• Mon, Jan 13 - 10:00 am ET

It’s My Favorite Thing When Couples Awkwardly Talk To Each Other Using Only Facebook

fbAccording to the latest headlines, teens today are embarrassed to use Facebook and are even going so far as to unfriend their parents. I guess it’s a sign of the times that Facebook is niche to “our generation.” Twenty to forty-somethings and even Baby Boomers seem to use Facebook to communicate on the daily.

I’m as guilty as the rest of them. I really, really love Facebook for several reasons. First, I work at home with my kids and husband, and I have no coworkers to chat with or gossip about. Any little thing that happens on Facebook I immediately bring to my husband’s attention (OMG! So-and-so is pregnant again!), and he normally shrugs and is like, whatevs. I’ve also used Facebook to reconnect with many old friends that I still have strong relationships with, so that’s also a win.

But I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon among Facebook users, mainly married Facebookers in my age bracket. These married couples I know, and I’m not just talking about a few, use Facebook as their main means of communication.

We all know how the Facebook rules work, right? If you are friends with two people, you’ll automatically see interactions between the same two people on your newsfeed. I know these married couples also know this, but they continue to talk to each other about mundane or annoying lovey-dovey stuff that shows up in the main timeline for all to see.

So, along with other random updates, I’ll see a lengthy conversation between Dick and Jane about who needs to grab milk or fast food on the way home from work. Even worse and more awkward are the love exchanges that seem to be purposely public in a public forum. Dick may just want to take a quick minute to tell Jane how she brightened his morning by making him coffee and how she’s the best wife in the world (#lovemywife). Jane will respond back by saying, “D’awww, babe!!” And adding a few compliments and hashtags of her own.

It’s really freaking awkward to watch. I know these people have heard of texts because they’re probably using Facebook from their smartphones. Also, Facebook has a very nifty function that maybe, possibly, Dick and Jane have never heard of. It’s called PRIVATE MESSAGES, people!!!

I just really don’t understand. My husband and I work in the same house and spend the majority of the day on chat (Facebook also has a chat function, BTW!). Sometimes I’ll send him really cheesy texts that are for his eyes only. I’ve probably never sent him a public post on Facebook, unless it’s some dumb picture that I share to his timeline. No wonder the kids these days are kicking the Facebook to the curb.

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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  • Jenni

    Nothing drives me more crazy than seeing couples who live together write meaningless things on each other’s wall. Especially when it’s like “just checking in to say I’m so lucky to have you.”….I feel like it’s a dog peeing on its property.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      That’s because it is.

  • CMJ

    This always weirds me out. If I want to tell my husband something I can just say it to his face.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Many times, I think these people are IN THE SAME HOUSE.

    • Alex

      Facebook or it didn’t happen, apparently.

    • LiteBrite

      I think it’s a little weird too, especially if they’re in the same house. Are they trying to be funny? I don’t get it.

  • Toaster

    While I am slightly embarrassed to admit we communicate using iMessage while in the same house I never did understand posting on each other’s Facebook walls. I have friends who will also post stuff on my wall that should have been a private message, like when we’re trying to arrange plans. I don’t get it.

    • Kay_Sue

      Don’t be. I used it to ask for TP just last night! It’s nice to know we are not the only ones. :-P

  • Rebecca

    How’s this for awkward. My brother is in the navy and lives in Japan. His fiance lives in the Philippine’s with their two year old, with another on the way. Her family is super catholic and apparently had been giving her a hard time about the arrangement, so she told them all they were married right after she found out she was pregnant with baby#1. She runs 4 Facebook profiles;hers,one for my brother,one for their two year old,and a joint husband/wife one. She writes sappy messages to herself from my “brother” and responds to them and tags everyone in the family so they’ll all see. My brother had no clue about any of this when my mom brought up how out of character it was for him to be such a romantic. Other then this quirk she really seems like an awesome person, so we’ll absolutely never bring it up when they move to the states next year, but everytime I see the “messages” I cringe a little. I can understand though. They’ve only had about 3 visits since my nephew was born, and my brother is out to sea a lot. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that would be.

    • Bethany Ramos

      WHAT. You’re so right that this is a tough situation – but I can’t even wrap my head around this!! I think I’d be a little taken aback if I saw that in action.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      hahahah amazing

    • Kay_Sue

      I am kind of amazed that she keeps up with all of that…

  • ChelseaBFH

    The more people post lovey-dovey things on each other’s walls, the more I assume they secretly can’t stand each other.

    • C.J.

      The only person I know that does that has been on the verge of divorce since the wedding.

  • Alex

    It’s worse when couples use Facebook status updates to fight with each other, either with passive-aggressive inspirational quotes or outright tagging their partners with dirty laundry.

    Facebook is an easy way to connect with friends and family and keep them updated on what’s going on in your life, but it makes for a pretty terrible personal diary.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I wish I had people on my feed that were so bold as to tag their SO in fights. Sometimes I like some social media drama! Everyone I know is cheesy and “polite.”

    • TheGiantPeach

      I LOVE when this happens. Last year, some acquaintances of mine had a huge public blowup on their Facebook pages. The BF came home to find the GF in bed with a friend of his and the fight of the century ensued, complete with pictures, name calling and threatening of lives from all 3 parties involved. It was the works. It was drawn out over the course of 3-4 days, and I couldn’t wait to get home from work to see the new developments that day. And the best part was that once all the drama died down, the BF publicly proposed to the GF (on Facebook of course), saying the whole thing made them realize how much they loved each other and their relationship was stronger than ever! Of course it didn’t last (spoiler alert!), but it was the best thing I’ve ever seen on Facebook.

