• Tue, Jan 21 - 1:00 pm ET

8 Hella Expensive Baby Products I Can’t Afford Because I’m Not An Idiot

babyI love my coffee, so I’m not hating on Keurig. But I recently saw a new Keurig product made just for the frazzled parent, and no, it isn’t a fancy-schmancy coffee machine. It’s a fancy-schmancy baby formula dispenser called the Baby Brezza Formula Pro.

This pile of BS sells for a whopping $149. Who cares if you can barely afford formula each month? At least some beautiful machine will dispense it for you, and you won’t have to use your tired mom arms anymore. That must be worth its weight in gold—or, at least Keurig thinks so.

Crazy expensive baby products make little sense to me. Here are eight outrageously priced baby products that I’m not going to buy because I’m nobody’s fool:

1. Luxury Baby Bath: $2250

ababy.com

ababy.com

WUT. Even though the bath is advertised as the “best bathing experience possible,” I think an old bucket would do just fine in a pinch. Call me old-fashioned.

2. Bugaboo Donkey Twin Stroller: $1599

northriveroutfitter.com

northriveroutfitter.com

Why does this cost so MUCH? I bought my double stroller on eBay for around 100 bucks. If double strollers were this pricey, I would just carry one baby under my arm and hope for the best.

3. Luxury Baby Bassinet – Blue Angel Baby: $980

opensky.com

opensky.com

This froufrou bassinet makes me think of creepy Victorian babies, and it also costs AS MUCH AS MY MORTGAGE (*we live in Texas). Sorry, baby, the pack n’ play will have to do.

4. Kate Spade New York Harmony Baby Bag: $378

kate

saksfifthavenue.com

This Kate Spade bag is nice and all, but soon enough it will be filled with rolled-up dirty diapers and spit rags. That thought makes me cry a little on the inside.

5. Itsazoo Crib Canopy: $349

rosenberryrooms.com

rosenberryrooms.com

I couldn’t buy this because then my baby would have a nicer room than I do. Also, I hate to be the naysayer, but this looks like a crib suffocation hazard waiting to happen. Nope.

6. Lunt Beaded Sterling Silver Baby Cup: $335

silvergallery.com

silvergallery.com

Hmm. I’m not sure if a baby is supposed to drink out of this cup, or if it’s supposed to sit on a decorative shelf. Either way, I’d rather make my car payment.

7. ABC Jacquard Luxury Egyptian Cotton Baby Towels: $227

luxorlinens.com

luxorlinens.com

If my own linens are from Target, my baby will not be fluffed with Egyptian cotton after a bath. Not gonna happen.

8. Organic Playmat Fun Shapes: $129

petittresor.com

petittresor.com

What’s wrong with an organic playmat, you say? Where do I begin? This basic $20 mat costs well over $100, for starters. (But it’s organic!!!)

(Image: babybrezza.com)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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  • CMJ

    For $1,600 you think they could have come up with a better name than “Donkey Twin Stroller.”

    • Lilly

      considering it comes from a company that has a name defined as “an object of fear or alarm”, I don’t think they understand the English language all that well

      http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/bugaboo

    • CMJ

      I think they must have been using Beyonce’s definition.

    • 502 Bad Gateway

      El Burro

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      Not to mention it will make everyone you encounter hate you because it’s bloody enormous.

    • jane

      This. Made. My. Day.

  • kay

    My favorite over the top baby/child item is silver BUBBLE WANDS from Tiffany’s. Bubble wands. $250 bubble wands.

    • Bethany Ramos

      NOOOO I would feel so anxious like my kid had to play with them really hard to get my money’s worth.

    • Aimee Beff

      “NO SWEETIE YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH THE HULA HOOP YET, DON’T YOU WANT TO BLOW SOME MORE BUBBLES, IT’S ONLY BEEN THREE HOURS AND BY THE WAY WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!”

    • kay

      NO WE CAN’T GO TO THE PARK AND BLOW BUBBLES, YOU MIGHT LOSE THE WAND.

  • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

    I’m adding this to the list but I cannot help it I kinda want it :( for meeee as my hideout http://www.petittresor.com/Products/View/21739

    • Mel

      ooohhh, can I come play? That looks fun!

    • 502 Bad Gateway

      What, your 9 yr old’s too good for the refrigerator box?

      Top 1%ers

    • Abbe

      That’s one fugly playhouse

    • Elli

      This one has Unhappy Hispters written all over it.

