183072479Last month, Maria Shriver started asking women what they would need to feel like they were supported. She pointed out, not only are women struggling with “having it all” they are also “doing it all.” A hashtag, #doingitall, evolved from her idea.

I know the “having it all” conversation is outdated because so many of you are already doing it all. I want to start the New Year with a new conversation — one that reflects the reality of the modern family, where women are at the center.

Millions and millions of women today find themselves being told to break the glass ceiling and yet they feel that there is no foundation for them to stand on. It’s hard to add another crack to the ceiling when you are standing on a cracked floor. We want to hear from you as to what would help you shore up your foundation. What do you want so that you can even think about the ceiling? What do you need to feel strong, stable and secure?

What do I need to feel “strong, stable and secure?” My go-to response always seems to be “more money.” But is that even true? Would more money magically add more minutes to my day, relieve me of guilt, and stop me from judging myself?

There are a lot of things that we as women can do every day to feel a little less like we’re #doingitall. I think it all starts with taking some time for yourself and not feeling guilty about it. Also, realizing that some of the stereotypes we’re trapped in only have power because we let them. For example, you can pry my glass of wine out of my cold, dead hands – and I don’t have to explain that to anyone. Also, my husband can clean the damn bathroom and make dinner without being touted as the most awesome man alive.

Every morning I make a point of getting my coffee first – before I do anything for my kids, my husband or anyone else. This may seem trivial, but this little action sends a message to myself – you’re important. And if I want to take a day off to myself, not fawn over my kids every second of every day and be unapologetically human sometimes – I think that is okay, too.

This “mom as superwoman” ideal isn’t doing anyone any good – least of all mothers. I don’t want to be #doingitall. I don’t have to. I’m happier #NotDoingItAll.

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Let us know how you’re #NotDoingItAll by Tweeting to @mommyishdotcom. We’ll be adding tweets to the story as they come in.

(photo: Getty Images)