• Mon, Feb 3 - 6:00 pm ET

Proud Mommy Moment: My Kid Dropped The S-Bomb And Used It Right

455460791There are plenty of things that my kid does that I find remarkable. They probably aren’t really that special, but something about watching the fruit of your loins do mundane things for the first time is entertaining. The first time they sit-up, crawl, walk, make eye-contact; these are all things that make parents proud. My son dropped the s-bomb and used it in the right context when he was less than three years old, and I’m telling you it’s a moment I will never forget. I was proud.

I read an article today in the Huffington Post about parenting moments we don’t brag about. The author tells a story of her daughter teaching a friend how to use the f-word. Basically, her daughter taught her friend how to use it right – and the author was notified by said girl’s mother. Eek. The inescapable fact that conversations like this are in my future is a little unnerving.

Our story went like this; our new dining table hadn’t arrived yet, so we were using a large folding table on loan from my sister. I put too many books on one end of it, and it collapsed. My husband and I scrambled to pick up some plates that fell before my son got near the area. My son, right on cue said, “Oh shit!” Hmm.

Two things happened in that moment; 1) I realized I needed to stop saying “oh, shit” all the time and 2) I undeniably beamed with pride that my little minion used one of my favorite phrases in the right context. I know, I know – that’s horrible parenting. I’m just being honest. We didn’t laugh or validate his behavior in any way. We just stared at each other and thought, “Oh, shit.”

I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, because I knew my son was just mimicking me and would probably forget all about it if we didn’t point it out. He hasn’t said it since. But there is a part of me that knows this story will trump many other milestone stories, because it’s kind of hilarious, no?

I can’t even begin to teach a toddler the subtle nuances of language and why it’s okay for mom to use certain words that he can’t – so I’m really going to have to work on my potty mouth. But I am an unapologetic fan of that moment. It brings me joy and it’s a story I will tell in his future for sure; I may not have had you potty-trained by the time you were three, kid, but you knew how to use “Oh, shit” in the right context. You can run and get my parenting trophy – I’ll wait.

(photo: Getty Images)

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  • Alicia Kiner

    Lol that’s awesome! I have a potty mouth too especially when driving. My children could both say damn and shit by the time they were 3. Usually damn it or oh shit.

    • ShanLea

      Driving is my trigger too, and I can be pretty inventive. It came back to bite me in the ass one day when my dad was visiting, and my little man tripped over his foot, looked up with evil in his eyes, and said “What the actual fuck, Grandpa?”

    • Alicia Kiner

      I was out with my kids one day. My son was about 3, my daughter, 2. We had someone run a red light and almost hit us… I yelled out futher mucker in hell. Have no idea where it came from, but my son repeated my word for word. I was really glad it came out futher mucker ;)

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that one day I will be called to a principal’s office to explain my child’s cursing. I just hope it’s not in the same building where I teach. My kids do seem to understand that there are kid words and grown up words…. I could lie and say I’m gonna clean up my act, but no, I’m not. I’m just going to continue being myself and hope the world can deal with that. And I will never ever act like I don’t know where they learned it. I know exactly where they fucking learned it.
    I do remember my little girl’s first slip though, around 2.
    Her: “Can I go outside?”
    Me: “No.”
    Her (perfect adult mimicked inflection): “Damn.”

    • Julie

      When my boyfriend was in second grade he was sent to the principal’s office for writing “fuck” on a piece of paper. The principal asked why he did that my boyfriend told him the liked the reaction a word got from people because it really is just a word. The adults didn’t like that at all. His parents got a phone call about that. I have almost already accepted I will be getting a similar call as my child gets into school.

    • JLH1986

      ha ha. The hubs and I talk about this all the time I’m reasonably certain any kids I have, their first word is going to be “Fuck” or “son of a bitch”. I’m also ok with this. At least I’ll know where they learned it…and then I’ll teach them they should only say that stuff at home.

