• Wed, Feb 19 - 12:00 pm ET

Quit Your Lies And Just Admit That Your Third Child Is An Oops Baby

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Okay, here’s the dilly-yo. (Am I still allowed to say that? Sorry, Busta Rhymes.) I wrote a recent post about how I could never imagine having more than two kids, even though I once thought a three kid family was ideal.

My husband and I went the TMI route and jokingly posted on Facebook that we were done at two kids, and he was getting a vasectomy. I can’t even tell you how many friends lolled in our faces and said something along the lines of, “Just be careful. That’s what I said before I had my third! WINK!”

Um, no. We went the hopefully permanent route, and my husband laid down his life for me and got a vasectomy. That’s why I call him Vasectomy Jesus. Anyway, this little medical procedure should guarantee that we are completely done at two kids, unless we fall into the slim margin of the failure rate. (Please, Vasectomy Jesus, no!)

My circle of friends made it pretty clear that most of the third kids out there were unplanned. Sorry, but it’s true. I think the same could be said for my youngest brother, although we’ve learned to love him. (Kidding! Love you, bro!)

I know there are families that dream of having three kids, or even more. I don’t understand this motivation myself, but some people have wanted a large family their entire lives. I also know that there are many, many families that had the perfect family of four picture in their minds, only to receive a surprise—and potentially unwelcome—visit from the stork just a year or two after popping out that last kid.

When it comes to the terror of having a surprise baby, I get it. Around the time of my husband’s vasectomy, we were extra careful, and I was extra scared until we got the all-clear from his doc. If we had an unplanned third kid, I would love it very much, although the idea would take a little getting used to. I’m just happy our reproductive technology hasn’t failed us yet because I’m set on two.

Based on hearsay from many friends, now I have a suspicion toward families of five. I would never be so crass as to call a kid an “oops baby” to their face, but I’m definitely giving the third child the side-eye from now on.

(Image: Stephen Denness/Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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  • Crusty Socks

    :( I’m a third child

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      WE LOVE ALL CHILDRENS! (Say in maternal Russian accent. I guarantee you’ll feel better)

    • Crusty Socks

      As long as it’s not in a Michael Jackson voice

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      BAHAHAHAHA that just made my day!
      Ah virtual hug your way missus!

  • Guest

    This happens all the time. My mom told me when I was little that I was supposed to be the 2nd child and last. My little brother is a year and a half younger than me. I told him when I was about 7 that he was a mistake. He thought I was joking and asked my mom and she told him it was true. He was a little crushed but you get over it. Not nearly as bad as my aunt and uncle who always wanted a third and never had luck until they randomly got pregnant when the 2nd kid was 12. Eek!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Awwww! And that 12 year gap sounds frightening.

    • Guest

      They were shocked at first but the older two were able to babysit and help a LOT. And they’re all super close now which is nice but it blew my mind when they told me.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    My husband was an oops third child. His mom had scheduled a hysterectomy and whaddya know? She was packing baby.
    She went through some hard times adjusting, but they’re super close now and I’m pretty grateful, obviously ;)

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      Is it bad I imagine a lady in surgery and a doc opening her like a birthday present?
      Complete with baba?

    • meteor_echo

      “Stitch it back, stitch it baaaack!”

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      “HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU FULLY-DEVELOPED EMBRYO!”

    • meteor_echo

      “Oops. Welllll, let’s pretend this was all planned!”

    • Mystik Spiral

      Packing baby… lol.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    Oops lol well I can say with 100% knowledge that *I* was the oops baby!
    My mother was convinced I was food poisoning from a bad shellfish stew.
    She was four weeks gone before she though to go to the doc lol.

    My little bro and sis (third child on each side. little bro- mam and her fella. sis- dad and his missus) BOTH very carefully planned THIRD CHILDREN.

  • Kay_Sue

    If I ever have a third child, I can say now, with absolute certainty, it would be an oops because I am #Done with that shit.

    • Bethany Ramos

      DONE!!

    • Kay_Sue

      No vacancies here, thank you muchly…

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      aww you mean your womb doesn’t have a TO LET sign in it? =P

    • Kay_Sue

      Most definitely not. I’d like to see about having a steel door, like what would be used in a bank vault, installed.

  • JLH1986

    I am the oldest and I was an oops…so was my younger brother. Complications in birth with him left mom unable to have more…so yea… OOPS all around!

