Soundtrack To Your Nightmares – Top 8 Worst Kidz Bop Songs

If I had to compile a list of the worst “first world problems” in the world, the abomination that is Kiz Bop would definitely make the top ten list. In case you’ve mercifully lived in on a desert island for the last 14 years, Kidz Bop albums are compilation albums comprised of kids singing the latest hits. It’s like an even more terrible “Now That’s What I Call Music.”

Kidz Bop albums are the WORST. Thankfully, due adamant refusal to have them in my home and my kid’s decent taste in music (as decent as a kid’s can be), I haven’t had to deal with this shiz much, but when I was a teenager, ALL of my younger cousins loved it. Apparently they are still being made, and they are just as awful as I remember. I’ve listened to them, so hopefully you won’t have to. Because I’m a giver.

8. Ke$ha – Tik Tok

If you’ve listened to the original, then you know that Tik Tok is NOT a children’s song. Ke$ha sings about things like gargling with Jack Daniels and getting tipsy. Only Kidz Bop changes those to “brush my teeth and then go and pack,” and “getting silly.” *FACEPALM*

7. Carly Rae Jepson – Call Me Maybe

Isn’t this song awful enough without hearing a bunch of squeaky voiced pret-teens singing it?

6. Mackelmore – Thrift Shop

This song is surprisingly “mature” for a song about buying used clothing. The Kidz Bop version makes me want to punch myself in the groin until I throw up and pass out.

5. Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song

The only thing worse than Kidz Bop + Ke$ha is Kidz Bop + Bruno Mars. Also, it’s disturbing to hear a 10-year-old call himself a “man” in a sing-song voice. NOPE all over this song.

4. Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball

Yes, this is a thing that happened. Whoever allowed this should be shunned from society forever. Check out the high-pitched, almost cracking puberty-laden falsetto at around 0.38. You’re welcome.

3. Icona Pop – I Love It

“I crashed my car into a bridge /I don’t care” is changed to “You drove your car across the bridge /I don’t care.” Why would you freaking care? I love how they have to change who is driving, because ya know, KIDS! Also, the video makes Rebecca Black look like Madonna.

2. Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger

Isn’t this whole song supposed to be about sex? What genius decided that this would be a good song for kids to song? Even with the changes it sounds dirty and wrong. “I put on a show/ Now we’re jaded,” “You say I’m a kid/my ego is big.” This makes Adam Levine look less creepy by comparison. How is this even possible?

1. LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem 

Like Call Me Maybe, this song is annoying on its own, but Kidz Bop really outdid themselves with this monstrosity. It seems like they literally had to cut half the song out to make it not sound like a drug and drinking anthem. Why didn’t they do this with Moves Like Jagger? So many QUESTIONS!

*BONUS SONG* Robin Thicke – Blurred Lines

This song isn’t technically Kidz Bop, but it’s in the same genre, that is, terrible kid renditions of already terrible songs. If any song should NOT be made into a kid-friendly tune, I think Blurred Lines is it. What better for your pre-teens than a rapey ode to misogyny. amirite? I do have to say, the lyrics ARE an improvement on the original. But only because anything would be an improvement.

Share This Post:
    • Cee

      Uuugh. I watch a lot of kids cartoons, so naturally these commercials go on. Theyre worse. Just a bunch of white kids for the most part in a random water park singing odd lyrics.

      • SarahJesness

        Yeah, that’s always confusing to me. The videos seem to have no connection to the song. What does lame dancing in a street have to do with “Royals”?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I don’t know. Listening to kids sing sucks but I kind of wish adult artists would maybe put out a version that’s okay for kids. I say this because, since I teach at a middle school, my husband djs a lot of the dances. It’s a super difficult challenge for him to find songs that kids know that are actually okay to play in school: i.e., not mentioning drugs, sex, or alcohol. So then he plays appropriate songs and the kids bitch, of course, when he won’t play the Kesha song that’s on the radio all the time. They don’t necessarily understand why all these songs are inappropriate at school and it’s an awkward convo to have with them (above the sound of the speaker at the dance). And I want to listen to them in the car with my kids but then feel guilty when it the lyrics are crazy. Kidz Bop is annoying and we don’t own any, but I wish there was some kind of middle ground alternative.

      • pixie

        I didn’t realize how bad some songs were until I heard my cousin who’s 12 years younger than me sing along to the lyrics. I nearly had an aneurysm when I heard her, at 7 or 8 singing “You spin my head right round, right round
        When you go down, when you go down down” (Right Round by Flo-Rida).

