Childfree Couple On Facebook Gets Anonymous Hate Letter Imploring Them To ‘Have Some Kids’

99641391Facebook is funny. You may think it’s a way to keep abreast of the goings-on of friends and family you don’t see very much – but not always. Some people use it to seethe with jealousy and anger about their life choices.

STFU is always good for keeping me abreast of these stories, and yesterday there was a doozy posted on her Facebook page. It’s a story about a childfree couple, Jess and Dave Osinski, who got an anonymous letter sent to them in the mail to implore them to please stop posting about their life on Facebook. Anonymous letter-sender thinks there is too much traveling and fun happening in their world, and not enough baby-having:

The Wauwatosa couple received an anonymous letter in the mail this month.

“It’s a little upsetting seeing, hearing and reading about someone’s vacations all year while we all can’t afford one,” it said.

“I started reading,” Jess said, “and I was like, what in the world? I had to read it a couple times.”

The letter writer suggests the Osinskis should send regular Christmas cards, too, presumably because he or she doesn’t like seeing a collage of their vacation photos as a holiday greeting.

The last sentence goes for the jugular: “Go have some kids and don’t be so selfish as to only think of yourselves all the time.”

The creepiest thing about this is that whoever this person is knows them well enough to know their home address and be on their Christmas card list. Yuck. I sense a jealous in-law is in the mix.

This is absurd. Facebook is for sharing our lives with each other, no? Also, there is a super function that exists on the site that allows you to block people you find annoying without them even knowing. So there is literally NO REASON for this awful person to be kept abreast of the Osinski’s life at all – if it offends him or her so much.

“Go have some kids?” Wow. Yes, because people who don’t have kids don’t think about anyone else, ever. Good God. It’s just too bad whoever sent this didn’t have the balls to put their name on the letter so the Osinski’s could banish this negative energy from their lives forever.

In the Greek culture, there is something called the “evil eye.” It’s a curse you can give someone by being insincere. In other words, if you are nice to someone’s face, and bitter, resentful and mean behind their backs, Greeks actually believe that you can curse this person you have ill will towards. They take it very seriously, as they should, because there is something very toxic about this type of behavior.

I hope this anonymous person is reading these Internet stories and realizing how terrible they are.

(photo: Getty Images)

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  • pixie

    You forgot to mention the best part! The letter had a Miami post mark and they don’t know anyone who lives in Miami. So it either was passed along to someone in Miami who then mailed it to the couple, or it was mailed to them while the letter-writer was on their own vacation.

    • SA

      That is too funny.

  • Brittany Anne

    I so often see parents I know build up this seething resentment towards couples who don’t have children. I mean, presumably, no one forced you to have kids, so why the martyrdom?

    • Sam Inoue

      Seriously, I have kids and I do plenty of travelling and fun these people are just being crazy. They are mad or resent their kids for not letting them have that life so they wanna force it on others.

    • CMJ

      I posted a status about getting my first blowout and it was met with:
      1) What is that? I only know one kind of blowout
      2) Just wait till you have kids, then you’ll know how funny that is…..

      Uh, no. I get that it’s funny. I can understand funny things without having kids.

    • Tinyfaeri

      People are dumb, but the blowout sounds lovely :)

    • CMJ

      IT WAS GLORIOUS. Seriously, my hair looked amazing. I can’t recommend them enough as a nice indulgence every once in a while. (Although, I am chopping my hair so no need for blowouts anytime soon)

    • jendra_berri

      I used to get them regularly when I was pregnant because my hair grew so thick I got tired washing it in the shower.
      My hair looked fucking glorious.

    • jsterling93

      I spent more time in a salon or spa while pregnant than any other time ever. The main reason was I was too fucking big to reach my feet or legs and too tired to wash, dry and style my hair. I may have felt like shit but I looked great.

    • sri

      “Oh, hahaha I don’t have time for things like “looking nice” anymore (also, my car doesn’t have tires, apparently) because babies sometimes have horrific poop explosions! The knowledge of baby poop has completely erased my knowledge of the outside world! Also, I spend most of my time with people who still think boogers and farts are funny, so I think that a horrific poop explosion is the funniest thing in the world! I can no longer relate to adults without kids!” Ugh, spare me.

      Those people are the epitome of the STFU about. “You used to be fun. Now you have a baby.”