  • Mystik Spiral

    I have two siblings with 3 kids and both admitted during PREGNANCY that the 3rd was an oops. My parents only admitted it with my youngest brother, and he was the 8th. Then again, my parents are Catholic, so… in Catholicism 8 is kinda like 3, right?

    Actually, technically, I have one sibling with 3 kids, the most recent 3rd kid was due on Valentine’s Day and still hasn’t made an appearance. My SIL is scheduled to be induced today, and she told my youngest brother that apparently February 19 can only be your birthday if you were an “oops”. Lol.

    • pixie

      My mom’s birthday is today, too.

      Though I don’t think she was an oops baby, considering she is the oldest of four and her mother was fairly Catholic and married and so followed the “be fruitful and multiply” thing. lol

    • kay

      My (very catholic) grandma thought she’d hit menopause and found out she was having her 7th baby.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    My MIL’s 9th child was her “oops” baby XD

    • Kay_Sue

      That’s a multiple of three, so it counts right?

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Hahaha I guess so! Her third pregnancy split in two so she only had 3 kids for like 3 minutes before #4 was born. I don’t think they were collectively an oops though. :P

    • Crusty Socks

      I was not told that there would be math on Mommyish

  • Crusty Socks

    As a Third Child, I want to take this time to accuse all First Childern of being “OH SHIT, you’re pregnant??? Babies.”

    • Kay_Sue

      <—Was an "OH SHIT, you're pregnant?? Baby" for realz.

    • Meg

      Heh, so was I. My mother was told as a teenager she would never be able to get pregnant.

    • Natasha B

      My oldest was def an ‘oh shit’ baby. The following three, however, were planned.

    • Sam Inoue

      Yeah my first was not planned and neither was I according to my dad. I think I have met more people who say firsts were the surprise and than they wanted more since they had one already.

    • Kitsune

      I was totally an “OH SHIT you’re pregnant???” baby as my parents were broken up when my mom found out.

  • Nica

    Ha ha! My mom was most definitely an OOPS! baby. Her siblings were 9, 12 and 17 when she was born!!! My grandmother never said anything when my mom was a child, but when she was an adult my grandmother told my mom that she cried when she found out she was pregnant, and they weren’t tears of joy. My gram was 36 years old at the time (ancient for having a baby back in the 40′s) and she was kind of done with all that… But, once my mom was born, my gram said she wished she’d been blessed with another to give my mom a sibling (her existing siblings were so much older they were more like aunts and uncles than siblings!).
    Of course, I’m happy my gram had an oops baby because otherwise I wouldn’t be here!!!!

  • Ann

    As the first child of teenage parents I can officially say I am the oops baby, but the three that came after me were all oops too. I can state this officially because we all were told the failed means of birth control that resulted in our being here. I was a broken condom, my brother 2 years later was forgot the pill baby, my sister 2 years after him was I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea baby and my parents final mistake was my mother found out she was pregnant a week before my fathers scheduled vasectomy. My mother spent her late teens and early to mid 20′s pregnant. You’d think they would have learned!

    • Zettai

      Wow!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Omg hahahah

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      The first five of my parents’ children were “haven’t discovered the pill yet” babies (Catholic, 60′s). And I’m the “thought I was going through menopause because all my kids are in high-school and college” baby :) teeheeehee. We’re the most dangerous kind.

    • leahdawn

      Similar case with my nieces and nephew. My oldest niece was an oops, her parents were 18 and hadn’t planned on having a baby so young. Their next daughter was also an oops. By the time their son came around as oops number three, my husband thought that his brother (their dad) really might not actually know how babies are made. Being really bad at birth control, their dad harassed his doctor until he got a vasectomy at 25.

  • Zettai

    I knew a family with an oops 5th child, with an age gap of 9 years between them and the 4th child. A drunk and frisky New Year’s Eve led to him, and the parents never hid that, they thought it was funny. I wouldn’t!–but they could afford it, and even hired a live-in nanny for the first time to help. (Lucky!)

