• Wed, Jan 22 - 12:06 pm ET

IHTM: We’re Supporting XoJane In Their Time Of Need By Supplying Story Ideas

xojaneBecause of that whole weird Cat Marnell accusing Jane Pratt of child abuse Twitterpallooza meltdown thing, I think we can all assume that Marnell won’t be invited back to XoJane anytime soon. Because writing is hard and coming up with ideas is hard, in the spirit of journalistic sisterhood we have compiled a list of 10 It Happened To Me Ideas for XoJane to use at their leisure. FREE OF CHARGE!

1: IHTM: My Baby Sleeps In A Drawer Because That’s Where He Was Conceived

2: IHTM: My Sister Witnessed A Non-Violent Crime And Now I Feel LIke I Can’t Talk To Her About My Period

3:IHTM:  I Got Fruit-Salad Shamed In My Work Cafeteria And Now I Have PTSD

4: IHTM: I Was The Product OF A Home Birth And Now I Can’t Be In Homes

5: IHTM:  I Have Menstrual Cramps–No Really, My Menstrual Cramps Are So Much Worse Than Yours’. NO, You Super Don’t Get It

6: IHTM: Cheeto Fingers

7: IHTM: I Ran Out Of Paper Towels But Found A Rag To Use Under My Sink

8: IHTM:  I Replaced My Birth Control With Ecstasy Just To See What Would Happen

9: IHTM: I’m A Little Teapot

10: IHTM: I Dress As An Ancient Greek Woman Every Day And I Don’t Appreciate The Questions

So we will be waiting to see if they take any of our awesome ideas but feel free to share your own It Happened To Me ideas below!

(Image: getty images)

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  • Samantha Escobar

    It Happened To Me: I Laughed Entirely Too Hard At This Post In My Office And Now My Coworkers Won’t Make Eye Contact With Me

  • Bethany Ramos

    I’m calling #8 Sextasy foreverrrrrr.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      SEXTASY

  • Tinyfaeri

    I’m also a little teapot! Golly, I wish there were more stories out there for people like me.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

    IHTM: I’m 23 and I’m just figuring the world out so let me tell you how it is because my worldview and experience is entirely unique.

    • Samantha Escobar

      IHTM: I’m 45 And My ‘Emotional Age’ Is 15 So I Am Basically An Expert At Every Age You Could Possibly Be

      (http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/08/happened-to-jane-pratt.html)

    • zweisamkeit

      I believe you were thinking about Thought Catalog, there.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      If a website could be a nemesis, Thought Catalog would be mine.

    • CMJ

      They troll themselves.

    • zweisamkeit

      Mine, too! Along with Onswype.

      But as an older Millennial, at least Onswype doesn’t obliviously fulfill all of the embarrassing bullshit stereotypes about my generation. GODDAMMIT, THOUGHT CATALOG.

    • brebay

      Also I just read Ayn Rand and now I’m fucking brilliant.

  • CMJ
  • Joanna Rafael

    I’d be happy to read the cheetoh fingers one, so I wouldn’t feel so damn alone.

  • The Real Kelly

    I hope #6 isn’t an attempt to shame those of us who have permanently orange-stained fingertips due to Cheetos consumption? I thought this was a Safe Space™!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      #safespace

    • Bethany Ramos

      #cheetoshame

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      #bolthole

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      #eyeroll

  • CMJ

    Seriously, those topics are so perfectly ridiculous that I feel like some over at xoJane would be like – Why didn’t we think of these!?!?! And then JP would write about it in the “Things nobody wanted to write about this week.”

    • CMJ

      and now I am trapped in the hell-hole that is xoJane. Reading “I am trapped in a sexless marriage!”

      Curse you, Mommyish!!!

  • Steph

    I can’t believe I get to tell this story!

    One night in college I came home drunk and I watched a 30 minute show on basic baby care. Their suggestion was if you can fit a coke can between the slats of your crib it’s unsafe and you cannot use it. They suggested you bought a crib. But if you can’t afford one (cut to a woman pulling a drawer out of a dresser and placing it on the floor) you can lightly line the drawer with a blanket and use the drawer as a crib until the baby outgrows it. No advice on what to do once the baby outgrows the drawer.

    I woke up the next morning and thought surely that did not actually happen. I asked everyone if they had ever seen it. No one had. So I kept the tv on the same public access show for 3 days. I finally caught it at 2 pm one day. It was real. They played it at 2 pm and 2 am every day. It was my version of watching Oprah

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter
    • Steph

      I promise that if I ever find this video online the first thing I’ll do is email you the link

    • Samantha Escobar

      This GIF.
      I just…
      …I mean
      Oh my god.

      It’s beautiful.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahahahahaha why why why.

    • Steph

      I have no idea. There were lower income neighborhoods right outside of campus. Maybe they were just trying to cut down on infant deaths? Can you actually keep a baby in a drawer and not get a visit from family services?

      I’ll will give them props for effectiveness though. I’m still talking about the drawer baby years later

    • shel

      As long as you don’t close the drawer, family services should leave you alone :P
      But really, it’s a good option if you can’t afford a crib, a laundry basket works nicely as well… or like in the European country that I cant remember, where they give out a box of baby stuff at the hospital, the box has a little pad in the bottom so it can be uses as a baby bed.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      Yes, this. I think it’s Sweden. Every time I stress about the nursery not being done in time, my older daughter reminds me we can just put the baby in a cardboard box like the do in Europe.

