• Tue, Jan 28 - 1:00 pm ET

If You Aren’t Wearing One Of These Hot New Mom Hairstyles, You Will Never Be Hot

165884279Even though it’s freezing outside, I know all you fashion forward mamas are already looking forward to spring and some hot sexy new hairstyles that you can use to give your appearance a boost. Caring for newborns and babies and toddlers is hard, and I know it can be challenging to look put together when you have a million things to do including filling out yet another permission slip for your kid to go to the zoo and forget the 20 dollars you were giving them for the gift shop and not be able to buy one of those alligator grabber things they can use for terrorizing their little siblings with.

So if you are interested in updating your spring look, why not try one of these hot sexy hairstyles that every new mom can use?

1: The Twistie Tie 

(Image: getty)

(Image: getty)

This look is fabulous for when you are changing a diaper from hell and you have long hair and you don’t want your hair um, getting into anything. Moms never have hair binders because their kids always steal them (Tips: Look for your kid’s Barbie Doll or your older kid’s Japanese flash cards because they are probably securing those) so you can always use a bread twisty tie in a pinch. Those are always all over your floor because no one in the house can remember to put them on the G-damn bread bag except you.

2: The ‘I Just Spent 80 Dollars To Look Like An Idiot’ Style 

(Image: getty)

(Image: getty)

This look works great when you have your period and you decide you look horrible and you don’t have a baby sitter so you haul ass with your four-year-old to some fabulous salon all your friends rave about and your kid is a monster in the salon and keeps trying to sample all the Aveda products that aren’t samples and you are so distracted the stylist cuts off way too much of your hair so you have to walk around wearing mittens all the time to distract people.

3: The Pinterest 

(Image: pinterest)

(Image: pinterest)

This is a great look for you to never do, instead just do the Twistie Tie and collect lots of amazing images of beautiful hair on your Pinterest boards that you will never recreate on your own head because of these fucking kids.

 4: Grey Hair 

(Image: getty)

(Image: getty)

This is for being dead.

 

NO, JUST KIDDING. I love grey hair and I always have grey roots so last year I decided to bleach my hair snow white and use this Wella shit to make it grey and it looked fab for about a week until my not fully grey roots started coming in and my hair was the texture of cotton candy and I had to get it all cut off and I cried a lot. But if you have naturally grey or white or silver hair, you are the luckiest. Or dead.

Share This Post:
  • Maria Guido

    I can’t stop laughing.

  • Jen

    I arrived at work yesterday with regurgitated breast milk in my hair. It dried and was super crusty and kept making a giant knot out of that section of my hair all day. Must stop trying to rush a feeding before I walk out the door in the morning…

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      You are way ahead of the spring trends

  • candyvines

    Number nine, every time. Why?

    • LiteBrite

      I just asked the same question. Why? WHY? I have to know!

    • candyvines

      Mysteries of the universe.

    • LiteBrite

      Like socks that disappear in the dryer.

  • LiteBrite

    Yeah, I want to know: why DOES my hair always look its best on the day I have a haircut appointment? Seriously. WTF is up with that?

  • Bethany Ramos

    I have always said that if my hair has to go grey, why can’t it grow all in one place like Cruella de Vil????

  • Tea

    4 was the only cool thing about albinism when I was a kid. I had long white hair, and in a little kid suit, I looked like a baby supervillian.

    • Rachel Sea

      You can also dye it any color you want without ever having to bleach.

    • Tea

      I wish this worked, because I have the most un-dyeable hair ever. I learned the hard way trying to Manic-Panic through my goth years and being stuck with various shades of green. As I got older, I pigmented up into a honey blond that still won’t dye.

      I tattoo pretty amazingly, though.

    • Rachel Sea

      Huh. Did you ever try opening up the cuticle of your hair with steam, peroxide, or ammonia before dyeing? Manic panic is okay, but N’Rage is better.

      I imagine you are better than most about keeping your tattoos from getting sunburnt.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I bet you were adorable

    • Tea

      I have the scariest “sitting with the easter bunny” photo ever from when I was 3. The sketchy as hell mall-bunny costume combined with an amazing red-eye failure and the most evil grin a three year old can manage.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      We all need to see this!

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I agree with Eve. We must see this photo.