  • Alex Lee

    I may now have to photoshop a uterus onto a cross to honor my wife’s tubal ligation. #fallopianjesus

    • Bethany Ramos

      Please please! #fallopianjesus #4ever

    • Alex Lee

      Apologies to Giotto Di Bondone

    • Bethany Ramos

      HAHAHAH YAY!!!!!!! I need this as a mouse pad or something. So amazing.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    I’m a semi-only child – only child of my parents, I have two older sisters from my mom’s first marriage and one older sister from my dad’s (9, 10 and 11 years older than me). The story of my conception apparently goes that my dad was all, “hey let’s see what happens if we don’t use a condom this time” and my mom, being quite aware of her super fertility, said, “I know exactly what’s going to happen. Are you just being lazy?” and made him show her that he did actually have some and wasn’t just being too lazy to go to the store. Magical.

    • Mystik Spiral

      Sounds like you’re a “dare baby”.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      HA yes. Totally. My mom reportedly said “I told you so” 2 weeks later.

  • kay

    There’s also the “still trying for a boy/girl” baby #3. Let’s not discount those.

    (full disclosure: I was baby #3 in my family, and the first girl.)

    You also get people like my husband’s boss with three kids who were ALL accidents.

    • Jenn

      My cousin was a last ditch effort at baby girl 12 and 10 years after 2 boys, much to my aunts disappointment, he has a penis.

    • Jessica Johnson

      My mother-in-law kept trying until she got a girl. She ended up with 4 boys before she finally got a girl, who was actually an oops. I think her husband was back in having another vasectomy as soon as baby # 5 was confirmed 3 times by ultrasound to be a girl. My husband desperately wanted a girl, but I told him straight up after boy 2 that I’m quick to admit defeat, and I was calling the game after just 2 strikes.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I always find that so funny because apparently your chances of conceiving a child of the same sex go up with every child you have of the same sex.

      As in, if you have a girl, your next kid is (I’m making these up but it’s something around this) 60% likely to be a girl. If you have 2 girls, your third has a 70% chance of being a girl. and it goes up like that with every subsequent child you have of the same sex.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Is that true? Because I have always thought/observed that and have wondered if that was the case!

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I totally cannot remember where I read it (probably a pregnancy book or something…I read a lot of those when I was on bedrest).

    • Andrea

      I read something (and it was all scientific and stuff) about that too. I can’t remember what made it that way, I think it had something to do with building up for hormones or something like that. But it was science. And shit. ;)

    • Bethany Ramos

      I am really so intrigued by this – I always see many boys/girls in a row and wonder if it is coincidence!

    • Andrea

      I couldn’t take that chance. I wanted a girl something FIERCE, but I also knew my limits and knew that there would be NO WAY I could handle a 3rd boy.
      So I stopped. But (and I am not joking) a part of me died a little. I really wanted one.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I am with you 100% (2 boys!).

    • leahdawn

      This is why when we get around to having hypothetical babies we will probably adopt a girl if #1 is a boy. Both of us want a daughter really badly, and are kind of scared to have boys because of the ridiculous levels of inheritable mental illness found in ALL the men in BOTH our families. We actually are kind of hesitant to get pregnant at all because the odds are terribly against having mentally healthy sons.

    • Natasha B

      Huh, that’s interesting. I wonder how the science in that works??? Hubby is 1 of 4 boys, I’m oldest of 3 girls, 1 boy. Our kiddos however, are a perfect split- 2 girls, 2boys, in every-other order.

    • Kitsune

      I had heard kind of the opposite. That every time you conceive with the same person your chances of having a child of the sex you don’t have go up. I believe I heard it in that Henry the VIII basically screwed himself over by switching wives all the time. I could be totally wrong though.

  • MaebykittyRN

    My husband is an oops. My son is an oops. My cousin is an AFTER vasectomy oops. Yay for oops!

  • Ally

    I am preggers with planned baby #3. We already have a boy and girl so no one believes us that this one was planned! It is actually kind of annoying that people assume this- take the wind out of our sails a bit. We are excited about this pregnancy but everyone seems to be secretly fishing for an “oops” confession!? Why is it anyone’s business? People close to us knew we were trying so they are not the ones doing this. It is mostly strangers/distant acquaintances and some distant relatives. Sad that they can’t be excited for us.

    • Natasha B

      Pregnant with number 4, here. Planned! EVERYONE assumes it’s an accident and we constantly get the wink, wink, nudge, nudge ‘ever heard of condoms’ bit. Even from close family. It pisses me the hell off and I’ve started getting graphic and inappropriate to shut people the hell up.
      *sorry, hot button for me right now*
      Congrats on your happily planned baby!!!!

