Beyoncé’s New Instagram Snaps Will Throw You In A Rage Spiral Of Mom Jealousy

I love my life. Overall I’m a very happy person. I have a beautiful family. I’m pretty happy with myself. But when Beyoncé posts new Instagram pics I find myself filled with this sense of awe and wonder and stone cold jealously. She is the only celebrity who makes me feel this way.

It’s not just the fact she is amazingly talented and gorgeous. It’s not just the fact she has this super cute daughter and my baby making days are over. It’s not that she is promoting feminism and all these girl-power ideals which are making me love her even more. It’s not even that she is constantly posting photographs of herself and Jay and Blue that make them seem like the world’s most blessed and happy and magical couple. It’s this deadly combo of all of the above.

(Image: instagram)

(Image: instagram)

I’m never going to look like Beyoncé. I’m never going to be as talented as she is. I’m never going to lounge around on tacky yet terribly chic gold-gilded furniture backstage while my precious child plays on an iPhone. And even though we pay the mortgage and I have milk in my refrigerator and I GET that we are blessed my husband will never whisk my family away on a yacht in the south of France. It’s dumb to idolize and fawn over celebrities. Logically I understand this. But I can’t be the only mom out there who sees snaps like these and feels this dreaded sense of jealousy.

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I never felt this way about celebrities growing up. I never idolized anyone to the extent I wanted their life. And I’m sure being Mrs. Carter has its drawbacks and all of that. I’m sure she fights with her husband and has days where her hair looks dumb and eats a disappointing meal on occasion and sometimes Blue cries and she gets frustrated just like the rest of us. But then she looks like this and Tom Ford probably calls her on the phone for a playdate.

Screen Shot 2014-02-06 at 6.15.17 AM

I love seeing these pics because I’m a fan of Beyoncé and Jay Z and yeah, all the happiness to them and their beautiful daughter but I can’t be the only one who compares my life to theirs and feels all my frumpiness come to the surface.

My coffee is cold and my T-shirt has a small tear in the hem and I can’t get this one dog puke stain off the carpet on my staircase landing.

Plus, I have Beyoncéalousy.

(Images: tumblr/instagram)

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  • SmrtGrl86

    Meh, guess I’ve just never been that huge of a fan. I can’t get over the fact that she trampled over the other members of her first group that got her famous. Also any guy who has past musical hits detail his big pimping and 99 problems but a butch ain’t one, is possibly not the nicest person in the room. All our babies are just as cute as hers and we didn’t have to close down a whole NICU and inconvenience other parents with sick babies to have them. All these photos look like to me is a humble brag way for the Carter’s to show how much more perfect they are than the rest of us, and promote their hip hop “royalty” brand and I’m not buying.

    • Alexandra

      THIS!! No different from Gisele IMO. Maybe worse, I forgot about that whole NICU thing (as a parent about to have twins in the NYC metro area that makes me RAGEY). And for the record, I’d much rather have Tom Brady than Jay Z. :)

    • Eve Vawter

      OMG congrats!

    • Alexandra

      TY – scared shitless :)
      can only imagine if I was told to leave and go to a different hospital b/c NICU was closed! *shudder* *panic attack* lol

    • Eve Vawter

      You need to update us and you will be fine, do not worry! So excited for you!

    • smm0310

      I am in the NYC metro area and I have 8 month old twins. Good luck – it will be great! (We did have a short stint in the NICU – 9 days. But it wasn’t “closed” (thank god!) and they are both healthy and perfect)

    • Eve Vawter

      I’m still buying it :( hahaha

    • Angela

      Yep, all of this. Not to mention that everywhere they go they’re stalked by paparazzi and that despite being able to afford every advantage, celebrities’ kids don’t have a great track record for growing up into well-adjusted, healthy adults. The prevalence of addictions, eating disorders, and other problems among celebrity kids tells me that they’re probably not any happier than we are. I really do wish the best for Blue but statistically speaking I think that your own kids have a better shot at leading happy, fulfilling lives.