  • Kay_Sue

    I have done the #7 a few times. Once was the worst–he bought some snowboarding equipment, I don’t even remember what now, and I dropped way more on a haircut than I ever have or ever want to again. I learned a difficult lesson about what salons I can afford to visit regularly, and I tend to stick to the ones that actually list their prices on the wall when you come in now…

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I talked with my hubby about how I wanted to buy a sewing machine and take some sewing classes. I can knit, crochet, and hand embroider but never learned how to use a sewing machine and I would like to learn how to make quilts and simple clothes. We looked at machines at Joannes, there was a nice $150 machine that I wanted and was going to save up for. He then thew a hissy fit and declared that sewing was a “silly, expensive hobby with no redeeming features” and why would I want to learn how to use a machine when I” already knew how knit and embroider.” I was so mad at him that I promptly went and spent the rest of the week out of town with a friend and left him to deal with 2 teenagers.

      The kicker? His mom bought him a dome shaped aquarium for Christmas–it is only a 4 gallon tank. But he has decided to use it as a salt water tank with a mini living reef. He has already spent over $100 on supplies like specially made salt water, crushed coral and beach sand ($20 and we live in freaking Florida–I could have went down to the beach and scooped him some. the worst part? The bag of beach sand and crushed coral was from a beach that is only about an hour’s drive from here. He spent $20 on something we could have gotten for free!) also live rocks and a tank heater…..and still we do not have any fish in there. $100 and we still have not bought fish.
      But he said it was silly for me to want a sewing machine. There are days when I hate that man.

    • Kay_Sue

      Yeah….someone needs to revisit the idea of “silly hobbies”, I think…

    • Rachel Sea

      Not that I think you need to justify your desire for a sewing machine, but I think you should show him the price of a nice department store sundress, next to the cost of a pattern, 3 yards of cotton, and a spool of thread. Then you can tell him to shut his fat mouth about value.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      What I’d really like to make is quilts. I love quilts. But when I brought that up to my husband he was like, but we own several quilts and you have crochet blankets before. Why do you need to make quilts.

    • Rachel Sea

      Because if you want to gift quilts, making them is about 400% cheaper than buying poorly made factory produced quilts, for starters. You can also sell them, if you are so inclined, for fistfulls of money. Little old ladies at craft fairs clean up with baby quilts. If you are frugal with cloth, you can make a baby quilt for about $15 and turn around and sell it for $100.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      OH MAN. as if you need something else alive in your house to care for. You totally deserve that sewing machine

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I am so not taking care of the salt tank. It has to be maintained at a certain Ph balance. And since my husband insisted on a mini reef with small coral, bristle worms, snails and anemones even the light cycle on the tank has to be maintained correctly. I’m forbidden from touching the tank light.

    • aCongaLine

      Sewing machine is a necessity. Non negotiable. You deserve one, fo sho.

    • LiteBrite

      My husband thinks I spend too much on my hair. Admittedly I used to go to a pricey salon (a whole ‘nother saga), but even though I cut my hair expenses in half by switching to a less pricey (and still better) salon, he still thinks it’s ridiculous.

      However, he stopped complaining to my face after chiding me for another hair expense and tried to tell me that he rarely buys anything new for himself. I then pointed out that in three months alone he bought a) A big screen TV b) a new car and c) Several hundred dollars worth of upgrades on his ’76 Fiat that he only drives three months out of the year because we live in Wisconsin. That shut him up pretty quick.

    • Kay_Sue

      I bet so. My husband is big on “always/never”, and the easiest way to stop is to point out the inconsistency, lol. “Oh, I NEVER take the trash out and you ALWAYS get stuck doing it? When was the last time you took the trash out before *right now*? Mmmhm, there weren’t trash-bag-changing fairies, babe!” :-P

    • LiteBrite

      I will say that he doesn’t spend a lot of money on himself normally. He’s notoriously, uh, “frugal.” That episode was a rare spending spree that coincided nicely with his complaining. :)

    • Kay_Sue

      Even better! All the perks of winning the argument with none of the downside of having to put up with the spending all the time. ;)

  • Véronique Houde

    Speaking of hair, how’s your hair now? Did your hair grow out from that “horrible mom haircut” you had?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      NOPE still got it

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    I’m soooo envious of my beautiful ginger sister, who will absolutely be going completely white instead of grey and it’s going to look so good and I’m very jealous because my hair will probably just be boring salt and pepper.

