135384983The daycare I’ve chosen has a video feed. Okay – I’m making it sound like I’ve chosen a daycare that just happens to have a video feed. Maybe I sort of chose it because of the video feed. I need help.

My son is three years old and he’s never been in daycare. I work from home, my husband and I share childcare responsibilities and I have a family who helps a lot – so up until now it’s really been doable. But he needs friends, our financial situation has improved, and it’s time.

I didn’t choose the daycare only because of the video feed; they have a pre K program so he’ll be able stay in the same location if we like it. They also have a Montessori program that I am very interested in. But  I would be a liar if I didn’t admit the video feed sealed the deal.

I’m hoping that I will just default to my normal state – regular person who is not obsessive and doesn’t stare at things all day. I mean, I work Monday through Friday writing and am talking to sane women all day long who will keep me from being a total freak. Right ladies? I know I’m not the only person who has experienced extreme separation anxiety at the thought of their child leaving the house for several hours on end. I just feel like this would have been way easier for me had I been in a position to put him in daycare sooner. But that’s neither here nor there now. I’m comforted by the fact that I can occasionally check in on him, but how do I not stare at this all day? That is the question.

The only thing I can do is have faith that I will be able to navigate this parenting trial like I’ve navigated every other one. My friends with children sort of neglected to mention that parenthood can sometimes feel like a string of losses. At the risk of sounding hokey, I have to say that every day it feels like a little piece of your child is just floating away. Each milestone is at the same time celebrated and mourned. My infant is crawling. She will walk soon. I’ll never see her little military shrug again. My son is going off to daycare, which will soon be school, which will mean that this time we’ve had together – totally together – is coming to an end.

So maybe I’ll be the weirdo that stares at her son’s daycare feed too much for awhile. It will pass, right? By the time my daughter gets to daycare I bet I’ll barely look.

Yeah, right.

(photo: Getty Images)