• Thu, Jan 16 - 1:00 pm ET

Anonymous Kid: Polyamorous People HAVE To Be Responsible About Birth Control

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Anonymous Kid is a 17-year-old who is the daughter of polyamorous parents. 

I read PolyMom’s latest article with great interest. I was quite surprised and dismayed by the naivety displayed and her subsequent justification. She explained it away by saying, “I trust my partner.” When in a polyamorous relationship, trusting just the one partner isn’t enough because the web often extends far beyond the scope of just one or two other people. I know that from dealing with my biological parents. The woman who gave birth to me was in no less than three or four relationships with other polyamorous people. Her girlfriend was the same way and worse at times. Guess what? That means they were exposed to God knows what every time they were intimate with one of them. I heard her girlfriend [jokingly] say she had a “friendly vagina” one day. Whatever that is. They may have trusted their partners, but who is to say that their partner’s partners or their partners were doing right and wrapping it up? I was privy to both of them engaging in risky activity like one-night stands and friends with benefits.

 

I’m just a teenager, but I know full and well that the “pull out,” “rhythm,” or any other methods don’t EVER prevent diseases, and pregnancy is still a real possibility. As long as you have functioning organs and he’s not shooting blanks, pregnancy can happen. If a woman can still get pregnant after having a tubal or even a partial hysterectomy, it’s common sense that a pregnancy can occur at other times, too. A vasectomy isn’t fool proof either. I’m also not simple enough to buy into the notion that the only time a woman can conceive is during the period of ovulation either. Thus, when I do become sexually active, I’m not going to take chances. I’m not ready to be a mother. I need to know myself before I can call myself somebody’s mama.

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  • CMJ

    Anon Kid: Proving, once again, that you are wise beyond your years and more mature than Poly Mom.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Oh man I said the same thing basically

    • Zettai

      Seriously. Love this kid.

    • Armchair Observer

      Comment of the week. We need a gif with supergirl, stat.

    • Anna

      That was all I could think. I actually replied to the PolyMom article yesterday that I had been hoping to hear more from AnonKid with Polyparents so I am incredibly excited and hope that this will be an outlet for them.

      I just can’t believe the Poly lifestyle is as self centered and short sighted as PolyMom paints it. That would fit too well into the negative stereotypes and I had hoped PolyMom would aim to break those.

      I can’t even begin to address how impressed I am with AnonKid. Part of me is like “Noooo 17?!” when I read this.

  • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

    I know I have told you this before, but you aren’t just a teenager. You are so eloquent and wise, well beyond your years. I <3 you

  • JLH1986

    I wish I had this much eloquence at 30, let alone 17. Kudos.

  • meteor_echo

    Aaand absolutely agreed.
    One thing though – STDs happen to those who “respect themselves” too. One can get raped and get a curable or incurable STD. Someone who is monogamous and faithful can get an STD if their partner cheats on them. Some STDs (like syphilis) are transmittable though household objects like towels and spoons. Keep this in mind – viruses and bacteria dn’t discriminate.

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      Aw, hell. I’m totally out of spoon condoms.

    • meteor_echo

      Do you still have towel condoms though?

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      No. You see, I totally trust my towels.

      Lord only knows where my spoons have been, though. Especially those soup ladles. Right there next to the spice rack… they think I don’t see the way they look at the cilantro.

    • Jessie

      Comment thread of the week right here. Make it so.

    • meteor_echo

      You can never cook with them again! They will only cook fast food!

      Also, I’m dying here XD
      http://charlyshades.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/laughing.gif

    • Kay_Sue

      Thanks for reminding me to add some to grocery list, folks.

    • StealthGent

      STDs can even happen in completely monogamous relationships, I got Mono (Not an STD, but often seen similar to one) via the military, and herpes via cold sores… Or as I like to say, ” I got herpes from my mother in law.” Because I’m secretly 12.

      Point being to add on to Meteor’s statement that they can pop up in the weirdest ways.

    • meteor_echo

      Herpes is a really easy thing to get, too. No wonder that the vast majority of people has it.

    • CMJ

      The last time I got tested – I went all out. This included the blood test for herpes specifically. My gyno said – “Congrats! You have no form of herpes!”

    • meteor_echo

      I also don’t have it. Apparently, my mother does, but it’s been dormant for years. Thank fuck it’s dormant when your immune system is okay :I

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      PS: did you get my email from the other day are you ignoring me :(

    • meteor_echo

      Gah, my email sent it to a “Social” folder instead of “Main”! So sorry, will reply now!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      *cries* I miss you

    • meteor_echo

      T_T

    • Ddaisy

      Maybe for the lucky people, it’s dormant when your immune system is okay.

      I’ve had cold sores all my life, but it was usually only a couple of times a year. Then I got a boyfriend, and somehow regular kissing made a cold sore pop up once a month or so. We broke up over a year ago and I haven’t had a cold sore since.

      Apparently, for me, it has nothing to do with my immune system and everything to do with kissing. I am kinda scared to ever start kissing another boy again :P

    • JLH1986

      I posted this on PolyMom’s post, but I had a client who was seeing me because she had only 3 lifetime partners, her husband for 10 years. She had an outbreak of herpes. She was devastated that she might have given it to her husband, she had a vaginal birth thought she gave it to her kid. Husband was accusing her of stepping out, etc. Dr. Told her that herpes is one STD that she could have contracted 12 years ago with her ex and just never had an outbreak and may never have another one again. Turns out her husband cheated on her and THAT’s how she got it but…my long rambling point is some things sneak up on you!

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      I was going to say something similar. Even with people who aren’t in monogamous relationships, but who are very serious about using condoms and other barrier methods get STIs sometimes. The stigma against STIs often keeps people from getting treatment due to embarrassment.

