To Each Her Own And All That, But I Am Not Breastfeeding A Grown Man

170115971Some men like to “feed”off of their breastfeeding woman’s boobs. You learn something new every day here at the Mommyish offices. Thanks, Bethany, for sending me down this rabbit hole. There is actually an acronym for it; ANR. It stands for, “a nursing relationship.”

When my wife had our kids she always had a lot of milk but hated using a breast pump so I voluntered[sic] and found I loved it ( so did she ). Any time she was “full” I would suck her dry. Also if we were going out for an evening and she didn’t want to be bothered. If she started to “leak” we would adjourn to the car for a few minutes and take care of it. We both found it very enjoyable and bonding.

Well, that sort of eliminates the need for a pesky breast-pump, doesn’t it? But where does all the liquid gold go? Into his stomach? Knowing how hard it is to get a good stockpile of breast milk, I can’t imagine any breastfeeding mom would be okay with this. What a waste!

I would like to clear something up, many people out there may know of a fetish where people may dress up like a baby (complete with plastic pants/nappie/diaper) most often referred to as an “aby” (ay-bee) or “Adult baby”

This fetish is commonly mistaken for anr as they both incorperate breastfeeding but the person being the “aby” is cared for in many of the same ways as a baby is during the early years of life.

Anr is different in many ways, to sum up the differences in a nut-shell:

Aby – dressing up like a baby + being looked after like one + breastfeeding

Well, thanks for clearing that up. You don’t have to dress like a baby to enjoy feeding off your wife’s boobs. That’s a totally different fetish.

I don’t want my man dressing up like a big baby, and I don’t want him going anywhere near my boobs when they are full of milk. But I’m sure there are plenty of things I’m into that these people wouldn’t care too much for, too. Thinking. I got nothing off the top of my head, but I’m sure there’s something.

For me, there was a lot of pain in the first weeks of breastfeeding, so I don’t find that sexy. But once the pain passes – there is just a general sense of “get away from my boobs” that exists. My baby breastfeeds constantly. The last thing I want to do is “breastfeed” my man, too. What the hell? There are not enough minutes in the day.

(photo: Getty Images)


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  • Bethany Ramos

    Thanks, Maria, for creating another beautiful train wreck I can’t look away from!! ;) I am so with you on this. Just, no.

  • chickadee

    And with the baby nursing AND the husband nursing, I should think her milk production is quite a bit…

    • Bethany Ramos

      She could burn so many calories!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Hubby is finding them all though.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      She’d make a fortune in cheese…
      Seems breastmilk cheese is a real delicacy

  • Andrea

    Yeah…..I’m gonna go with NO.

  • Kheldarson

    It’s a…thing. Not my thing, but a thing. Whatever floats your boat I guess?

    I just wonder what they do when baby stops nursing.

    Or maybe I don’t want to know… :/

  • Eve Vawter

    How can anyone breast feed their partner when they are also breast feeding puppies ?! #lordknows

    • Kat


    • jendra_berri

      Well, that’s a question for the ages.

    • Givemeabreak

      I can’t even function right now after reading that. LOLZ FOR LIFE!!!!

  • Don’t judge me, but…

    Okay, full disclosure… I’m not proud of this, but while I never struggled with my milk supply, I sometimes struggled with letdown. Sometimes when I had been sitting at my pump for 15 minutes with nothing to show for it, my husband would help me get started. He always stopped just as soon as my letdown reflex kicked in, and I would pump. So gross, I know, but it was really effective at getting it out, since I knew it was there.

    • Eve Vawter

      Blah big whoop and ya know? Good for your husband for not being some sort of squeamish prude! Ps : my electric pump was scary and painful

    • jendra_berri

      Not gross; practical. One might call it a nursing hack.

    • noelle 02

      Mine would just do good old fashioned manual nipple stimulation. Milk flowed everytime.

  • Kay_Sue

    Yeah….no….not for me. Not for me at all.

  • Von

    Good heavens! Nursing mothers have go so much to deal with already I sincerely hope they are unaware of your judgements.

  • Rachel Sea

    As fetishes go, ANR seems pretty tame. Adult babying seems therapy worthy.

    • Bunny Lucia

      I’ve seen and heard of worse… Trust me, there are things I have seen that I will never be able to unsee.

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      Yeah, to each their own and everything, but at the risk of making this page even ickier than it already was, let’s just say that I had food poisoning a couple years ago and had to shamble off to the drugstore for a few necessities. The protective undergarments aisle was one over from where I needed to be, and I realized I’d better make a grab for the trial size package, as I was suddenly afraid of what would happen to my mattress if I fell asleep. Without going into STFU-worthy territory, let’s just say (again) that that was quite the prescient investment on my part. It was also the polar opposite of anything resembling sexy.

      So while I might let a man suck on my breast if it meant a few minutes of peace and quiet while I watched trashy TV without judgment, anything beyond that would elicit a rictus-resembling smile, a burst of nervous laughter, and a quick transition to talking about whatever the local sports team is doing to break my heart at the moment.

    • Psych Student

      Actually, adult babying makes sense from the perspective of giving up control and having someone else take care of you. Like all fetishes, we don’t necessarily know where they come from (and often, even if we do, we (therapists/those who can figure it out) don’t tell people) but fetishes are what they are and as long as people aren’t inflicting them on non-consenting partners, it’s not a problem.

    • Rachel Sea

      It does make sense, and as long as everyone is healthily consenting I have no issue with what people want to do, but it seems like there are two ways it could be playing out: as a way to heal issues, or as a way to avoid dealing with them. If I had a partner who wanted to so engage, I think therapy would have to be a condition of play.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    Is it bad that I don’t think this is a big deal?
    Pretty sure my fella’s had worse things in his mouth than boob juice…

    Plus, as I’ve said before, there’s an old Dutch legend my mother told me about a woman who breastfed her elderly father so he wouldn’t starve to death.
    I can get the full story off her lol

  • Erin

    This article only discusses one fascet of this. I would never sit on the couch and nurse a grown man, but there are plenty of men who don’t mind a sip here or there during sexwhile their wives have milk in their breasts. It doesn’t need to be a taboo to have your breasts sucked by your husband while lactating, it probably happened before so why does milk make it a big deal? Plus plenty of men enjoy the visual of a wet/dripping nipple. Women experience incredible changes during/after pregnancy/birth. They should not be shamed for what they enjoy with their partner in the privacy of their homes. Also, breast milk makes a fantastic natural lube.

    • isayokay

      As a man with a wife who is lactating it is a huge turn on during sex. Let me stress, during sex. When supply is so much that its literally dripping on you, you cant help but put them in your mouth. That’s when a man would want to do it…not while they’re bored watching a movie to pass the time. Not as a hobby. Not to actually use for caloric nourishment. But there really is something to drinking the milk while being intimate. This doesnt mean drinking it from a bottle or putting it in your morning coffee. Its straight from the source while making love. But its not for everyone.

  • Streets Ahead

    You know what? I’m just gonna come out and say it. I loved breastfeeding. It was the most powerful bonding experience and I was sad when my son weaned himself at 9 mos. I also really liked ANR with my husband. My breasts are both sexual and maternal, and these two states can co-exist without taking away from the other. Judge away sanctimommies, look at all the fucks I give! *drops mic and walks away, head held high*

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