9 Things That Would Make Pro-Life Con Even Better

WC13L01_NORMALPro-Life con starts today and reading over their website it just doesn’t sound like a whole bucketload of fun. Do you know what they have at Pro-Life Con? The Duggar family. Yee-haw. Pro-Life Con is the premier gathering of online pro-life activists. The event takes place in Washington, DC, and the event will have such features as “experts and legislators that will inform audiences about the cutting edge of the pro-life movement and provide ways to make a difference on blogs, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and the rest of the online world.”

So basically they will be teaching pro-life trolls how to do better when they stalk pro-choice people online and tell them they are going to burn in hell on Twitter. I’m sure to some people seeing the Duggar family in person is a total dream come true, but here are 10 things Pro-Life Con needs to really make it a rabble rousing success.

1: Some of those nifty fetus dolls 

Screen-Shot-2013-07-26-at-6.07.02-AM-145x200

 Because nothing says carnival atmosphere and fun like handing these babies out.

2: A Dunk Tank, featuring some of their keynote speakers 

3: A performance by 80′s hair metal band The Holy Soilders

Holy-Soldier-ST-re-issue-300x300 Who will perform their fabulous “hit song” “See No Evil”:

The narrator of “See No Evil” is an unborn baby who sings Verse 1 from Mom’s womb, Verse 2 from “a pail”. Over the guitar solo, a digitally-manipulated voice says, “Mom, can you hear me? Mommy, Mommy, I’m afraid.”

 4: The Westboro Baptist Church

2136682099_Westboro_Baptist_Church_answer_2_xlarge Because there ain’t no party like a WBC party.

5: A Hell House 

Unknown Because every pro-life gathering needs one of these to get their point across.

6: Food trucks 

(Image: getty images)

(Image: getty images)

Because nothing will make you hungrier than trying to find new ways to dictate what a woman can and cannot do with her body.

7: A T-shirt cannon 

You get an unwanted baby! You get an unwanted baby!

8: Encouragement dancers

To get people in the party spirit.

9: A No Exception Rape whistle 

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Just so you can victimize victims even more.

 

(Image: frc.org)

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    • Bethany Ramos

      Yesssssss, ROB LOWE. Also, I am overly familiar with 80s hair metal Christian bands. Stryper…?

      http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/dc9/stryper-club-nokia.jpg

      • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

        You’re not allowed to feel bad. I had Christian Rappers on lock back in the day. Michael Peace? Yespls.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Hahahah

      • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards
      • Bethany Ramos
      • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

        I don’t think I can top this.

      • Aimee Beff

        Jealouuuuus. My parents felt hair metal and DC Talk were too “hardcore” so I only got Michael Card, Amy Grant, and humpback whale nature CD’s.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Lollll I may have had an Amy Grant CD or two or three…

      • brebay

        So this is where those guys they send to Project Exodus Camp end up…

      • Pappy

        Dang, those boys can put on makeup better than I ever could.
        WWJD? Wear pink lipstick, tight pants, and eye shadow! And enough hairspray to suffocate a whole tribe of Pharisees.You go, Ambiguously Gay Foursome.

      • Bethany Ramos

        This whole comment made me LOL!

      • Pappy

        Thanks, I try. :-)

    • Aimee Beff

      It’s not a convention without cosplay. I’m going as a twelve-week fetus!

      I’m delighted that anti-choicers have this opportunity to learn new and exciting ways to tell me that I probably eat baby heads for breakfast and bathe in fetal stem cells.

      • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

        I would like pictures of this cosplay.

      • Snarktopus

        Seriously, girl, have you ever bathed in fetal stem cells? It’s AMAZING for your complexion. Exfoliate? Nah, fetal stem cells.

      • bea

        I bet your skin is baby soft.

      • Aimee Beff

        Well, I WOULD, but the master bathroom only has a shower and no tub. And I get indigestion whenever I finish the whole baby head. :(

      • Snarktopus

        Have you tried boneless? I found that really helped my poor delicate tummy.

      • Amber Starr

        Yep, it’s official…. I love you.

      • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

        Thanks. I’ve wet the couch, now.

      • Katymonster

        I’m gonna need that onesie in my size.

      • Tinyfaeri

        I think a bunch of Furries should do a flash mob.

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

      Ain’t no party like a Texas ultrasound party, cuz a Texas ultrasound party is MANDATORY.

      • http://salemthegoddess.com/ salemthegoddess

        you win the internet!

    • ted3553

      I think the mini fetus’ should be on a keychain so you can be reminded about them when you unlock doors or drive your car-just to keep it in the forefront of your mind

    • Shelly Lloyd

      And tequila, cause there is no way I’d show up to something like that unless I was loaded to the gills. :)
      Oh, and coat hangers. My parents were super religious when we were growing up and i was dragged to way too many abortion protest. Until one frosty morning I was able to hide about 10 coat hangers under my jacket. I proceeded to pass them out once we got there. My mother was horrified. I was kicked out of the church youth group and my parents grounded me for a month. It was so worth it. I never had to go to another protest again since I had proven myself to be “unworthy of god’s trust.” :)

      • Katymonster

        You’re my new hero.

      • Joye77

        You are awesome! :)

    • SarahJesness

      They should make candy versions of those little fetuses. That would be funny.

      • Pappy

        Brilliant! They would sell like hotcakes at an atheist get-together. Or a pro-choice rally.

      • SarahJesness

        I’ve always wished people would make some. Then I could eat ‘em by the handful.

    • AugustW

      The rape whistle should be totally silent, because, well, you get what you deserve, ya hussy.