    • hopefullysoon

      And it’s not really even that funny, right? I always have parent friends tell me how hysterical shit stories are. My H and I desperately want a child, but I’m a thousand percent sure I’ll never find its shit funny.

    • Kay_Sue

      It isn’t funny in the slightest. I have no idea what wires crossed in people’s brains that think it is….

    • ChelseaBFH

      I find my baby’s poop funny, but I thought poop was funny before I had kids. But funny or not, I keep the poop off of Facebook.

    • Courtney Lynn

      This. I already laughed at fart jokes and other people’s farts before kids. However, I know not to share my kids’ functions with FB.

    • SarahJesness

      They need to feel like they made the right decision, so if other people make a different decision and still lead happy lives, they feel it invalidates their own choices. Also, misery loves company.

    • Kay_Sue

      That’s the part I don’t get. If you’re happy with your choices, why do the choices and happiness of others make you insecure? *shakes head* #SomePeoplesChildren

    • SarahJesness

      Probably because it’s such a big decision, one that you can’t really go back on. And I imagine some of the people who are this pushy about it maybe DO have regrets, but they can’t admit it. Telling a child “I wish I never had you because I can’t do what I want any more” is pretty heartless. So they judge people who make different choices because it helps themselves feel like they’re morally superior, even if they aren’t happy with the downsides.

    • Kay_Sue

      This is true, but it’s still mind-boggling.

    • Markah Sanders

      It does hurt society if the birth rate gets too low. People who don’t have kids and are successful/educated, should at least adopt a foster child, as stats show if not adopted, they are more likely to go to prison or be homeless than graduate college. If you believe in the whole save the world from population thing and aren’t being selfish, prove it by adopting a foster child, or have kids. Italy, Germany, Poland, many great nations are falling apart due to this, even Japan. Nothing is more important than raising the next generation. Someone has to pay for your social security, it was funded that way, the current generation pays for the elderly, so it’s only fair everyone who can contribute to childraising in one way or another. Volunteer to tutor poor kids or donate to poor children or adopt a foster child, don’t show off all your vacations, that’s just empty-headed and hurts society in the long run.

    • Gangle

      Did you read the whole article that was linked to this post? The wife is a psychotherapist who works with children who have been physically and sexually abused, her husband works as a benefits consultant. These people contribute in a major way to children and the welfare of others, and those sorts of jobs would be pretty stressful and draining. If they want to take awesome holidays, well I say that they have earned it. So no, posting all about their vacations is not empty-headed or harmful to society. Likewise, my brother and his wife travel and go on many holidays. They are currently childless, and they post all their travels on facebook. Oh, so that you can’t look down your snooty nose at them, my SiL is working hard at finding a cure for cancer and my brother safety-tests prototype cars before they hit factory lines so that people can be safe on the streets. If that isn’t contributing to society enough for you, then you can fuck right off.

    • R Zhao

      If you are American, I don’t think we need to worry too much about our birthrate going down anytime soon. I do think it’s important to invest in the next generation, but no one should be forced to do it by having or fostering children.

      Question: Is it okay to post your travel photos if my kids are traveling with me? How about if I’m abroad volunteering at an orphanage?

      Frankly, I enjoy looking at other people’s vacation photos, whether they are with or without children. I find it interesting and inspiring. Traveling can really help us understand the world we live in and ourselves. Anyways, if you don’t like it, simply block from your Facebook feed and get on with your life!

    • Kay_Sue

      Actually, both our birth rates and our immigration rates have been dropping over the past several years. It’s an interesting trend that’s dividing those interested in controlling population growth and those that believe there may be a serious dearth of tax payers in the next generation or so. They are currently attributing it to the economic down turn–couples are having less kids or no kids because money has been tighter. It’s fascinating. Not only that, but those with conservative leanings are having so many more children than those with more left/liberal/progressive leanings that it may contribute to a significant idealogical shift over the next generation or so.

    • aliceblue

      1. If you do not want kids it is beyond selfish to have/adopt them. It fact it sounds like a recipe for increasing child abuse.
      2. While I highly doubt that you or any other parent reproduced for the benefit of SS, if you did I pity your unloved offspring.
      3. How do you know that they do not volunteer or donate?
      4. Posting pictures of a vacation, just like posting pics or your kids, your holidays or a really fancy cake you just baked, isn’t showing off; it is sharing. Any non-jealous, true friend knows that.
      5. You are an ignorant, envious harpy.

