10 Valentine’s Day Fails That Will Make Your Crappy Plans Seem Romantic

valentine

Valentine’s Day is a beautiful holiday that comes but once a year. As it fast approaches, I’m sure you’re on the lookout for the perfect lovey-dovey token to give your sweetheart.

Maybe you’re traditional, and your significant other always brings you a box of chocolate and red roses. Maybe you like to skip Valentine’s Day gifts altogether and splurge on a romantic dinner for two. Or maybe you’re super lazy and like to pretend that Valentine’s Day is for chumps that are suckered into buying gifts just so Hallmark can make money.

This Valentine’s Day, I urge you to think outside the candy box. It’s time to push the limit and look for truly interesting gifts that your hunny-bunny will always remember. Sometimes gift giving—and especially gift making—goes awry, and that’s okay. You have to keep on keeping on and realize that your true love will understand that you did your best on your quest to find the perfect gift to represent your undying devotion.

Consider these top 10 Valentine’s Day fails as cautionary tales, or even inspiration…

1. Why buy Cupid boxer shorts when you can pay the ultimate compliment to his man meat?

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WTFPinterest .com

2. I’m pretty sure that no one can successfully make strawberry heart cheesecake bites, but good on you for trying.

squamishbaby.com

squamishbaby.com

3. This elaborate Valentine’s presentation will never fail to… disappoint.

WTFPinterest .com

WTFPinterest .com

4. We’ll take two Big Macs, please. Extra sauce. Anything for my Valentine.

pinterest.com

pinterest.com

5. This is what I always think of when I think of Valentine’s Day—may the two never meet.

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6. This heart-shaped steak bleeds like my heart bleeds for you, my love.

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faxo.com

7. The perfect Valentine’s Day gift? Help me understand…

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pophangover.com

8. I love you so much. Please “huge me.”

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9. Adorable Valentine’s Day baby kisses or horrific bruises that warrant a CPS call?

thegatzkefamily.blogspot.com

thegatzkefamily.blogspot.com

10. For the Valentine with a sense of humor… This pile of shit looks good enough to eat.

cakechooser.com

cakechooser.com

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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    • Tea

      Minecraft, steak, and booze is looking a lot less fail right now.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Ok, I would get him the boxers just for a laugh but now that I’m thinking about it, knitted stuff would be itchy as hell.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I don’t want any of these things :(

    • Kay_Sue

      That shit cake…man…that shit cake…That just…I mean, who even does that?

      • Robotic Arms Dealer

        We all do that… without the cake

      • Kay_Sue

        The aspect of making it a cake, and then ingesting it…it gives me the heebie jeebies.

      • Robotic Arms Dealer

        Ah, then I shouldn’t link you to 2g1c

      • TwentiSomething Mom

        Great way to get in the mood

      • gothicgaelicgirl

        We’re the kinda weird couple who would totally dig the crap cake though lol

    • Emily Wight

      I kind of love the idea of a romantic candlelight dinner at McDonald’s. It tickles my irony bone.

      • Bethany Ramos

        I would eat so many nuggets.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        omg I secret love nuggets idc if they are made out of beak

      • Bethany Ramos

        #chickenlips

      • Jen

        Nuggets are the best. On road trips I like to get a 20 piece and eat them while I drive. It is awesome until you reach down and have no more nuggets. I may or may not have consumed multiple 20 pieces on more than one occasion.

      • brebay

        That’s the worst, it’s like, if you would have known that was the last one, you would have made it really, really count.

      • Ptownsteveschick

        My daughter is probably half made of chicken nuggets I ate so many of those little things while I was pregnant.

      • Emily Wight

        With a side order of tartar sauce. Romance, nuggets, pickle-chunks. It’s everything you need.

    • Lee

      Does the junk go in the trunk? Or is the trunk just an decoration?

      • Bethany Ramos

        LOL junk in the trunk has a whole new meaning!! And I’m pretty sure it goes in.

