Your Weekly Mommyish Parenting Horoscope

132072413Your weekly parenting horoscope for the week of January 19th. Find out what the stars have in store for you this week!

Aries 3/21-4/19:



Aries are extremely action-oriented people, which means that when your kid’s teacher asks you to volunteer to be in charge of the class parties for the rest of the year you will happily do so. You will also stock up in advance on the most important supplies you need for this occasion, including disinfecting wipes, Advil, bandaids and vodka.


Taurus 4/20-5/20: 

165957641 This week sees many new changes for those born under the sign of Taurus, so I suggest stocking up on Pampers and baby wipes while you still have time.





Gemini 5/21-6/20:  

165957662 Fortune will come your way this week, when you discover two quarters and nine pennies hidden in the sofa when you are vacuuming Cheerios and Lego pieces that got stuck behind the cushions . You will also get a coupon for pizza and laundry detergent in the mail.




Cancer 6/21-7/22: 

165960221 No matter what anyone tries to tell you this week, it goes Bub-bub-bubble, Gup-gup-guppies! Bubble, bubble, bubble! Guppy, guppy, guppies! Bubble! Bubble! Guppy! Guppy! Bubble Guppies!




Leo 7/23-8/22:  

165957685 This week the most important thing for Leo to remember is that no matter how many times you ask, you will be the only person remembering to replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.




Virgo 8/23-9/22: 

165960262 At some point this week, you will decide to have taco night. Sadly for you, you will forget taco seasoning at the store. No, you cannot make a homemade version, because it will never taste as good as what you can buy in the seasoning packet. If you are friends with a Gemini, they have a pizza coupon.


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  • allisonjayne

    Whoa guys mine is so close. I’m a scorpio, and last night I was going to make banana bread but the half a bag of chocolate chips I KNOW should have been in the cupboard was mysteriously gone! Pretty sure it was my wife not my kid but still. Psychic!

    • Eve Vawter

      I’m basically a soothsayer

    • Jen

      I am also a Scorpio and routinely find myself searching for the ramen I know I had in the cabinet only to find my daughter has (again) eaten it all.

  • LadyClodia

    My husband is still away, so even though I know I have taco seasoning there will be no solo tacos this week.

  • T

    I will definitely bring the vodka when I volunteer. Spot on Eve!

  • Tinyfaeri

    Sub chocolate covered pretzels and baileys for frosting, and Pisces is spot on for me.

  • ChillMama

    Ah, so true! Except my new asshole neigbours (who actually seem very nice) decided to move in to their new upstairs apartment at 8:00pm, thus convincing my baby that 7:00-8:00 constituted a full sleep-cycle and she should get up to play. However, I am going to add stocking up on vodka to the end of mine, because I am pretty sure that is how every horoscope should end.

    • tSubh Dearg

      I presume we’re allowed to switch in wine or gin for vodka?

  • Maria Guido

    Thanks for the permission to eat frosting out of a can. I’m pretty sure I have some.

    • LiteBrite

      You don’t have to be a Pisces for that. As far as I’m concerned, EVERYONE has permission. :)

  • TngldBlue

    I’m going to be really pissed if I look right now and we have no taco seasoning after it was on husbands list yesterday.

    • Natasha B

      Yep, just checked my cupboard. Shit. Looks like another trip to Target.

    • TngldBlue

      You and me both, dammit!

    • Ana

      I am a Virgo and I always forget the taco seasoning, so I buy 5 or 6 packets when I can remember it, and that way I’m covered for all the times I don’t.

  • G.E. Phillips

    Eve, you can clearly see into this Pisces girl’s very soul. Obviously, my kitchen as well.

  • Jayess

    It’s amazing. I don’t even have kids and my horoscope was spot on (Leo).

  • Mel

    Okay, this is freaky – I just mailed a package to my friends overseas and I filled it with ranch dressing mix and Taco Bell seasoning packets (the things they got addicted to here, but don’t have over there). So, now I’m not going to be prepared for my taco night?! Damn You, Germany!!!!

  • LiteBrite

    I’m right on the damn cusp of Taurus and Gemini, so I read both. I always find money hidden in the sofa cushions. Maybe the big change this week is that I will find MORE money?

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    I’m a Virgo and this was sooo true because we love tacos at home and I always forget something at the store. So much to remember: shells, meat, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, etc, etc, etc

  • 502 Bad Gateway

    Eve, I question your Astronometic background. Credentials please. Also more selfies

  • tSubh Dearg

    I’m Saggitarius and I’m not even pregnant yet, but weirdly I have been stressing about babies latching on after reading the post the other week from Maria about how difficult breastfeeding is. Luckily (?) my Beau has been reassuring me by saying he is the latching expert since he has 4 kids already.

  • JLH1986

    Many new changes, eh? I hope that doesn’t involve a new bill I was unaware of.

  • Kay_Sue

    I may not like Bubble Guppies, but you just described how my husband sounds to me when he talks, so there’s that. :-P

  • Rachel Sea

    I totally am having taco night, but I don’t use seasoning packets, I’m all about hot sauce.

  • aCongaLine

    I’m a virgo, and YES tacos are on our menu plan this week. Yay tacos!

  • Jallun-Keatres

    Plan parties??? F THAT!!!! lol

  • Mrsspring

    I’m a libra and how the feck did you know I am sleep training my 6 month old?? That baby monitor isn’t really a one way monitor is it…..

  • SusannahJoy

    I think this needs to be a regular thing. Yes.

    Also, now I’m looking forward to cheap pizza, so I hope that coupon is good!