• Wed, Jan 29 - 12:00 pm ET

8 Ridiculous Pregnancy-Related Showers That Make Me Want To Choke A Bitch

showerWhen you’re pregnant, there are hundreds of ways you can milk the situation, pun intended. Yes, I’m talking about baby showers and so much more. I always thought a baby shower was a baby shower was a baby shower—until I read on a previous Mommyish thread about the many different pregnancy celebrations that are popping up on Birth Boards.

If you wanted to be obnoxious and make all your friends hate you before you bring a baby into the world, you could throw eight different parties to commemorate each second you spend creating life:

1.    Pee Stick Party

I don’t know if this is a real thing or if it’s just a frightening phenomenon on BabyCenter Birth Boards. Either way, pee and parties don’t mix, unless it’s a blackout drunk 21st birthday celebration.

2.    Gender Reveal Party

Gender reveal parties are so hot right now. On the one hand, I think it’s cute that parents are patient enough to wait to find out the gender as they cut the surprise cake at the party. On the other hand, this seems like one more excuse to have a baby shower, and it’s likely to breed resentment.

3.    Baby Shower For Each Side Of The Family

Can you say “gift hog”? Figure out a way to bring families together for one special occasion or just send gifts. No need to have multiple showers month after month.

4.    Beer And Diaper Party

I think a Beer and Diaper Party is an awesome idea to keep dads entertained during the baby shower main event. BUT if this is thrown as a secondary co-ed shower, I can see the natives getting restless.

5.    Second Baby Shower

I wrote a recent post about throwing a second baby shower, or a “sprinkle” as it is also called. This is one event I don’t have any beef with if someone else wants to throw it for the expecting mom. Now I’ve learned that it’s best to keep a second shower simple and make gifts optional if you want anyone to attend.

6.    Grandma Shower

Ugh, grandma showers are a real thing, and they are also REAL annoying. A shower that puts the spotlight on the grandma seems overbearing, impractical, and rude. If my mom or MIL tried to pull that shit, it would have taken my pregnancy rage to a whole new level.

7.    New Baby Meal Train

Not technically a party, but I’ve seen plenty of new parents post a meal calendar that friends and family can use to “bless” them when they visit after the new baby is born. We had friends bring us food after having a baby, and I loved them so much for it. But I wouldn’t have forced them to sign up—that’s the difference.

8.    Wash Your Hands And Meet My Baby Party

This may not be a real thing, but most parents expect you to come over and ooh and ahh over their puffy little newborn—after washing your hands Grey’s Anatomy-style. Dropping by to visit friends with a new baby is one thing and is much appreciated. Expecting friends to drop everything and come to yet another baby-related welcome soirée is pushing it.

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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  • Kay_Sue

    A…pee stick…party? Those are things that should never be in the same string of words at all…

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I do not wanna come to any party involving pee

    • Kay_Sue

      I agree.

    • Toastlette

      How about a club? ;)

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter
    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      excellent. truly the only comeback to old gregg is more old gregg.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      MORE Old Gregg all the time .

    • practicallyperfectineveryway

      well, this is about as close as you can get without getting your eyes wet…

    • Bethany Ramos

      I must know if this is real!

    • Kay_Sue

      I am having the opposite reaction…I don’t know if I want this confirmed…If it is real, I simply don’t know how I would handle that…

  • kay

    I did hear a great post-baby party title from someone at my mom’s group. They had a “sip and show”… basically, parents buy some wine, tell people a time, and they can come over, drink a little, and see the baby. Low key, no decorations/games/etc, alcohol involved, what’s not to love?

    • Bethany Ramos

      I would drink and stare at a baby any day!

    • JLH1986

      I’m in.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Beff

      This is the perfect solution. Plus, I could actually finish a glass of wine while other people were holding the babies. AMAZING.

    • Guest

      I do not care what you are celebrating, if there is wine and I’m not obligated to gift then I am on board.

    • aCongaLine

      this is an excellent idea.

  • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Beff

    Between this and STFU Parents, I do not understand the trend of people feeling that the people in their lives OWE them food as a reward for reproducing. I’m really grateful to all the people who have made us dinner (especially my in-laws, who bring us meals once or twice a week when they’re in town, bless ‘em) but … grocery stores sell frozen pizzas and veggie trays. You can manage without a forcible-enrollment gravy train!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yeah….. on my FB feed, the meal train is real church-y. I loved the food given to us SOOOO much by friends (they were seriously so generous), but I think some churches still do this from some 1980s tradition. Many, many casseroles.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Beff

      I LOVE CASSEROLES. I am willing to reconsider my position on meal-provision enforcement if it means more cream-of-whatever goodness and tater-tot toppings for me.

      When I was in grad school we once held a casserole party for the edification of a Brazilian student and he was like “… you people eat this on a regular basis?” DAMN RIGHT WE DO. Hot dish for everyone!

    • Zettai

      Please elaborate on this tater tot topping you speak of!

    • LadyGwyn12

      I don’t know if this is the same casserole she was speaking of, but my mom makes one that is browned hamburger and cream-of-whatever soup (my mom uses cream of chicken) topped with shredded cheese and tater tots. Then you bake it. Gator tots FTW!

    • Zettai

      This sounds so wrong it’s right.

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Beff

      That’s the one! Sometimes we throw in some frozen green beans from the garden too, because then it’s healthy! Yeah. Healthy.

    • pineapplegrasss

      do you cook the tots first?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I’ve got a crockpot recipe for this :) and with it, no, you just stack the bitches in.

    • pineapplegrasss

      I need to try some of these easier one dish dinners. I just really don’t like any of those cornflake toppings. But mmm! tater tots :) Sounds kinda like ‘tamale pie’ where you put in all the taco fixings then top with corn bread batter and bake. One of my kids likes to go around his plate and eat all of one thing at a time, so he might not like it lol

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I still kind of eat one thing at a time, but I don’t take this apart… I’m just gonna send it in case you (or anyone) wants it. I also have 2 really easy, LAZY chicken crockpot ones if anyone wants. (One for chicken burritos and one for chicken and rice). This one is actually more work than those, but still not much.

      32 oz. bag frozen tater tots
      1 lb. ground beef, browned
      1/2 tsp salt
      1/4 tsp pepper
      2 cans green beans, drained (14 1/2 oz cans)
      1 can cream of mushroom soup (10 3/4 oz)
      1 Tbsp. dried onions
      1/4 cup milk

      1. Line slow cooker with the tots
      2. Combine the rest in a bowl and pour on top of the tots
      3. Cover. Cook high 3 hours

      Toss some grated cheese on when serving.

    • pineapplegrasss

      copypasteprint:) Thank-you
      If you send the others I’ll try them too. I could use the easy and variety, and my maternity leave is fast approaching

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      http://thelarsonlingo.blogspot.com/2011/05/easiest-dinner-ever.html

      Even though it says stir every 2 hours I make it while I’m at work all the time and it’s fine (but if you won’t be home to stir it works better if you make sure to throw the chicken in the fridge to thaw the night before and then break up the cream cheese into a few chunks and toss it around). It’s not a disaster if you don’t, it’s just not as pretty. My kids and husband whine about corn and beans in it so I skip those, but I liked it with.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      This one’s called “So You Forgot to Defrost”

      6 boneless skinless frozen chicken breasts (I toss in one of those bags like in the other recipe)
      2 cans cream of chicken soup (10 3/4 oz)
      4 oz can sliced mushrooms (or 1/2 c. sliced fresh)
      3/4 tsp. salt
      1/4 tsp pepper

      1. put frozen chicken in slow cooker
      2. mix soup, mushrooms, salt, pepper, and pour over chicken
      3. cover. cook low 10-12 hours
      4. serve over rice

      We make this ALL the time. If I lay most of the crap out on the counter the night before it takes about 5 min. in the morning. It’s so easy and my husband says it’s like the chicken his grandma used to make. Have fun on the maternity leave! :)

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      There’s a crockpot recipe for this

    • candyvines

      Argh, tater tot casserole! How could I forget. My dad had a stroke when I was in middle school and all the nice church ladies brought us every kind of casserole known to man. All casseroles were consumed except the TTC – we just couldn’t eat it. How are the tater tots suspended in the dish like that?