  • LadyClodia

    I last had my hair cut/colored in August, and I’m still upset about it because she messed it up, so I was all over #2 last season. And I haven’t done anything with it since because it seemed like #2 would be inevitable again if I tried. I wash and dry my hair and then try to not think about it until I have to do it again.

  • Shelly Lloyd

    #7 for me :) That is just like my man.

  • G.E. Phillips

    I’ve been going gray since I was 19 and I am so, so, so over the maintenance. I dream of saying, “Fuck it” and allowing it to grow in, all silver and shiny and lux. Although, in reality, I will probably just look crazy.

    • Jill Loutas

      My husband is 35 and gray and it’s absolutely gorgeous. I say go for it!

  • MegzWray

    #5 all week!! I only wash my hair every other day, and can sometimes go a day longer. This past week I went Thursday through Tuesday without washing it, and my scalp actually ached from the bedhead and grease. But, I’m sure it helped not blow-drying and straightening like I normally do.

  • CMJ

    This is amazing.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    I did no shampoo for the first half of 2012. But… too much hair. I have too damn much. I have all the hair. I was never able to rid myself of the greasy patches from areas I missed washing with baking soda. My fingers got too tired. When there’s no suds, you have to get every inch of your scalp thoroughly with your fingertips. I gave up eventually.
    On the plus side, though, I can go a week now before it needs a wash, so score.

  • aCongaLine

    The last time I got my hair cut, in November, the hairdresser asked me when was the last time I had a professional haircut. I had been trimming my own split ends. I thought about it, and I was for my wedding. In April of 2011.

    I guess that makes me a #5?

    • Tinyfaeri

      You beat me! I had mine cut super short in Feb 2012, and have been shaping it as it grows out, so now I can use the twisty tie.

    • aCongaLine

      I shaved my head in high school… so, there was a few “growing out” years that I did that exact same thing :)

      But seriously, it goes in a pony tail, and then that’s the end. I’m rocking my “post partum bald spots are finally growing back” look, which is a twisty tie, and a patch of hair that sticks out at a 45 degree angle form my head, because it doesn’t reach the twisty tie lol.

      Hair. Whatever :)

  • Holly

    I’ve noticed the heavier I am, the longer I let my hair grow. I feel like I can’t rock shorter hair when I’m on the chubbier side. (My hair is to the middle of my back now if that gives you an indication of anything. OUCH!)

  • Tinyfaeri

    8. Vodka. She’s drinking vodka.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      + poison

  • Rachel Sea

    My hair will probably never be a nice grey, just a dingy salt and pepper, since that’s what my great grandmother had, and we have similar hair. My grandmothers have never had natural colored hair a day in their adult lives, so I suppose I’ll be following in their footsteps.

  • ChickenKira

    I’m a long time subscriber to #1.

  • DeanaCal

    Oh man, I have almost #2 hair, and all my friends tell me I’m cool and edgy. Is that a code?

  • Kelly

    I’m in my early 30s and my hair is completely gray. I get some dirty looks now and then and I was called a punk once but mostly I get compliments.

    I also get carded like crazy since I quit dyeing it. Apparently people can’t figure out how old I am anymore. LOL

  • Ptownsteveschick

    Oh sweet, my pony tail and unwashed hair finally win me a title I can appreciate. I don’t wash my hair, like ever. I rinse it and wash it only when I can’t remember the last time I washed it. It doesn’t get greasy. And I haven’t gotten my hair professionally cut since 2010. Dear lord I need a spa day.

  • Jill Loutas

    I avoided this article for a while because I was scared that I would find my hairstyle in it.

  • MamaLlama

    Oh man! I just poured some ‘poison’ after reading number #8! One of my students gave me lice last year (luckily my kids and husband were spared) and it was awful! That ponytail isn’t just pulled tightly back, its wrapped in Saran Wrap with mayo! Took weeks to feel sane again, however I did have a sparkling clean house to show for it. And didn’t get laid for a month-hubby couldn’t get the image out of his head. Luckily, he made up for it by giving me monthly head lice checks for the rest of the school year! My autocorrect still replaces ‘nice’ with ‘nits’ to this day (I texted alot of nits updates to my sister). Arg!!

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