Dear Sanctimommy: Helping You Be Better

Dear Sanctimommy Dear Sanctimommy,


I’m trying to find a daycare for my six-month-old. What should I look for?


Searching in Idaho


Dear Searching,


First, let’s have a moment of silence for your baby’s emotional well being. (silence). Ok then. Before we get into vetting baby jails perhaps it is worth exploring if you’ve done everything possible to stay home with your child. Have you explored:


-Selling your hair? Extensions aren’t just for for “urban” communities anymore! Did you know that Jessica Simpson rocks borrowed locks pretty much 24/7? If you deep condition on a regular basis and have kept the home coloring to a minimum, you should be able to stay with your baby with income from your hair. If you don’t have the face shape for a pixie cut, learn how to contour.


-Selling blood plasma/platelets. Expect to earn between $35-50 a visit. You can go just about every two weeks depending on your health. Being a SAHM will be worth the dizzy spells. Bonus: Most blood banks give free treats to their donors which will help you save money on snacks.


-Network Marketing. Mary Kay, Avon. If you aren’t traditionally educated you can turn a pretty penny by slinging drugstore-quality makeup to friends and family. Throw baby in the Bjorn and get to selling!


Still need a daycare? You can’t say I didn’t try.


Making the daycare decision is a hard one. Look for one that allows you to watch your baby via a camera that feeds to the Internet. This way if a worker were to snap, you’d be able to call the authorities in time. That’s my advice for you. Enjoy the weekends with your little one. love, SM


Dear Sanctimommy,


I feel burnt out when it comes to dinner ideas. Do you have any easy recipes to share?


Hungry in California


Dear Hungry,


Cooking for your family is how you show them love while meeting their nutritional needs. Right now my family is observing a grain-free LOganic (local and organic) diet. My twin baby boys who I stay home with while running my lifestyle blog LOVE kale and can’t get enough of the stuff. That’s the great thing about kids: they only crave garbage if you feed it to them.


A lot of families resort to fast food these days but I for one would never knowingly poison the people who mean the most to me. I didn’t breath through 18 hours of natural labor to muddle my babies’ blood with toxins after the fact.  That said, moms today are busier than ever! I keep myself accountable by sharing my daily meal photos on Instagram. The Likes and comments remind me of the important work I’m doing.


Consider investing in a notebook. Decorate it with stickers, glitter glue and other funsies. While you’re on your walk to the farmer’s market or on the elliptical for 45 minutes jot down foodspiration as it comes to you. Tonight we’re having pan seared almond flour-crusted wild mock salmon (formed with chickpea paste) with arugula and beet foam. I don’t believe in the concept of dessert but our meal will be followed with a stevia-sweetened avocado carob mousse.


Inspired yet? I bet you are!




I’m not the perfect mom, but I’m the perfect mom for my family and for most of yours. I love helping others be their best. Got a question for Sanctimommy? Email her at

(Image: getty images)

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  • Jayess

    Dang, guys, that dinner sounds reasonably good to me, actually… avocado mousse is tasty. *shame*

  • Bethany Ramos

    I have really curly hair, which would make an excellent colonial wig. #successface

    • Megan Zander

      Totally off topic, but may I just say that you come up with the best hashtags. Since yesterday I’ve been dying to work #sorrynotsorry into a conversation and now you drop this gem.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Why, thank you!! You can thank my husband for #sorrynotsorry because he used it in a chat fight with me haha.

      ETA: Also, #chatfight

  • bl

    Beet foam! Thank you for clearing up a mystery for me. I went to a really nice restaurant and got the best steak and fries (excuse me, pommes frites)…except it was drizzled in what appeared to be magenta spit up. I now recognize this as beet foam.

    Also, “I don’t believe in the concept of dessert” was the perfect touch here.

    • Ennis Demeter

      This is what culinary foam reminds me of:

    • Tea

      That tree has rabies!

    • Kay_Sue

      Don’t worry, I watched Old Yeller all the way to the end, I’ve got this covered, I know what to do!!

    • the_ether

      “Your Honour, I plead not guilty by reason of self defence. That tree clearly had rabies and was coming right at me.”

    • SusannahJoy

      Yeah, I cannot get behind the idea of foam. I want my food to be food, thankyouverymuch.

    • Ennis Demeter


  • Megan Zander

    I loved this, except for the dig at twin moms :( I would never posion them with kale.

  • Lee

    I made Kale chips once. My house smelled like farts for 2 days.

    • break_time

      This needs to be embroidered on something, STAT.

    • Brittany Jett Ison

      And I would immediately purchase it.

  • Aimee Beff

    110% done at “beet foam”, loooool.

