I Hope The Mommy Wars Never End Because I Love Arguing And Judging

mommywarsNewsflash – just because we share the experience of having grown a human in our wombs, doesn’t mean we always have to agree with each other. I’m comfortable with that. I like it. Arguing is healthy and anyone who thinks there’s anything fundamentally wrong with the “mommy wars” has clearly bought into the notion that we are the “gentler sex.” Spoiler alert: we’re not. We’re filled with rage and judgement. And wine.

I saw a photo essay today that brought all of these feelings up. It’s another attempt to “end the mommy wars.” It’s sweet and all – a bunch of women smiling at each other and pretending it’s all good for these staged photographs – It just happens to be a group of photos that evoke absolutely no feeling in my soul, whatsoever:

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See, I think this picture would be better if they were arm-wrestling. Or if it was an actual video with their children in it so we could see who was more well-adjusted.

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I want to know who’s happier. Whose kid is more clingy? Who makes a better martini?

What if I told you the mommy wars don’t really exist, it’s just that every time women have a differing opinion all hell breaks loose? If the mommy wars are just women not agreeing with each other – I’m all for them. None of us know what we’re doing. We’re all doing our best. But that doesn’t mean we need to have the same definition of “best.”

I get it. We all want to pretend to be above it all. But frankly, I don’t trust a person that never judges anyone. Who are you, Jesus? I don’t want to hang out with Jesus. Do you?

How are we all going to feel good about the decisions we’re making if there aren’t hordes of women making the opposite ones and failing worse than we are? What’s the point of even talking about any of this stuff if there isn’t a right way to do things? I mean, I’m usually not doing it but I’m comforted to know that it’s out there.

I breastfed, didn’t sleep train, made all my own baby food (for a while), held my kid whenever he cried, let him watch TV, drank wine and coffee while nursing, and made him his own meals. He’s now a horrible sleeper, a picky eater, and a tantrum thrower. I should be judged – I’m failing miserably.

As far as I’m concerned – long live the mommy wars. And could someone please invent a sarcasm font, for Christ’s sake?

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • keelhaulrose

      I like to stir the pot on occasion, if things are dying down. Just go to a random mommy post and shout “bottle-feeding, television, sugar, boxed foods, daycare!” and run off.

      • Maria Guido

        hahaha! Good idea!

      • kjmum

        What about – “vaccinations rock!!” Always good for a laugh, or at a least a great rage fest :)

      • Beth

        Oh!!! that one is my favorite! I live in a very conservative Christian area and I am inundated with sanctimommies that declare moral superiority because they would NEVER risk giving their precious snowflake _______ (fill in the blank with some quack-science predicted illness) by forcing immunizations upon them!

        I always want to follow up with something to the tune of “I am now going to perform for you a play in one act entitled ‘why you are a blithering dumbass’.”

      • Kay_Sue

        Anybody else follow STFUP on Facebook and see the crazy rage fest that was unleashed when B put up a pro-vax story last week? Now that was some serious mommy (and not mommy! surprisingly!) warfare. About 500+ comments worth.

      • Kat

        Excuse me. I love you.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        You are made of awesome.

    • rrlo

      You guys are so awesome (Mommyish writers and readers). I probably posted five things on the internet in my whole life – until I found Mommyish six months ago. Now I can’t stop!!!

      • Maria Guido

        xoxo

      • Bethany Ramos

        Glad you’re here!!

      • Andrea

        Mommyish articles are like internet crack. I actually think it’s the cilantro.

      • kjmum

        Someone at work actually asked “What is cilantro” the other day (in Australia it’s coriander). I almost died from not laughing!

      • SusannahJoy

        Interesting, because here only the seeds are called coriander. And the seeds taste totally different from the leaves.

        And I don’t want to know what cilantro seeds are code for.

      • ShanLea

        This! I actually just found Mommyish only a week ago, and I can’t stop reading. I have one browser page up for new posts and one for the older articles so I don’t lose my place. My laundry is getting nowhere!

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I feel the same way. I’ve never felt more home in an Internet community than here.

    • CMJ

      If scoffing was a Olympic Sport, I would be a gah-zillion time gold medalist.

    • Holly

      Yes, cupcakes for the person who invents the sarcasm font!

    • havronsm

      Oh there is a sarcasm font! http://glennmcanally.com/sarcastic/

      • Vicki Lewis

        Sartalics. I like it.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I LOVE this (and you)! People always wax poetic about not judging, but without the mommy wars, the internet would implode. And I would have no job.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I agree so hard right now. I try so hard not to judge, but there are so many people who just don’t seem to GAF about things. I love the way Mommyish goes about it though. Less Babycenter-style uber judging and more open minded, devil’s advocate judging.