    • someone45

      I never want children so I would have no reason to adopt a child. I am not hurting anyone by deciding to be child free and happy. Life is to short to live it in a way that would make you happy. There are more than enough people having kids that my choice to not have them won’t hurt anyone.

    • AE Vorro

      And your eco-footprint is much, much smaller. That benefits everyone.

    • TattooedLittleMiss

      And if all those countries loosened immigration laws instead of passing more restrictive ones, things would balance out. But, much like America, a good many European countries are screaming about purity of culture and don’t want people who aren’t white/don’t speak the common language moving in. But birth rates aren’t dropping in most places around the world: they’re increasing. Immigration could solve both problems and end up decreasing a harmful world population, but too many Western countries are terrified of white people becoming a minority that they’re willing to risk economic collapse to keep out foreigners.

    • Nics

      Nobody should have kids, adopted or otherwise, if they don’t want them! That’s insane. And the birth rate is in NO danger of getting too low with people who do choose to procreate having so many kids!!!! Are you really saying people who have no maternal/paternal instincts should have children because those kids MIGHT pay other peoples’ pension when they grow up?? (and they probably won’t as they’ll have gone off the rails due to not feeling loved by their parents who never wanted them, and turn to drugs and alcohol, and not work!).

  • Aimee Ogden

    I’m beginning to think parenting really is the “hardest job there is”. It must take a LOT of time to write sanctimonious letters to everyone you know who’s daring to enjoy their lives before or without kids.

    • Lackadaisical

      Finally, someone who understands the terribly, woefully hard life of a mum. Not only is there the poison pen letters to post to child free friends (lucky selfish bar stewards, they don’t appreciate how easy they have it, but of course I wouldn’t have it any way because my angels complete me and I am now a better person), but there is tutting and smugness at the parenting choices of people who are dealing with completely different parenting issues than you that you don’t really understand. Also those statements on the cute (and smug) or the awful (and embarrassing) things our kids do don’t just post themselves on Facebook or Twitter, you know. After that, if I have time, I like to make lists of things that everyone does but that must be more heroic if you have kids to tell everyone. If I am not run off my feet with the rest of it I actually do some of the list to, rather than intending to do it and moaning about it but not getting around to it. Then obviously I need to belittle the achievements of people (mostly other women) who haven’t yet bred, after all it isn’t as if those people have mattered if they haven’t squeezed out a kid. That bit is very important. If us parents shirk that duty we run the risk of tearing each other apart with our pent up bile in some working/stay-at-home-mum breast/bottle vaccine/antivaccine state/private education battle. After that I sometimes just don’t even have the energy to post my quota of inspirational message memes. Non parents just don’t understand how tough it is.

  • LiteBrite

    Hey, they’re from Wauwatosa! A shout out to ‘Tosa!

    If they want, they can friend me and post all the damn vacation pictures they want. I can’t afford one either and want to live vicariously through them.

  • Samantha Escobar

    Deleting your Facebook isn’t the easiest thing, but deleting a friend? Facebook loves that drama. They make it so easy.
    IT IS THE EASIEST EVER. Seriously.

    • Larkin

      You don’t even have to delete them! You can just “hide” them so they don’t show up in your news feed anymore, and they’ll never be the wiser. I have a crazy cousin who posts at least 10 insane, dramatic posts a day who I finally had to hide. She has no idea, and I can still click over to her profile if I ever want to catch up on the drama.

    • Kay_Sue

      I hid my little sister. SSSSSSSSHHHHH! Don’t tell her!

  • Unforgettable

    You know whoever wrote that letter be like “Oh, ignore that letter, it’s stupid” on their FB page

  • Renee J

    I think over half of my Facebook friend’s vacation posts are by people with children.

  • Alex Lee

    Can’t afford to go on a cruise? Blame all the other cruise-goers.

    This mental-gymnastic has a 7.7 degree-of-difficulty. Let’s hope she sticks the landing…Oh NO! She had a little bobble of logic and doubt right there – that’s going to cost her a few tenths deduction. She could save herself with a “my account got hijacked” maneuver or a “temporarily insane” recovery…we’ll definitely have to wait for the judges scores.