    • http://mother--bored.tumblr.com/ Aimee Beff

      MAGIC. And that good old Midwestern can-do attitude.

    • kay

      My brother had a casserole end of semester party once in college. He called me asking “so, I mean, I’ve heard of casseroles, but what actually goes in one?” He was dead serious. 20 years old, no clue what one would make a casserole out of. Proof just how non-midwestern my family is

    • ted3553

      I never expected people to bring me stuff or come take care of me and my house. I had a baby like gazillions of other people do and thankfully, it all went well so I was home less than 24 hours after labor started. I can’t imagine expecting people to come do things for you. I totally would help out a friend or family member who just had a baby but if they gave me a list or schedule, I would suddenly be very, very busy all the time.

  • Elisa Probert

    No comment on the parties (I fail to appear at baby showers if invited!) but that last GIF! I want to give that little girl ALL THE COOKIES. All of them. Such a perfect turn & burn.

  • Not A Mandy

    Question on second baby showers – My girls are 8 and we have a surprise on the way, due in July. Because this is a surprise we have NO baby stuff left. I’ve had two offers for baby showers. One was dismissed out of hand because the offer was for a shower in a bar with a large guest list (men included so you can get gifts out of those single men your hubby’s friends with!) and 2 drink tickets per person, on your own for drinks after that. Ummm…. that’s a definite no thank you. However, other shower is for a very small, low key, close family and friends only with no gift registry and no expectation that attendees even have to bring a gift. Is it okay to accept the second shower because the children are 8 years apart? Or, is it still tacky because this is a third baby?

    • Ana

      I think it’s okay to have a shower for the 2nd pregnancy if the kids are far apart or a different gender. I just went to one this weekend for a co-worker who has a 7 year old boy, and I was happy to buy her lots of cute stuff b/c she has no baby things left and is super excited to finally have a girl.

      That said, it did kind of bug me when another girl had a shower for her 4th baby (last 2 were young and the same gender). They had the sign-up sheet for people to do chores and everything too. When I invited her to mine a few months later she couldn’t come because she was having ANOTHER shower for her 4th baby (3rd boy) that day, and he was already born. That’s tacky. What you described is perfectly acceptable IMO.

    • Ana

      Just wanted to add that the 2nd girl’s 2 showers weren’t for different sides of the family either, as they were all at the 1st. I didn’t want to seem like I was attacking people for having 2 b/c of family logistics.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I mentioned in a different post that I’m excited to throw a second baby shower for a friend. Many people responded by saying that if there was a lot of space in between, it makes sense. Otherwise, we decided to say no gifts/optional gifts and call the shower a celebration to make it more casual. PS. Congrats!

  • drinkpepsi

    I take issue with #3.

    How is having two baby showers (one for each side of the family) being a “gift hog”?
    Wouldn’t it result in the same number of gifts as one very large party?

    The fact is, many couples come from different cities or states.
    Rather than expecting family from one side to travel a long distance, it can be a kindness to arrange for a separate baby shower where only the bride-to-be has to travel.

    I definitely think many people go overboard when it comes to showers and you should not be inviting the same person to more than one shower (or, if you absolutely need your best friend to attend a second shower, make it clear that no other gifts are necessary).

    But hosting two separate parties for both sides of the family is not crass.

    • ChelseaBFH

      Agreed; I had two showers, too. Friends wanted to host a co-ed party with silly games and drinking, while family (who lives a couple of hours away) wanted to have a more traditional shower. Everyone got to come to the shower that was more fun for them, no one was burdened with hosting a huge party, and I got to spend more time with each guest. The only person inconvenienced was me, since by the time of the second shower I was 32 weeks pregnant with twins!

    • drinkpepsi

      I think you did it absolutely the right way! Everyone got to attend the shower that was better suited to them and no one was invited twice.

