When my twins were infants, everything I did reeked of â€śNew Momâ€ťâ€”I hauled an overstuffed diaper bag everywhere, I sanitized everything they touched, I would pack the stroller with enough provisions for a trip up the Himalayas, and when I wasnâ€™t rocking, feeding or burping one of them, I was online researching what Iâ€™d need for the next phase of babyhood.
I never had any other children (and have no plans to), so Iâ€™ve never really been able to shake that â€śNew Momâ€ť feeling. Iâ€™m more relaxed now than I was when they were infants but as they get older, every new stage is still uncharted territory. What I want more than anything is the cool confidence my friends with different-aged kids have. While most of them were nervous and made plenty of mistakes like me with their first baby, by the time Baby No. two , three , or four came along theyâ€™d seen it all before.
My veteran mom-friends donâ€™t sanitize anything any further than licking it, they let their kids fall instead of nervously clearing every pathway for them, and they know that soccer is a waste of time when kids are three years old. They donâ€™t waste money on crib bumpers, they donâ€™t panic if their baby is still just crawling at 16 months, and they know that Motrin reduces a high fever faster than Tylenol but is harder on the stomach.
I never know these things. And itâ€™s bad enough to subject one kid to the anxiety and mistakes of a new mom, but Iâ€™ve got to drag two children along on this steep learning curve Iâ€™m on.
As much as I love being a mother of twins, I canâ€™t help but feel jealous of women with children of different ages, because I wish I could have a second chance too. Iâ€™d be a better, more confident mother the second time around. Hindsight is a wonderful thing when you can learn from it, but with no other children beside my twins, hindsight is basically lost on me.