    • Anonymous Kid

      I believe some of the stigmas stem from ignorance and lack of knowledge. It is possible for a person infected with HSV II and a person who isn’t infected to be sexually active without the uninfected partner becoming infected. Some people are like, “A person with Herpes is someone I’d never date b/c I don’t want to get it.” I’ve heard people say stuff like that, and it’s like, “Whoa. So uninformed but that’s your right to decide who you do/don’t want to date.”

      I totes get that STIs are sometimes unpreventable. The douche lord guy you’re dating is cheating and not using protecting. Welp, Dirty Dick Dan brings a little something extra back home and passes along the unwanted present. Things like that are out of the realm of individual control. Nobody could predict that. In this scenario, there are bigger issues than him cheating and passing along something. He so obvi doesn’t respect the person he so-called loves b/c if he did, he’d care about her health and well-being, too.

    • Anonymous Kid

      I agree with you 1000%. Most people do not just wake up on Saturday morning, check the STD forecast, and say, “Gee, it looks like a GREAT day to get the clap.” Some circumstances are most definitely out of our control. You can’t control a cheating partner, and being blindsided by the cheating and a positive panel for xyz has to be devastating. You can’t control the sick, perverse individuals who rape people and pass on Herpes I or II or anything that sticks with you for life. Admittedly, there are non-sexual ways to come into contact with some of these things. In some cases, it’s absolutely preventable or at the very minimum ways to reduce the risks. My view is that if I have control or at least some element, I’m going to protect myself to the best of my ability. :)

    • meteor_echo

      You’re absolutely right. Do what you can to prevent sexually transmitted stuff – you can’t control all the circumstances, but a lot of them you still can.

  • Fuzzy Dolphin

    So like… have there been instances of non-blood related Poly-kids hooking up? I mean, it’s bound to happen, right?

  • AP

    Bravo!

    Also, I hope Anon Kid gets something resume-worthy from her experience here. I see the beginning of a beautiful career! She’s very talented and astute.

  • LJ

    1) Your post is amazing and makes me want to hug you. (Which might be creepy but…..I’m sorry, I’m creepy sometimes)
    2) “Creamy Fillings are only attractive in Oreos” should be the new teen sex ed slogan.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      That Oreo line made me LOL forever

    • VĂ©ronique Houde

      ditto

    • Natasha B

      On posters in HS everywhere!

  • chickadee

    You have clearly listened to your Nanna, and I am very glad you have someone who can help you center yourself. I would be proud to be your mother, and in fact your opinion is very similar to my youngest’s who is also 17.

    Your writing, by the way, is clear and interesting to read. Your argument is well-constructed and supported, and it would be nice to have you come address the students at my daughter’s high school about The Sex….

  • Polyamorous Mom

    Last time I’m going to say it, both of my partners have no other partners at the moment.
    best to anon kid.

    • CMJ

      You’ve already lied to everyone. Suck it up and move on.

    • Kay_Sue

      “My boyfriend Jim had a vasectomy years ago, so when we stopped using condoms (he’s having safe sex elsewhere), I considered that our safety net.”

      Yeah….about that….

    • LJ

      Seriously, put on your big girl panties and take a lesson in maturity and responsibility from this 17 year old.

    • momma425

      Seriously- nobody believes you. When it’s pointed out, you ignore it.
      You were caught, and you continuing to show up all butthurt is honestly just getting sad. It’s like watching the titanic sink.

    • CMP414

      You’re just pissed that some teenager apparently knows more than you do and also that pretty much everyone saw the many holes in your story.

    • Kelly

      Then you’ve lied in numerous articles, including the last one.

      Pathetic.

    • Ally

      Sure, honey, and Santa Claus is totally real too…

    • Lackadaisical

      I personally am uncomfortable with the amount of hate poly mum is getting.

      While I appreciate that poly mum owes us no further details I also think it might clear up a bit of potential misunderstanding if she also clarified the “both partners have no other partners” with something along the lines of “my boyfriend’s wife has no other partners and I trust her too” because I personally respect poly mum enough to assume that she trusts her boyfriend’s wife as part of a sensible dynamic. I think a lot of people assume that the wife of the boyfriend is continuing a chain of lovers which may have been true at one point but doesn’t mean it is true now. It is also possible that her boyfriend is not currently sleeping with wife but that would probably be too much detail for poly mum to be comfortable sharing as it would be airing another couples issues, even if anonymously.

      Anyway, while many of us think withdrawal is a … risky way to try not to get pregnant I don’t think that is enough to pile on all this hate, and she wouldn’t be the first woman on this forum to try and regret withdrawal either.

    • Kay_Sue

      I agree to an extent, but I really, really hate being lied to. And that piece was so chockfull of mistruths and half-truths and not truths that PolyMom herself couldn’t keep it straight.

      If it weren’t for that, I’d be completely uncomfortable with all of this. But I’m able to reconcile it. So…thanks, PolyMom, I guess, for resolving the moral dilemma for me?

    • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

      I’ve just been suspecting that her boyfriend is not having sex with his wife and for some reason she wants to strongly imply that without actually coming out and saying that he is not having sex with his wife. But that’s just my theory.

    • CMJ

      She said it….in the comment section.

    • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

      Ah, that’d make sense. Now I hope everything is going ok in Jim-land.

    • CMJ

      I really, really tried to give Poly Mom the benefit of the doubt. The lying, mis-truths, backtracking, and complete lack of culpability are ridiculous. Accept the consequences of your actions and move on.

      Her article was inconsistent and irresponsible. I found most people to be respectful in their comments towards her – even as she was lying to readers and her editor.

    • Anna

      I don’t think PolyMom was the best representative of the poly lifestyle. The more I think about the more I realize she is a human who makes mistakes and perhaps there should have been almost a training wheels crash course for readers on the poly lifestyle.

      I know I have difficulty shaking negative stereotypes of the poly lifestyle but I really try to not even comment on PolyMom articles and learn.

      Yesterdays was too much with the half truths.