    (confession: I love kale chips DON”T JUDGE ME)

    • KaeTay

      kales good for you

    • Eve Vawter


    • SusannahJoy

      I’ve never done chips, but I love Kale. We have kale at least once or twice a week.

    • Bunny Lucia

      Kale chips are AWESOME. There’s this little company that sells at New Seasons and they have this black truffle oil and rosemary kale chips that I go rabid for. I don’t CARE if my teeth are green for weeks.

    • Courtney Lynn

      Never had the chips either, but I love me some kale. My new favorite green.

  • allisonjayne

    This is so good.

  • CMP414

    I actually know a sanctimommy who has her own blog/website that she uses to hand out sanctimonious tips/recipes, etc. This article could have been lifted right from it. Sometimes I read it just for fun before I poison my toddler with chicken nuggets and non-organic veggies

    • emaybe

      Link please!

    • keelhaulrose

      Oh, do you have a link? I made a sanctimommy’s head explode at the library today, and I feel like I’m getting on a roll here.

    • Megan Zander

      Story please? ( sits criss cross applesauce at your feet )

    • keelhaulrose

      So I’m playing with my daughter at this new discovery center type play area they just put into our library. One of the things they have is a sensory-type center, with things to touch and twist and spin and all that fun junk. My daughter loves it. She’s playing happily and babbling, and doing a few stereotypical movements (flapping hands, spinning, batting her head). I respond to her babbles in kind and play ‘follow the leader’ with her as the leader. This mom brings her 18 month old girl over. She asks how old mine is (a bit over 2). Sanctimommy immediately starts telling me how I’m not doing my daughter any favors by talking to her like a baby. Her daughter is speaking in three-word sentences, and knows to ask if she wants her mommy to do something with her.
      I listen to her while playing with my daughter until she pauses (sounding very smug at this point), and I look at her and say “Her speech therapist sure thinks I’m doing my daughter a favor by babbling back at her and letting her lead. She thinks it may even make her verbal by kindergarten. Autism can be trying, but I love her enough to move at her pace.”
      (I will note here I don’t have an official diagnosis of autism, but I do have three therapists we see and each have presented it as a probability, though probably in a mild form, though we need a formal medical diagnosis).
      She actually said “She doesn’t look autistic”.

      My response, while wearing my best ‘bitch, please’ face: “What’s autism look like?”
      She tried three times to say something before walking off. I called after her to have a nice day. She shot me a disgusted look.

    • Megan Zander

      I can never in the moment think of what to say to offensive strangers, it’s always after the fact that I come up with a brilliant retort and then I spend days replaying the incident in my head with a different ending, so I am vicariously living through your satisfaction in schooling her.
      I hope she thinks twice before spewing her superior parenting knowledge on another complete stranger. Excellent story.

    • Alicia Kiner

      I have so many people telling me that my daughter, who is 8 now, should not be wearing pull-ups to bed overnight. That she should be able to not wet the bed by 8 years old. I agree with them. An average 8 year old should definitely be able to not have an accident over night most nights. However, my daughter has a form of spina bifida and she has bladder issues as a result. The nerves that were supposed to connect to her bladder didn’t all connect, or didn’t connect properly. Ultimately, she cannot tell she needs to pee until she NEEDS to pee. She’s just in the last several months stopped having accidents. But if you look at her, she looks like an average, albeit tiny, 8 year old little girl.

    • pixie

      I remember seeing commercials on TV for pull-ups “Good Nights” over night pull ups for older kids. The kids in the commercials were easily 10, 11, 12 years old. I know it’s rare and generally most children no longer wet the bed by then, but it’s not completely unheard of, and if I was seeing commercials like this in the early 2000s, it’s not something new, either (I still remember the motto “Good Nights mean Good Mornings). Some people need to learn to not give out advice on what is/is not normal for certain children. Every child is different and just because one child did x, y, z at whatever age, doesn’t mean another one will.

    • Karen Milton

      For a few years I worked for a couple of paediatric nephrologists, and bedwetting in older children was a common reason for referral. It’s far more prevalent than I would have thought – we didn’t generally even bother seeing kids until they were upwards of 7 or 8, often older, who didn’t have other urinary issues going on as well (frequent UTIs, for example). Nobody talks about it, but it’s incredibly common. I wish people living through it were able to be more open and receive more support rather than the judgment of people who don’t know shit from putty.

    • mom21

      The fact that people say anything to you about your daughter is appalling.
      I’m sure she is adorable. :)

    • allisonjayne

      Nice! I love the use of asking a question….so effective when dealing with assholes like that!

    • Erin Murphy

      Hi five for “what does autism look like?” I worked with adults with disabilities and they need more parents like you!