    • Ally

      I totally hear you and I am sorry you are experiencing this too! I did not expect this at all when we got pregnant, so am feeling particularly frustrated/vulnerable about it. Congrats to you on #4!!!

    • Natasha B

      Ugh I know, I can feel your pain! I was really surprised about how vocal friends and family were about it, and then how much it hurt me. I’ve gotten really defensive. Even strangers, when we’re all out, count ’1,2,3….’ And then eye my bump. Sigh. We can afford it, and we can handle it, and we make DAMN cute kids….back off people. Just kind of shocking I guess, people in this day and age assume anyone who has more than two kids voluntarily is crazy.
      Thank you :) and sending you a big internet hug!!!!

    • Ally

      Perfectly well put!!! If we can afford it and handle it, then back off, right?? :) Internet hugs to you as well! :) Have a great afternoon!

    • Lackadaisical

      How snide and inappropriate of them all. I bet if you had either two boys or two girls the same relatives would wink and nudge and say “not stopping until yout a (sex you don’t have)”, mine certainly did. Friends with a third of the same sex had people acting as if they were disappointed but putting a brave face on it, which was blatantly not true. So not anyone’s business and so not right to project your feelings about kids onto pregnant/new mothers.

    • kitten

      oh us too! we had a boy and girl, and people couldn’t fathom why we’d go for three. An older woman at the lab draw place once said “third?oh…well that’s quite enough”

    • Natasha B

      Ha! When I went in for my blood work with #4, my tech was an elderly rather shaky handed lady, and when she asked how ‘my first pregnancy’ was going, and I informed her it was, in fact, my fourth….oh her face! And of course she followed it with ‘well, this is it than, right?’
      Eye roll.

    • Erin

      Also preggo with a very “planned” #3 [not that it should matter anyway!!!] We have 2 girls, so everyone assumes we were “going for the boy.” It’s totally not accurate, but we do happen to be having a boy. No one believes us that we would happily have taken either a boy or a girl. It particularly drives me crazy when people say, “Oh your husband must be so THRILLED!” Which implies in turn that he a) would have been disappointed with another girl b) potentially is disappointed with the two girls we already have and c) has to have a boy to fulfill some manly something or other inside – I don’t even know what! Even my mother-in-law said, “Oh, he finally got it right!” I was seeing red, and it took everything in me not to smack her. Also, we plan on having more after this one! Wonder what they’ll say then.

    • leahdawn

      My mom was harassed about this all the time because my brother was #3 and the only boy, so everyone assumed the same thing, that they only had three because they wanted a boy so badly. Funnily enough though, my dad actually wanted to have four daughters, and when my brother came out a boy my parents stopped having kids because he messed up their grand plan!

    • noelle 02

      My #3 was planned too It’s funny-family was supportive and encouraging with the first two. I was directly told by my dear mother that I was selfish to have a third child when I already had a boy and a girl. I hate the ideas shared in this article!

    • Sesnz

      Our number three was planned. People assume she was an accident due to there being 7 and 5 years between her and her brothers, when her brothers themselves were born 19 months apart. Some people won’t let it go – until I tell them how I suffered a miscarriage between her and her brothers, and “thanks for bringing it up asshole! FIY, that pregnancy was planned too.” I think if my daughter was born closer to my sons people would just assume she was planned cos we had two boys so clearly we were missing out, when in fact my husband just wanted 3 kids, any gender. Congratulations on your #3.

  • MerlePerle

    Huh, I always thought it was finally trying for a boy/girl. I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t be here if either of his two older sisters had been a boy.
    I have two oops babies and if I ever had a third it would probably be another oopsie….I would never willingly go through another pregnancy!

  • LadyClodia

    A third would definitely be an “oops” for us, especially since he got a vasectomy almost a year ago.
    My youngest uncle was an “oops” 8th, or maybe an “I didn’t know it was still working” for my grandparents when my Gram was 45.
    A good friend had needed fertility treatments to get pregnant with their twins, so she was quite shocked to find out that she was pregnant with their third 9 months after the twins were born.