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      If other readers feel curious about polyamory and want something more like a “crash course”, maybe something like an open-thread Q&A about it is in order? In addition to PolyMom, there seem to be at least a few regular readers who identify as poly, and Anon-Kid’s perspective rounds things out well. It could make for some good discussions and maybe help with those who want to shake the stereotypes.

    • Momma425

      You know, I agree to some extent. If it were JUST the pull-out method thing, fine. I can handle that. And truth be told, if polymom said, “You know what, i sleep with a bunch of people and none of us use condoms and we don’t care about STIs” I could probably wrap my head around that as well, because polymom is an adult and can get the clap if she wants to.
      The problem I have, however, is how she presented herself as this well-put-together person who has this poly stuff all figured out. In her first article, I commented about the whole pregnancy problem, and polymom snapped at me that it was none of my business and that she wouldn’t get into personal information about who all can concieve kids. And as the articles have gone on, it has become more and more clear that this woman is a trainwreck.
      Additionally, I really don’t like being lied to. I don’t like reading something, and getting invested in something, only to find out that it is full of half-truths, and non-truths, and incomplete truths. If you’re wanting to write a fictional story or a what-if piece, that is fine. Present it as so.

    • TPM

      Perhaps, assuming the safe sex Jim is having elsewhere is his wife… but you know what? Cheating happens. When you’re in a monogomous relationship you only have ONE penis/vajayjay to worry your head over… you have THREE. And by the very NATURE of cheating… you wouldn’t know about it. Yes, it could happen in a mono relationship, but again- you have THREE TIMES THE AMOUNT OF FRISKY BITS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN I DO. All it takes is for one person- maybe Jim’s wife while you’re off snuggling and watching Dr. WHo or whatever- to slip up, cover up, and introduce a whole new side of potentially oozing bits into the equation.

      Even if you get your tubes double knotted, you’re at risk.

  • Kay_Sue

    Anon Teen, I always enjoy your pieces. It sounds like this is something you’ve really thought about, and, while I do agree with an earlier comment by Meteor_Echo that STIs are communicable in other ways, and a variety of situations, I can understand your sentiments.

  • Guest

    You claim not to be judging poly mom but you sure sound like you are. You talk about understanding not using condoms in a “committed relationship or marriage,” thus implying that she is not in committed relationships. You worry that her kids might not use BC and have unwanted kids – that can be true of anyone’s kids; not just poly people’s kids have that worry. There are plenty of parents who are imperfect.

    • CMJ

      Oh honey.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Poly mom has done counter posts to Anon kid before, I let writers do counter posts and have strong POVs, that’s how we roll here

    • Guest

      I’m not worried – I just find it dishonest. I far prefer people to be honest in their judgment, as most of the people commenting on that post were. I generally find mommyish commenters and posters refreshing in their honesty; this one stuck out for being hypocritical while condemning someone for being hypocritical. Pots and kettles.

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      It is fair to wonder how she will talk to her kids about safe sex when it was clear she was using unreliable methods herself, while being reasonably convinced of their efficacy.

    • JLH1986

      I know monogamous couples who never practiced safe sex and they have stds or end up pregnant again so it’s not just a poly issue. I think some people either “don’t think” or just don’t know about birth control.

    • Muggle

      Probably don’t know. To be honest I think Poly Mom might be in the latter camp. It’s a very teenage mentality to believe “oh, nothing bad will happen” until it does. Hello, 16 (or Poly) and Pregnant.

    • Tinyfaeri

      The other piece was a good springboard for a sex ed piece where polyamory is involved. Protection and birth control is important in every relationship, but when you are no longer monogamous (especially when the people you are involved with also have sex with multiple partners), you really need to use condoms to protect against more than just pregnancy. It’s a different set of standards because it’s a completely different situation from a monogamous relationship. Poly was a big part of the previous post: a pregnancy scare for one woman no longer affects just her and a partner and her children. It now affects her, her primary partner, any secondary partners, their partners, and their kids if they have any. Ditto STIs. Once someone chooses to live a poly lifestyle, they give up the comforts of monogamy, and have to think about so many more things and people than just him- or herself and his or her immediate family. You increase the radius of your circle of responsibility when you increase your number of lovers.

    • Anonymous Kid

      Thank you. It’s so much more than just worrying about the one boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband. The circle of responsibility expands quite exponentially, and you hit it on the head when you said that once a poly lifestyle is chosen, certain monogamous comforts have to be sacrificed. One of which could very well be the eradication of all birth control methods. Trust simply doesn’t cut it when there are so many people to worry about.

    • Kay_Sue

      I’m just going to say it, but I think we’re all judging PolyMom right now…and I think we’re all justified in it.

      She put out a flawed piece, with obvious lies (whether the lies were the piece itself or the comments that followed, I don’t know), with the intent of getting us emotionally involved in her partially manufactured crisis. She left out relevant details, and either changed information or presented false information in her follow up comments.

      On top of all of that, Anon Teen has a different perspective. Of course she’s concerned with the kids–she is the child of a polyamorous couple. Her father has fathered a child with another woman in this arrangement. She’s not thinking about monogamous couples’ children because she has no frame of reference for that.

    • Guest

      Yes, but you are honest about judging poly mom. You are not writing something condemning hypocrisy by being hypocritical yourself. Poly kid is clearly judging poly mom while claiming not to. I’d respect her a lot more if she were honest herself. As it is, she comes across as concern trolling: “oh, I’m not judging, but what about the children?!” Of course she is judging, and she comes from a very particular perspective which gives her a hugely negative view of poly relationships. Her articles would be more persuasive if she were upfront about her biases and then went on to make her points regardless. She has some interesting thoughts, but she’s doing herself a disservice by playing coy this way. She’d do better to own her perspective and go from there.

      And, the fact remains that she – as apparently many of you – assume that a poly relationship does not qualify as a committed relationship. If she thinks not using condoms is fine in committed relationships, she should be fine with poly mom. If what she means is that you should only do that in monogamous relationships (or long term monogamous relationships) she should say that.