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    I feel really bad for the person that wrote this letter. The fact that what this couple does with their life consumes his/her thoughts so much they had to write a letter and actually send it speaks volumes about their self esteem and priorities in life. I hope they don’t pass this negativity and resentment on to their own kids.

  • Mystik Spiral

    I was raised Catholic, and one of my dad’s 9(!) siblings got married to a woman who was more into her career than having kids, which was always just dandy because my uncle didn’t want kids either. My mom and one of my dad’s holier-than-thou SILs were talking about said aunt and uncle one time, and accused them of being selfish for never having any kids.

    This mindset makes NO sense to me. What is selfish about not having kids if you don’t want them? Because my uncle was raised Catholic and it’s what the Church tells him to do? Needless to say, this uncle and aunt are quite anti-religion.

    Boggles the mind.

    • pixie

      Yeah, I’ve never really understood that mindset, either. And as much as I think the decision to be a parent and the decision to be childfree are two personal and perfectly acceptable choices and neither are selfish, I can probably think of more hypothetically “selfish” reasons to have a child than to not have a child (let me reiterate, neither is a selfish choice if it’s what you truly want).

      My mom’s sister would make an excellent mother but she chooses not to have kids because she doesn’t want to. Instead, she is a very generous woman who donates to charities and gives very thoughtful gifts to family and those who are important to her. Sure she has a nicer (though smaller) house than my parents do, and has a closet and shoe collection I absolutely envy, and goes on a couple more vacations than my parents and I did, her and my uncle are two of the least selfish people I know (oh, and they’re not married, but they’ve been together for close to 25 years or so, another no-no to the strict Catholic Church). My very Catholic great-grandmother would have been appalled.

    • SarahJesness

      Honestly, when you get into it, is there really a non-selfish reason to choose having a child? I’m not saying having children is bad, really, go do what you want. But we are, after all, inherently selfish. Most of what we do is to benefit ourselves. Someone wants to have kids in the future? Well, you can’t say you’re doing it for the sake of the kid, because the kid doesn’t exist yet. (unless you adopt, I guess) I have many reasons for not wanting kids, and some of them are because I don’t want to change my life. But what’s so wrong with that? Why SHOULD I change my life if I don’t want to? It’s not like the human race is endangered.

    • Kay_Sue

      Oh it’s entirely selfish. You are absolutely right. That’s the truth. My first son was an accident, because I wasn’t thinking through my actions…which is selfish. My second son was because I wanted to have a child with my husband and experience what that was like…which is also selfish.

      There is nothing selfless about having kids. Now, one could probably argue that there’s some selflessness required to raise them right, but it’s not something to brag about it, and it’s also a direct consequence of the choice to have them.

    • SarahJesness

      Well-said. Having a child requires sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean the decision to have one is selfless.

    • pixie

      To be honest, I was more-so trying to save my ass and attempt not to insult anyone who honestly believes having a child is a completely selfless ;)

    • Markah Sanders

      It does hurt society if we care more about the present than the future. I agree, if you adopt it’s OK, and some aren’t together, but did you ever see the film ‘Idiocracy’? The them is, all the idiots have tons of kids and the smart people base it on the stock market and vacations and have 1. In 500 years, average people today are geniuses, and most people are total morons. For society to work, you need to make selfless acts. Foster kids still go unadopted and are more likely to be homeless or in prison than earn a college degree. I think every couple who is happy and stable and successful should at least adopt, if not they are hurting society significantly. Life isn’t just about going on vacation. That’s got to be so sad getting old and never having grandchildren.

    • Gangle

      every stable happy couple is not necessarily well equipped to raise happy, stable children. There are plenty of kids from financially stable homes with parents that stay together who are completely messed up because their parents only had them because ‘it was the done thing’.

