• Sun, Jan 19 - 3:10 pm ET

5 Things That I’d Rather Do Than Deliver A 15 Pound Baby

A woman in California recently gave birth to a 15 pound baby. That is like two also very large babies, or three kind of small babies. I cannot begin to describe the amount of respect I have for this mom. She deserves a medal.

Vanessa Cervantez, the 28-year-old mother gave birth via c-section earlier this week, and named her son Andrew Jacob. According to reports, he is the largest baby ever born in California. C-section or not, this got me thinking about the various things I’d rather do than deliver a 15 pound child. Such as…

5. Sky Diving

15 pound baby

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There are two things I am deathly afraid of, flying and heights. This combines both. Still, compared to the rigor of delivering a 15 pound baby, this seems like a walk in the park.

4. Montezuma’s Revenge 

I don’t think anyone would willingly get traveler’s sickness. I know I wouldn’t. Nothing ruins a night like being forced to pray at the porcelain throne, amirite. But a night of upchucking seems like heaven in comparison.

3. Fight Club

I know, I know, I am breaking the first rule.

2. Slap Bet

If you’ve never seen the How I Met You Mother episode, a slap bet is, obviously, a bet you make where you are slapped if you lose. No one likes being slapped, but I would gladly take a slap straight in the face if it meant not having to deliver a 15 pound baby (seriously, somebody get this woman a dream vacation or something, she is my hero).

1. Eat A Bug

15 pound baby

audreyjm529

I know that in many cultures, eating insects is par for the course, but seriously? I almost puked uploading this photo. I just can’t. I lied, I think I would rather have the 15 pound baby.

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  • Jallun-Keatres

    Good Garrett… that baby is bigger than my 7-week-old….. and she’s like 5 inches shorter than me :o :o :o

    • Aimee Beff

      I have 7-week-old twins and COMBINED at birth they didn’t weigh 15 pounds! I’m boggling.

    • AugustW

      My 4 foot 11 aunt delivered a 24 inch (2 feet!) baby. He is now 6 foot 7, lol.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      Sounds like my aunt… 5 feet even and birthed a 10 pound jock who will prolly be as tall as my uncle at 6’6”!

  • Holly

    The idea of carrying a 15 pound baby is more terrifying to me than delivering. My body ached so badly carrying each of my six-and-some-change babies.

    • Natasha B

      That poor woman’s bladder :/

  • keelhaulrose

    My ten pound little one had me practically needing specialist equipment to turn over in bed (my husband videotaped it once, I pointed out the similarity to a walrus and made him erase it). I think fifteen pounds would have had me immobile.
    I’d rather eat a whole five-pound bag of the Haribo sugarless gummy bears than carry/birth a fifteen-pound baby.

    • m

      I was about ten pounds (had to google how to convert that, but it was 4.5 kg) when I was born and also had a big head. I feel for my poor mom.

    • keelhaulrose

      I did 13 hours of hard labor with her, then took them up on their offer of a c-sect. I saw her big head and actually thanked God she didn’t come out the normal way. Her big head was the reason I couldn’t deliver her, I still call her Big Head on occasion.

    • m

      My husband also sometimes calls me big head, as it’s still quite big ;)

    • Kay_Sue

      I feel you. My ten pounder killed my desire to ever have anymore children. Pretty sure that’s precisely the reason he got so big, actually.

  • LadyClodia

    Wow…
    My older son was 7lb 12oz when he was born, and he soon grew into a super chunk, but even he wasn’t 15lb until he was 3 months old.
    It must have been super scary when they had to do an emergency c-section on her because the baby was in fetal distress. But that said, I’m going to be in the minority and say that I’d take the 15lb baby over skydiving, Montezuma’s revenge, or eating a bug.
    I always wonder, though, how it is that they don’t realize the baby is that big until the final weeks or even finding out at delivery. Like isn’t it common for the doctor to measure to check the size of the baby? Or is the measuring useless and really just to make it seem like they’re doing something?

    • Natasha B

      Hahaha I always wondered that too. ‘So, you can tell how big this baby is, inside my body, with your lil measuring tape there? Cool’
      My biggest baby was 8lb4oz, and he caused plenty of damage, thankyouverymuch. I can’t imagine that poor woman.. Just carrying that baby! Ouch!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Maybe they measured and were like, “Nah, can’t be right!”

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I guess the ultrasound only goes so far, they seem to have a pretty wide range of size. When I had a 40 week ultrasound, they said my daughter was going to be between 8-11lbs. She was 7lb 3oz . So maybe they had one and someone said “the baby might be 15lbs” and everyone just hoped it was wrong lol.

