You Should Never Put The Internet In Charge Of Naming Your Baby

88785535Someone is letting the Internet name their baby again. Why is this happening? More importantly, why is this happening on Reddit?

Reddit is basically a place where people come together to insult each other, have virtual drum circles, and be as offensive as they possibly can. Why someone would choose this forum to pick a name for their child is beyond me:

Hi, My name is Stephen and much to the disbelief of my wife, I have decided to let the internet name* my daughter.

Yeah that is an asterisk, Unfortunately internet I know better than to trust you. We will ultimately be making the final decision, Alas my daughter shall not be named WackyTaco692. Sorry guys the wife wouldn’t go for a free for all.

Well, then you’re not really letting the Internet name your daughter, are you? I don’t even understand the point of your website now, since you have ultimate veto power – but I get it. I wouldn’t let Reddit name my child either. Here are a few more sites that you should definitely never let name your child.

4Chan

4Chan is basically the sewer of the Internet. “4chan.org is the self-proclaimed Internet home for people who lack a social conscience.” That sentence is from Fox News. I just agreed with Fox News. This should illustrate how bad this site is. If you have an interest in breeding a future misogynist or racist with no social skills, you should source your name from this site.

Ashley Madison

“Life is short. Have an affair.®” This site seriously trademarked that sentence. This would be a great place to source your baby’s name if you have no interest in honesty or integrity.

 Urban Baby

Do you plan on raising an entitled bitch? Source your name from Urban Baby, a site filled with mothers complaining about their nannies, Birkin bags, and beachside resort homes. Nothing is ever good enough for an Urban Mommy.

XO Jane

Ever had the desire to take advice from women who think it’s no big deal to bring your 10-year-old to a sex shop or glorify drug addicts who clearly need help? This is the place for you.

Neopets

A better decision than probably any of the above, but it may get a little weird. Do you really want a daughter named Princess or a son named Major? Named by somebody who really thinks that owning a “virtual pet” is a thing? I think… no.

I don’t know if it’s for publicity, or ad dollars, or pageviews or what – but this “Internet baby naming trend” has got to stop.

(photo: Getty Images)

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    • pixie

      I just can’t stop staring at that cat gif. It is amazing.

      My friends discovered 4chan in high school, so while I’ve never been on it, I know (or knew) a lot about it. A friend of my boyfriend showed it to my boyfriend in university and my boyfriend then tried to tell me about it. All I could say to him was “welcome to the internet.”
      I guess that says a lot about who I was friends with (very much not normal and should probably never be left unsupervised for the safety of humanity) in high school compared to who my boyfriend was friends (relatively normal teenagers) with. Oh well.

    • Mystik Spiral

      Letting the internet name your baby is even worse than letting your perpetually stoned brother name it…

      http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbyl3tR3X61rxj5uuo1_1280.gif

      • Bethany Ramos

        I love this show!!

      • Mystik Spiral

        Me too! And might I add that I’d let Taco name my baby anytime… if “name my baby” is a euphemism for hot sex.

      • AmazingE

        I call my youngest niece Chalupa Batman.

    • Commenter

      I agree that no one should let the internet name their baby, but I think you’re being a bit too hard on Reddit. Most of the smaller subreddits can be very nice. Most Mommyish readers would fit in well on /r/twoxchromosomes or /r/mommit.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        You are definitely right about the subreddits!

    • Rachel Sea

      It’s no worse than what a lot of parents come up with on their own. My parents are hippies, and while I got off easy thanks to a disapproving grandma with her hand on the purse strings, many of my playmates were not so lucky (Shout out to Little Bear Gautama, and his meth habit!).

    • Kay_Sue

      I solemnly swear, that if by some miracle I become knocked up again (and also a widow, and probably a murderess), I will let Mommyish name my spawn.

      But I retain full veto powers, because apparently, I’m allowed to do that per Stephen above. :D

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        Please, please get knocked up. Because Princess Nevaeh Mommyish Special Snowflake Cilantro Eve-Frances _Sue is totally the name I’m voting for for your spawn. And maybe I can fit a #something in there somewhere.

      • G.E. Phillips

        Ooh, seriously though, swooning over Eve Frances right now.

      • JLH1986

        No joke that might be going on the short list should we ever actually conceive a small human.

      • G.E. Phillips

        Right?!?!

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        Eve was actually going to be my kid’s name, if it was a girl. It was a boy so we went with a masculine form of that. :)

      • Kay_Sue

        Eve Frances is actually gorgeous, lol, and makes me want to have a girl.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        I totally love it too! Close to one of my kids’ names.

    • Magrat

      Also Something Awful, tagline: “The internet makes you stupid.” Not as bad an idea as having Reddit name your child, but still probably not wise.

    • Muggle

      I would only do this if I was THAT stuck on a name. And I certainly wouldn’t be asking Reddit. But I don’t pay attention to Reddit, so…

      Actually, fuck that, I wouldn’t even ask my Facebook friends. I like them all but there are still way too many rednecks and I don’t want my kid being named Hunter Joe or Bella Mae or some shit.

    • EttieBeecroft

      How to explain the Baby Name in Internet?
      http://purelifecleansemexico.com/

    • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

      Uh oh. Is there beef between Mommyish and XO Jane? They are a partner site of Catster! I’ve never read them though, just recognize the name!

      I have to confess I voted he name his child Cthulu La-a (Ladasha)

      • Bethany Ramos

        Starvo McBiteyface still makes me lolllllll!

      • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

        To top it off: we’ve been calling Luci Hallion McCheekyboots.

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