Prudish White Dudes In Virginia Want To Make A Law Against Teenagers Having Oral Sex

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Prudish white men in Virginia want to make a law that would make it illegal for teenagers to have oral or anal sex. Because if you’re not having sex that creates babies, you shouldn’t be having any sex at all. Especially if you’re a teenager. Especially if you’re a gay teenager.

Republican state legislator Thomas Garrett has proposed a law that piggybacks off of Ken Cuccinelli‘s attempt to reinstate Virginia’s anti-sodomy law (which was, incidentally, struck down as unconstitutional). Although Garrett says he wants to protect teenagers from sexual predators, redefining the law against certain sexual acts and applying it only to teenagers seems like a strange way to do it. According to Slate:

To be completely clear, this is not a bill banning sex between adults and minors, despite Garrett’s unconvincing assertion that this is his only intention. There are already laws in Virginia that cover that: The age of consent is 15, and, in addition, it’s a misdemeanor in Virginia for an adult to have sex with someone between the ages of 15 and 18. What this law would do is make it more criminal for an adult to have oral sex with a 15- to 17-year-old than vaginal intercourse, and, of course, it would make it illegal for two teenagers who are dating each other to have oral or anal sex with each other. But not, notably, vaginal intercourse. That would remain perfectly legal for teenagers.

So basically, the law is out to get LGBT teenagers and discourage both anal and oral sex. And, as UCLA law professor Eugene Volokh says on his blog,

“If two 17-year-olds are choosing whether to have oral sex or genital sex, the law would push them towards the form of sex that is more likely to transmit disease, and more likely to cause unwanted pregnancy.”

I just do not understand why some politicians want to legislate the hell out of what people do with their own bodies during their own free time. And these are people that claim to want smaller, less-invasive government! The very people who look down on unwanted pregnancy and also want to limit abortion rights are trying to make legislation that might, in effect, push teenagers towards having the kind of sex that is more likely to get them a baby. I DO NOT GET IT. I WILL NEVER GET IT.

Granted, I doubt most teens in Virginia even know or care what the law says about sex acts. Even if the law passes, it will likely have little impact on whether they give each other head, try anal or opt for plain old P-in-the-V sex. But the principle of the proposed bill remains both ridiculous and offensive and for that reason, it’s been widely condemned by non-homophobic people who don’t think that sex is dirty. Luckily, it’s also unlikely to become law.

I just moved out of the state of Virginia, and thank god I did. I know not all y’all Virginians are crazy prudes, but just the same, I’m happy to be out of a state that elects people like Ken Cuccinelli and Thomas Garrett.

Photo: Getty Images

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    • CMJ

      These dudes could use a little oral to lighten the fuck up.

      • meteor_echo

        Nobody should suffer through giving these guys oral. I suggest simply using a vacuum cleaner to deal with the problem.

    • Kay_Sue

      I read this headline and all I can hear is, “Old White Dudes in Virginia Want to Make the State a Lot of Money in Fines”.

      I really don’t understand how we don’t get this simple fact as a nation: For God’s sake, teenagers have sex. Teenagers have always had sex. Sometimes they married young; sometimes they just did it. The way to get teenagers to have more responsible sex is to give them comprehensive education, and to treat them like adults. That’s my honest to goodness belief. In this area, talk to your teen like goddamn adult–explain the risks, explain the options, explain birth control until you are blue in the face. Talk to them about relationships. Talk to them about relationships more. Read what they are reading, watch what they are watching, listen to what they are listening to; talk about how relationships are portrayed in what they are reading, watching, and listening to, and talk about how that portrayal stacks up to real life. Talk about how sex is portrayed and how that shit is NOTHING like reality in most cases. Talk about how expensive babies are. Talk about how life altering STIs are. Talk about alternatives to sex–god knows, I had sex for the first time because we were BORED and there was nothing else to do. Not even joking. I’d love to make this some romantic ta-do, but it wasn’t–so you’d best believe that will be part of the discussion that I have with my kids. Talk talk talk talk until you are blue in the face. Talk about in schools; talk about it in homes. Talk about it in church.

