I have been out of school for quite some time, so it’s been years since I’ve done legit homework. Even when I was in high school, I absolutely hated homework. I preferred to work independently on my own schedule, hence why I’m working as a freelance writer today.
Basically, I hate it when people boss me around and give me assignments. Add to that the fact that when I was pregnant, I was a hormonal rage-monster… and you’ll have a crystal-clear picture.
When I was in my third trimester, my midwife started asking me questions about my preparation for the baby. Had I read up/watched videos on breast-feeding? (Sure, even though the videos freaked me the fuck out.) Had I bought an infant-size car seat that meets safety regulations? (Absolutely, months ago on Amazon, bitches!) Had I signed up for a child birth class…?
It was on this last question that you could hear the record scratch. Um, I didn’t know that you had to go to school to give birth? If I had known that, then maybe I wouldn’t have let anyone put a baby in me in the first place. I’m a grownup, I do what I want, don’t boss me, and don’t try to get me to do homework—were some of the many thoughts running through my head.
But then there was the guilt. Maybe I was alone on this one, but I always felt like such a douche bag if I didn’t have the right brand of prenatal vitamins or sit on a birthing ball every day to help with my lower back pain. I just wasn’t trying hard enough as an exhausted, irritable, emotional pregnant lady.
My husband and I went so far as to Google child birthing classes in our area. But then we found out that they cost in the hundreds of dollars and took weeks of our time. Nope, nope, nope. In the end, we took a generic FREE pregnancy video class on some baby website, and we also skipped through all of the video chapters that we found uninteresting. (The majority, let’s be honest.)
And what do you know? We have two children now that made it out of my vagina in one piece—without completing any prerequisite homework assignments.
(photo: Getty Images)