  • ted3553

    Considering the first thing my little guy does after a bath is give me a sly smile and race down the hall and into the kitchen and living room naked, I will not be spending $227 on a towel set that is barely used. That crib canopy is gorgeous but until my work gives me a 200% raise it will continue to look gorgeous on the internet rather than in my room

  • Kay_Sue

    That crib canopy costs more than my youngest son’s entire crib and mattress set up did……..0.O

  • Rachel Sea

    That stroller cost more than two of my cars, combined.

    • Nica

      You beat me to it – I just bought a Jeep Cherokee Sport for the same price as the Bugaboo Stroller. Aye yi yi!

  • 502 Bad Gateway

    You lost me at the $335 silver baby cup

    you terrible terrible mother!

  • elle

    Not gonna lie if me and my husband ever decide to have another baby I’m most definitely purchasing the formula dispenser.

    • Bethany Ramos

      My husband just read this post and was like, if someone bought that formula dispenser for us, I wouldn’t throw it in the garbage! It looks kind of cool.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      I sure wouldn’t toss that one either. I’d cherish it. Hot damn if that wouldn’t make life easier. But… I would never buy it because I have hands and they’re free and the formula isn’t.

    • Guest

      Thank you. The other stuff was stupid but I was like eff yes to the dispenser.

    • Josephine

      I’m expecting twins and I WILL be buying that formula dispenser. I will have enough shit to do with chasing a 2-year-old around and taking care of two newborns, thanks.

      I honestly wouldn’t blame anyone for buying it for one baby, either.

    • Muggle

      That’s the only thing on this list that approaches reasonable. Saves time and effort, so why not?

      I already have K-Cup machine at my house. It’s wonderful because then I don’t have to worry about accidentally wasting coffee when I only drink 1-2 cups at a time, I have a much easier way to make tea, etc.

      My neurologist would frown disapprovingly if she knew I was still having caffeine, but oh well.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

    I was looking for a new camera bag with the idea that I had to be able to carry it along with my future diaper bag and stumbled across a camera/diaper bag combo. It seemed like a brilliant idea until I realized it was well over $200. I showed it to my manpanion and he laughed right in my face. Apparently he’s not willing to pay $200 for a diaper bag or a camera bag.

  • AmazingAsh

    I sucked at mixing formula at 2am. I was just awful at it and I’m never sure I actually got the hang of it (DS is two and he’s still alive and healthy!!). I would’ve bought the formula dispenser. He’s never getting Eve’s $14,000 playhouse though!

  • Megan Zander

    ” carry one baby under my arm and hope for the best” – cracked me up, since that’s basically how most of my outings end up anyhow.

  • SA

    The formula dispenser is so awesome it is almost like angels brought it down from heaven to share. I would have LOVED that!!!!! I already felt like such a bf-ing failure and mixing formula bottles was just like a slap in the face, not to mention I was really messy with it. And if ‘damp’ formula ends up on your counter it turns into cement in seconds. And then not having to be all like “How many scoops was that again?” when you are sleep deprived and counting. Oh man, where WAS this a year ago!!!

    • Bethany Ramos

      If I had that formula dispenser, I would drink the formula myself. It looks so beautiful…

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Except that formula tastes like crap. So there’s the flaw in an otherwise perfect plan.

    • oywiththepoodlesalready

      wonder if hot chocolate powder would work in it ?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but there isn’t enough chocolate in the world. I tried it once when my baby was like “hell to the no.” It’s not a taste test you soon forget. It’s right up there with yellow squash baby food.

    • oywiththepoodlesalready

      I agree on the hell to the no on the formula…..I meant JUST hot choccy powder.

  • Aimee Beff

    I wonder how many times I could trip over that bassinet skirt in the dark before I ripped it apart in a $980 rage.

  • Shelly Lloyd

    If I was wealthy I wouldn’t mind the sterling silver baby cup. But I love silver. I once was able to get these lovely vintage art deco salt and pepper shakers from a thrift shop that were real sterling silver. I paid $10 for them. They were valued at $200. I gave them to my mom for a Christmas gift.

  • CW

    My oldest received an engraved sterling silver cup as a baptism gift from my (childless) aunt. She also gave my youngest a cashmere layette outfit. My mom and I had a good laugh over that one before hocking it on eBay.

  • TngldBlue

    I’m not afraid to admit I would’ve sold the dog for that formula dispenser when my kid was a baby.