  • Kati

    I’m always amused by the parents who try to ignore it to a fault, even when their kid is saying “damn it” on a loop and the adults are standing around with pursed lips pretending not to notice. The kid knows his words are having an effect when the room is suddenly filled with awkward silence. That’s not what I would call ignoring it, but I’ve seen this at several family gatherings. I take the more direct approach if my kid experiments with one of my more colorful words that may have slipped out. I say, “Are you allowed to drink beer.” They tell me “No, we can drink beer when we’re big.” I tell them, “the same goes for grown-up words; they are only for grown-ups. Mommy shouldn’t say them in front of you. Now go play.” I’m not terrible, I don’t think they’ve heard me say the f-word (although I’ve mouthed it), but this has kept their language pretty PG.

    • Alicia Kiner

      Nice. Except my dad offers them sips of his beer so I’m not sure if they know they aren’t allowed to drink it, or if they tell him no because I’ve said it so many times.

  • ChelseaBFH

    My parents like to tell the story of when I was about 5 or 6 and had just gotten a Nintendo. My Mario died and under my breath I exclaimed, “Son of a bitch.”

  • Ptownsteveschick

    My daughter likes to say “‘It’s fucking cold!” which hilarious at home, is less appropriate in the grocery store cheese aisle.

    • Aldonza

      We’ve been trying to watch our language around my best friend’s daughter who is about three. Mostly because her Mom doesn’t want it to affect her in preschool. We’ve started saying “bubbles” instead. Now if she falls down she yells out “bubbles!” It’s pretty cute.

    • G.E. Phillips

      It’s always fucking cold in that aisle, though.

  • pineapplegrasss

    I have a horribly bad mouth too. But, they are just words…

  • EmmaFromÉire

    Maybe it’s a result of growing up Irish, but i’ve never understood the monumental knicker twisting that goes on in the states over swearing.

    • Allyson Emada

      Indeed. I’m 25 years old and I use fuck as an interjection. It’s just how I talk (not all the time, obviously.) My sister and I were in a restaurant one time having a conversation and naturally it came out. This woman walking buy actually stopped and stared at us in disbelief until I shot her a what-the-fuck look. She just walked off shaking her head. Twisted indeed…

  • Jess

    I’ll go against what’s the norm here- but honestly I think there is something really tacky about a toddler who can barely strong a sentence who can swear on cue. It’s not cute and it’s not a moment Id be proud of.

    My sister has a similar attitude to you- and her 5 year old son can say “fuck you” to any cashier who so much as gives him a side ways glance.

    But you know- different strokes different folks and all

    • kaycee

      I’m with you-I mean I know there are times when it’s just totally out of your control, but being proud of it??? It’s like school in the summertime … No class

  • Alanna Jorgensen

    My daughter was having trouble with the iPad and said to my mom, “Grandma, the iPad is fucking up!” My mom suppressed laughter and asked her to repeat herself and Natalie looked contrite and said, “It’s not working, Grandma.”

    She used to repeat them but I’ve taught her now that those are grown up words that she is not to use until she is of a certain age, especially not until she knows the power those words hold and potential consequences of their use. Still hilarious when they say them correctly, though.

  • LadyClodia

    I swear a lot. For some reason my 5 year old has a really good filter, and will apologize for saying things like “booger.” My 2 year old, however, repeats anything and everything, and tonight kept saying “goddammit” after me. I try to not swear as much, but I still do. I’m aware there will be problems down the road.

  • Kat

    My three year old has begun initiation into our sailor academy, starting with yelling “fuck you” at a passerby in the grocery store. Fortunately, since we’ve talked to him about it, he’s cutting down. Now he’s the word police, even telling me, “Mommy, don’t say that!” when I asked his dad to pass me a sheet.

  • RevBex

    Last year my nine year old was recounting a story from school –
    “So we were wandering the halls trying to find the copier for Mr. C’s papers he’d given us and on our fourth trip down the office corridor, I said, ‘Screw it, we’re taking it to the teacher’s lounge.’”
    I told her it was the right context, wrong place, and definitely not going to get her any more plum jobs like unmonitored hallway access.