        And then I remember singing along to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls and a bunch of classic rock songs from the 60s and 70s.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        Yeah. I know there was some stuff when we were kids but it seemed like *most* of the time it was subtle, or double entendre. At least, it went over our heads. Most of today’s music is not subtle enough to go over even a kid’s head, if they really listen to the lyrics. And HOLY SHIT, I sound like I’m 100. I’m going to stop now :)

      • Muggle

        Eh, 10 years ago it wasn’t subtle at all, and it wasn’t very subtle in my mom’s day either. I think that when we’re in middle school, a lot of stuff goes over our heads.

        ;I’m all for kid-friendlier music that isn’t this dreadful pile of shit, because I hate the idea of censoring songs meant for adults.

      • AP

        I think a lot of people mishear or don’t pay attention to song lyrics. I had to read articles about Blurred Lines to know why it was so icky- I couldn’t discern enough of the lyrics to go beyond “Sex + Dad from Growing Pains’s Kid = Yucky”

      • Muggle

        Yeah, “Blurred Lines” is one of those songs that’s really garbled half the time. Even now that I know the lyrics all I can make out whenever I hear it on the radio is “hey hey hey!” and “you’re a GOOD GIRL!” and “I know you want it.”

        I also think people just don’t really pay attention, either, or they only ever hear it on the radio somewhere and never actually hear it properly.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        I agree that it wasn’t all subtle, and there were definitely some dirty songs. But don’t you feel like the overall amount of songs on the radio that are not for kids is larger than when you were a kid? I know it did go over our heads, but…I’m thinking the top songs of this past year and any year I was in middle school cannot have the same quantity of songs with wildly inappropriate lyrics. I was going to look this up but it’s Sunday night, so eh…

      • C.J.

        I think there was less swearing in songs but I don’t think the content was really all that much better. I grew up listening to Madonna who in’t known for being appropriate. I was 11 when George Michael came out with “I Want Your Sex”. I thought my mother was going to hit the roof. I was forbidden from ever listening to anything he sang. Of coarse I heard it anyway.

      • Pumplestilskin

        yeah, there’s nothing like thinking, I’m not listening to that crap, about the current pop songs on the radio, not with my kids in the car and popping in a little Meatloaf. It’s at that moment you realize your kids know every.single.word. to Paradise By the Dashboard Light and that that is not good, not good at all.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Man, I love that song so hard – but I haven’t ever put thought into the lyrics.

      • Pumplestilskin

        I didn’t either until I heard my son singing it. That song is now adults only, lol.

      • Armchair Observer

        I agree about the school dances; but, for the car, did your parents not play any Stones or anything from the 70′s or 80′s when you were a kid? Oh the lyrics I didn’t understand when I was a kid that I so wish I could erase from my now adult brain…Crocodile Rock and tight dresses I once thought were princess tights…

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        Yes, there were dirty songs. (I addressed this above now for someone else too so forgive if I repeat). I’m thinking the top songs of
        this past year and any year I was in middle school cannot have the same
        quantity of songs with inappropriate lyrics. I know we could actually look it up and test it but I’m just waaaay too lazy to do it. I could be wrong, too. I just think overall, it’s different.

      • Armchair Observer

        :-) There is always “Cocaine”, though.

      • Mel

        My mother’s policy when letting me listen to rap (my fave in my teens) was that if there were words she understood and found offensive, it went in the trash. If she couldn’t understand what they said, she concluded she couldn’t fairly outlaw it. Once, Tupac told her to kiss his ass, and in the trashcan he went!

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I totally agree! I wish the actual artists would at least put out clean versions of songs, if the song itself is too raunchy. That way the artistic integrity stays to some degree, because these Kidz Bop type songs are the musical equivalent of watching The Godfather on TBS with all the good parts terribly dubbed out.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        Yes, and then the super ultra religious folks could buy it too, so…more market for it!

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        That’s a great point, I didn’t even think of that. And how much more could it possibly cost them to make a clean version. Rappers do it all the time for radio, why not one step farther?

      • AP

        I think Walmart sells censored versions of music. I definitely remember they took on it when CDs were the medium of choice, and I do remember censored CDs being fairly easy to come by in the early 2000s (arguing with your mom about Parental Advisory Warnings on CDs was the teenaged thing to do back then. “But Moooomm, I need the Blink-182 CD that says the F-word 472 times!”)

