455592259I think we all need to come clean about this whole children’s fashion thing. The only reason we spend more than three dollars on any of our kid’s outfits is because we want other people to think a certain way about our parenting. Our kids are tiny little reflections of ourselves, our hopes and dreams and aspirations for them. This is exactly why we don’t demand that they all be clothed in bleach-able little utilitarian jumpsuits that resist stains, holes and demands for new toys. Here’s the message that you are trying to convey about your own parenting by what you dress your kids in:

Dolce And Gabbana Mediterranean Smocked-Waist Dress 

(Image: Neiman Marcus)

(Image: Neiman Marcus)

My second cousin thinks she is going to ask her best friend from college to have HER daughter be the flower girl at her upcoming wedding to that investment banker she met while doing shots at Trader Vic’s? Hell to the no. I will show her by dressing my own little Tabitha in this 605 dollar frock that will make whatever rags the flower girl wears make her look like the Little Matchgirl. Plus, there is no way in hell I’m buying that 300 dollar serving tray she has on her registry from Crate And Barrel.

 Totally Coordinated Gymboree Ensemble Including Matching Panties, Hair Bows And Cell-Phone Cover 

Screen Shot 2014-01-15 at 7.27.29 AM

(image: Gymboree)

I’m married to a dry cleaner, plus I refuse to ever let my child grow up, ever. There is nothing wrong with letting your kid live at home while they attend college. Plus, why don’t they make this in adult sizes?

 Tea Collection 100 Percent  Cotton Play Outfit 

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(Image: tea collection)

I’m going to get so baked between the time I pick up Ryder from his hemp-necklace weaving class and our Mommy And Me yoga session. I live in Colorado and when I’m not snowboarding I am totally cooking something delicious with kale. Would you like to do some tribal drumming?

Band T-Shirt Of A Band Your Kid Has Never Listened To 

(mage: sugar bullets)

(mage: sugar bullets)

I once saw Black Flag play back in 1984. I’m also terrified I’m losing my hair. I’m a total hands-on dad, because my own father was an asshole. I love how my son is already expressing an interest in my vintage comic book collection, as long as he doesn’t get the pages all sticky. Wait.. I’m gonna put all this on Tumblr.

Justice Shiny Holograph Leggings 

(Image: Justice)

(Image: Justice)

 J Crew Schoolboy Blazer In Tipped Flannel 

(Image: J Crew)

(Image: J Crew)

Baby Mandarin classes are totally worth it because I need my daughter in the right preschool. I’m so happy I had a girl so I have someone to hand down my Birkin bag to.

Hand Me Down’s

(Image: getty images)

(Image: getty images)

Well, we were going to stop after baby number three…

(Image: getty images)