    • Kay_Sue

      They measured my oldest and were spot on. They measured my youngest and he came out 10 lbs 8.9 oz anyway. He was just tucked up so tightly that they didn’t get an accurate read. I gathered that it was really a guessing game, and my doc lost that time, lol.

    • LadyClodia

      My OB for son #1 was great and he was spot on with the estimate for him. We moved while I was pregnant with son #2 and the OB I ended up with acted like I was bothering him when he had a good day. Unfortunately my super great OB seemed like he was the exception, so it was kind of hard to tell how much of a crapshoot the estimates really were.

    • Kay_Sue

      Mine was the same OB both times. She was very, very surprised when he was big, because she’d guessed around 7 or 8 lbs.

    • LadyClodia

      Hah, I can imagine! That’s a pretty big difference!

    • keelhaulrose

      The doctor I went to for my first sent me to the hospital for a better ultrasound starting at eight months. Their machine didn’t go up that high.
      In the delivery room the doctor and nurses were taking bets on how big she was (with my blessing). When the doctor said twelve pounds I asked why she didn’t say that earlier, I wouldn’t have declined the c-sect twice if I knew that’s what she thought I was!

    • AugustW

      They told me my daughter would be 10 lbs minimum and she was 7 lbs 12 oz. so yeah, it’s not always accurate.

    • Lackadaisical

      Everyone’s internal dimensions are different and can be very deceptive. A skinny woman with narrow hips can hide a big baby with little bump to show, even though you would guess she had little room to hide it, I have known it to happen. Personally I was a whale with my first two but most people didn’t know I was pregnant with my third (including a few people who hadn’t realised around my due date), yet all my kids were similar sizes. I had a very late scan with one kid and although they warned the kid might be big they couldn’t say how big or be certain, I think the kids are all to big for measuring properly on a scan past a certain size.

  • Aimee Beff

    I’m so, so vicariously relieved that this was a c-section.

    • Lackadaisical

      Just before I had my first, as my antenatal group were shown around the maternity ward by a midwife who believed that painkillers are for wusses, we were told that the week before I lady had given birth to a 14lb baby unassisted. I think this was supposed to be a “if she can do it you’ll be fine” piece of reassurance but it terrified us all.

  • kay

    You know, my mom always says big babies are better, “because they’re cooked all the way” (she had two 10 pounders, I was 9 1/2, my oldest brother was the “small” one at 8 pounds 9 ounces… )
    I feel like even she would say 15 pounds was a bit much.

  • Kay_Sue

    I honestly can’t imagine this. Not just the delivery, but the actual carrying. My ten pounder displaced my ribcage and made me look like I’d walked straight out of an Aliens flick whenever he was feeling active, not to mention the pelvic pain was indescribable…

    This woman has my sincerest respect and admiration.

  • http://lawleramericanadventure.wordpress.com/ Nicole

    Shit, she didn’t give birth to a baby. She gave birth to a preschooler.

  • AugustW

    So thankful for my little 7 pounder.

  • Mamaof4

    Little babies (under 7 pounds) scare me as I have only had larger babies. Twins who were 7lbs 14oz and 9lbs 13oz and two singletons, the smaller was 10lbs 7oz and my biggest was 13lbs even and 23.5 inches long. He was delivered two weeks early in an (failed) attempt to limit his size. I suppose if he had gone to full term he would have weighed about 15lb. He is now 3 and the size of a 6 year old. I will say the last two or so weeks of each of my pregnancy I was pretty much immobile.

    • Lackadaisical

      I know what you mean. Mine were smaller (from 8lb 11 to 9 lb 12) but were big enough to have never really had that delicate newborn look. When friends have tiny babies they seem so delicate and I feel like I would break them even though they are probably as robust as my own heffalumps were.

  • C.J.

    This is why I stopped at 2 children. My first was 10 lbs 9 oz, 22 inches long with a 14 inch head, induced at 39 weeks. My second was 9 lbs 11 oz, 21 1/2 inches long with a 13 1/2 inch head, induced at 38 weeks. I was terrified of getting a bigger one and having to have a c-section.

  • Cement Block

    You’re also breaking the little known 6th rule of Fight Club

    You must coddle Bitch Tits

  • Athena A

    My boyfriend weighed nearly ten and a halve pounds when he was born. I really REALLY hope these sort of things aren’t hereditary.