      Can you imagine the elderly relatives at your silly games/drinking shower? Or your friends at the stuffy formal shower?

    • JLH1986

      We had a joint co-ed bridal shower which I thought was great for us and for everyone because no two parties etc. My MOH actually came up with the idea…but half way through she realized how expensive it was to feed 40 people (2 families). My mom had always planned on helping and it turned out great but there are pros/cons to both and doing what works best for the pregnant family/guest(s) of honor I think is the name of the game.

    • thefluter

      Agreed, as long as you’re not inviting the same people to multiple showers, having separate ones for different groups of family/friends isn’t wrong.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    I take zero issue with #3 because I scored an awesome stroller on craigslist for super super cheap, brand new in the box, all because some rich lady got TWO, one from each shower.

    Frankly though, as long as none of the same people are invited, I don’t take issue with it. Sometimes it might be necessary with certain, ahem, family dynamics.

  • PregoGuest

    While I do think all the parties now associated with having a baby are excessive, as someone that is having 2 baby showers (one for each side of the family) basically against my will, those situations are not about gifts. They are about grandparents and families that won’t take “no” for an answer.
    I asked for only one shower, hoping my mom and MIL could host it together, Well after sitting next to my husband while his mom was on the phone crying that she couldn’t do the shower “her way” I realized that my second shower has NOTHING to do with me, or gifts for me, or the new baby I am expecting. It has everything to do with his family showing off their pregnant daughter-in-law and there is NOTHING that will stop their “right” to host this shower.
    I even get to drive 1.5 hours at 8+ months pregnant to attend this baby shower. Because the date had to work with his side of the family before it had to work with pregnant me.
    Families are hard.

    • Alexandra

      Have you posted before? I feel like I’ve read this problem before and I TOTALLY feel for you girl! This is not the time for us (at 7-8 months pregnant) to be schlepping our big-ass selves all over the state. But at least you’re keeping the peace! :)

    • Zettai

      That blows. I would be soooo pissed. It makes me angry that your in-laws don’t give a crap about YOUR feelings, but you’re right, when it comes to family BS sometimes you’re just screwed.

    • aCongaLine

      Your MIL sounds like a piece of work. Yikes. I wouldn’t feel bad about “not feeling up to it” day of.

  • Alexandra

    Um, idk i’d make people wash their hands before touching my newborn. Ppl are fuckin nasty when alone, and even those who aren’t touched how much crap (money, door handles, etc) on their way over….i’m not going to insist on seeing your vaccinations, but I think a hand wash is a pretty minor request from a new parent….

    • guest

      Babies need germs. It gives their immune system something to practice on!

  • Zettai

    I would be so down with a beer and diaper party, because in my husband and I’s minds, diapers are necessity #1, and once my uterus gives the green light we’re going to stockpile.

    …And then I’d remember that I couldn’t drink beer at this beer and diaper party. So I’d paste a I’m-not-going-to-be-a-bitch smile on my face and stuff my face with cake alone in the bathroom. For some reason, I can see myself doing this very clearly. That can’t be good.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Sounds like a PAR-TAY to me! ;)

    • JLH1986

      Sounds like Adreneylynn has a potential fun aspect of your “sprinkle” that you are throwing!

    • Bethany Ramos

      That’s an awesome idea, especially for the sprinkle.

    • Adrenelynn

      Not having to worry about diapers for those first months was one of the best gifts we received. I mean, we had some lovely and thoughtful other gifts, but not having to worry about diaper supply saved precious brain space for all the other hazards of being first-time parents.

    • EX

      I am all about diapers. Anytime anyone asks me what we need I think, “I’m having another girl. They’re two and a half years apart. What else could I possible need besides diapers?” But when I tell people “diapers” I think they think I’m kidding. At least, no one’s bought me diapers yet.