    • Garavriel

      Dear god, what an awful woman. And it’s actually been shown that baby talking or speaking in “mommyese” (which is what the child development book we use for psychology call it) actually helps with a child’s verbal development, so all those pretentious people talking to their babies like they’re adults aren’t actually doing them any favors.

    • Kathleen O’Malley

      “(S)he doesn’t look autistic” is the most ignorant, insensitive and insulting argument ever. I would have been tempted to say, “Well, you don’t LOOK stupid”.

    • Karen Milton

      I should probably already know this, but what in holy hell is criss cross applesauce?!

    • Megan Zander

      The new PC term for sitting ” Indian style” . Where I I used to sub, the kids would chant it while getting into a circle. It was bizarre

    • Karen Milton

      Gotcha. We always just called it “cross-legged”. I should ask my daughter in daycare what they say, it seems I’m out of touch!

    • MammaSweetpea

      I’d never heard of “criss cross applesauce” until I started working at a daycare centre. I guess the rhyming aspect is to help the kids understand what’s expected of them. Much like the clean up song when it’s time to put the toys away. When I was a SAHM I just told my kids to clean up, no singing. They understood.

    • Karen Milton

      Sometimes my daughter sings about things that don’t, in my opinion, need singing about. We’re not in a Disney movie, just wash your dang hands already. It’s weird, and it makes me wonder if “songs about everyday shit” is part of ECE schooling.

    • Pumplestilskin

      In the nursery school where I’m an assistant teacher we say “criss cross applesauce spoons in the bowl” when we’re doing carpet time. That way their hands won’t be stepped on by another student when they walk to the front to be the helper because they are in the little bowl made by their legs being crossed. When I first started there I thought it was sooooo stupid but it’s pretty effective.

    • AP

      It’s “Indian-style” from the 80s and 90s, renamed so as not to stereotype any ethnicity.

    • Jenna Nieves

      You are poisoning your toddler with GMOs and gluten!

    • Jallun-Keatres

      and BPA!

  • KaeTay

    what was this crap?

  • AmazingE

    That dessert sounds awesome, but I’ll leave out the stevia I think. Maybe agave syrup? Much tastier and way better for you. I can do plenty of potential liver damage just fine without it.

    • SusannahJoy

      Yeah, I don’t get people who are all for natural healthy everything, except sugar. They’d rather have chemicals than a few extra calories.

    • AmazingE

      Right? I don’t get it either. I avoid sugar substitutes most of the time anyway, but I always keep some honey or agave syrup or something like that around in case I run out of sugar and can’t get to the store.

    • Karen Milton

      Sometimes (all the time) I want ice cream, and my defense for Haagen Daaz is that the cream and sugar are real, and therefore it is a healthier product than one claiming to be “low fat” that’s full of chemicals. It makes sense in my head.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    Bjorn? You mean that crotch dangler??

  • Kay_Sue

    This really reads like some of the blogs I love/hate read, sadly enough.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    Sorry can we just stop for a moment- you get MONEY when you donate blood? WHAAAAAAAT? That’s a thing???? I give blood when i’m healthy enough, but mainly because ireland’s blood donor population isn’t all that big, i didn’t realise that there are places where you can get money for it!

    • Kay_Sue

      Usually it is plasma donation that pays. People with a specific RH factor can also sometimes get paid for it. Because of the shots my mom had when she was pregnant with me and my sisters, she could be paid a good bit to donate. Or could at one point, not sure if she still could as medical advances seem to continue to leap ahead. Usually just donating blood isn’t enough to get a payment though or we wouldn’t have the donor crisis we often do (at least in our corner of the woods).

    • Lackadaisical

      Here in England it is the same, you donate out of the goodness of your own heart with only a biscuit and cup of tea by way of compensation. I think the pay for blood is a US thing. It is also illegal to profit from surrogacy in the UK, yet I think you are allowed to be paid in the US and also they get paid about 10 times as much for donating eggs going by an article someone posted on one of the sister sites. Basically our Irish and English body bits are worthless while Americans must be worth more. That or we are sancticitizens, giving freely out of a smug sense of noblesse oblige.

    • Karen Milton

      Canadian bits are also worthless and we can’t charge for surrogacy either. Goodness of our hearts and such.

    • Garavriel

      You don’t normally get paid for blood in the US, you get a cup of juice and a cookie. You can however get money for plasma I think.

    • mom21

      I get money for my blood but it is a rare blood type and not donated enough. I don’t take the money btw. Would give new meaning to the words “blood money”. I DO take an extra slice of pizza they provide though because they always take a ton of my blood.

    • Lackadaisical

      Pizza? I believe we get tea and a biscuit. How very stereotypical of our nations. Sounds like you earn that pizza.

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