I have a very dirty mind. The majority of the time, I read some kind of inappropriate innuendo into the most innocent of thingsâ€”a Sesame Street skit, a children’s T-shirt, or a beloved children’s book. Half of the books I have read to my son had me giggling to myself. Good thing he’s too young to understand why I’m interpreting adult jokes into a simple children’s picture book.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this, and I don’t think it makes me a closet freak. Maybe my mind has never matured past puberty but talking about “round, round, squishy balls” in a kid’s book makes it impossible for me to keep a straight face. If you can read that without giggling, then you are a saint, and you and your pure mind should come read to my children every night. I will pay you to save on their therapy costs later in life.
If your dirty mind needs a good scrubbing like mine does, take a gander at some of the dirtiest children’s book titles you ever will see. These books may be completely innocent, but they keep my mind in the gutter:
1. Round Balls, Round Balls
Can any parent actually read this to their kid without thinking aboutâ€¦ balls?
2. Animal Balls
Now you’ve got me craving Rocky Mountain Oysters.
3. Sweet and Sourâ€¦ Chicken Balls
Do chickens have balls? Or does that make them a rooster?
4. Bad Kitty Gets A Bath
Sounds like the title of a bad porno to me.
5. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
And speaking of porn, this is the perfect soundtrack to a 70s porn movie.
6. Mr. Wuffles!
This sounds like the name you’d give to your kid’s private parts to keep them from yelling out “penis” in public.
7. I See Kitty
Pretty much anything with “kitty” in the title is going to make me snicker.
8. Pat The Bunny
Yet another innuendo for private partsâ€”never let anyone pat your bunny without permission.
9. Oh, No! Where Are My Pants?
This book title 100% speaks for itself.
10. Where Are Santa’s Pants?
For everyone that felt uncomfortable sitting on Santa’s lap as a child, now you have even more reason to be.
BONUS: There’s A Wocket In My Pocket
I have no words…