      For te record, I am monogamous – tried poly and isn’t for me. I also think poly mom was irresponsible in her BC, although if everyone involved consented (including all of her partners’ partners, I believe she has the right to be irresponsible.). However, I am tired of the site pretending tobe tolerant of poly and then having so many commenters implying that, in fact, relationships that have lasted years don’t count as committed just because they are poly. These relationships are not for me, but I do not think I get to discount them simply because they are poly. I don’t understand many people’s relationships, but it does not invalidate those relationships.

    • arrow2010

      Polys are by definition not committed. They violated their first vow.

    • Kay_Sue

      I think any relationship you in qualifies as committed, but not every committed relationship qualifies as one that you shouldn’t be using birth control in.

      My best friend is engaged to the guy that she’s been dating for eight years, living with for six. She doesn’t want babies. Uses birth control–multiple forms, actually, because having a baby would seriously fuck up her plans.

      I, personally, use birth control, despite the fact that I love and trust my husband…because we don’t want babies. Babies would be bad for us now.

      When you pull a whole bunch of others potentially into the mix–what if Jim decides to start having sex with others? What if his wife does?–when you have this level of “what ifs”, you take steps to protect yourself and everyone else involved. That doesn’t mean your not committed. It doesn’t mean your relationship is not committed or worth less than monogamous ones. It means your relationship has more variables that you have to control for, period. That’s part of being responsible as an adult, as a woman, as a partner, as polyamorous person, as a mother…that’s not invalidating the relationship.

      I have no doubt that PolyMom and Jim are very committed. In her other posts, she’s struck me as very rational and logical in her approach to her poly-lifestyle. That doesn’t excuse her behavior, especially when she’s supposed to hold herself to be this typical poly-example versus the other Poly-poster. Throw the click-bait dishonesty in there and it’s pretty much a clusterfuck all around.

    • Sarahstired

      I just don’t think you can pretend to have multiple committed relationships. If you are having sex with others, so are they. period.

    • arrow2010

      Amen. I’m sick and tired of all the excusers for immorality on this blog.

    • meteor_echo

      Then how about switching to a more conservative blog? There’s The Stir out there, along with the dozens of others. It’s not like we’re not sick of the promoters of ultra-conservative mores who come here.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter
    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      It really comes down to what one considers “committed”. If your definition of “committed” is “romantically and/or sexually exclusive” then no, it’s not committed.

    • Anonymous Kid

      Oh darling. When on God’s green earth did I ever invalidate this lifestyle choice? I’m not bagging on polyamory, and I had the worst possible examples of this lifestyle in my life for years.

      I’m not judging her. I respect her as a person. I don’t particularly care for her choices regarding be reckless and irresponsible. I’d call anybody to the floor if they were doing it. I do it to my own friends when they get themselves in sticky situations and find themselves hoping and praying that they don’t have some STD or unwanted pregnancy. I expect others to call me out, too.

      I don’t know a thing about growing up in a monogamous household b/c that isn’t what I grew up with. My parents were hypocrites when it came to talking to me about sex. Kids tend to emulate what they see mom and dad doing. “Mom did it so it MUST be straight.” I don’t think like that, so I called my biological mother out on her bull. She wasn’t practicing what she was preaching, and I had the “pleasure” of watching her for years. Poly Mom doesn’t have any intentions of shielding her kids from poly, so guess what, it does need to be posed, “What are you going to tell your little girl(s) about sex and protecting themselves?”

      I respect your criticism, and I’ll take it in stride. Have a nice evening.

  • Natasha B

    Anon Kid: I can not wait to see you make your way in the world, because you. Rock. Someone give this kid a medal. And maybe the presidency.

  • Kelly

    Well said. I have a husband and a boyfriend and I was horrified by polymom’s last article.

    Not because she’s poly (obviously) but the thought of any adult woman in a lousy financial situation who doesn’t want any more children using the pull out method of birth control is horrifying.

    I can’t use hormonal birth control either. There are other options available. It’s asinine to just cross one’s fingers and hope.

    • JLH1986

      I have several friends who knew they were done and as such got tubes tied, implants, one even had her uterus burned or something and no more babies ( or periods incidentally). I told hubs, if we ever conceive we are getting two kids. We get 2 from jump street I’m done, if we get more than 2 I’m for damn sure done and by done I will be telling them to close up shop while they are in there!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I had the uterus burning procedure (the ablation) to stop my periods as a last resort before my hysterectomy and it didn’t stop them at alll…

    • JLH1986

      Ablation! I couldn’t remember that for the life of me! She hasn’t had any issues at all. My mom had the same thing and it didn’t stop her periods at all, eventually she was like eff it take this sucker out I’m done having babies. Says it was the best decision she made. Sucks the ablation didn’t work because hysterectomies are no joke in recovery.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Yeah it was a LOT harder than I ever expected but ya know, it was an awesome decision and I always forget I had one haha

    • JLH1986

      after I have a couple tiny humans I’m ALL FOR forgetting lol

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Oh Goddammit I think I’m getting an ablation soon but I read they don’t always work and am terrified………

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      The procedure isn’t that bad, and it does work for a LOT of people. don’t worry we will protect youuuuuuuuu

    • Kay_Sue

      You said burning uterus, and my mind immediately goes, “Do I need an alter for that? Just a permit?”

    • JLH1986

      LOL That was how the procedure was explained to me. My uterus shriveled up hearing it though.

  • Doubter

    Am I the only person who doesn’t think that Poly Kid is real?

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      Why?

    • CMJ

      Probably.

      I’ve never thought any of the other anon posters were fake. Not sure why poly kid would be…unless you disagree with them? In that case, any time I disagree with someone, I am just going to call them “not real.”

    • LJ

      This would really solve some problems with my son’s bio-mom….if I could just be like, “NOT REAL!”

