I’m a snarky parenting blogger, so I’m not really one to talk… But in the spirit of hypocrisy, I figure, why not? I’m sure you’ve all seen these baby onesies before—either on Pinterest, on your Facebook newsfeed, or in a hip parenting boutique.
These irreverent baby onesies are marketed to the cool parent with a cool baby, i.e. the hipster baby that is born with a skinny tie and pencil mustache. Though off-color onesies like this are supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, some of them bug me. They’re a little over-the-top, and they focus way too much on the baby cool factor.
While it may be funny to put your baby in a jokey onesie and parade them about the town, these snarky onesies take it a little too far:
1. I Only Cry When Ugly People Hold Me
Cute or rude—I can’t decide.
2. My Mom Thinks She’s In Charge…
Mommy is an idiot, says the Almighty Baby. We get it, we get it.
3. My Aunt Jenny Is Smart, Funny, Sexy
Maybe Aunt Jenny should grow some balls and wear this T-shirt herself. #babyonesiehumblebrag
This one made me do a double take. But considering the MILF, please, for the love of God, don’t ever call your baby a BILF. Just, no.
5. I’m This Many
A baby giving the middle finger is always funny. Right…? Right…?
6. My Mom Is Hotter Than Your Mom
Please do not ever take your baby to the playground wearing this.
7. Proof That My Dad Sucks At Pulling Out
This got a chuckle out of me, but I don’t see it making an appearance in real life, except as the gaggiest of gag gifts. Barf.
8. Cuter Than Baby Jesus
Slap this onesie on your baby and take them to Vacation Bible School to see the hilarious pearl-clutching that will ensue.
9. What Baby Wants, Baby Gets!
This onesie is merely an advertisement that you are raising a monster. Congratulations.
10. Titties, Get Ready For Action!
My children will never use “titties” and “action” in reference to me. Ever, ever, ever, ever. EVER.