• Tue, Feb 4 - 10:00 am ET

11 Totally Perfect Valentines For Your Teen That You Won’t Find At Hallmark

166011269It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and if you are like me you get your kids a card and maybe some candy or another small little thing. The issue I have with Valentine’s Day is that I can never find the perfect card to get for my teenager, either they are too sappy or don’t fit his personality or just don’t seem right. I’m sure some of you with teen daughters feel the same way.

Because I’m a totally helpful person, I have created a lovely collection of Valentine’s Day cards for your teenagers that probably work a lot better than what you see on the racks in stores. Feel free to print these out and hand them out to all of the older kids who live in your house and are still incapable of throwing their socks in the hamper.

Here is one for your teen son. 

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Here is one for a son or daughter.

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For either gender: 

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For teen girls! 

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For either kid. 

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Just a happy warning. 

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 A helpful hint. 

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 For either.

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Because they may need to know this.

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For the over-sharer. 

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 Word. 

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(Images: getty)

 

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  • Bethany Ramos

    Ha-larious!! I am so scared for my kids to grow into teens! And so scared of browser historyyyyyy!

    • Paul White

      I may have to actually find a good net nanny >.< Call me a prude but I don't want my kid stumbling onto some extreme BDSM as his first exposure to sexuality…or infecting my PC with god-knows-what.

  • http://Mommyish.com/ Amanda Low

    Hahaha this is awesome, Eve. I want one of each, and I would start giving these to my two year-old now.

  • pixie

    Ha, these are golden. (but you spelled alcohol wrong #donthateme)

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      or else I am drunk

    • pixie

      That’s a perfectly valid reason to misspell anything.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I fixed it just for youuuu

    • pixie

      <3

  • Kay_Sue

    Another for teen son:

    Hi, Valentine! I <3 you but if you leave one more crusty sock on your bedroom floor…that's what Kleenex is for!

    This actually happened to a friend of mine that has a teenaged son, and I am so disturbed to think that I will someday have two of my own running around doing God only knows what to their socks…

    ETA: And I also want to steal the Run DMC one for my sisters. Not because I was old enough to appreciate them back then, but because I am now, and apparently they missed that lesson.

    • pineapplegrasss

      OHMG! My mind just flashforward to when my 3 boys will be teens… and ugh crusty socks.. I wish you were talking about foot sweat lol.

    • pineapplegrasss

      Wait. I can’t believe I just said I wished you were talking about foot sweat.

    • Kay_Sue

      Boys…I never in a million years imagined potentially having these issues….

    • pineapplegrasss

      I didn’t either, until today ;)

    • Robotic Arms Dealer

      Kay… that’s gross

      thanks for lunch >:(

    • Kay_Sue

      Believe me, I’d rather have never discovered that possibility either. I apologize!

    • Robotic Arms Dealer

      Also, I think even Beastie Boys > Kanye

    • Kay_Sue

      I agree.

    • val97

      I got my son in to the habit of doing his own laundry at an early age for this very reason!

  • Natasha B

    I love these. Can I print them and save until mine are teens?

  • G.E. Phillips

    Your second career as a greeting card writer needs to start ASAP, these are amazing.

  • Robotic Arms Dealer
    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      GOOD POINT

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I think we all have that one friend who is always posting every freaking meal they eat on line. UGH. Or at least I have that friend.

    • pixie

      I have that friend who posts all the things they cook all the time. Like everything from grilled cheese to chicken. Some of the stuff is really cool, like if they make some crazy ethnic food that I can’t pronounce that looks fancy, but most of it is really basic.

  • keelhaulrose

    I know if you’re smoking pot in the bathroom… And I’m pissed you’re not sharing. Spread the wealth, young lady!
    Also, not the bathroom. The basement is more fun, it has a TV, mini fridge, and in one of those boxes is my old lava lamp and backlight posters. How do you think I know what pot smells like?

    • val97

      I smoke pot in my bathroom. At some point, I’m going to be found out and I’m not sure what I’ll do or say.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      “Get your own?”

    • keelhaulrose

      I used to smoke pot in the bathroom, surprisingly enough it was when I was a teen. But then it got into my towels, and I never stopped smelling a little like pot. I quickly learned my teachers knew exactly what pot smelled like. It was a bit embarrassing, and after that I moved it to the porch.
      Most awkward moment of my life was getting caught by my mother at 17, who told me to wait until I was 18 to keep going, and at 18 told me where to get the good stuff.

    • val97

      Uh oh. I wonder if all my coworkers know? Now I keep smelling my hair. (ftr, it helps me sleep – it’s not like I wake and bake :)

    • NotTakenNotAvailable

      It is a great sleep aid, and it doesn’t have the side-effect of next-day grogginess that I’ve had with prescription meds.

      It’s also great for when I just need to not give a fuck about anything. Hence why I was so glad I lived in Denver even after the Broncos pulled what looked more like a Three Stooges routine than professional football on Sunday.

  • Julia Sonenshein

    CALL HALLMARK!

  • ted3553

    I am totally giving my 16 yr old stepdaughter the boys who call girls bitches one. I have no idea how this became ok. It drives me CA-RA-ZY

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I call all my friends bitches….and they refer to me as such. But we’re girls, if that makes it better? Should I have outgrown this?……

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