    • Lackadaisical

      My mum was a “what? We can still do that” 3rd when my nan was in her 40s. My mum miscarried an oops in her mid 40s. I guess I am going to have to be as careful at that age as I was in my 20s

    • CW

      One of my female relatives had a surprise pregnancy at 49, but she did miscarry. She felt mixed emotions about the loss, which I can totally understand.

    • That_Darn_Kat

      This sounds like my ex-MIL. She had 3 kids and got married when her youngest was like 16 or 17. He didn’t have kids, she wanted more, so they got her tubal reversed and tried. Couldn’t get pregnant the old fashioned way, so they had some help, wound up with twins. They were told her tubal wouldn’t reverse and she wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally, so having being pregnant before her twins hit 2 years was a shock. Best part? My daughter is older than those aunt and uncles by 9 months and like 2 years, lol.

  • G.E. Phillips

    My first baby was an oops baby. If I ever find myself with a second or third baby, it will ONLY be because it was super-dooper-planned.

  • BestMistakeEver

    My little sister is the third child in our family, and she was the only one who was planned! However, my mom willingly admits its because she wanted maternity leave and the kid has just stuck around for the next 23+ years…

    • Bethany Ramos

      Best username ever!

  • CMP414

    After this baby (our second) we are stopping. Everyone I say this to is all “that’s what i said haha” or “just you wait you will be wanting another” ummm no. definitely do not want anymore than 2 kids.

  • Kady

    My third pregnancy was an “oops!” I was so angry, but then I miscarried and was heartbroken. Two months after the miscarriage, we decided that we really would like another baby, and I have never once regretted having my youngest! People gave us a lot of flack for having another, but hey, it was none of their business. They never had to financially support our kids!

    • Bethany Ramos

      That’s such a sweet story. :)

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  • Kheldarson

    My middle bro (the third child but second bro of three) was semi-planned, as in mom wanted him though dad apparently didn’t. It was youngest bro who was the surprise and made dad lose it. (I know way too much about my folks’ marriage.) And my first was our oops. So…maybe all babies are oops babies?

  • Lackadaisical

    In our case all three were planned but the third was my husband’s idea, and the best idea he has ever had at that. I only wanted two, hubby wanted more and after a bit of pleading I agreed. Happy to have the third, or I wouldn’t have agreed, but I really was only thinking of two kids before having her. So not an oops baby, but not what I had always intended

  • Alexandra

    I’m pregnant with my first (two – Twins) and am already planning my second. Call me crazy. No seriously, go ahead, I know it’s probably true!

  • aCongaLine

    Our first was an “Oh Shit!” Kid.

    I joke that it was really fun to experience the true joys of a (planned) pregnancy for the first time when preggo with #2… The first 39 weeks of my first pregnancy were shroud in terror and guilt and anxiety and scrambling to make it all work out. With our second, it was fun to be excited about being pregnant, rather than traumatized.

    Now that we have an Oh-Shit-Kid and a Hooray-We-Planned-That-Well-Kid, we’ll probably try for a I-Have-Two-Obnoxious-Older-Sisters-Who-Are-Crazy-Older-Than-Me-Kid in, like, 5-10 years.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahah these descriptions are perfect.

  • Lauren_Alli

    I am currently (and have my entire life) planning for a three child family. That said, we are only on one so far. My reasons for wanting three kids are primarly selfish and weird though, I can admit. But if we do end up with three, it will definitely not be an accident! Four would definitely be an accident. A very panic inducing accident.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Wait… what’s the reason? :)

    • Lauren_Alli

      Well, since you asked…I suppose I could share, although I’m sure there will be plenty of side-eyes coming my way. I’ve always wanted three children because I am the middle child, and I wanted to have my own middle child I could protect from “middle child syndrome”. Then I married my husband who is also a middle child, and it was then set in stone because, obviously, we need to have a middle child to carry forth the middle child tradition. It sounds way cooler in my head than it does written down…..hahahaha. Yes, I am lame.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Noooo, I’m not judging! I think we all have our reasons for the amount of kids that we want to have. And I’m sure all middle children can relate to you. :-)

    • aCongaLine

      As my younger daughter’s personality has started to emerge/flourish (she’s 10 months old) my husband is more and more convinced that she “has what it takes to be a middle child” as he’s a middle child, and knows :)