    • Katie

      I know kids wouldn’t understand what I’ll always want you in the wrecking ball song but hearing kids sing that line is all kinds of creepy.

      • KarenMS

        Wait, 31 year old here: I don’t understand lol. Why is it creepy?

    • Zettai

      Come on Frances, where’s “Gasolina”, the most inappropriate Kidz song ever?

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I. Just. Couldn’t. NOPE. My headphones would have exploded if I had even tried to play that. Double NOPE,

      • Muggle

        The world cannot handle that much NOPE.

    • Justme

      Only six? I assumed when listing the worst Kidz Bop songs, you might as well list their entire catalogue.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Fun fact – there was originally only supposed to be FIVE, but I just Kept. Finding. Terrible. Songs. I could have done 20, but my mind started going numb at 8. And THAT’S when I found the Blurred Lines song. *shudder*

    • AP

      One of the most horrifying moments of my life was when I saw a bunch of kindergarten girls waiting for swim lessons in their bathing suits, singing “Dont’cya” by the Pussycat Dolls and “dancing” (read: writing suggestively.)

      Ugh, just no.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        YES! This is exactly what I’m talking about! You hear the song differently when a little kid is singing it just like they hear it on the radio :(

    • Muggle

      ugh, “Wrecking Ball” is a bad enough song when it’s sung by Miley, now kids with squeaky voices are singing it? nonononononono.

    • Katherine Handcock

      Semi-related rant: I love the movie “Wreck-It Ralph”, but every time I get to the scene where Vanellope is learning to race, I just want to scream at the people who selected Rihanna’s “Shut Up And Drive” for a kids’ movie, “You know what this song is about, right?!” Seriously, why do they do that? It’s totally creeps me out every time.

      • the_ether

        Uh, I assumed it was about driving :/ hadn’t heard it before the movie.

      • Katherine Handcock

        Oh, if you HAVEN’T heard it before the movie, it won’t creep you out – with the section they selected in the context of the race, it does just sound like it’s about driving. The whole song, outside of that context? Not so much:

    • C.J.

      This reminds me of something that happened at my daughter’s school when she was in grade 4. The kids were split in to groups and they were supposed to pick a song and make up a dance to preform for the class. My daughter’s group chose the song “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga. I ran in to the teacher at school one day and she told me the song they chose and that the principal wasn’t going to let them use it. He didn’t think it was an appropriate song to play in a Catholic school. It was decided they might be able to use the Kidz Bop version. I went home and printed the lyrics to the original song and the Kidz Bop version an brought them in to the school. I showed the teacher what Kidz Bop had taken out of the song. Not only did they take out the parts about being gay or transgender that the principal didn’t like but also everything about skin colour too. The song was left with nothing that had any value. I told the teacher that in a Catholic school we should be teaching our children to accept others for who they are and not judge those different than ourselves. She brought what I had to say to the principal and the kids were allowed to use the original song. I wouldn’t care if Kidz Bop took swearing or lewd content out but I don’t like that they take positive values out too.

      • Mel

        Good for you for speaking up! And, good for the principal and teacher for coming around :) Hope the kiddos had a great time dancing.

      • C.J.

        They did have fun, my daughter was the one that suggested the song so she was crushed when she found out the principal thought it was inappropriate. She understood the meaning of the song and was disappointed with the principal for being narrow minded. The teacher agreed with me, but from conversations we have had I think she is lesbian and hides it. It’s a very small school in a very small town, we get to know our teachers really well. Especially since the kids get the same teachers 2 or 3 times sometimes. I’ve went head to head with this principal before on matters of principal more than once, I think he just didn’t want to deal with me. I was actually surprised he didn’t fight me on it.

      • SarahJesness

        “Don’t be a drag, just be a queen” was the best part of that song and Kidz Bop should go to hell for removing it. (I exaggerate, but still)

      • C.J.

        I think Kidz Bop should go to hell for touching that song at all and I’m not even a Lady Gaga fan.

      • Kay_Sue

        Ditto this a million times.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        You’re my hero right now. Thank you for standing up for what’s right.

      • C.J.

        Aww thanks, I just did what I thought was right.

    • SarahJesness

      Kidz Bop is awful. If I had kids, I’d rather they listen to uncensored, hardcore gangsta rap (the kind with murder and shit, none of this glam rap garbage where they just brag about how much money they have) than Kidz Bop.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Ugh my sister likes this stuff because her mentality is their target demographic.

