Things My Husband Randomly Leaves Around The House

husband clutter

I later found the plate in his car for no good reason.

Eve Vawter‘s post earlier this week about all the various things her kids have taken away from her got me thinking about all the random shit I do manage to find around the house. Now, mind you, these are NEVER useful or valuable things like tape or batteries. Nope. These are random things that I have absolutely no use for. And the craziest part? All this clutter is never from my kids. No, it’s all husband clutter.

Don’t get me wrong. Don is great. But his clutter is most definitely frustrating. And unlike the kid’s crap, which I expect to be in strange, random places, his stuff is baffling to me. I mean, I find it in the WEIRDEST places. My husband worked last night and came in less than an hour ago. Here are the random places I found his shit in that short amount of time.

1. Eyeglasses in the bathroom

husband clutter bathroom 1

I don’t even remember him going in here OR wearing these, but here we are.

2. Change EVERYWHERE

husband clutter coffee table change

CHANGE EVERYWHERE

MORE CHANGE

MORE CHANGE

Don likes to empty his pockets out when he gets home, so finding a little change is understandable. But I find change literally EVERYWHERE. I once found change in the freezer after he got home from a night shift. Why can’t all the change wind up in the same place? Is this some kind of sick husband mind game? WHY?!

3. Key fobs on the couch

husband clutter couch keys

This is Don’s keycard for work. He is forever losing his keycards (yes, there are multiple ones) and I always find them in random spots.

4. WTF?

husband clutter lamp phone 2 husband clutter lamp phone

Yes, that is Don’s phone. On a lamp. No, that is not some kind of lamp-shaped table, it’s just a regular, old lamp in our living room. And this is the second time I’ve found his phone here. Again, WHY?!

5. His wallet in the bathroom…the OTHER bathroom

husband clutter OTHER bathroom

This wouldn’t be so nuts if I’d found this in the same place as the glasses, but NOPE, this is in our OTHER bathroom, on the other side of the apartment. WTF? I think he is in the midst of planning some kind of secret, husband-designed scavenger hunt meant to drive me mad. And it’s working.

6. MORE key fobs

husband clutter table keys

Don’s entire “losing the keycard every single day” problem could be fixed if he attached at least one of them to his regular keys, but why on Earth would he do that when he has me to pick up after him? What am I, crazy? (Yes)

*Just to be clear, for any random MRA dudes who happen to stumble by and want to call me a bitch for jokingly complaining about my husband, he was totally on board with this post and thinks his shenanigans are hilarious*

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    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Some organizer show taught me that you need a Don basket somewhere near the entryway. I had to do that for all of us, but we use them now. Before that we had some of the same stuff.

      I still can’t cure every time my husband gets a new shirt or something, he takes off all the price tags and pins and doodads and crap and receipt and puts them all very thoughtfully on MY DRESSER. Not his. MINE. I guess he thinks the magic trash fairies will come and cart them off. Magic trash fairy my ass.

      • Bunny Lucia

        That’s when you pick up all the trash off your dresser and put it on his. :D

      • Ptownsteveschick

        I got the baskets. My husband now has a basket in the kitchen and the bedroom. And his stuff is still everywhere including right next to the basket. I swear he spends most of his free time thinking about how to troll me.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        That just made me laugh so hard–I’m envisioning it. Have you tried throwing the empty basket at him?….

    • Jallun-Keatres

      My husband leaves empty soda cans wherever his favorite spots are. I threw out like 10 cans from the side table next to his recliner lolol

      • Jayne

        This is my life too. 10 next to the recliner & 10 on his night table.

    • Momma425

      Oh, you lucked out.
      My husband chews. He leaves CANS OF CHEW SPIT in random places.

      We had to teach daughter at a very young age that she is to never ever drink out of a soda can or bottle without asking us first.

      Ugh, gross.

      • elle

        Ugh that happened to a college friend of mine. He drank his roommates spit cup. I want to throw up just thinking about it.