      • DatNanny

        My favorite part is that if you do actually try to do anything sexy, that knitting is going to get real tight real fast. You may even end up with a hilarious Valentine’s Day Emergency Room story.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Hahaha even better!

    • radicalhw

      A shit cake would get my sweetie laid for sure!

    • Alex Lee

      ELEVEN dollars a pound?!? That’s predatory pricing.

      Just stahp.

      I wonder if it’ll be 60% off after Valentine’s Day?

      • Alicia Kiner

        Well yeah but it’s a 2 lb steak…share it with your sweetie ;)

    • Robotic Arms Dealer

      #3… um, where are the stems?

    • Rachel Sea

      I totally thought that baby had a terrible rash.

      I send one of my oldest friends Happy V.D cards every year. It’s becoming an increasingly dated joke, which makes me sad.

    • anonymous

      I don’t see the problem with #6. I require all my slabs of meat to be heart-shaped.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Word.

    • Momma425

      #3- if my husband tried to do that, we would be spending V.D. in the ER.

    • Williwaw

      Those knitted trunkies are probably warmer than Mantyhose.

    • Gangle

      Last Valentines day my husband got me sunflowers. That he picked from a paddock on his way home. And a half-eaten cherry ripe. I have no expectations.

      • Megan Zander

        What exactly is a cherry ripe? Because some how it sounds delicious, except for the half eaten part.

      • Gangle

        cherry ripe may well be the most delicious chocolate confection on the planet. It is cherries and coconut coated in dark chocolate. Really, I cannot blame my husband for eating half of it – I would have eaten the whole thing and never admitted there ever was a cherry ripe.

      • Megan Zander

        I was half hoping auto correct spelled cherry pie wrong, but nope. I’m drooling and jealous and I can’t think of anything to eat that sounds even close to this amazingness.

      • Gangle

        As soon as I typed that I got hungry and went out and bought one. I cannot believe you guys don’t have them!

    • Drea

      I honestly don’t see anything wrong with the McDonald’s one. If you don’t have the money to go to a nice restaurant, but you want to do something, why not? My husband and I would go to Taco John’s for our anniversary and for Valentine’s Day because we were broke college students. Nice restaurants were out of our price range and there aren’t too many of those around our town. Hell, going to Taco John’s was splurging for us!

      • AP

        My husband and I discovered that middle-of-the-road restaurants were better destinations for Valentine’s Day, anyway. The nice Italian places had restricted menus, booked reservations, and incredible crowds. The artisan-pizza-and-craft-beer place, or the neighborhood Thai joint? Full menu, walk-in seating, normal-busy.

      • Drea

        We recently had a brew pub open near us. The owner brews all of his own beer and makes amazing burgers with homemade rolls for buns and homemade pizza. Since we now have a little more money, we tend to go there for pizza, burgers, and his sampler deal.

    • tSubh Dearg

      I admit that for Valentine’s Day I will often roast lamb’s hearts for our dinner, as they are deliciously appropriate. But I know my audience and the Beau appreciates the sentiment. :D

    • Jessie

      Number 3 scares me a little bit, because I actually know a guy who could do that if he were to lose his damn mind and think his boyfriend wouldn’t take one look and walk right back out the door upon walking in on such a scene (the guy is an acrobat/contortionist, I swear he was born with no bones).
      The others… I dunno, I think I would just laugh. They sort of amuse me in a weird way.

    • Andy

      The only thing that could have made #1 even better/crazier-make it pink. My kiddo is currently obsessed with “Dumbo” and I’ve had “Pink Elephants on Parade” in my head for three days now. Help meeee….

    • brebay

      Holy crap get that poor kid a mosquito net!

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I made our Valentine’s plans for this year. We are dropping the kid off with Memaw, going to Ikea to shop, then going to Applebee’s and not spending more than $25 because we have a gift card. Romance is overrated.

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