    • Muggle

      I don’t know, I’ve sometimes wondered if some of the Anon Moms were trolls. But Anon Kid and Poly Mom I believe are real.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      see, I don’t know… here’s what happens. I have a big ‘ol virtual bin of anon mom submissions. I go through them and pick the ones I feel would be most interesting to you guys. I would love to publish all of them but we can’t so I get to them when we can. I am not sure anyone would take the time to write 800+ words just to troll us.

    • Muggle

      I’ve seen some dedicated trolls in my time. It’s not that hard to write 800 words if you have a decent typing speed and enough creativity, if you’re bored enough. Some people are just that good at trolling, too, where initially everything seems all right and then you’re just all “…what the actual FUCK?!”

      Some Anon Moms have triggered my trolldar, but it’s entirely possible they’re real– Poe’s Law and all that. I think it applies here.

    • Doubter

      That is kind of a far jump you made to get where you are. It’s not that I disagree with her, it’s just that all the scenarios seem so perfectly horrible, she always knows exactly what to do, her parents never do anything right, and this creates a space where she can have everyone constantly tell her how wise and smart and how much they all love her. If Eve says there is some kind of vetting process, I have to believe her.

    • Anonymous Kid

      Doubter, nothing in my life is perfect. I don’t need people to tell me I’m wise and smart. I love myself, and I’m smart but not b/c others tell me I am. My parents made mistakes like ALL parents do. I have a unique set of issues with my mother b/c she isn’t sorry for anything she’s done. She feels no empathy. Even with me crying out, she’s still finding ways to make this about her and how I’m making her look.

      Dad didn’t realize I was hurting, and he lived in the same house. He chalked it up to my age, me being bratty, hormonal, and just plain difficult. He didn’t understand why I was acting out. He didn’t get why I was being cold towards his ex-girlfriend. All he saw was me being disrespectful. It took me crying, violently lashing out, speaking out, and all but begging for him to finally get it and see that everything wasn’t good. I was broken when I posted that first article. I looked like I had it together, but I was coming undone at the hinges.

      B.M. isn’t talking to me. I’m her only child and not once has she called to check on me. I went overseas for Christmas break, and I never heard from her. She’s angry with me for what I’ve said on here and she blames me for everything falling apart. Like I was the catalyst and the reason for her keeping secrets. Like I was the one leaving my husband, kid, and life to go cozy up to another man for months or weeks. I’m not the reason dad left her. She doesn’t know what it means to be accountable or a grown woman. That motivates me to be nothing like her.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I think anon kid is about as real as poly mom, meaning, they are both real.

    • m

      I also kind of get that feeling… I mean, I might be wrong but she just doesn’t seem like an actual teenager to me. It might be that she is just “wise beyond her years” like other people have commented, but I’m not sure. Also previously she wrote like trying to seem like a teenager (using the word ‘like’ quite a lot for example), but it felt a bit strange. But like I said, I might be wrong and I do want to believe she’s real.

    • Anonymous Kid

      I’m not wise beyond my years. I grew up before my time. Major difference. I’ve outed myself a couple of times because as gossip bloggers say, I needed to provide “receipts” or proof of what I was claiming. No better receipt than reading it and the responses from the woman who gave birth to me. I kept paper trails with the help of FB and Instagram. When something would happen at home, I detailed them publicly. My B.M. used to comment or call after most updates. I documented everything. When I needed the info, I had it available. There’s no drama in my life, and I don’t like attention. I’m shy and introverted. My release is writing out the frustration and anger. I’m working out my feelings and thoughts in a different way.

      I’m wise b/c I’d rather read the words from an expert than listen to idiotic friends. You want to know why I can spit this info? Parents don’t teach all of this. I’ve heard girls say, “I’ve heard people say ______.” (You can’t get pregnant on birth control or whatever.) How many women have gotten pregnant with an IUD, while on depo, or with any of those means? I don’t think it’s cute to be educated by friends or the streets. I took what was told to me and expanded my knowledge on it. I’d rather be informed, knowledgeable, and on my game than sitting on the edge of a tub, waiting for the timer to beep, and wondering whether my life is about to push the green button or red button like the Matrix.

      If that makes me fake, then I’ll take the throne and be the fakest chick in the streets. Real talk.

    • Doubter

      And it is really weird to me that any kind of doubt is being downvoted while the praises go up and up and up.

    • Ddaisy

      I wondered that, I admit, but then I figured Eve has some sort of vetting process for submissions. I can’t imagine her just blindly throwing in whatever comes through her inbox. And I do trust Eve, so I concluded that Poly Kid is likely to be real.

  • havronsm

    Best thing I’ve read all day: “Creamy fillings are only attractive in Oreos.”

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      LOL, that made me gag a little, but in the best kind of way.

  • Andy

    You seem wise beyond your years, and I’m sorry you’re having to put up with all the BS your parents are dishing out. Frankly, poly seems like an incredibly selfish lifestyle to live if you have children-if it’s just you and your partner that’s one thing, but to subject kids to a revolving door of partners of their parents coming in and out of their lives? I just don’t get that at all.

    • Muggle

      I think it’s easier on the kids if the other partners are at lest somewhat steady. I don’t think it would be any less stable or more stressful than divorced/otherwise unmarried parents entering and then leaving relationships. Of course it’s all about moderation– Anon Kid’s relationship with her parents wouldn’t suck quite so much if her parents had steady, long(ish)-term partners. It’s just like all those “welfare queen” myths we’ve heard about the single mom who has a steady stream of new partners who all expect the kids to call him “daddy” after a few months.

      Of course Anon Kid’s relationship with her parents wouldn’t suck quite so much if they took their heads out of their asses, but it’s not like that would change even if they were monogamous.

    • Kay_Sue

      I think it’s probably absolutely possible to keep it stable for the kids if the parents choose to AnonTeen’s parents don’t, but I kind of got the impression from PolyMom prior to yesterday that she and her partners did. I imagine it would be somewhat like single parents who start dating–keeping interaction to a bare minimum until you are ready for it to be Serious.