    • mommabeer

      I used to rue the day my kids discovered Kidz Bop. They have always listened to whatever the hell I wanted to listen to when with me, and I’m a bit of a music snob (though I have quite a few pop music guilty pleasures). But my husband has satellite radio in his vehicle, and he will play the (gag) kids stations for them, and thus, they were introduced to Kidz Bop. Then, they discovered they could get, like, every Kidz Bop album ever on Spotify on the home computer and I thought I might have to rip out the speakers to save my sanity.

      But, now I let them listen to it. At first they were all about it and wanted to listen to it all the time. Ugh. But the novelty wore off, and now when they occasionally want to hear a song, I laugh at the sheer lameness of it all, and then start impromptu dance parties in the kitchen. And they can listen to Kanye and LMFAO and Nicki Manaj and not hear a thousand bad words, which they already hear enough from me :)

    • DonitaBlessing

      I think that the song is so very interesting for the kids.
      http://nitroxpro.webs.com/

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I guess I get the idea of removing the swear words but most pop songs have radio versions available anyway, no? so…why?

    • kims

      my daughter loves kidz bop. I don’t have a big issue with it. you get a variety of edited songs on one disc for not much money. its cheaper than if I were to try to buy her a cd by every artist of every song she likes. she doesn’t have an mp3 player & we don’t download songs from the internet. I agree that some songs should not be edited, like born this way, but for the most part it doesn’t bother me.

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      My 5 year old loves pop music. At first I was happy because my older daughter makes me turn the radio off, or put on kids music. I am so sick of kids songs. I was enjoying singing with my 5 year old, sharing something with her. Then she started asking me point blank what the lyrics means. She asked me, “Why call me maybe?” Her favorite song is the incona pop I love it because at first she was hooked by the I love it, and I don’t care. Then she asked me, why is she driving off a bridge and letting it burn? My 7 year old would cry when my five year old sang “We are never getting back together”. I asked her, “Why does that song make you cry?” She told me, “It makes me feel like you are saying we will never be together as a family.” Maybe I just have sensitive kids but the kidz bop versions are actually looking like a good option right now. When she asked for a music player for her 5th birthday, my husband refused to let me put some of her favorite songs on there because the lyrics were inappropriate for her age. MattyB was the compromise. She still loves it, because she gets the song recognition from the radio but he cleans up the lyrics. What really annoys me about him is he wants to be a rapper, so he adds annoying rap into all the popular pop songs. That part annoys me more than anything else. I plan on getting the kidz bop version of the icona pop song. It was missing from her mp3 player due to the lyrics and she asked for it. At least this version is easier to explain to her. She won’t know the difference. Some of the songs, I just put the real version. Wrecking ball requires no changes, as long as she doesn’t want to see the video, and the kidz bop falsetto made my ears bleed.

    • Pingback: 10 Reasons Bacon Is Better Than Toddlers

    • Sonique Pospisilova

      what i find creepy about the “Love it” cover… is the line about “you’re from the 70s, but i am the kidz bop kids”. Makes me think that the car driven across the bridge was a pedovan.

      Wayyyy much creepier then the already creepy original.

      And seriously, why not WRITE kids song? You could even make them sounds poppy, but let it be about friendships, schools, kiddie stuff. You cannot kiddify pop music target at audience that enjoys parties, sex and booze. You can cut out the “bad” words (radio version do that), but the message stands. Or you make it laughable and it don’t make sense. Alternativelly you end up altering words in a commonly used metaphore, while still implying questionable behavior is okay (Call me maybe… AREN’T WE TEACHING KIDS NOT TO GIVE THEIR PHONE NUMBERS TO RANDOM PEOPLE?)

      And some songs have actually MESSAGE that is not bad, it’s just… it’s not for kids. Seriously, break up songs, even serious love songs… not for kids.

      Another awful cover is Royals… which totally destroyed the message and turned into… I don’t know what. See, trippin’ in the bathroom and BLOOD stains were mentioned in the chorus on purpose, to show how bad the charts are. Grass stains (although hard to wash off) and SINGING is no problem. So let’s say there is song about gang violence and drugs… would kidz bop turn it into “fighting in the sandbox, eating too much pixie sticks”?

    • MCWANG DADDY

      I can’t wait to buy this for my kids one day!!!!

      • Tony Montana

        THIS GUY IS A GENIUS

    • ferk

      sorry but your kind of being rude about it some are bad but think about all the practice they did for that

    • Anonymous

      Where is “All The Small Things”?