      • Amber Stacey Larsson

        After all, it is easier to teach a child this than to teach a grown man not to spit up into random vessels.

      • Katherine Handcock

        GAH! Shudder….there are some posts I should probably just know not to read comments on first thing in the morning.

    • elle

      Lol, I’m totally your husbands soul sister. I leave my stuff everywhere, forget where and my husband usually stumbles across it. But he’s used to my scatter brain and my just not caring about leaving stuff where ever by now. I’ve always been that way though- my prep school and college roommates can attest to that. I have lost so many credit cards, car keys, and shoes in my own home. I have a pair of shoes I’ve been looking for for weeks! They are most def in my house but where?

      • rebecca

        Yep, me too! I once lost my debit card and my backup credit card within days of each other. I lost my license so many times I had to fill out special paperwork to get a new one. If my husband asks me where something is, it’s at least 5 minutes for me to find it. Luckily I don’t have any hoarder tendencies! But if you want an explanation for why we do this, just give up. I can say over and over that I’ll try to be more aware, but for whatever reason, in that moment that I don’t put my card back in my wallet, or don’t throw my keys on the designated bowl, it’s like my brain just shuts off. I don’t know why I put the coffee carafe in the fridge and questioning me about it will get you nowhere.

      • elle

        Yep exactly! No rhyme or reason to it, just the way we are.

    • Ellie

      Ha ha! Love this! I could have written this one! My hubby actually has ADHD so at least he has an excuse for his clutter. It is epic. We have done a lot of proactive things to help him (baskets, bins, hooks, reminder lists, etc) but ultimately, the clutter persists. When I get fed up, I take out a box from the recycling that becomes his “box.” I put all of this clutter from all over the house in it and wait for him to ask for something. They I tell you to go “look in your box.” Then he puts it all away and promises to keep it clean. And then we do it again in a few days. It is kind of fun! :)

      • Kay_Sue

        We have a “box”….but it is his nightstand….everything goes in there until he gets fed up with it and puts it away where it is supposed to go! ;)

      • Maria T.

        Mine has ADHD too and we have the same issue and solution! He likes to put all his stuff (keys, glasses, business cards, change, nail clippers…) on the ledge of the wainscotting in our kitchen right near the front door. He is always stuffing things on top of cabinets, bookcases, the TV. Drives me crazy. I am the opposite. Minimalist and hate hate hate clutter. I do the box thing too and leave it on his desk. If I can find space! And don’t get me started on the “collecting” (hoarding)…

      • Alicia Kiner

        Huh, my hubby is the same way. I wonder if it’s the ADHD or the testosterone ;)

    • Véronique Houde

      My boyfriend is always bringing home the most random stuff. We went on a cruise, there was a shot glass in the hallway, and he totally picked it up and brought it home. He actually HIDES the random stuff he brings home now because I call him a squirrel every single time and try to throw the stuff away. It’s almost as if he can’t help himself – he just NEEDS random stupid shit we will never actually want or need…
      And when he’s looking for something, he’ll always ask me “have you seen that thing” and then stop. That thing? What thing? I now actually ignore him until he finds the actual word for whatever he is referring to. ;)

    • Abby Ferri

      I often feel like I live on the set of the movie Signs, my husband leaves cups of water EVERYWHERE. And then says “honey can you get me some water?” LOL. I love the “look in your box” idea someone posted, brilliant. I designated a lovely crystal bowl (useless wedding gift) as his drop zone near the door, he still doesn’t use that 100% of the time, but close.

      • Ms. Anne

        Hahah. My ex called me the “chronic drink leaver” because I would pour myself a drink of water, take a few sips, set it down and forget about it. Signs made perfect sense to me.

      • Alexandra

        My husband refers to the glass I leave beside the bed as the “mystery glass” – I told him it’s not a mystery, but whenever I leave it there the “magical glass fairy” makes sure it gets to the sink and is clean when I get home! (he works from home). To date he has not been offended by being called a magical fairy :)

    • emily_bemily

      My husband does the same thing. I found a banana peel on the toilet once…

    • Lindsay

      My fiancé leaves balled up paper towels everywhere. Clean ones, dirty ones, ones he wants to use later. Sometimes I just take pictures and send them to him with question marks, other items I line them up and create a little design with them.