      I think AnonTeen’s problems are partially being raised in a Poly-family, but more so the fact that her parents seem stuck up their tuckuses, as you pointed out.

    • Anonymous Kid

      I’m no longer putting up with them. My biological mother and I aren’t even speaking. She’s still in her feelings behind what happened at the end of last year. They’re divorcing. My dad isn’t the father of the kid, and he dumped my mom’s girlfriend. Things on the former home front are nasty, and I’m glad I got out when I did. I’m rebuilding with my dad, but my relationships with her and her girlfriend are dead.

    • ChillMama

      Yowza. That sounds complicated and stressful. It is tough enough being a teenager, and you are going through a lot. *hugs*

    • Anonymous Kid

      It’s not stressful for me b/c I’ve distanced myself from it. I couldn’t change them, so I made changes on my own. I left the headaches and stress in 2013. My only link is thru dad, and it’s only b/c I’m worried him and how he’s dealing with all of this. It’s like so sad b/c he’s too good of a person to be treated like this. I feel the urge to protect him. Other than this, life is kinda normal for me. :)

    • VĂ©ronique Houde

      It’s amazing that he himself was finally able to pull away from the dynamic… I’m sure that must have been hard to do. Do you think that the fact that you started emancipation procedures gave him the necessary kick in the butt to get out too?

    • Anonymous Kid

      My breakdown was the icing on the cake. I’ve watched it fall apart. It started right after Thanksgiving. Dad had a DNA test done, and she’s not his kid. My bio mother knew that her girlfriend had cheated on dad and that he probably wasn’t the dad. She concealed it, and he went off. He’s the only one in the house. My bio mother was in for a surprise when she returned from Europe. He wasn’t playing any games. I’m not sure if he put her/them out or if they left freely, but he’s struggling with how to proceed. He hasn’t seen his ex-girlfriend’s daughter. I’ve tried to encourage him to remember that DNA doesn’t make a dad. She’s an innocent kid and he’s the only dad she’s ever known. If he wants to hate my bio mother or ex, that’s fine. He shouldn’t punish her. He’s hurting and dealing with several blows. I didn’t see any of this. I wanted him to leave but make sure it was amicable. I’m hoping he’ll come to his senses and stop letting his feelings control him.

      He has read my articles and joined Facebook just to read my words. He apologized for being dismissive and thinking I was just being bratty. He really didn’t know how much I was hurting, but he understands now.

  • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

    I commend Anon-Kid for being wise beyond her years, but I am really disappointed in the mean-spirited, bully-like comments on this post and Poly-Moms (again, NOT anything poly-kid said herself, she was eloquent and not overly judgey). If you want to judge someone’s choices, okay, but the mob mentality, hyper-mean spirited tone I’m seeing is problematic to me. And before I get this again, NO I am not poly-mom (as someone accused me of a few weeks ago). Eve can assure you of that, lol.

    I’m not saying I agreed with poly-mom, or that I think she was making the best choices re: birth control, but I think you can disagree respectfully. Come one guys, we’re better than this!

    • Muggle

      Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way too. Poly Mom went through a super-scary time and I think we could have all been a little less judgey, even if she seems rather unlikable at times. I don’t blame anyone for feeling exasperated by Poly Mom’s naivety, though, but that’s a hard lesson to learn and judging by Poly Mom’s background (wasn’t she raised in a conservative Christian family?) she just needed a big dose of reality. I know I did when I had that STD scare with my old FWB.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Your point about the conservative upbringing is excellent. I wasn’t raised in a particularly religious household, but it was definitely not sex-positive. Hell, I thought babies were made by a couple laying on top of each other and pushing their hearts together until I was literally 12. I had to learn a lot about sex on my own, and thankfully I was raised in the presence of a biologist and a nurse, or I might have been way more naive than I already was.

      I really hope PM will learn from this (and I think she will) and she seems really great in other comments on this site, etc. I think it’s just not shining through in her column because of the sensitive subject matter.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I’m never disappointed in our readers. They are allowed to have their opinions, just as Polymom can have hers, and anon kid can have hers. I was very disappointed in the comments of the poly mom piece the other day , but am over it.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Of course, I don’t mean I’m disappointed in the readers. The really mean comments are from people who don’t typically read us (which is true on a lot of posts, trolls be trollin, lol) and of course everyone is entitled to their opinions, but I think a lot more can be accomplished with compassion rather than being super mean or getting personal. And again, I think Poly-Kid’s post was spot on and excellent.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      See I only saw one evil comment and the readers like CMJ gave them a smack down. Our readers may disagree but they don’t tolerate nastiness

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      I know which one you’re talking about, I kind of stopped checking the comments after that, it was a little uncomfortable, but the comments calling her stupid or selfish or saying she should get sterilized were a bit much too (and like I said, if I remember right, these weren’t from regular readers or commenters). I’m not surprised that out regular readers would lay down the law at all though.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I also kind of hate that poor Anonkid works so hard on her articles and the focus reverts back to Polymom. I think it would be nice to focus on what she said here. When Polymom does counter posts to anon kid this doesn’t happen.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      That’s a good point too. A lot of the comments early on in this post were about PM (though it does seem to have turned more towards the subject at hand now that I see the newer comments). With this post it might be a bit more expected since this was a (very eloquent and well done) response to PM, but even with PK’s other posts i think it’s true. PK’s work is great, I would love to see her work on other subjects too, whether parenting related or otherwise. She made me legit laugh out loud with this one, and also put away the Oreos I was going to get out for obvious reasons.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Me too. I’m very proud of her writing and how she has dealt with things

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      I would love to see an “Ask Anonymous Kid” post or column where parents can ask her about teen-related subjects (or whatever else, depends on her I guess).