    • pixie

      Not that it really matters, but I’ve always planned on adopting. I have a cousin who is adopted (hell, she’s not even my cousin because she’s my aunt’s common law husband’s brother’s adopted daughter but I’m the closest she has to a cousin and I’m happy to be a positive female role model for her.
      Not every stable, happy, healthy couple would make good parents. I can name a few off the top of my head. Like another aunt of mine. Her and her husband are well off, they have a second home, expensive things, but my aunt would make a really bad mother. Not neglectful or abusive in a traditional sense, she just has certain ideals. She means well and is kind to me and her nieces and nephews on her husband’s side, but is not mother material.
      Also, the adoption process is incredibly difficult. It can take years. No life isn’t just about going on vacation but there are plenty of other ways to be selfless. And besides, making a mandate that every happy, stable couple has to adopt is negating the selfless aspect (not what you said, I know, but that’s pretty close to where you’re headed).
      And besides, why do you think everyone wants grand kids? Not everyone likes kids.

    • aliceblue

      “most people are total morons” – your comments certainly do support this contention. However, perhaps you’d like to provided actual FACTS as to how people without kids are “hurting society significantly.” Apparently you have chosen to ignore many facts, such as two smart people do not automatically breed smart kids, and that two low I.Q. people can produce intelligent offspring. Also, if a woman (or a guy) only works a few yeas and then has kids and stays at home she (he) isn’t contributing to SS like the working childfree woman. Unless you choose to vilify SAHPs and parents whose children don’t become tax paying members of society (move overseas, join a religious order, death, disability, problems with the law, drugs, or otherwise can’t/won’t pay taxes) you should put a sock in it.

    • TattooedLittleMiss

      Hint: You can be happy, stable, and successful and actively harm society by adopting. I would make a terrible parent. I would resent my child(ren) and, knowing my temper, often lash out verbally at them. While I’d never purposefully hurt someone, that is not a healthy environment for a child, even if I am in a stable relationship and successful. No, life isn’t about going on vacation, but for a lot of people, it’s not about parenting, either.

      Far sadder to have grandkids that you resent, as you resented their parents, to alienate family, and to grow miserable and bitter because you had children you didn’t want. Or, in my mother’s case, far sadder to have grandkids that would ruin your daughter’s life and possibly kill her than to go without and have a happy, healthy friend in her adulthood. Which is exactly why my mother supports my childfree state.

    • Brittany Anne

      I feel like Catholics are particularly bad about this. I grew up in a very traditional Catholic family, and my mom is so passive-aggressive about my husband and I only wanting two or three kids. And my aunt, who is childless by choice, is for that reason automatically the most selfish person my mother knows, even though my aunt is a really nice lady–always sent her nieces and nephews great gifts for birthdays and Christmas, has a wonderful relationship with her step-daughter, etc. But she didn’t want kids of her own, so she’s forsaking her duty as a wife, which is basically the most selfish thing *ever*.

      My best friend from high school grew up in a similar family. She’s getting married in a few months, and her family is already giving her grief about going to grad school instead of popping out babies immediately.

      But I don’t know. Maybe I just know particularly traditional Catholics.

    • candyvines

      Only three! LOL

    • Brittany Anne

      I know, right?!

    • xvala

      My mother is a lapsed Catholic and fairly liberal and even SHE gets in on this nonsense sometimes. To her, the fact that I’m not dating, don’t really have any desire to get married (I mean, it’d be nice if it happened, but it’s not The World’s Greatest Tragedy if I don’t) and don’t want kids = not doing anything with my life.

    • Larkin

      Hahaha, my mother was always the same way when I was single. I ended a six-year, super toxic relationship and then spent three years being single and occasionally, briefly dating people before I met my husband. She literally gave me a talk where she told me I was being ridiculous and should just settle on someone so I wouldn’t be ALONE FOREVER (though it was delivered in a far more passive aggressive way). Every time I broke up with a guy–who I’d usually only been seeing for a few weeks, and who she hadn’t even met–she would have a complete meltdown like I was the most horrible person in the world and why wouldn’t I just be nice to the men so one of them would marry and impregnate me?!?!?!?!

      For the record, my mother is a super devout Lutheran… not a Catholic. So it exists everywhere. Good times.

    • TattooedLittleMiss

      Yeah, my dad’s lapsed Catholic and he pulls this. He thinks it’s abhorrent that I don’t want kids and keeps trying to convince me that I’ll change my mom because my mom did. Ignoring that she changed her mind mostly because he tricked her into it. Also ignoring that fact at that 29, my mother had exactly none of the medical problems I currently do and will always have that would make pregnancy unwise and yet still managed to have five life-threatening pregnancies, three miscarriages, and one life-saving abortion.