  • Natasha B

    Gah I love the Carter clan!!! Bey is just gorgeous. And Blue is adorbs. I’d take the Carter’s over Kimye anyyyyy day. I not a huge celeb fanatic, but ‘growing up’ with Destiny’s child and Bey and JayZ, I’ve got a soft spot for this crew. And her girl power stuff is rocking my world lately :)

    • Eve Vawter

      Agreed 100000%. Kimye is pretty much beyond tacky

    • Natasha B

      Kimye gives me the vapors, they’re so tacky. But…North is pretty cute. Maybe…she’ll be normal?!?!

    • Eve Vawter

      she is adorable, like a seriously cute baby, but they just don;t give me the warm fuzzies/jealousy feeling like the Carters do

  • G.E. Phillips

    I think if I had to choose to spend a day hanging out with Beyonce or you, Eve, I would choose you. Beyonce is fabulous and everything, but you would be WAY more fun to drink wine and gossip with.

    • Eve Vawter

      OMG this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me ever ever ever

    • G.E. Phillips


    • Rachel Sea

      Definitely, I don’t even know what I’d talk to Beyonce about. Like, “hey, you had dinner with the President, that’s cool. I just had dinner while watching West Wing, so that’s almost the same thing.”

      Whereas I could totally dish with Eve about dudebros, booze, and the best way to get dog vomit stains out of carpet.

    • G.E. Phillips

      That fantastic “So Much This” GIF would go right here, if I were able to do GIFs at work.

  • Carinn Jade

    I am SO with you Eve. Her self-awareness and self-confidence just blow me away. And those aren’t things money can buy. Her and Jay are super classy and I’m totally in love with them. THIS is why I don’t have instagram. I can only take it in small doses before I get green.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Her hair is so pretty that it makes me angry!

      PS. Miss ya, Carinn. :)

    • Carinn Jade

      Awww, I miss you guys too! But I’m here reading every day and I’ll be back someway, somehow, soon!

    • Eve Vawter

      yeah what the hell Carinn we miss you :(

  • Zettai

    I find it very odd and Michael Jackson-y how she always tries to hide her child’s face in her personal photos, especially when paparazzi candids have showed the kid’s face.
    Like this photo here, I find it so strange that she’s posing and posturing while her kid, told to play with the iphone and not turn around, wanders aimlessly. Weird. Maybe it’s just me.

    • TwentiSomething Mom

      No, a most of her photos are like this. Can’t be a coincidence even though we have all seen Blue’s face.

    • Zettai

      I wonder if it has anything to do with the baby looking like all of Jay-Z and nothing of her, even at this young age.

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    How does she have the time to get so pretty???

  • Tinyfaeri

    Now I want someone to make me up, pose me on a divan, and take a glamorous, commemorative photo.

    Edit: I know it’s just a chair, but I want a divan.

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    Cure: close the instagram. The only time I see shit like this is when I’m on here. I think it makes my regular life easier.

  • Jules

    A couple of my friends follow her on IG and say the same things, but I never understood why. The image of their life that she and Jay Z put out is obviously very carefully constructed. I mean, those shots look so posed; like they belong in a magazine or something. I guess ever since the Super Bowl picture fiasco last year, it’s been apparent just how hard she tries to maintain this certain image and it’s off-putting and, dare I say, smacks of insecurity?
    As far as everyone always going on about how incredible Beyonce is… I love her songs, her voice, and her performances. However, I’ve seen many interviews of her, and she really isn’t very articulate and tries way too hard to be deep.
    Also, she, Jay Z and even Solange have stated how “the public doesn’t know the real Beyonce, Beyonce is nothing like what we see” etc etc. I guess I just find this deification of her to be an exaggerated case of halo effects, since we really don’t know her as a person very well.

  • Momofthree

    I LOVE BEYONCE!!! She is the ONLY celebrity woman I want to meet. She seems so cool to have as a bestie and we cod go on play dates with our two year old daughters and did I mention I love her??!! Mancrush is Bradley Cooper…man what I wouldn’t do…of course if I wasn’t married and all! You knw?!

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