I think we can all agree that nothing gets the Internet in a tizzy like the idea of kids shoving various substances up their noses, but the newest “drug panic” is the most ridiculous yet. According to various questionable “sources,” kids are just wild for snorting Smarties. Yes, Smarties, the candy.

According to the Daily Mail, which is a bastion of journalistic integrity, this issue is a “widespread phenomenon,” by which they mean 15 kids allegedly took part…in one school…in Rhode Island (aka America’s studio apartment). They also mention “hundreds” of clips on YouTube, of course leaving out the part where the “hundreds” of clips aren’t hundreds at all and are spread out over numerous years.

The Daily Mail can’t even find one recent video, instead mentioning ones from 2007 and 2010 in the very next paragraph. But who cares about “accuracy” or “facts” when there is a story to sell! According to the Mail:

“The Smarties snorting trend is by no means a new phenomenon; some of the YouTube videos date back to at least 2007.
In one video posted in 2010, young boys are seen making lines of Smarties dust similar to cocaine and snorting the sugary powder through a rolled up dollar bill. ”

The clip, which has drawn more than 12,000 views, shows the kids coughing and gasping for air as the residue fills their nasal passages and lungs.

What baffles me the most about this supposed “phenomenon” is that every couple of years it comes around in a new form. At one point it was Crystal Light, then aspartame. Occasionally there are a few legit cases, but never is there a serious trend. It’s click bait and sensationalist BS. Meanwhile teens have been huffing Dust-Off for ages along with other various inhalants. I guess headlines about Dust-Off just aren’t as punchy anymore.