    • Adrenelynn

      When my friend threw my shower, she included a “diaper raffle”. Guests had the option of bringing diapers (any size package), and they got a raffle ticket for it. At the end, some of the raffle tickets were selected from a hat and she gave the winners some really nice prizes. Of course, the big winners were my husband and I, since we didn’t have to buy diapers for the first 6+ months of our son’s life. I loved this idea so much when I helped throw a shower a few months ago, I included the raffle option again. (After making sure they were planning on using disposables.)

    • EX

      Love that idea!

    • ZomboGil

      Thank you for this amazing idea that I am hereby stealing for every shower I help throw from now on.

  • Gretta

    Meh. The Care Calendar has come in quite handy for bringing meals to a couple of new Moms.
    I got to see what other people were bringing. I got to read what the new Mom liked, was allergic to, etc. I got to pick a date that worked for the Mom and family. I got to see what time would be best for delivery. All without bothering the new Mom!! And I got a friendly email reminder from Care Calendar.
    Overall great.
    However, the calendars were never set up by the Mom herself… always by a friend or relative. So maybe that’s the difference.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

    I love the gender reveal idea stories where they suggest you have your doctor “secretly tint the paint/icing/whatever” so you can be just as surprised as your guests/family. Because we all know OBs don’t have anything more important to do, like I dunno, deliver babies and whatnot.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I could never be that patient, but I would practice this face in advance:

      http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i4ZZtnUAGlw/TymvDAbtRwI/AAAAAAAAArg/zTD_ZeOSulc/s1600/supernatural-mouths-open.gif

    • JLH1986

      A good friend did this, only they just had their parents over so it was 6 people for dinner and then the cake had blue/pink filling. That way they were surprised and it was fun but nothing over the top.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      I have no problem with gender reveal gimmicks or parties, I just think that sometimes the people who come up with these long lists of ideas have unrealistic expectations of the healthcare providers.

    • JLH1986

      Lol for sure. I myself am not a fan of the huge gender reveal party. But I know for my friend she said here is a pen/index card write down the gender put in the envelope (To the ultrasound tech). Then she took that a bakery and waited until the next day. I think asking your dr to help with that process is a bit much. writing a gender down on a card for an ultrasound tech/dr shouldn’t be too taxing tho.

  • aCongaLine

    I have general issues with #2- mostly because I’m impatient, but partly because my very-trendy-super-hipster-we-had-a-display-shower-because-we-only-want-yoonique-and-hipster-items-for-our-yoonique-and-hipster-baby in laws had a gender reveal party that was broadcast live over the interwebz. Hubs and the older kid and I were the only in-person guests, and they needed us to help eat the gluten-free-organic-icing cake. (delish, btw) It was great, until they revealed the gender, and then spent the rest of the night on their phones, tweeting the gender, and talking to friends who watched the broadcast. We let ourselves out.

    I’m a huge fan of #5, because I firmly believe that babies should be celebrated no matter if they have older siblings, but the only gifts that would be appropriate would be gender specific clothing (if the gender is different than the last kiddo) or diapers.

    FTR, I didn’t have a #5. Literally too tired for it, hehe.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Whoaaaaa, that sounds like AWKWARD CITY. Haha

    • aCongaLine

      I shrugged, and looked at Hubs, and said something along the lines of “D’you think they’d notice if we split? I’m kinda in the mood for Ice Cream.” I was 4 months pregnant. We got ice cream. It was awesome.

  • pineapplegrasss

    I am having my fifth baby and my family still wants to throw me a shower. I’m like um, all I need is to start lactating then I’m ready. But, in my family we just really like parties and celebrating. So, I’m having a meet the baby party after the little guy arrives. I actually wanted to wait until birth to find out the gender, bc seriously, I could clothe a baby boy or girl so I don’t need to know the gender to be prepared etc. But just the idea of not knowing/waiting killed my husband lol. And then I wanted to do a baby gender reveal and nobody liked that idea.
    I’m now considering a craft where everybody can design their own thank you card while I’m opening all the unneeded gifts and then I’ll just hand them out at the end of the party so I wont even have to mess with addresses or stamps. Think they’ll go for that?