    • LiteBrite

      “Who makes a better martini?”

      Now THERE’S a mommy-war. You can bottle-feed, sleep-train, work outside the home at your mega corporate high-powered job, and let your kid watch hours of Nickolodean all you want. But if you can’t make a decent martini, I’m going to judge the ever-loving shit out of you.

      • SusannahJoy

        Gin or Vodka? Go!

        Personally, I LOVE gin. I think my first alcoholic drink was a gin and tonic. Also, I have never once been carded while ordering a gin and tonic. I actually had a bartender tell me that she would’ve carded me if I’d ordered something else, but that since gin and tonics are such an old person’s drink she believed that either I was over 21, or that I really needed the drink, and she wasn’t going to judge.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        I like my martinis the way I like my sex. Dirty. Gin, vermouth and olive juice. NOM.

    • Terry Teague SF

      Biochemically induced arguments are the best

    • Mrsspring

      Wow you could write an article on the symbolism of that first photo alone that would keep the mummy wars going. What’s with the woman who works outside of the home literally standing outside the home (does she work on the front porch?)and why is the stay at home mother positioned on a higher step, looking down at the working mum? Hmmm and what’s with the weird lady in the background is she like all mrs mcjudgerson saying ‘no thank you, no working mums for us today’.

      • Jane Doh

        Also, what’s up with SAHM’s pants?

      • Kat

        Are they pants? I couldn’t figure it out. Plus, SAHM is thinner. She is clearly the winner.

      • Jane Doh

        Clearly

      • SusannahJoy

        Yeah but the other working mom is thinner. I’m sad to say that I actually, consciously noticed that.

    • Véronique Houde

      I enjoy the good mommy war, as long as there aren’t too many “crazy moms” on here commenting insanities. Having one or two token sanctimommies is perfect ;)

    • Carrie0715

      So MommyWars have only ended for white, upper middle class ladies according to the photo essay. Since I’m poor as hell, I’m going to keep on judging.

    • Kay_Sue

      Hey, I want to hang out with Jesus. Maybe Jesus-wine is the wine I have been looking for.

      • Bethany Ramos

        This made me LOL so hard!!

        http://i.imgur.com/GH1qbf1.jpg

      • Kay_Sue

        I stole this. I’m gonna go drive my conservative fundamentalist Christian relatives nuts on Facebook now!!! You just made my Saturday.

      • Bethany Ramos

        HAHAHAHA

      • Maria Guido

        I was thinking more of a French Rose´…

      • Kay_Sue

        Hmmm…sounds promising.

      • SusannahJoy

        I read that and thought “dammit! What’s a French Rose? I can’t go a few days without reading this site!” ala cilantro.

      • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

        Jesus = Wine = Yes Please

      • Kay_Sue

        I don’t want Him involved in decisions made by my politicians, but I would certainly have drinks with Him…that’s the gospel truth.

    • EX

      I’ve never really understood the mommy wars or the child-free vs. breeder war, for that matter. I’m a mom who works outside the home and my two best friends are a child-free by choice woman and a stay at home mom. These wars only seem to exist on the internet (and not here at mommyish where the child-free by choice, SAHMs and FTWMs all seem to get along, especially when we’re mocking someone – or something – else).

    • CrazyFor Kate

      I like the mommy wars because it gives me an excuse to use this clip over and over. Tina Fey, you goddess.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_24p1ht9v8

    • kay

      “But frankly, I don’t trust a person that never judges anyone. Who are you, Jesus?”
      I went to a Catholic college and you got a mix of fun drunk catholics and judgey holier than thou ones. When we did particularly classy things and unfun people would glare at us my friends and I would always yell “Jesus doesn’t judge!”
      Which, I mean, they’d judge us for yelling that too, but at least we had a point.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      I think we all judge. But I believe we can disagree without being awful to each other. I’m sure there are things we adamantly disagree on, Maria, but you are always rational and open minded, which is the antithesis of the whole “Mommy Wars” thing, IMO. Basically, you rock my socks.

    • Angela Liebermann

      I feel like I wrote this! I’m so tired of every time I disagree with something or don’t like something people are like “omg!! STOP THE MOMMY WARS!!!!” How about we stop being so sensitive? “Women are judged so harshly. We are under so much pressure.” Bullshit!!! Just enjoy your family and baby & get over it!!!!