    • Muggle

      That’s Finland. I think it’s a great idea, at least for very new parents.

    • Alfreda Wells Morrissey

      I once heard a story a story about my great aunt who was born in a town called Pushthrough, Newfoundland. She was born premature and there were no doctors, only midwives. They put her in a shoe box and kept her behind the wood stove. Bought a goat and fed her goats milk. She survived.

      I don’t know if the story is true, but I would not be surprised if it was. Pushthrough was basically two small rocks in the middle of the atlantic ocean named because a whale got stuck between the two rocks and they had to get out and push it through. My grandfather ran a lighthouse on one of those rocks. I have seen them, and they do have the foundation of the houses left there so people did actually live there.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      My grandmother was also born in Newfoundland. She has a crazy story about a cat that said “milk” instead of meowing or making regular cat sounds. One time the cat chased her down the road, jumped on her back and said “milk” into her ear until she managed to swat it off. Crazy stories come off the rock, I say.

    • Pumplestilskin

      My brother in law forgot to bring his pack n play when he came home for Christmas 2 years ago. Their baby slept I. My mother in laws big bottom drawer on the floor next to their bed the whole time they were here even though I offered to borrow a pack n play from family. My mother in law insists that that’s how her babies always slept on vacation. It’s definitely odd but as long as your not leaving it in the dresser I don’t think it’s a big deal

    • Kay_Sue

      This was actually in the Preventing SIDS documentary we had to watch before being discharged from the hospital. It’s legitimate advice for folks that can’t afford a crib (or just have a spare drawer, I guess).

    • Steph

      That makes more sense. I was trying to figure out why the local public access would just randomly produce a video on how to not kill your baby

    • JLH1986

      my MIL was too poor to buy a crib (She had hubby at 16) so his crib was a drawer until he was too big for the drawer and she lucked into a free used crib. I have photographic proof of this…

  • G.E. Phillips

    IHTM: I Made a Go-Fund Me Page to Raise Money To Buy Myself A New Prius, But Nobody Donated To It.

    Apropos of like, nothing, these fake headlines make me think of my friend’s high school band, who wrote a song where all the lyrics were just random non-sequiturs, all taken directly out of the the “Ask A Boy” column of Sassy. My favorite line was “Should I tell my mom I think I’m pregnant? My sister picks her nose.”

  • Lindsey Conklin

    HAHAAH I love the fruit-shaming.

  • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

    It Happened To Me: The actress on an “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” reenactment looked just like me, and now I haven’t had sex for three years.

    Wait, that’s real. Pitching now.

  • Alex Lee

    IHTM: I received payment for documenting my nipple-waxing.

  • Ridiculous

    IHTM: I was walking through the living room and my dog gave me the side eye so now I can’t look out windows.

  • CMJ

    IHTM: I was going to write an IHTM and then I realized it was kind of self-involved and no one really cared but I decided to write one anyway and now I regret that I wrote it.

  • Muggle

    Did you get this idea from GOMI? Because I swear there’s a thread there snarking on xoJane and it’s now progressed to coming up with ideas for future articles/titles.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      nooo but hahaha

  • Holly

    “How Not to be a Dick to People Who Comment on Mommyish Articles”

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Who was a dick to you?

      Wait.

      Was it me? :(

    • http://www.sarahcooksthebooks.com/ Sarah

      I think Holly’s referring to the fact that xoJane has all these stupid articles about “how not to be a dick to this specific type of person.”

    • CMJ

      There was one about not being a dick to commenters even though the writers are usually the BIGGEST dicks.

    • Holly

      LOL YES! Those articles have the stupidest titles! It was not you Eve! Just further making fun.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      omg I forgot about those. OK, IHTM: How Not To Be A Dick To Your Neighbor’s Cousin Who May Or May Not Be Vincent Gallo

  • lawngrrl

    IHTM: My Roommate Puts the Toilet Paper Roll On The Holder The Wrong Way And I Don’t Think We Can Be Besties Anymore

  • cat butt

    LOLING FOREVER at this list.

  • Jamie-tang

    IHTM: I am currently experiencing the layer of hell known as having a yeast infection and a UTI at the same time.

    • Muggle

      Oh god. There is nothing worse than that.

  • http://Facebook.com/meredarling Mere Darling

    Hilarious!

  • Muggle

    IHTM: I Called Myself “Muggle” On The Internet
    IHTM: I Cried Throughout The Eighth Harry Potter Movie
    IHTM: I Replaced My Harry Potter Addiction With An Addiction to The Legend of Korra
    IHTM: It Snowed 2 Inches In My Town and One of My Facebook Friends Called It A Blizzard

    • http://www.sarahcooksthebooks.com/ Sarah

      That last one wins the Internet. The follow-up could be IHTM: Every Person I Know Now Has a Photo On Facebook Called ‘Winter Wonderland.’

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  • http://fearlessblogger.com faryl

    IHTM: I can’t stop hate reading xoJane