    • Bethany Ramos

      It’s always fun to get together if people are really into it! Sounds like your fam would have a great time. :)

    • pineapplegrasss

      you could tell the craft was a joke riiight? LOL

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yes!!! After yesterday ;)

    • pineapplegrasss

      #self-amusement

  • anon87

    I’m living on the East Coast of Canada, and “Pamper Parties” are really popular out here for the menfolk. All the men go to the guy’s basement/shed/cabin with a case of beer and a box of diapers. The men get a night they won’t remember and the baby gets a six month supply of diapers. I also went to a baby shower of a friend on her third baby, it was at a bar/grill during the day, on the patio, food/drinks/no stupid games. It was wonderful.

  • Tara

    When I had my third baby my friends knew that I had everything I needed, and definitely did not want a party. They were generous enough to organize a weeks worth of meals for when we got home from the hospital. That has become my new favorite way to help a friend celebrate a new baby that isn’t their first!

    • thefluter

      Such a nice idea!

  • ChoicesHaveConsequences

    1. Thinking of it as a Pee-stick party is gross and weird. But a get together with my closest friends to celebrate (maybe at a restaurant)? I’d be totally down with that.
    2. I had a gender reveal party with just family and it was awesome. We also kept it lowkey-no refreshments, only cake, no baby-shower type games, NO GIFTS
    3. I could see separate family showers necessary in certain cases, like scheduling conflicts and travel. But ideally, you should only have one. And obviously, if you have two, NO ONE should be invited to both.
    6. Grandma shower is the stupidest things I’ve ever heard of.
    7. A meal calendar is a wonderful thing IF it is initiated and organized by a caring friend. Under no circumstances should the new mom plan it herself.
    8. Tone is everything. “Come on XYZ day to see my baby or else you are no longer my friend and you will never have a chance to see him again” would be awful. But I would have no problem with, “Open house on XYZ day. We would love to see anyone who wants to see baby Jon anytime between A and B. Light refreshments provided. No gifts expected-your presence is present enough.”

    • thefluter

      I’m with ya. Some of these seem fun, as long as they’re not carried out with the expectation of gifts! A friend did her “gender reveal” at her baby shower — little cupcakes with blue frosting. It’s a cute idea, a cute way to tell family and friends, and no resentment for having to pony up yet ANOTHER gift.

  • Are you nuts

    I love the meal train! Have never used it for myself but have brought meals for many families with new babies, death, illneses, whatever. I think it would be presumptuous for a mom to set it up herself and email out to friends and say, “Sign up!” but for a friend to set it up as a convenience for those who want to help, it’s a great tool.

  • Justme

    I think that intentions and back story go a long way with these kinds of parties.

    We threw a gender reveal party not to get gifts but instead to get our group of friends together because we life gets busy and it had been awhile since we had thrown a big party. There was cake, yes…but no “required” presents (although a few people brought things anyways) and lots of beer and wine.

    My friend is having two family showers because if there was one shower, there would be over 65 people attending and that would be overwhelming and ridiculous. She and her husband have large families who all want to be included in this LONG anticipated child, so they split up the showers.

    I threw an after work happy hour “grandma shower” for my co-worker for two reasons: one being the fact that she was getting slammed at work by nasty parents and needed a pick-me-up and the second being the fact that in the very near future she will be the primary caregiver for this baby during the day.

    None of these things were done in an attempt to gift grab or with a selfish, entitled attitude but instead out of love for one another and with a desire to share in other people’s joy.

  • Book_love

    I’m not a mother, so forgive me if I offend anyone because I am asking out of genuine curiosity.

    STFU parents had a post a little while ago about number 7 on the list, “bring food and do chores to see my baby” trend and I really don’t understand it. I know babies don’t sleep regularly and its very exhausting, but is it really impossible to feed yourself while you have a newborn? (It might be relevant that I’m Canadian, so one parent gets a year off, is it different for Americans because they only have 12 weeks at home with their child?)

    • Bekah

      It’s more difficult if baby is bottle fed or mom doesn’t use wraps or carriers or has no transportation. Mostly older ladies will bring casseroles or something as an excuse to see the baby.

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