    • Véronique Houde

      OMG once I switch to formula, I would totally beg for one of those. Ugh, mixing it, and heating it…. If I can switch it on while making my own cappuccino, SOOOOOOLD! Perhaps this will be my gift request from my parents for baby #2 mouahahahahaha

  • Jallun-Keatres

    Looool I can’t even. Mini Keatres won’t even sleep in her pack n play let alone a FRILLY(tm) bassinet that she’ll grow out of in no time.

    Those towels are cute but yeah I’d rather have 2 months of groceries with that munni.

  • Sarahstired

    got to say, I would have loved the dispenser. It is not easy to hold a screaming baby in one hand and scoop formula with another. The amount of formula I spill on the counter alone would buy this product.

    • Pappy

      I could see it being super useful for multiples, too. Especially if you need multiple caregivers for them and you want all of them to be preparing consistently mixed formula.
      It honestly looks simple enough you might even be able to ask an older child “Go make a bottle for the baby/babies and bring it here” and they probably could.

    • MerlePerle

      You know, I think that thing is totally ridiculous…but that is a good point! My daughter would’ve loved being able to prepare bottles for her baby brother!

    • Pappy

      I just picture the mom of triplets weeping with relief that all she has to do is press a button three times to feed her kids, instead of fiddling around with mixing and warming and etc. while the babies shriek in the background. Or she can be changing the babies and tell whoever “Take these bottles and fill them from the dispenser in the kitchen” and no matter how baby-clueless the person is, she knows she’ll get three properly mixed, properly warmed bottles.

      So, maybe this product isn’t for everyone but I do think it’s not as frivolous as the author suggests.

    • MerlePerle

      Yeah, it’s probably not. I just never found mixing bottles that time consuming or difficult. But having multiples or older siblings running around would probably be a good reason for buying that. And who am I to judge what people spend their money on. I found a lot of baby products useless, that other swore by.

    • Jen

      And it preps them for making you your coffee soon after! I call that a win.

  • Natasha B

    I KNOW people who push that damn stroller around. My foot has been run over by one at the zoo more than once.
    No lie though, I stalk craigslist for a phil&teds used that’s under $500 :/ I got to push one once, and I waaaaaaant it. But…I’ll prob just grab one from Burlington.
    That canopy….all I could think was dust & spiders. Out oldest ditched her canopy when she got tired of the spider webs.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    The baby bath confuses me. How does the water stay in the tub…? And is it really a separate bathroom piece? You install, bathe your babies and then it just goes on existing like a strange non-sink after that? I do not understand.

    • Bic

      Thank you, I thought it was just me that couldn’t figure that out. How is it a bath if it’s got a big hole in the side?

  • Muggle

    That crib canopy is ridiculous. You could MAKE that easily, for less than $50.

  • SusannahJoy

    lol, I saw that formula thing in the store recently. I had to just walk away and not think about it too much because it would make me sad.

  • Emily

    I am pretty sure that somewhere on Pinterest there lurks the DIY version of the canopy for <$15.

  • Momofthree

    Soooooooooooo I’m totally jealous I the keurig formula maker thingy!! I’ve texted it to at least five ppl and old them whoever gets pregnant first ill but it!! Sorry but for a mom who couldn’t breastfeed, this is like the greatest gift EVER!!! Night feeding, multi-tasking…this is the shitzzzz!!!

  • Katie Bauch

    That’s it! I’m moving to Texas! I could buy 3 ugly blue baby bassinets with our mortgage!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahaha that would be one good thing, but the HEAT…

  • footnotegirl

    There are so many baby products that are the definition of “More money than sense’ as my mom used to say. My favorite was a clear lucite crib for $2,000.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I saw this but couldn’t find the price on it!

  • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

    I’m not planning on using formula, but that Nespresso thing looks so convenient I want one anyway. You don’t have to check temperatures or clean a pot or anything! Also now it turns out they have a baby food machine that steams and purees all at once. I am not entirely sure why that would be helpful, but I want one just so I can throw all kinds of stuff in it. Pesto! Olives! Random twigs from the yard! I bet it could handle them.
    My mother has all those sterling silver baby cups and baby spoons and stuff. To my knowledge they have never been used for anything in 33 years.

  • Katherine Handcock

    Okay, new motion: anyone who spends this kind of money on ridiculous baby things has to return the ridiculous baby things and give all the money to moms who are in need. Who’s with me?

    • Bethany Ramos

      ME!

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