      But making it illegal? That’s not going to do dick or shit to prevent it, and it’s only going to marginalize those that want to be intimate without vaginal intercourse (it happens) and those that can’t have vaginal intercourse (because they’re gay). And also: how do they intend to enforce this exactly? It’s a pointless waste of legislative time and an overreach of power.

      • V

        Too true. But maybe teaching abstinence isn’t such a bad idea? The middle school sex ed classes here are teaching my little sister and my daughter that you’re still a virgin as long as it isn’t vaginal sex, and that it is perfectly okay to have oral and anal sex. Which it is NOT perfectly safe and okay. All they are doing is avoiding pregnancy, not STIs. Call me old fashioned, but I still tell my daughter to wait, and not let anyone fool her. We have talked in great detail about sex, and about the various ways it can be done. I’ve given her more info than she wants. I also told her if she did become active to come to me for birth control, but not to be surprised when I am upset by it.

      • Kay_Sue

        Abstinence would fall under the umbrella of options. But I personally don’t think preaching abstinence for abstinence sake at kids works. For every kid that waited in my experience, there were far more that did not. Depending on how it is taught, it can also be very demoralizing to young people (and disproportionately to young women) who do choose to engage in sex, but have still internalized the feeling that this makes them “lesser”. That tends to be more I an issue when one delves into the territory of purity/charity leanings though, and abstinence can certainly be taught in the course of open, frank conversations about sex and relationships without veering into that territory. As part of those open and frank talks, I think it absolute has a place. It will for outfamy for both my stepdaughters and my sons.

    • shel

      I think it was Tina Fey (among others) that said it best- they do want smaller government, a government so small it can fit in your uterus! And now also apparently small enough to fit in your butt…

    • brebay

      Creepy old white dudes spending waaayy too much time thinking about teenaged pee-pees and wee-wees.

      • Dubiaku

        You nailed it. Jealousy. If they can’t have an ephebe, no one can.

    • Muggle

      Ugggghhh I hate Virginia so much. I found out about this a few days ago. Garrett looks like one mean SOB, too. I’m just thankful that he lives in Louisa County and I live in the considerably saner Tidewater.

      Technically, oral and anal sex are already illegal in Virginia. They’re not enforced, at all, and no police department in the state (errrr, Commonwealth, whatever) would even bother. I mean, seriously, suggest enforcing these laws to, say, the Virginia Beach PD, or Norfolk. They’d laugh you out of the police stations. NoVa police would probably laugh your stupid ass right out of the state.

      However, nobody can agree on whether the laws are still in the code because the liberal lawmakers are too prudish to bring them up/don’t want to waste their time, or because the crazies are holding on to them in case they might get an opportunity to enforce them once again. :/

      • Kay_Sue

        Hey, a point in their favor–they do not currently require you to be maintained on life support if you are declared legally braindead while pregnant. I found this out while researching the woman in Texas after reading about it on Mommyish and Jezebel last week. So there’s that.

        We are looking at moving up that way because my husband is from there, and his whole family (and daughters) are there. I don’t know if I can do it. I am in a very conservative state now, I’d like to move somewhere more liberal, honestly, but with gun rights…I don’t think I’ll ever find somewhere to live happily politically-speaking.

      • Muggle

        Tidewater/Hampton Roads isn’t so bad, really. The rural parts are about as redneck as they come, but even then you’re not far from decent school districts* and it’s pretty diverse in part thanks to the military. Virginia tends to be pretty blue for a southern state, anyway (not that that means much now…)

        Just remember that if you move to Hampton Roads, stay the hell out of Portsmouth unless you’re very sure of where you’re going, be careful driving around Norfolk, don’t even bother with Virginia Beach in the summer and under no circumstances should you move to the other side of the NC state line, no matter how close to Chesapeake your house is.

      • jane

        Every state in the nation has gun rights. Yes, there are marginally more restrictions on gun purchases in some states (like MA, where I live) but I assure you that if you are a reasonably sane person who can plan ahead by more than 5 days and are willing to buy a gun somewhere other than a gun show, you can have all the guns you want and not have to worry about people legislating your cilantro.

      • Kay_Sue

        I know, but our state is fairly unrestrictive, and I appreciate that. It’s one of the few things I agree with them about right now.

