Even though it’s freezing outside, I know all you fashion forward mamas are already looking forward to spring and some hot sexy new hairstyles that you can use to give your appearance a boost. Caring for newborns and babies and toddlers is hard, and I know it can be challenging to look put together when you have a million things to do including filling out yet another permission slip for your kid to go to the zoo and forget the 20 dollars you were giving them for the gift shop and not be able to buy one of those alligator grabber things they can use for terrorizing their little siblings with.
So if you are interested in updating your spring look, why not try one of these hot sexy hairstyles that every new mom can use?
1: The Twistie Tie
This look is fabulous for when you are changing a diaper from hell and you have long hair and you don’t want your hair um, getting into anything. Moms never have hair binders because their kids always steal them (Tips: Look for your kid’s Barbie Doll or your older kid’s Japanese flash cards because they are probably securing those) so you can always use a bread twisty tie in a pinch. Those are always all over your floor because no one in the house can remember to put them on the G-damn bread bag except you.
2: The ‘I Just Spent 80 Dollars To Look Like An Idiot’ Style
This look works great when you have your period and you decide you look horrible and you don’t have a baby sitter so you haul ass with your four-year-old to some fabulous salon all your friends rave about and your kid is a monster in the salon and keeps trying to sample all the Aveda products that aren’t samples and you are so distracted the stylist cuts off way too much of your hair so you have to walk around wearing mittens all the time to distract people.
3: The Pinterest
This is a great look for you to never do, instead just do the Twistie Tie and collect lots of amazing images of beautiful hair on your Pinterest boards that you will never recreate on your own head because of these fucking kids.
4: Grey Hair
This is for being dead.
NO, JUST KIDDING. I love grey hair and I always have grey roots so last year I decided to bleach my hair snow white and use this Wella shit to make it grey and it looked fab for about a week until my not fully grey roots started coming in and my hair was the texture of cotton candy and I had to get it all cut off and I cried a lot. But if you have naturally grey or white or silver hair, you are the luckiest. Or dead.
5: The ‘Some Chick Went Three Years Without Washing Her Hair So I Can Do It For A Week’
This is for when someone emails you the link to the article about the chick who didn’t wash her hair with any shampoo for years and you are lazy so you decide not to wash your hair for a week because styling it is a total pain in the ass.
6: The Toddler
This is for when your kid gets sick of playing restaurant and taking your imaginary order for imaginary food nine gazillion times and they decide they want to play hair salon instead. They will gather all manner of brushes and combs and hair spray and ducky barrettes and make you look super stupid but you will let them because you are a good mom and because you are too lazy to get off the couch.
7: The “My Husband Spent 80 Dollars Taking His College Buddy Out To Lunch So I Can Afford A Damn 30 Blowout”
This is when your spouse spends money on something totally dumb and you are kinda irked by it so you go get yourself a blowout at a “blowout bar” and right before you walk to your car it starts pouring outside.
8: The “My Kid Just Got A Head Lice Notice In The Classroom Note”
This is for when your kid brings home a note asking parents to please check them for head lice because the nurse found lice on some other kid. You check everyone in the house and see nothing but you feel like bugs crawling all over you for no reason so you pull your hair back in a tight bun and keep checking your kids and I don’t know what you are drinking in this image, probably poison.
9: The My Hair Looks Amazing Because I Have A Haircut Appointment In 30 Minutes”
A great new look for moms for spring is when you hair looks fantastic on the one day you have a hair appointment to get it cut off.
10: The “Gee Your Hair Smells Like Breastmilk And Mashed Banana”
This is for when your baby pukes on you and your hair gets caught in it and the needs get all crispy and dry hard because you don’t have time to wash it because it’s time to feed the baby again.
(Image: getty images)