    • Vere

      I live within walking distance of the Vatican, my in-laws are devout catholics and conservatives from Sicily, I never wanted kids and I said so before marrying their son, we have been married for over 7 years and my in-laws have never said anything. So, there is all kind of catholics, I guess

  • Horrid Baby Names

    I’d post the letter TO Facebook with a caption that says whoever wrote this can shove it up their ass.

    • Guest

      I’m pretty sure in the article STFU posted they said they posted it to FB and said “defriend us!” to whomever wrote it. Rightly so.

  • jane

    You know, I think that this article needs less “wow, these people were shamed for not having kids” and more “holy crap crazy people have their address and they should probably take out a restraining order when they figure out who this stalker is.” Because, yes, obviously it’s sanctimonious to call people selfish for not having kids. But to mail them an anonymous letter from a different city about changing their whole lives after fishing around on their Facebook feed is FUCKING CRAZY.

    • Victoria

      I largely agree, yet given the letter ends with the idea that they are selfish because travel and don’t have kids, I don’t think they would have been targeted if they had posted a bunch of travel pictures with baby in tow. But, yes, it is crazy that someone would go to such extremes, especially to either mail the letter while traveling (hello hypocrisy!) or to give it to someone else to mail so they aren’t identified. It almost makes me wonder why they didn’t go with magazine letter cutouts and a brick through the window (after all, the couple can afford to replace the window because they DON’T HAVE KIDS. And then, they could be shamed about talking about it on Facebook because there are parents out there who can’t afford new windows because kids are expensive).

    • Nics

      I feel sorry for this crazy person’s kids… they are obviously hugely resented and he or she really regrets making the choice to have them!!!

  • Kay_Sue

    Sounds like the letter writer is doubting their life choices and projecting that onto others. People that are happy in their own lives tend to be happy that those around them are happy, not resentful. Yuck. What a seething cesspool of negativity.

  • CW

    I get annoyed by people who are attention whores on FB, but the solution is just to “hide” their feed. And FWIW, couples with kids can be just as annoyingly braggy about luxury vacations, designer clothes, spa appointments, their newly leased Mercedes/BMW/etc. as childless ones.

    • aliceblue

      Exactly! IF the couple was actually braggy then they are not great friends. If they just post too many pics they are no worse than people who overdo kids/pets/what they are eating.

  • Julia Sonenshein


  • helloshannon

    i hope they posted it on facebook and said “to whoever cowardly sent this to us FUCK YOU SO HARD”

  • jendra_berri

    I tend to think that parents who get really upset about other people not having kids actually hate raising their kids and don’t want to be jealous of DINK couples anymore. Either that or they need the validation they made the right choice because everybody does it.
    I love my son and regret nothing. I also envy vacations. And I make to warn my friends who want kids that while it’s totally worth it so long as you want a family, be prepared for the best of times and the worst of times.
    Not having children and being selfish are… well, I’m selfish sometimes. Most people are. It’s not inherently selfish one way or another how you do or do not procreate.

  • LiteBrite

    I was just reading some of the comments on the original article and am surprised by the number of people calling the Osinskis self-indulgent and suggesting the letter writer “did them a favor.” Um, really? Whether you think the couple is self-indulgent or not isn’t the point. The point is, who the hell writes an anonymous letter chastising someone for using Facebook for its intended purpose: letting the world know what’s going on in your life? If you think they’re self-indulgent assholes, hide them. Defriend them. Unfollow them. Whatever. But what psycho writes a letter?

  • Rachel Sea

    The idea that not having kids is selfish boggles me. 90% of the reasons people choose to have kids are HUGELY selfish. I want to have kids so that my family doesn’t end with me, so there is someone to whom I can pass all the photos and genography and heirlooms and stuff, because I want to parent my own kid and not have to give them back when their bio-mom deigns to show up, because I want my parents to be grandparents,…all super common resasons, and all selfish. How incredibly arrogant to think that deciding to be a parent is selfless. Like you’re doing your kids a favor by deciding to get knocked up with them? Please.

