Parenting can be so hard you guys. I am a professional parent ™ because I have four children and none of them are in prison yet (Fingers crossed!) and even I worry that I’m messing them up on occasion. I know a lot of you feel the same way because I can see you in your living room watching your child try and stick a Lego up their nose and wondering if you are setting them up for a lifetime of therapy and crying into a box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls (Also ™.) Do not worry! Take this simple quiz and you will know once and for all if you are a good parent.
1: How do you feed your baby?
A: I breastfeed exclusively.
B: I bottlefeed exclusively.
C: Beef jerky.
2: Where does your baby sleep?
A: With me. I’m a firm believer in co-sleeping.
B: In a crib.
C: It used to be the crib but then my pit bull Maisy had a litter of puppies and I needed a place to keep them so the baby sleeps under the crib.
3: If your baby falls and bumps its head, what do you do?
A: Call the pediatrician right away and make an appointment, better safe than sorry.
B: Wait and see how baby is. Kids fall all the time and I know the signs to look for in case of injury.
3: Accuse baby of stealing the last of my Wild Turkey that I keep under the kitchen sink.
4: Do you use a playpen?
A: Yes. It works great when I want to keep baby safe so I can finally shower.
B: No. I think they are just glorified prisons.
C: I tried using a playpen but baby didn’t like it so now I keep my loaded handguns and used drug needles in there.
5: Your toddler starts to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. Do you…
A: Pull him away, childproof the socket and explain how that is dangerous?
B: Pull him away, childproof the socket, and give him a swift spank on the behind?
C: Hush up. My stories are on.
6: Your idea of quality time with your child is:
A: Going to the zoo or park, kids needs fresh air and to explore the world.
B: Quality time? I use that time for cleaning and my child can play quietly by themselves.
C: Sometimes I leave them in the car in the casino parking lot so they can see some nature.
7: You suspect your child is being bullied at school. Do you:
A: Call the school and arrange a meeting with the principal.
B: Get your kid a heavy bag. They need to learn how to stick up for themselves.
C: Cheer the other kid on. You ain’t raising no sissy.
8: Your kid is eight and wants to walk to the park alone and it is three blocks away.
A: I don’t let them. I’m too afraid of what might happen.
B: I let them, but I start to worry if they aren’t back when I told them to be.
C: I give them 20 bucks to score me some primo bash while they are there.
9: When your child is older and become sexually active will you…
A: Take them to procure birth control and explain safe sex to them?
B: Teach them abstinence, and explain that sex can wait.
C: Encourage them to have a baby young so they can be on Teen Mom and buy you a car.
10: Your kid has been begging you for a toy. You..
A: Give in and buy it for them. They are only young once.
B: have them do chores around the house to save up money to buy it.
C: Smash their piggy bank, steal their tooth fairy money, and spend it all on porno.
Now for your results!
If you answered mainly A’s, you are a good parent. If you answered mainly B’s, you are a good parent. If you answered mainly C’s, you aren’t so good of a parent but you can always learn how to be.
(Image: getty images)