      • Valerie

        Mine does that too!! He will leave soaked, dirty paper towel wads mere inches from the garbage can. Why???

    • SmrtGrl86

      Mine does the change thing, dirty socks and the damn newspaper. That man will take a newspaper, open it up and spread the damn thing all over the house in his process of reading it. Then he will just leave it everywhere. Drives me insane!

    • kay

      My husband has a spot he puts stuff from his wallet. It was overfollowing so I cleaned it out the other day and found a punch card for a free growler. Which means one of these days I’m going to see super nice getting him a growler. Or I’ll just get a growler of something he hates for myself as a reward for being the cleaning fairy.

      But seriously, of all the things to put in a junk pile, you don’t leave the free beer card there. That is important stuff.

      • mommabeer

        A free growler?! I wish I found stuff like that among my husband’s wallet-clutter-emptied-onto-my-dresser. Because he totally does that too, and at least a free growler would somewhat make up for it. And I would definitely be getting something he doesn’t like, muhahahaha

    • Bethany Ramos

      This is toooo funny! I’m so organized, and my husband is the king of leaving the most random things around the house. These pics are amazing.

    • Williwaw

      I made a special drop zone for my husband’s pocket junk (a shelf). It didn’t work – he just filled it up and then went back to leaving stuff everywhere. Of course, I can’t in all fairness complain much – my own drop zone didn’t work either.

    • Ms. Anne

      All of these make perfect sense to me. I might be your husband. Does he also leave random jewelry wherever he is when he decides he doesn’t want to wear it anymore, half-full glasses of water everywhere and socks in the couch? I even drive myself crazy with this.

      • Kay_Sue

        I do the jewelry thing too. I’m constantly finding earrings, and we just recently rearranged our living room, which meant I finally found my watch…which had been hiding under the couch…;)

      • Alexandra

        I’m waiting to move to find a diamond earring (yes, i’m a total jackass) that I know I went to bed wearing and got up and it was out of my ear. Meaning it’s under the bed somewhere. we live in a shoebox apartment for now and it’s impossible to move the bed (also I don’t want to look under there….) so I wait…

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      1. Mugs of coffee strewn about the house, gathering mould.
      2. Empty snack packages that should have gone in the garbage, but didn’t.
      3. Random things he found on the curb that he picked up because he thinks they’re neat and will one day be appraised on Antiques Roadshow.
      4. Sweaters and boots on the floor at every doorway, just in case.

      • Véronique Houde

        OMG his SHOES are always in the path of the door opening. He comes in the door, closes it and takes off his shoes where he was standing. So when I open the door, it gets stuck on said shoes and I angrily kick them away. GRRR I HATE THAT.

      • Jayamama

        What is it about leaving shoes everywhere? My husband works in the oil fields and wears steel-toed boots. He has an extra pair, so there’s always at least one pair lying around somewhere. Because they’re so heavy, they don’t give when you trip on them, so you’re more likely to fall. My toddler has fallen quite a few times when he’s come home and left them lying in the middle of the floor. I almost took a nasty fall when I was eight months pregnant, and he still leaves them wherever he takes them off. It drives me crazy, because it’s dangerous!

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        Mine always leaves them between my side of the bed and the bathroom so that I fall over them when I groggily head to the bathroom in the middle of the night. So thoughtful….

      • leeannabelle

        Empty snack packages and the boxes they came in! Yes, this! My husband always leaves them on the kitchen counter, which is a swivel away from the garbage can. WHY????

    • Kay_Sue

      Ours is socks. My husband received this note one day, but it really hasn’t done much except get him to endeavor to put them in newer and more interesting places…he took it as a challenge, gotta love it <3:

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        This is amazing.