  • Gangle

    Jealous much? My younger brother and his wife live the total jet-setting life. Every time I talk to them they are talking about the next holiday/adventure they have planned, whether it is Paris, Thailand, the Himalayas, Egypt, Austria or where-ever. I actually like hearing about their care-free life.. the photos his wife takes are awesome and I get to live vicariously through them. Sure, I would love to take more exotic vacations, but not at the expense of what I have now. Maybe my brother and his wife will decide to settle and have a family – or maybe they won’t. We all make choices on what we want in life. My decision to start a family is no more noble than their decision to travel and see the world.

  • SarahJesness

    The person who wrote this letter is probably so miserable from having kids and s/he wants everyone else to be just as miserable, ha ha. Seriously, though, it really sounds like jealousy is a factor in play here. I think a lot of parents who get super judgey about other people’s decisions related to kids and parenting do so because they need to justify their own choices. People are paranoid that if they do one thing “wrong”, it will completely screw up the kid forever, so they need to feel they made all the right decisions. They don’t want to see someone else make a different decision and the kids turn out fine, or even worse, better than their own kids. Same mentality here: having a kid is a big life change that you can’t really go back on, so an unhappy or unfulfilled parent seeing childfree people living it up makes them saaaaad.

  • Kelly

    I get shit like this on facebook. I don’t post about bad things or hardships we deal with therefore I’m “bragging about my perfect life.”

    Well, excuse me all to hell if I don’t feel like sharing the details of how I was disowned by my abusive parents and had major health problems this year with everybody on facebook. God forbid I instead post pictures of our family vacation and from the rare occasion I get to go out with friends. What a raging cunt I am for refraining from dumping on everyone I know 24/7 with my woe is me stories.

    • LiteBrite

      I guess I’m weird. When people post about good things that are happening to them – vacation, new job, etc – I’m HAPPY for them. It means things are okay; they’re doing well.This is especially true if I know them well in person and know everything is not truly okay.

    • aliceblue

      YES! I often take side trips for fun when traveling to a conference. Since I’m traveling alone at these times, I post pictures to share, not brag. I also enjoy seeing where friends go and it the place is fabulous (like that couple going to Peru) I like seeing the pics even if I don’t know people. The letter writer must be seething with envy if such pictures are so offensive.

    • Kelly

      I feel the same way. I’m friends with people on facebook because they’re actually my friends and I care about them. I’m happy when good things happen to them. When I find out they’re pissy about good things happening to me, I realize they aren’t really my friends and just delete them from my life.

    • Anna

      There are two kinds of people on Facebook. The ones that want sympathy and the ones that want you to envy them.

      I consider myself the second category.

    • Kelly

      I don’t agree with that. I definitely don’t look for sympathy and I don’t want my friends to envy me. I actually like my friends and just want to share my life with them without burdening them with all my problems because I know they have their own to deal with.

  • Momma425

    Does anyone else want to read the whole letter?


    How creepy. This goes beyond someone being a jerk on Facebook. This person was so filled with jealousy and anger over this couple’s Facebook page that they actually tok the time to write a letter and mail it (or drop it in their mailbox which would be even more disturbing). Maybe I’ve watched too many scary movies but it sounds to me like this person could potentially be stalking these people.

  • Kresaera

    This is just creepy…

  • personal

    I’ve been both of these people. An infertile 30-something living in Europe and having experiences my friends at home didn’t have. Some of being child-free WAS nice, like sleeping through the night and drinking as much as I wanted whenever I wanted, but the desire to have a child was strong and the pain of infertility was unbelievable.
    Fast-forward 10 years to 2 toddlers (in my 40s now) who are the WORST sleepers I have ever heard of (My husband asked me recently what I was doing wrong.) and I have to admit that parenting is harder than I thought it would be.
    But it was my choice (and I went through enough to get these kids) and, except for the occasional eye-roll at friends’ FB posts about SLEEPING IN, I’m never envious.
    Whoever wrote this letter sounds mentally ill, in my opinion. That’s just not normal.

  • yallsuck

    I love how someone who is angry that other people get to go on vacation and they don’t is telling someone else to “stop being so selfish.”

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    Has this letter-writer ever considered the possibility that this couple might be struggling to conceive, or maybe cannot have children?
    Imagine how hurt they would be if this was the case!

    • coffeeandshoes

      I was thinking the same thing! Mr. Coffee and I are struggling with infertility and starting to go through treatments, and receiving a letter like this would likely cause tears and pain. Because really, having like 6 friends who are pregnant right now isn’t tough enough – clearly we need a letter demanding to know why we are so selfish for being childless! Oy.