    • Momma425

      Honestly, I think poly mom is purposely trying to get people all worked up. Every single comment she makes basically eggs people on. The only way to beat her is to not get worked up- if nobody comments, she will just fade away.
      AnonKid is a brilliant writer and I am so happy for her.

    • Andrea

      There is not a whole lot we can say to PolyKid other than she’s awesome though. She’s dealing with a tough situation with a lot of wisdom and grace and all we can do is tell her she rocks and that great things are coming her way. Which she is and they are.

    • LJ

      I wanted to be all GTFO to that person, but I didnt even want to make it worth my time. I down-voted and got out of there. CMJ is there to tell it how it is. ;)

    • CMJ

      I’m like the police. With gifs.

    • LJ

      hahaha AMEN for gifs. Sometimes, when words arent enough. GIFs!! (Especially Nene Leaks gifs, that woman is my spirit guide)

    • LJ

      I think that *some* of us came into her article trying to be open minded, but the continued contractions and out right misleading really disheartened a lot of people. As readers of Mommyish, we expect more. At least, I feel that way

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I agree. I never want you guys to feel manipulated. The readers are soooo important to me

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Oh, I totally get your point. And I think you said it very well. There were plenty of great comments (like yours) that said their peace in a respectful way, but also quite a few trolls (who weren’t generally regular readers) who said some really mean, personal things.

    • LJ

      :) For me. I come at it her post in a couple ways. 1) As a writer (I totally don’t judge her on a word-vomit type post we all have those days. (Lord Jesus my Cheatsgiving post) but in integrity. 2) Instead of insulting the readers by just continuing to be like “nope you’re wrong”, maybe just falling on her sword a little and admitting maybe she isnt giving the Poly lifestyle the best of light right now? Would have made us feel better. Look my grandmother and mother are both gay and my mother is poly. I don’t, yuck, someones yum but, I expect them to be responsible about it. Especially, If that is the message they seem to be trying to put out. If she was like, “Im Poly and not always that responsible about it” then sure. We’d be like. LORD GIRL! but we would respect her honesty. No one, deserves to feel stupid. Us or Poly-Mom.. But she seems…..not ready/Un-willing to admit that. Which is too bad. It’s a growing opportunity. I hope she takes it.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      See, this is all well-said and well-thought out. And there were plenty of similar comments on her post. I think it’s great when readers of any site (especially ours, since I work here, lol) call writers out on inconsistencies, or even bad writing. It was the name calling that made me uncomfortable. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it (again, I’m guessing we got a lot of traffic from first time people who might otherwise be on Baby Center or whatever) even on highly controversial posts.

    • LJ

      I think you never saw anything like it, because as readers, we haven’t come across someone who so blatantly seems to post an article but wanted no opinion on it. :/ I find it hard to believe she really had no idea how irresponsible she was being.

      As a side note: I really hate taking Anon-teens comments to discuss the Poly-Moms article (no disrespect to you at all). Anon-Teen is my hero, and I hope my daughter grows up as thoughtful and mature and she has. <3

    • LJ

      Some people were just total TURDS about it though.

    • Lackadaisical

      Hear, hear. I could not agree more. I think that the comments against poly mum are getting very personal and there are so many of them. I don’t think anyone deserves the deluge of hate she must be getting whenever she checks the boards.

      I am also a bit wary of how partisan the board is getting about anon kid and poly mum. It is almost getting to the point where to support one a poster slags of the other and I think it is possible to be respectful and sympathetic to both. We don’t have to be two tribes ofof waring author supporters.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Agreed. I also think Poly-Kid has made a point of being respectful, and I hope everyone (particularly the anonymous readers who probably don’t typically read or comment) will take her lead. She really is a well-spoken/written kid and doesn’t seem judgey at all, but rather someone with experience in the matter saying her peace.

    • arrow2010

      When you share the details of your personal life, the comments back are going to be personal. Heaven forbid people should contain their opinions to themselves.

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      That doesn’t mean that the people commenting aren’t being inappropriate if they start stooping to name-calling and personal attacks.

    • Tinyfaeri

      I hate a good pile-on as much as the 10% of internet users who hate a good pile-on, but I think the bulk of the commenters here and on the other piece were respectful (if redundant), just a bit exasperated at what’s become a pattern of being perhaps a little short-sited and self-absorbed, and the whole “is this or isn’t this click-bait” melodrama. Because this is a public blog, she’s not writing this stuff on post-its and sticking it to her wall at home, it’s going to get comments, and some posts are going to be less popular than others. Any name callers I saw got called out for it, but if one got missed I can go tell them to fuck off now.

    • CMJ

      “I hate a good pile-on as much as the 10% of internet users who hate a good pile-on” DEAD

      http://gifs.gifbin.com/072010/1280319878_parrot-is-playing-dead.gif

    • Tinyfaeri

      Ha! That got a clap like one of those monkey toys with the cymbals.

    • Abbe

      The reason I didn’t care for poly mom’s last article is that it could’ve been written by *that* girl in HS, the one with the perpetual pregnancy scare.
      “OMG (Becky) my period is 2 hours late and I might be pregnant. I totally don’t know who the father is either.”
      She could’ve waited to find out before writing the article. I don’t know how much Mommyish pays per article, but I feel that she was trying to squeeze two articles out of one pregnancy scare. I have felt for awhile now that she is running out of things to write about.
      I agree some people were harsh, but at the same time don’t tell everyone on the www that you did something stupid and expect a group hug, you KNOW what’s going to happen! Reminds me of celebrities who show their asses on instagram every day then complain about lack of privacy.

    • Anonymous Kid

      Honestly, that’s why I commented the way I did on her article. I don’t say “like” that much IRL. If you notice, when I comment elsewhere, it’s pretty direct and fluid. It didn’t sound like a married mother of three precious angels. It sounded like my 16 and 17 year old classmates when Aunt Flo is 30 minutes late for her morning debut. Basically spazzing and going bananas way too soon.