      • Kay_Sue

        Would have been better if it had worked!! I don’t know what I envisioned…that he’d, what, drop down in his recliner, peel off those puppies, see my note on the recliner, and have a sudden epiphany? “My god, I have been doing this wrong all this time!” #Dreamer ;)

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        it’s pretty brave. some days my husband would think it is hysterical, and some it would be the start of a huge fight wherein he points out all the little things i do wrong that he ignores that i dont even wanna know about. i could see it going either way. i’m impressed… :)

      • Alicia Kiner

        This is my husband too. I find his dirty socks EVERYWHERE! And he wonders why they don’t end up in the wash with the rest of his laundry. I keep telling him if they made it to the hamper, they’d get washed too. He doesn’t seem to believe me.

      • Kay_Sue

        My husband is an unbeliever too.

        It’s really my fault. I married him knowing full well that he had sock issues. When we were dating, before he shipped off to Germany, I helped him clear his base housing, and his bed was piled so high with socks that it was actually taller than me. He had actually bought socks, as opposed to washing them, and the (thankfully) clean pile of socks was the result of being able to literally throw in an entire load of just socks…*shakes head*

      • Crusty Socks

        crusty?

      • Kay_Sue

        Not crusty, thankfully. They do smell to high heavens, because they are crammed into steel toe boots for most of every day…

      • Larkin

        Oh man, my husband once left his socks on the kitchen counter. Why?!? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

    • keelhaulrose

      Mine leaves tools and car parts. Seriously, I’ve had this discussion with him:
      Me: Honey, what’s this? (holding random car bit)
      Him: That’s the alternator from the van.
      Me: Does it need to be cleaned?
      Him: No, I replaced it. I need to take it back to the parts store to get the core charge back. Why?
      Me: I was just wondering, considering I found it in the f–king shower!
      Him: Did you see my *some random size* ratchet in there, too? I can’t find it.

      • Katherine Handcock

        AHAHAHA! The best part of that conversation is the total obliviousness in his last question….

      • Natasha B

        Ha! This comment is late, but my hubby is a mechanic, and SERIOUSLY the places I find wrenches/screwdrivers/gaskets/impact guns/wiring/safety glasses. It’s a good thing he’s hot.

    • Lala

      What about leaving cabinet doors and actual doors open? It’s like I can tell exactly what he was doing in kitchen and bedroom. And then every now and again I’ll find our front door wide open if he took our daughter out (while me and the baby happen to be sleepinh). Drives me nuts. He also puts his stuff all over the place and can’t find it. The valet drawer I bought him for Xmas was a waste

      • Jallun-Keatres

        The cabinets!!! We’re both guilty of this. I’m an active vlogger again and the stupid cabinet behind me is ALWAYS open!

      • TheMightySquirrel

        I wasn’t sure if I just happened to be unlucky in experiencing this with the two men I’ve lived with for any time (my OH and my flatmate at/after university), but, reading this thread, I’m coming to believe it is a MAN THING.
        WHY can they not shut cupboard doors?! Although I suppose both my chaps would say ‘WHY can’t women turn lights off after they leave the room?!’ (my OH has suffered through this with his former female flatmates and now me and my former flatmate says his wife is a holy terror for this too ;)).

      • Shea

        My boyfriend is the KING of that. I’ll walk into the kitchen after he’s been in there and half the cabinet doors are open. Also, he once left the front door open after coming home late one night. I woke up for work and wondered why the house was so cold…oh, it’s because THE FRONT DOOR WAS OPEN ALL NIGHT. IN JANUARY. Thank god we live in a safe neighborhood and the cat was not interested in going out in the snow.

    • lin

      Ha – this is totally me. The phone is on a the lampshade because it has a flat surface. If our lampshade had a flat surface, I would totally set random shit on it. My phone, keys, glasses, chapstick…

    • Kaili

      My partner leaves a massive pile of “kinda dirty” clothes. It grows into a mountain of things that could or could not be worn again until I break down and just wash it. It’s usually like two loads! He also likes to “help” me by clearing the dishes and then backwards stacking them in the sink. Meaning pots on bottom and plates and bowls teetering on the top so it always makes me think I have to do dishes right away only to realise it was just like 6 things, but it makes the kitchen looks so dirty!

