Mommyish Quiz: Worried If You Are A Good Parent? Take Our Quiz!

186867627Parenting can be so hard you guys. I am a professional parent ™ because I have four children and none of them are in prison yet (Fingers crossed!) and even I worry that I’m messing them up on occasion. I know a lot of you feel the same way because I can see you in your living room watching your child try and stick a Lego up their nose and wondering if you are setting them up for a lifetime of therapy and crying into a box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls (Also ™.) Do not worry! Take this simple quiz and you will know once and for all if you are a good parent.

 1: How do you feed your baby? 

A: I breastfeed exclusively.

B: I bottlefeed exclusively.

C: Beef jerky.

2: Where does your baby sleep? 

A: With me. I’m a firm believer in co-sleeping.

B: In a crib.

C: It used to be the crib but then my pit bull Maisy had a litter of puppies and I needed a place to keep them so the baby sleeps under the crib.

3: If your baby falls and bumps its head, what do you do? 

A: Call the pediatrician right away and make an appointment, better safe than sorry.

B: Wait and see how baby is. Kids fall all the time and I know the signs to look for in case of injury.

3: Accuse baby of stealing the last of my Wild Turkey that I keep under the kitchen sink.

4: Do you use a playpen? 

A:  Yes. It works great when I want to keep baby safe so I can finally shower.

B: No. I think they are just glorified prisons.

C: I tried using a playpen but baby didn’t like it so now I keep my loaded handguns and used drug needles in there.

5: Your toddler starts to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. Do you…

A: Pull him away, childproof the socket and explain how that is dangerous?

B: Pull him away, childproof the socket, and give him a swift spank on the behind?

C: Hush up. My stories are on.

6: Your idea of quality time with your child is: 

A: Going to the zoo or park, kids needs fresh air and to explore the world.

B: Quality time? I use that time for cleaning and my child can play quietly by themselves.

C: Sometimes I leave them in the car in the casino parking lot so they can see some nature.

7: You suspect your child is being bullied at school. Do you: 

A: Call the school and arrange a meeting with the principal.

B: Get your kid a heavy bag. They need to learn how to stick up for themselves.

C: Cheer the other kid on. You ain’t raising no sissy.

8: Your kid is eight and wants to walk to the park alone and it is three blocks away. 

A: I don’t let them. I’m too afraid of what might happen.

B: I let them, but I start to worry if they aren’t back when I told them to be.

C: I give them 20 bucks to score me some primo bash while they are there.

9: When your child is older and become sexually active will you…

A: Take them to procure birth control and explain safe sex to them?

B: Teach them abstinence, and explain that sex can wait.

C: Encourage them to have a baby young so they can be on Teen Mom and buy you a car.

10: Your kid has been begging you for a toy. You..

A: Give in and buy it for them. They are only young once.

B:  have them do chores around the house to save up money to buy it.

C: Smash their piggy bank, steal their tooth fairy money, and spend it all on porno.

Now for your results!

If you answered mainly A’s, you are a good parent. If you answered mainly B’s, you are a good parent. If you answered mainly C’s, you aren’t so good of a parent but you can always learn how to be.

(Image: getty images)

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  • Theresa Edwards

    Please I’m dying. Primo Bash,

  • Lilly

    For my kid I am a good parent but for my husband I got all C’s, i wonder what that means?

  • Tea

    This is why all babies are sissies and cry all the time, because they need to toughen up, eat some jerky, and have a little booze. This is why your baby is a wuss.

  • Carinn Jade

    Thank you for this laugh Eve! I’m totally cracking up in my office!

  • Aimee Beff

    Uhhh, if the baby sticks a fork in the outlet while my stories are on, of course I’m going to swoop in and stop her. What if she shorts out the power and the TV goes out?!

  • Bethany Ramos

    If mah STORIES are on, it can wait.

  • Fuzzy Dolphin

    Who spends money on Porno???

    www. youporn .com broken?

    • candyvines

      Who calls it porno?

    • Eve Vawter

      I did :(

    • candyvines

      Man, I am all over you this week.

    • Eve Vawter

      I kinda like it

    • candyvines

      It could make a good porno.

    • Eve Vawter


  • Momma425

    Where else should I put my loaded handguns and used drug needles? BABY JAIL IS THE PERFECT PLACE!!!

  • Kay_Sue

    I loved everything about this. I will work harder on learning how to be a good parent.

    Right after my stories are over.

    • cassobeano

      Get the wild turkey first. Baby’s gonna be all over that.

  • Elisa Probert

    I want to say I’ll be all B’s, but meh, I’ll probably be a C mom. LOL Kind of a bummer, always got A’s in school!

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    Where’s the “How many times a week do you tell your kids to ‘settle this fight yourselves, I’m reading Mommyish’?” question. Cause I fail that one specifically.

    • Eve Vawter

      I think we need a column for this. send me all your kids arguments and we will post them and then let readers decide the victor

    • Véronique Houde

      Hey by the way, whatever happened to Bad Mom Advice???

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Hmmmm….if you really wanted to do one this is their most popular battle. Huge age gap–daughter 10, son 4. She doesn’t allow him in her room at all unless she’s right there basically holding his hand supervising. This is okay with us because she has lots of breakable/swallowable things and he is like a bull in a china shop. However, she goes into his room all the time because it’s her old room, most of his toys and books were once hers, and she’s not going to break or swallow anything. So then he retaliates by going into her room…. That’s their fight.

  • Givemeabreak

    Question 10, answer C… I can’t stop laughing. That was awesome!

  • Kresaera

    This was a great article all except the Pit Bull reference… why did it have to be a pit?! I have always owned pit bulls (even when my kids were babies) and they have been nothing but well behaved angels. It could have just said “My dog…”

    • Eve Vawter

      The TRUE answer? I couldn’t remember how to spell Rottweillerlelelrler and I was too lazy to look up another breed of dog.

    • Kresaera

      hahahaha!!! Awesome!!!