  • keelhaulrose

    I found my daughter was less interested in swearing once I stopped making a big deal of it and simply saying “big people word” when one came up.
    Before that I had a little sailor. “Fuck damnit,” was always said in context. I once put her down for a nap and she shouted “This is bushes (instead of bullshit)”. She’s famous for that one.

    • Maria Guido

      Haha! ‘This is bushes’ is my new go-to exclamation, thanks.

    • G.E. Phillips

      “This is bushes” is awesome. Thanks to a similar malapropism my son made once, we now refer to things that are really messed up as being a “viking ship show.”

  • Ife

    When my eldest was about 2.5 she strolled by our kitchen window and casually pointed out that “there are stickers on the fucking window.”

    Obviously, we’re very proud of her.

  • Kay_Sue

    I need your secret for keeping a straight-face. I’m awful at that part. I’m mortified, but apparently being mortified makes me giggle. *sighs*

  • Natasha B

    We didn’t think we had that bad of potty mouths….until the oldest was about 2.5, walking up stairs, stubbed her toe and all we heard was ‘G-damn fucking shitty ass stairs!’
    It took me a solid twenty minutes to stop laughing. In her defense, they were some steep ass, shitty stairs.

  • Jayess

    When I was babysitting the pastor’s kids the other night, one stubbed his toe, looked directly at me, and said (in a terrifying wooden creepo voice) “oh, fuck. oh, fuck.”

    What flashed into my head at that moment was not “oh noooooes he said a swear,” but “that was the worst use of fuck ever.”

    What I sad out loud was “There is no way on God’s green earth that you can convince me that you’re allowed to say that word. So, I take that as personal offence that you don’t respect *me* and you can take a time out.”

  • Momma425

    I have a terrible potty mouth- my daughter acts like my other! She will shake her head and say, “that’s not a nice word mommy, it hurts people’s feelings. I think you can express yourself differently.”
    In fact, we’re using “swear jar” money for our upcoming trip to disneyland and let me just say…I’ve seen to it that we won’t be hungry.

  • Emily

    I’ll see your “oh shit” and raise you another 3 year old that flips the kiddie table, yelling “god DAMN it!” No idea where she got it, i don’t flip tables, and don’t watch Real Housewives.

  • Aussiemum

    When mr 7 was just learning to talk in full sentences(probs 2& half), he was out in the car with my sister. She had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting some one who was driving erratically, mr 2.5 calmly presses the window button and yells out the window…’ Fucking dickhead!!’ My sister told me (after she had stopped pissing her pants from laughing) she asked him where he learnt that from? Mum says it all the time when she’s driving, was the reply.
    Yep dropped in it by my own kidlet, there is absolutely not deniying that he’s my child!

    • Gangle

      This may be the most funny thing I read all day!

  • LiteBrite

    For awhile, when my husband was really pissed off at something, he would bang his hands on the counter and yell “Dammit Christian!” It didn’t happen too often – it takes a lot to get my husband to the point of yelling – but I still would tell him to watch it. So one day my husband told our son not to do something, and my son banged his fists on the table and yelled “Dammit Daddy!”

    It was pretty funny, but my son still got sent to his room. My husband now carefully watches his language, which is what I told him to do in the first place. I love when that happens.

  • Guest

    There is video of my younger brother at 18 months old, complete with binky and blankie, calling my uncle a ‘fat fuck’ (at my aunt’s prompting). My mom is very proud of this video.

  • Rachel Sea

    I think kids should be allowed to swear in appropriate scenarios. Break a dish, stub a toe, get cut off in traffic by some bint on her cellphone…swears are a perfectly reasonable response.

  • tSubh Dearg

    My mum tells the tale of when I was small and she was driving through the Irish countryside and got stuck at a junction behind a not very clever driver and so she muttered to herself, never thinking about the little ears in the back seat.

    On the way back as we passed that same junction my little voice piped up from the back seat “Where’s the bleeding eejit Mummy?”

  • Tara

    Ahahahah! One of my proudest/most shameful parenting moments was when my four-year-old appropriately used the “that’s what she said” joke. Honestly, it’s a miracle from heaven that my children don’t curse all the live long day.