WikiBear Is Here To Creep You Out And Talk To Your Kids For You

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 3.36.10 PMToy Fair 2014 is going on in New York right now, and as you can imagine there are some favorites. WikiBear, a new plush toy with a bluetooth connection, will entertain your children for hours. Just kidding! This bear won’t entertain your child at all. He is the stuff of nightmares and a major fail. It’s like Siri’s terrible personality has been shoved into a sad-looking bear. There may be a few upsides to this purchase though.

For one, you can defer all of those awkward kid questions to him, since his creators have dubbed him the “smartest bear ever.” Questions like: Where do babies come from? What was that weird noise coming from my parents bedroom last night? Why? Why can’t I drink mommy’s special juice? Why? What is “unplanned? Why?

Can you imagine just being able to shove this bear in your kid’s face every time he asks you something you don’t have an answer for/ want to answer? Although I find this bear off-putting and generally creepy, that’s something I may be able to overlook for that kind of convenience. The guy that’s pitching him sort of looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks, which worries me a little:

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 3.20.17 PMA writer from Popular Science reports that this is only an early prototype and “we’re promised its voice and responsiveness will sound less, uh, terrifying when the final product comes out later this year.”

Seriously. It’s great that he can help out with my parenting by talking to my children for me, but can he do it in a less creepy voice, please?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM1Ve-apOME

(photo: YouTube)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • evilstepmom

      I really want one of these… O.o

    • Crusty Socks
      • Lackadaisical

        Noooooo! I’ll be good, please don’t kill me in my sleep, teddy ruxpin. I have a vague and chilling memory of a bear that blinked in a creepy fashion. Is that the one or was there another evil talking robot bear haunting my childhood.

      • Williwaw

        Redrum!

      • Crusty Socks

        You needed to switch the setting on the rear panel from “evil” to “good”

      • Maria Guido

        The original horrifying child’s toy.

      • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

        My immediate thought when I saw this was “Someone actually decided we needed to make Teddy Ruxpin creepier”.

    • Rachel Sea

      I would actually like a much creepier voice so I can seriously fuck with people who ask me stupid questions.

      • Crusty Socks

        DIY:

        1. Install a bluetooth wireless speaker into the doll
        2. Connect speaker to your smart phone
        3. Enjoy

      • Williwaw

        Great idea! My brother gave my son a Leapfrog My Pal Scout (looks like a bear but I think it’s supposed to be a dog). It has a USB plug-in, so you can go on their website and program it to give personalized responses to your child…but what I’ve wanted to do all along is bring it out when my brother is visiting and have it say to him “Come play with us. Come play with us, Name. Forever and ever and ever.” Or maybe “And I’m the devil” (with Linda Blair’s voice from Exorcist).

      • Natasha B

        I am sooooo doing this to my brother!!!!! We had a doll in childhood that we terrorized him with….my sister and I would take turns hiding it in his room at night…until he finally beheaded and burned the thing :(

      • Williwaw

        I am relieved to hear that my siblings and I weren’t the only ones who beheaded dolls.

    • Lackadaisical

      All of my questions would be along the lines of “Wikibear, will you murder me in my sleep?” and “Wikibear, if I leave you with my children will they become eeeeevil?”. That bear looks scary even without a creepy robot voice.

      • Crusty Socks

        If I ever meet you, this will be the prank I pull on you

      • Lackadaisical

        You and wikibear don’t scare me nearly as much as the guy holding wikibear in the picture in the article. I suspect wikibear really says “save me” and “run”. I worry that wikibears are powered by the souls that his scary starey handler stealssteals from sleeping people and stitches into his otherwise normal bears.

    • Williwaw

      Maybe Wikibear will answer my important life questions better than the Magic Eight Ball did!

    • Sarah

      https://24.media.tumblr.com/bffb391d1b1541eceb400a0f362bac2b/tumblr_mvzfqyBqDV1rxc2deo1_500.gif

      This sums up my reaction rather nicely, I think. (Also, just a thing, I’ve been on a Supernatural kick lately and so I’m going to try to put a gif from the show in every comment I make.)

    • Elisa Probert

      It’s just weird…

      I always had to PRETEND my bears were talking to me! Though between my sisters and I we had at least three teddy-bear murder mysteries (the killer was usually a Care Bear!) and a couple of teddy bear fight clubs. I don’t think WikiBear would last long in the ring with Sebastian the Deutsche Destroyer. (a bear in lederhosen and holding a stuffed pretzel…)

    • SA

      Eh, yikes! “What were those noises coming from your parents bedroom last night?”…that is just f’ing creepy.