  • pineapplegrasss

    I am currently working on baby#5. The first was the most oops as I was a teen mom. 2 & 3 planned in my first marriage. #4 was a big oops as the little guy was the result of a hot first time encounter (Im obviously such a slut) and this baby #5 was a come what may baby as we didn’t use any protection but we didn’t say we were trying. We call them all surprises though :) I do get a lot of ohmyfive?!!? Which is quite annoying. I’m an adult, I take excellent care of my children, I can afford to feed and clothe them, I have lots of love to give :)

    • Bethany Ramos

      Well, you know I am very happy for you! ;)

    • pineapplegrasss

      5 weeks to go! 2 more til Im on maternity leave and probably on Mommyish all day hahaha

    • Bethany Ramos

      YAY! You must update. :)

  • Nomi

    My third was a surprise but not an oops since I had planned on getting pregnant but didn’t count on twins.

  • jamie lightfoot

    We wanted more kids but this third was definitely a oops baby. Mainly because he came much earlier than I wanted. Haha. There is truth in this post. I know I was an oops baby. I was the third. Ha!

  • Samorang

    Quit lying and calling “mistakes” “oops babies.”

    • darras

      I don’t know.. I think there’s a vast difference between an Ooops Baby and a Mistake. In the vast majority of cases at least.

    • CW

      We always wanted kids, so our oldest was mistimed rather than a mistake. It was definitely a surprise but while our budget was super-tight the first few years of her life, everything turned out fine in the end (she’s 11 now).

  • Freela

    Our third is an ‘oops’ baby, but more in regards to timing for me. I wanted a larger gap between number two and number three. That being said, she is wonderful, and now that all is said and done the timing that nature gave us was probably better than the timing I had in mind. I definitely know some unplanned third babies out there, but also know some who were planned, so it can go either way.

  • meteor_echo

    I’m the unpleasant kind of oops baby – a reproductive coercion one. Pretty sure my mother didn’t want any.

    They did ask me, though, when I was 7, if I wanted a brother or sister, and I screamed “Nooooo!” at them. Being the only kid is a majestic thing. #notafreebabysitter

    Also, the people who say “Oh, you’ll get pregnant anyway!” or “We thought so too, then our birth control failed” forget that there are no oops births. When I remind them that abortions exist for a reason and that women are perfectly capable of planning their own family size, those people look at me like I step on puppies for fun.

    • CW

      Try hacking puppies to pieces and that’s a more accurate analogy to surgical abortion.

    • meteor_echo

      More like putting them in a huge vacuum. Your point being?

  • darras

    My mum claimed that all five of us were Ooops Babies. I call that incredibly careless ;)

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      She’s lying lol her TV was broken. =P

  • Athena A

    My mom was an oops, there’s 9.5, 12 and 18 years between her brothers and sister. My granny was 41 I believe, grandpa 43. She was not happy :D! The eldest was engaged at that point and she was horrified that she might be pregnant at his wedding (I can imagine that would be awkward). Thankfully they had a longer engagement and my mom was already born by the time they married.

  • That_Darn_Kat

    My mom is the youngest of 3, and all 3 are oops babies (all 3 failed birth control of various means). My sister and I are both oops babies (more failed birth control), and, you guess it, both my kids are oops babies (can you guess what happened? I’ll give you a hint, I refuse to be on a pill anymore, lol).My husband and I are considering having a 3rd in a couple of years and, if so, it will be the first planned baby in my family since my Grandma, lol.

  • CW

    Nope, baby #3 was totally planned. It was #1 who was the surprise (double contraception failure). I would say that in my social circle, the first baby being the surprise is far more common than the last baby being the surprise. Though I do know several women who tried for “one last baby” and wound up with naturally conceived twins or even in one case triplets. Yikes!

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  • Sarah

    Oh man, yeah, we heard it a lot with our third because we had already “hit the jackpot” apparently by having a girl and then a boy so what were we trying for with a third?? Um, another child, thanks. Our family and friends knew we had always wanted a big family so they weren’t surprised at all, but so many randos thought we must have had a surprise since we already had one of each. And then the fourth… well, she was a surprise. But just the timing of her arrival! We totally did want a fourth, just a few years later. But yeah, while carrying her I definitely was getting the sympathetic and or judgmental side eye all the time. And “you sure have your hands full!” Every. freaking. time. I went anywhere with all the kids.

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