    • Gangle

      Good luck with the treatments! I hope that everything goes well and you have success soon!

    • coffeeandshoes

      Aw – thank you!! :)

    • Nick

      I’m in the same boat. A colleague told me I was selfish for not having children, even though we’ve been trying for 6years and are just starting fertility treatment. She doesn’t know that because I don’t discuss it at work. The death stare I gave her shut her up pretty fast though. Most of my friends are on their second child right now and I do feel pangs of jealousy at times although I’d never say anything to them. i enjoy spending time with their kids and buy presents and stuff. I even managed to listen quietly and sympathise with a friend who had one child already and went on for two hours about how her life was on hold until her partner would agree to a second child. I sat their thinking ‘your life’s on hold?’. But it was a situation that she was upset about. It wasn’t anything to do with me. Big hugs to you. Good luck with the treatment.

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      it’s beyond ridiculous, you never know what someone is going through.
      People are so pig-headed…

  • The Great Queen Spider

    This would be particularly nasty if they wanted kids, but can’t for whatever reason.
    Honestly I think they’re bitter harpies that are pissed because they wish they had something they don’t. You made your choice, they may have made theirs. Get over it, and grow the hell up.

  • Victoria

    Two thoughts: First, the person who sent the letter is likely the type of person who would post pictures of their vacation (if they went on a huge vacation) with the mindset that “I’m going to make everyone jealous that I got to go on this awesome vacation and they didn’t.” Why do I say this? Because only that sort of person would read that motive into someone sharing their vacation pictures, rather than thinking that they posted them just to share with family and friends.

    Second, I feel like the couple HAS to have some idea which of their friends sent the letter. Like, how many people have your address and would actually say such a thing? I feel like the fact that they shared it with the media was their way of calling the letter sender’s bluff.

  • jsterling93

    My husband and I joke that people must think we are bad parents because we still manage to go out on dates every so often, we take week end trips, a family vacation, and have time for individual “me” time even with out kid. We manage because we were very careful to plan having our son where we also have a strong support system and can afford good sitters when we need them.

    Most of our friends have no children and I love to see their photos and events. Having kids doesn’t mean you give up everything and not having kids doesn’t make you selfish. But being a bitch and sending a letter like this make you pathetic.

  • AP

    There’s an incredible subset of the US population who thinks you do things because you’re “supposed” to do them, as if it’s some moral obligation to satisfy, like jury duty or filing your income taxes.

    I suspect this letter was written by one of those people, who feels that they’re shirking their duties and obligations as an adult by not having children.

    It’s a sad way to live life.

  • Kat

    I have three kids under four. I wish I could go on vacations sometimes. I wish their dad and I could go out on dates, and sleep in, etc. etc. Here’s the thing though: I’m the one who decided to have kids, and I never expected everyone else to lifequit because of that decision. This anonymous parade-rainer needs to reflect, f’real.

  • whiteroses

    I was lucky enough to travel to ten different countries in the last ten years. I met an incredibly sexy Aussie on my travels through Europe. I drank enough alcohol to float an armada. I smoked enough tobacco to make Don Draper jealous. I ate at the oldest restaurant in Norway. I made out with the Aussie under some Italian stars. I saw some of the greatest works of art in the world. I hiked up Chichen Itza, climbed to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, saw Queen Elizabeth II and John Paul II, ate weiner schnitzel in Munich, and taught English in Seoul. I climbed up to the Sydney Opera House and saw a kangaroo in the wild. Most of those adventures, the Aussie was right by my side.

    Then, lo and behold, I got pregnant. And because I am an adult and I chose my life’s path, I married the Aussie and gave birth to his kid. And now, the biggest adventures I have are looking at other peoples photos on my newsfeed. You know what? That’s perfectly fine. It’s not my time to hike Chichen Itza or climb up the Leaning Tower. It doesn’t mean I’ll never do it again, but in the meantime I have a toddler, which was my choice.

    My point? Love your choices. Own them. And if your choice is wrong, don’t blame other people for it.

  • Chi-Town Person

    It is funny how parents dont want you to judge them, but they openly judge others who are minding their own business. If you didnt write letters to CF couples, maybe you would have more time for everything else, including your child.

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