I’m still waiting for the day when my son will tell me his strange theories on life that will absolutely blow my mind—but I have a few years to go since he’s only two and has yet to string a sentence together.
Still, I took great joy in reading this Reddit thread. Reddit users shared all of the weird ass things that they thought were gospel truth when they were kids, before they had an understanding of the great big world out there.
Amidst these crazy childhood theories, there’s always a thread of wisdom. Here are eight of the best childhood misconceptions that maybe, just maybe, make a little bit of sense:
1. Age isn’t nothing but a number.
I can’t completely identify with this one because I was the oldest kid. But I do know that my brother and sister always wanted to be older than me. I sure got the last laugh.
2. Fair gas prices for everyone!
Man, if only this were true. I would gladly pay $4 for a full tank of gas.
3. The freeway is just a giant race track.
Sometimes I feel that way when I’m zipping around like a bad ass in my Honda Fit, and then I remember that I’m just late for an appointment.
4. Airplanes take you to a country in the sky.
I really, really wish this one was true. If Spain was located above the clouds in the sky, I’d feel totally justified in draining my savings to fly there.
5. One day, you will wake up with a beard.
This is a frightening thought, even though it feels that way sometimes. Some days, I look in the mirror and wonder what a 20-year-old is doing in a 30-year-old’s body.
6. Paprika is obviously the baby of Salt and Pepper.
This one just made me go, Awwwww. It also gives a whole new meaning to Baby Spice of the Spice Girls.
7. That dirty baby needs a shower.
Let’s all gather round and watch a baby take a shower! And bring some gifts, while you’re at it!
8. Congratulations, now you’re having a… girl!
This one makes the most sense to me by far. Life would be much more interesting if the big Gender Reveal was tied to the slip of a doctor’s instrument.
(photo: Getty Images)