  • arrow2010

    Why isn’t abortion an option?

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Poly-mom said something along the lines of not being open to it, I believe.

    • arrow2010

      I detest people who engage in the “pick and choose” morality.

    • CrazyLogic

      People are allowed to be pro-choice, but refuse to have one themselves. Because it’s their CHOICE what to do.

      I would support anyone’s abortion without question. I wouldn’t get one myself unless I, or the fetus inside me, was dying.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      “People are allowed to be pro-choice, but refuse to have one themselves. Because it’s their CHOICE what to do.

      I would support anyone’s abortion without question.”

      Who is embroidering this on a pillow for me?

    • CrazyLogic

      Yay! Compliment from Eve!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      PS: YOUR HAIR LOOKS LOVELY TODAY

  • mrs mitch

    “’I trust you enough to let you smash raw,’” and “creamy fillings are only attractive in Oreos,” had me cracking up!

    • Anonymous Kid

      Actually I heard one of my guy friends say that about smashing raw. It was like, “Whoa dude.” I’ve heard my classmates say worse. This one guy was like freestyling and he said something about the chick feeling it in her bladder. Umm okay.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Wow. He… has a really poor grasp on anatomy.

    • Anonymous Kid

      Yep, and he needs to stay in school a longgggg time. You’d be surprised by the sheer ignorance I encounter at school. I give blank stares, side eyes, and head tilts all day. The grammar is horrible and should make our English teachers cringe. “Mines.” “Where is you at?” These are real remarks from classmates. I wouldn’t expect them to have a strong grasp on anatomy, and they can barely string a sentence together. :)

    • Tinyfaeri

      I really hate to give bad news, but it doesn’t get better when you get older… :/ There’s always at least one.

  • Anonymous Kid

    For the record, I have no issue with Poly Mom. The naivete displayed was a red flag. It’s not my place to make her feel bad. I’m sure it was scary. I’m not feeling the mean spirited comments towards her. Some of y’all feel duped by her so-called duplicitous behavior and omissions. I’m sure emotions were high and she was freaking out. I can’t speak on anything but what perspective I have. No one sets out to get an STD. Come on now. I’m human. I’m not invincible or indestructible. All I can do is handle my side of things and hope that whoever I’m sleeping is not doing dirt.

    • Ana

      The thing is she was not handling her side of things though. She was having unprotected sex with 2 guys who at least sometimes sleep with other people, if not currently, and just trusting & hoping that she wouldn’t get an STD or get pregnant. I get what you’re saying about the mean comments, but that isn’t what I’d call handling her side, as she wasn’t protecting herself at all.

    • Kelly

      She got a lot of mean comments because she’s been caught lying. People don’t appreciate being lied to.

    • Anonymous Kid

      Oh ok. The basic gist was about her failure to mention she had taken a pregnancy test or something right? I read the article and the disclaimers but not all of the comments.

    • LiteBrite

      From what I understand, she was being vague in her follow up comments as well and not admitting to the whole side of the story. I didn’t read all of the comments either (there are a lot now), but that’s what I got from what other commenters have said.

      For me, I just feel duped in general by her. She presented herself in the beginning as having her shit together with this whole polyamory thing (at least compared to another polyamorous mom), but her articles haven’t really reflected that, this latest one especially. I was looking forward to reading her stuff, and now not so much.

      I wish her luck for the future, but I won’t be investing any more time in her drama.

  • that mommy

    SNAP!

  • Ally

    Wow, Anon Kid. You wrote this so eloquently and maturely. I can tell that you are an intelligent, responsible kid, and it restores my faith in humanity to know there are teens like you in the world. Bravo, bravo.

  • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

    I love reading your articles. You are a very wise person and I’m very, very proud of you.

  • SarahJesness

    EVERYONE should be responsible about birth control, really.

  • DookieLee

    I dont agree! Check this out http://bit.ly/1eF7eyY

  • Robert

    Birth Control is necessary but http://bit.ly/LfKAnQ

  • tess

    I can’t wait til the male birth control is finally put out there.

  • wilson libay

    so many kids education is very important house of hybrid gadgetshttp://www.cheapdito.com

  • Gus

    “Polyamorous?” We used to call them “promiscuous,” and even this only when trying to be polite.

  • brabra

    Soy la señorita gancho brabra por su nombre. Yo vivo en puerto rico , quiero utilizar este medio para alertar a todos los solicitantes de préstamos que tener mucho cuidado porque hay estafas hace meses everywhere.Few me esforcé financieramente , y debido a mi desesperación fui estafado por varios prestamistas en línea. Casi había perdido la esperanza hasta que un amigo mío me refirió a un prestamista muy fiable llamada Sra. Kate Lisa que me presta un préstamo sin garantía de $ 85.000 en virtud de 20 minutos y sin ningún tipo de estrés . Si usted está en necesidad de cualquier tipo de préstamo sólo en contacto con él ahora a través de : {mrskatelisaloanhome1@gmail.com} Estoy usando este medio para alertar a todos los solicitantes de préstamos debido a la infierno que pasé a través de las manos de los prestamistas fraudulentos. Y no quiero ni mi enemigo para pasar a través de un infierno que pasé por en manos de los prestamistas en línea fraudulentos , yo también quiero que me ayudes a pasar esta información a otras personas que también están en necesidad de un préstamo , una vez que también tenemos recibir su préstamo de la Sra. Kate Lisa Oro para que Dios le debe dar una larga vida.

    Dios la bendiga siempre.

    brabra

  • http://www.UKOK.fr.gd/ Paul

    In Russia the state supports mothers and looks after people. Everyone is welcome to move to Russia for a much better life. Tax is 13% and health and education are free. Cuba is a great opportunity closer to home. The USA is game over, it’s NOUSA time. It was just a crazy rebellion against the Royal Navy in 1773 never a real country. God bless native America. NOUSA. Just stop the crazy rebellion. That’s all folks.

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