dinner, we talked about work. It was time for bed. Did puke get in the kitchen? Was there any puke on the covers of our bed? I was too tired to do more than a cursory look.

I woke up this morning, showered and dressed for work. Wait, did I get puke on my shoe?

Looking back on my childhood, there are a lot of memories that make me feel bad for my mom. The entire decade of my teen years for starters. But the thing that I worried about most was puking sickness. Looking back on all the times that I lay in my parents’ bed with a bowl next to my head or leaning over the kitchen sink in my footie pajamas, I got really nervous about how I would handle those moments as a parent.

I’m an easy puker and had fears of having a Stand By Me moment every time my kid came down with a stomach bug. Who knows? Maybe that is still in my future. I’m pretty sure sympathetic puking is not a helpful parenting trick.

This time, though, the puke didn’t freak me out. It was a surprise, but one of those things that gets dealt with, like all the other parenting jobs I wasn’t expecting/prepared for that just need to get done. And I cleaned it up like all the other things we’ve cleaned up in the last eight months. Except for maybe I didn’t get it all? I could swear there was a lingering smell in the shower this morning. I put on clean clothes before I left. It’s probably all in my head.

But also, I have a big meeting in an hour. Do I still smell like puke?

(Image:  ebay)

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  • Eve Vawter

    You know you’re really a mom when you get a bra full of puke #blessed

    • shel

      My daughter had a total knack for puking (or even just spitting up) right down my shirt…. Sometimes you couldn’t even tell she did it (though I could feel it) since she’d do it silently and not a single drop would be on the outside of my clothes.
      Freshly showered with a clean nursing tank on? Time for me to puke in there…
      Running out of laundry, and wearing your last clean bra? Have some old milk from my tummy!

    • Eve Vawter

      True story, I was holding my daughter above me once when she was little and she puked.. right in my mouth

    • keanesian


    • Eve Vawter


    • shel

      Gross… that’s all I have to say.
      At least my daughter has outgrown the random pukes (well, most of the time) but now she has decided that my cleavage is a nice storage recepticle for her pacifier and other small objects… of course it doesn’t help that my husband encourages her…

    • Lee

      The boy projectile puked in my eye at a couple days old. It was also my first time home alone with him. I think I just sat there for a few minutes and cried.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Ewwww! Ok, so one time I stupidly held my kid over my head and he threw up, leaving where my glasses had covered like some kind of spooky reverse stencils as the only clean spot on my face and hair…..

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      I had this happen when I was on the phone with my mom. I wasn’t even holding her over my face. She was sitting up against my knees in my lap and it was projected into my mouth, chin, down my shirt. Phone call over, mom laughing, husband take the baby.

  • Crusty Socks

    Yea, I could smell you from here


  • Bethany Ramos

    I have snot, puke, and food smeared at thigh level every day. Just spray a lot of perfume! #lordknows

  • kay

    I have a pukey baby. (She’s adorable, wonderful, loveable, and the pukiest baby ever). She’s super non-concerned about her puking-she currently thinks she’s making awesome finger paint when she does it. My niece watched her once and announced “that’s a happy spit up!”

    Now, whenever she pukes on me my husband will inform me “that’s a happy spit up!” and laugh.

    I smell like puke.

  • Stayathomeknitter

    My first son had acid reflux and a hair-trigger gag reflex. Everything – EVERYTHING made him puke. More than once a day, every single day for at least the first 3 years of his life. A crumb of rice cereal? Puke. Bananas? Puke. Cough one too many times? Puke. Cry a little too hard? Puke. Half an ounce more to drink than normal? Puke. Smell something cooking or just look at a bowl of linguine and pasta sauce? Puke. He also had a slow digestive system which meant a whole lotta “sour belly” when the milk just wouldn’t digest and his belly would swell up like an ominous sour balloon that would just eventually explode. The whole house smelled like sour milk. Laundry coming out of the dryer smelled like sour cooked milk.

    Took him to pediatricians and specialists and testing and rehab centres and still don’t have a “name” for it or a real solution. I know that parents dealing with puking kids is pretty much universal but this was ridiculous, all-emcompassing, terribly isolating, aggravating and just plain gross. Explaining to your in-laws that they can’t just “give him a taste” of something at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Packing enough towels to get through a 2 hour outing. Or not feeding him at all during outings and intercepting any snacks that were offered. OR – going out for breakfast at a restaurant where he inevitably pukes all over himself in the high chair (which thankfully had wheels so we could just roll him on into the bathroom) and then trying to tag team clean up with your husband while one of you pukes in the sink and the other in the toilet because of the sheer grossness of the situation. (I’m still surprised we haven’t been banned from THAT place).

    • Lee

      That sounds horrifying.

  • Kay_Sue

    I’m sorry, but you lost my attention at “last night was the first time my son puked on me” (paraphrased).

    I need your secrets. All of them. Do you have some kind of force field? Super puke rejecting magnet? How did you accomplish this? :-P

    • keanesian

      Ha. Sorry for the confusion! He puked ALL THE TIME when he was a tiny baby. But was a “happy puker,” and I didn’t really think of it as real puke because it didn’t smell like anything. Now that he’s on solids, the puke is ferreal, but doesn’t happen as often. So I guess it’s just been luck til now?

    • Kay_Sue

      Damn. That is some serious luck. Like, I’d definitely recommend that you play the lottery if you haven’t lately luck. ;)

      I was being facetious though–I read, understood and enjoyed the whole piece. ;)

  • Momma425

    My daughter didn’t get her first stomach bug until September of this year. Pro tip: the night your picky eater decides to suddenly scarf down EVERYTHING on their plate and ask for a snack after dinner- that is the night your kid is up an hour later puking all over herself, her bed, the carpet, the hallway, the sofa, and my lap. We have had a record THREE stomach bugs in the house this year- they seem to have caught up with us to make up for all the years we missed out on the joy. The best incident was a few weeks ago, in my car.

    Ten years ago, if someone had told me I was going to be the “puke cleaner” in the family, I would never have believed it. But, as luck turns out, I ended up deciding to be a nurse, and married someone with a huge gag reflex…so he holds the bucket, and is clean the carpet. Life’s funny that way.