      • Natasha B

        MN not too bad :) if you can handle the cold!

      • Kay_Sue

        Alas, the polar vortex has taught me that I am a pansy and I can’t take the cold. *sighs*

    • ted3553

      I think you’re all reading it wrong. What this means is that a rapist will stop for a second, and think, “hold up self, it’s more criminal if I have oral or anal sex with my victim so I will only have vaginal sex”. See problem solved. Everything is ok now. Prudish, out of touch, bigoted old men high fives all around!

    • VA Teacher

      I don’t get it. Would the law be less creepy/prudish/offensive if it had been promoted by an African-American? This must be an important distinction as the article mentions it multiple times, as do the comments… but I can’t seem to latch onto it.

      • brebay

        When it comes to making policy with regard to women’s bodies and criminalizing consensual sexual behaviors, old, whit, men are disproportionately at the helm, take a look around congress sometime. Pointing it out is not irrelevant.

      • VA Teacher

        I just think it’s weird any time anyone feels the need to point out someone’s race as though it impacted the story. Kind of a “So, I was at the store and this black lady started being obnoxious” or “This Indian guy was being a jerk.” Never understood why people felt the need to point out their race, but I guess some people find it relevant.

      • Buffy

        Although it might be unimportant in this context, I have to admit I’m a fan of vivid descriptions. So I’d like to get all the details.^^ If someone tells me about “this woman I met” it’s ok, but if it’s ” the middle-aged, white woman with the read sweater and the pretty smile.. ” I am into the scene and I love people, who can deliver interesting scenes. Perhaps because it’s something I lack. But sadly I also read/ heard some people using details only to show how racist they are, not to add detail to a story but to add prejudice. I guess you’re thinking of this kind of people and I can’t stand it, too.

      • Yolanda

        Well you are aware that black men disproportionately outnumber the amount of white men convicted of rape. That’s all…

    • Michelle Pittman

      well this could definitely make it awkward for teens caught parking – “excuse me kids – are y’all having regular sex or nasty butt sex? Normal sex you say – carry on”

    • Yolanda

      What does these guys being white have to do with anything? Seriously.

      • Takebackcanada

        Its constant hate Yolanda and we are supposed to say nothing. Say anything about any other colour though and wow watch the hell out!

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      what the hell…
      Don’t bother to attempt and veil it in a half-assed way or anything guys…. *mind reeling*

    • Justin Sage

      Funny how it’s “Prudish White Dudes”. A little racist/sexist.

    • alabamasummer

      Sounds like a round about law against transmission of AIDS and Herpies! Virginia is chock full of Herpies infected people of all ages and whole families totally infected with herpies. So it looks to me like the sponsoring law makers of this bill might have picked up there infection as teens while dating or some of there relatives or even teen age kids have. The sponsors of this bill are telling us way more about there own personal sex lives then they seem to comprehends. Would be better for there to be a law saying that anyone that inflicts there bodies fluids upon another by law much know what they are infected with and disclose the infection risk they are inflicting on there love interest! That would be a wake up call to all those infected families that want there prodigies infected blood line to be a delayed bio weapon inflicted upon that unsuspecting mate that has saved themselves for marriage ignorant of the fact the only way to know about VD is to have your partner or perspective partner to test for infection.

    • Dubiaku

      It’s really very simple. The people who want to pass laws about sex just can’t think about anything else. Like Christians, their brains are filled with sexual images from morning till night and they conjure many that they don’t find tasteful. They are basically trying to pass laws against their own imaginations.

    • whitehorse

      A question: even though they are “white” dudes, isn’t that a bit racist? If it were black men saying this (churchgoers, for example) and the headline read “Prudish black dudes…” , it would be conceived as the most racist headline of the year.
      Just saying.

    • Laura Schi

      Dear Ms Murphy:

      “I just do not understand why some politicians want to legislate the hell out of what people do with their own bodies during their own free time.”

      I’d like to get that quote printed on a t-shirt. Could not have said it better.

    • ALLxIN

      idiots

    • http://www.realestateforlife.org/ theisenhomes

      Is sex with animals legal yet. If not, it will won’t be long till it is