      • Katherine Handcock

        My husband’s also a fan of the “kinda dirty” clothes pile, except in his case, he calls it, “doesn’t really need to be washed yet.” So every time I’m about to do a load of laundry, I start picking up these things and saying, “Hey, are these supposed to be in the hamper?” and he says, “No, that doesn’t really need to be washed yet.”

        My response is really, “Are you sure? Because it’s been on the floor since last Tuesday, and the cat’s been having hairballs…”

      • Whatwhatque

        YES! with the stacking all the dishes in the sink so it looks like it’s overflowing! And like, I usually will use the same water pot over and over again for pasta so I use it, rinse it out, and then sit it back on the stove. If he gets in a cleaning mood he puts everything in the sink even if it doesn’t need to be cleaned (like cookie sheets I always cover in foil so I don’t really consider them dirty for a long time.) He acts like he can’t cook anything if there are any other dishes near him! It’s part of why I do the cooking because if the kitchen has gotten a little out of control, I can still maneuver around the mess and make dinner but he is too fragile for that!

    • ClementinaFennelly

      Its lack for the understanding between Husband and wife for each other.
      https://www.facebook.com/pages/Inexpensive-Way-To-Shed-Kilos/515928108525951

    • ChickenKira

      THE PHONE ON THE LAMP! OUR HUSBANDS MUST BE TWINS!
      Every time I see that I only have one question “Why?” when there is a coffee table, an arm on the couch, and an end table, why would you put your phone on the lamp?

    • Amber Stacey Larsson

      That isn’t change, it’s tips.

      • Kaili

        I claim them all. Buys my work coffee!

    • Karen Milton

      My husband leaks change too! I swear, he can be wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, not a pocket to be seen, and still leave a pile of pennies when he gets up off the couch. I think he sweats coins. The bonus of this, as a Canadian, is that because our $1 and $2 are coins, this makes these little piles sometimes add up to a spendable amount of money. Finder’s fee? Don’t mind if I do!

      He’s also one to leave the cupboards open, which was kind of a running joke with us until I stood up into an open door and gave myself a wee bit of a concussion. That time I did get mad. The cupboard doors are still left open to date, but now I just make sure to check first.

      I’m not going to throw him entirely under the bus though. I have a thing with laundry – when it comes to my own, I don’t do it. My husband and my son both do their own and my husband is good about doing our daughter’s, so that just leaves me and my unruly wardrobe. The clean stuff stays in the basket and the dirty stuff goes on the floor for me to trip over during the night. The stuff needing to be ‘hung up’ is actually just draped over my dresser, and the stuff that I wore once but not for long enough to need washing is all over the foot board. Drawers and closet are empty save for formal wear and long johns, and I go down to the laundry room to get dressed in the morning. The rest of the house is what I’d call “normal-tidy”, but my side of the bedroom is my secret shame. My biggest fear is that I’m going to turn up dead somewhere and then the people from CSI will have to come look in my house and they’ll see the horror I’ve created and Gil Grissom will judge me. Hey, it could happen.

      • Katherine Handcock

        Woohoo! Fellow CSI fan! Which means that we both know that Gil Grissom won’t be judging you — not unless he makes a cameo. How do you feel about D.B. Russell or Nick Stokes judging you?

      • Karen Milton

        In my imagination it will always be Grissom. If anybody in New York ever gets murdered it will be Jerry Orbach who comes to question me while I’m work unloading boxes at a warehouse. That’s how crime works, as far as I can gather. I could live with Nick Stokes pawing through my sweater heap (I love that guy), but that’s as far as I’m willing to take it. I’m going to have to give a hard no on anybody but Jerry Orbach though. I do have standards.

      • Katherine Handcock

        I don’t know, I’ve had a soft spot for Greg Sanders since the first season…
        But yes, Jerry Orbach or nothing.

    • Emme

      Love this, and thank you for the laugh this morning.

      My husband and I once read a 1950s advice column for husbands and wives where the husband was advised to “first hunt the object before asking your wife where it is.” So now if my husband finds something almost immediately after asking me where it is, he declares woefully: “I did not hunt the object first, honey.”

      • TheMightySquirrel

        The default reply to the woeful cries of ‘…have you seen…?’ in our house is ‘the womb is not a GIS device’. *repeatadinfinitum*
        Sometimes, though, I like to move stuff about at random just to mess with him. The fun never stops. ;)

    • LiteBrite

      The change! It’s EVERYWHERE. I find it in the couch, on the floor, in the bathroom. I’ve even found it tucked in the sheets on his side of the bed. WTH? He doesn’t even wear pajamas; is he taking a little change purse to bed with him every night?

      One of my favorites is when the toilet paper roll is empty he’ll set a new roll on the counter next to the toilet. I’ve tried showing him how to replace the roll. I’ve offered to create Powerpoint slides demonstrating the process. Yet, every time the roll is empty….

      I could go on forever with this topic. Thankfully I don’t do anything annoying, and when I do it’s adorable. (Yes, that last part is sarcasm.)

    • Drea

      Living with my mom trained me to live with my husband. My mom would leave soda cans, paper plates, socks, and random shit throughout the house. You could tell when she came home because there was a trail of stuff where she walked. My husband leaves garbage and recyclables on the kitchen table, when the cans are just a few steps away. Drawers and cabinet doors are left open ALWAYS. He used to leave a bunch of crap all over the place, but I trained him to keep his junk around his desk area in the bedroom. Once the junk pile strays outside of the little area, he needs to clean it. However, he has taken to leaving hoodies and his coat on my desk chair. ><

    • anon

      My husband is terrible. I won’t even go into the complete list (taking the empty yogurt container to the kitchen but NOT THE TRASH CAN). Another you can blame ADHD guy. However,my favorite thing I did was when he used the last of the tp and did not replace the roll. I took the empty roll, drew a sad face, complete with tears, and left it on his pillow. The tp now gets replaced

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I had to initiate a conversation with my wife the other day to see if she could possibly, just maybe, stop piling her clean (worn once but still clean enough to wear again, stuff like cardigans and pants) clothes on top of our dirty laundry hamper (which means I have to lift her crap up in order to put my actual dirty clothes in it).

      Me: “You have a pile of clothes on top of the dresser, and another pile beside the bed. You can have 2 piles, but you cannot have 3 piles! That’s too many piles!”

      Her: “I’ll take it into consideration”. AKA it’s never going to stop and there will always be piles.

      • Alexandra

        My husband does the piles thing too. we have a lovely wrought iron and marble nightstand which is currently housing a pile of sweaters he never wears. We also have dressers and closets, but he prefers to “showcase” them under our nightstand.

      • alice_in_blunderland82

        So guilty… My three piles of worn but not dirty laundry are easily ignored but the SO’s pile of dirty clothes on the bathroom floor is a nuisance. I’m a pot AND a kettle. Why is there never a good place for worn but not dirty clothes?

    • Martino

      My husband lost his wallet once and he freaked out. We didn’t realize it until we were about to go out with friends and we even brought his passport for ID. The next day, I found his wallet in the freezer. The freezer.

    • Larkin

      My husband isn’t too bad overall, but he has this habit of unplugging power cords on both ends (so it’s not attached to either an appliance OR the wall) and then leaving them in the middle of the room. He claims this way it’s ready the next time he needs it. Drives me batty.

    • GPMeg

      My favorite problem is how my husband gets really passive aggressively bitchy when I leave a cereal bowl on the kitchen table but then leaves a plate caked with god knows what in the middle of the living room floor for me to step on.

      HUUUUUSBAAAANDS! WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO YOUR WIVES?!

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