    • Bethany Ramos


    • TheGiantPeach

      Oh, yes. This guy is a local boxer, and they had a “private” photo shoot at the gym. It was most definitely NSFW, and possibly NSFL. Let’s just say I saw more of both of them than I ever wanted to. It was epic.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      I wish my facebook friends were this interesting!

    • Kay_Sue

      That’s nuts. I never get anything that cool. I just get my aunt and my cousin fighting over who pays less attention to my cousin’s daughter, thus allowing her to get into messes…

      My friends’ list needs to step it up, yo.

  • Carinn Jade

    This isn’t quite the same but I’ll tell you this. The very few times when I have urgently needed to get a hold of my husband, I have first called his cell, second sent him text messages — but I learned he doesn’t always have his phone in hand. Even his email at work is on a send/received delay (every 30 minutes) when he needs to get drafting done. But do you know how I can get him to respond in 12 seconds? Write a testy message on his wall. He calls me back instantly. Again, I’ve only done it twice but it’s effective.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Okay, this is one explanation that I can get down with!

    • Kay_Sue

      My husband messages me through FB if he can’t get in touch with me by phone. I’ve never gotten a testy wall message, but I have gotten a few, “Why do we pay for your phone line again?” through the chat! So, this makes total sense to me, being on the opposite end of it. ;)

    • Carinn Jade

      Ha! I need to use your husband’s line next time!

    • Kay_Sue

      Just don’t expect any changes in behavior. It has not worked on me yet. :-P

  • lin

    I hate couples wishing each other “Happy Birthday” on their walls. Didn’t you say it to them in person already??? Why do you need your FB “friends” to see that you did? Of all the things, this would seem like it should be the least annoying, but it is just such a clear need for validation that I just don’t get.

    • pixie

      To be fair, I live kind of far from my boyfriend, and have since I began university (for four years I was an 18 hour drive away, now it’s only 4 1/2 hours), so I don’t see him on his birthday and have wished him happy birthday on Facebook on occasion. Usually I just text him, though (can’t afford the long distance charges to phone him, sadly).

    • lin

      That’s different, these are married couples, with kids. They had a cake, gifts, all the birthday stuff.

    • pixie

      Ok, yes, that is most definitely quite different. I feel your pain and frustration.

    • Elly

      I always say Happy Birthday on my boyfriend’s wall. That’s pretty much the ONLY thing I say on his wall.

      Yes, I say it to his face when Midnight hits on his birthday, but I like to post it on his wall too because I just love birthdays. It’s not a need for validation or anything, I just love to do it.

      I will also generally post Happy Birthday to all my friends on FB on their Birthday AND call them if I am able to do so.

    • Sesnz

      Yes! This! Or people who say happy birthday to their kids on their own page because their kids aren’t old enough for FB.

  • pixie

    Ugh. A friend of my boyfriend recently moved out to Alberta with his girlfriend. Not so bad, except they had been dating maybe two months when they made the move, the girl dropped out of university (I think she was only in first or second year; I know she’s younger than the guy, but I can’t remember if she’s 18 or 19) to move with him, and the guy had recently gotten out of a very long-term relationship maybe a month before he began dating this new girl.
    These two CONSTANTLY post super mushy, vomit-inducing things on Facebook. Like, “oh look at our super cute personalized mugs sitting side by side! I love you, babe!” with the other one commenting “I love you too, [name]!!! Can’t imagine my life without you!!” and “Had the best day today with my honey-bear. Can’t wait for tomorrow!” with a comment: “You’re the most amazing, boo-bear, tomorrow is gonna be great!”
    I really don’t mind seeing the pictures the guy posts because he was one of my friends, too, it’s just the added “cutesy” stuff and the back and forth in the comments. I repeat what Bethany said: Facebook has a chat option! From the look of it, these two spend all their free time together and have to show their love on Facebook so everyone knows how in love they are. I like to imagine the two of them sitting next to each other with their laptops or smartphones out, sending those comments back and forth.

    • Moses

      I just threw up.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Wowwwww. It’s almost funnier to me when guys do this (I’ve seen a few), as if the “love gun” is to their head. CHAT!

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      Any time I see a guy doing this, I assume it’s his wife/gf posting to his account.

    • Zoe Lansing

      Not always!I know my (male) cousin actually both writes and voluntarily posts his own lovey-dovey, vomit-inducing crap about “the love of his life” — who he met 2 months ago– all the time.His statuses read like those of a hormonal eighth grader.

      He’s a 30-year-old lawyer.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido


    • pixie

      It really is.

  • G.E. Phillips

    I have a friend who kept putting “hints” about what her husband could get her for Christmas on Facebook and then tagging him in it. It would be one thing if it was something super bizarre and funny like, I don’t know, an extra large jar of pickles or a pet penguin or something, but no. It was expensive furniture and jewelry from Tiffany’s. *stabs self in eye*

    • Rachel Sea

      I asked my wife for a Scottish castle, and a pony for Christmas. She got me a DVD, so almost as good.

    • Averyzoe

      Oh, my SIL does this all. the time. And not hints either. And she tags her husband rather than posting on his wall so everyone can see it in their feeds, says “buy this for me” with a direct link. No kidding, she started posting about a ring she wants for Valnetine’s Day last week. Christmas is barely over :/

  • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

    imo there are three kinds of people on Facebook: normal people like us; woe is me, I’m so hard done by, give me sympathy people; and people who feel the need to make the world believe they have the greatest lives ever. Married people like those you mention are definitely very concerned about keeping up their “such a great life” appearances.

    • Natasha B

      Ohhhh the woe is me people. If your life is that bad, get the F off FB and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

    • MaceyJ

      Absolutely right

    • pixie

      The woe is me people I know (or used to know) are usually the ones who really aren’t that badly off or have done something stupid and want sympathy for the consequences. “woe is me! My life sucks! My parents grounded me and took away my car because they’re mean, evil, and want to ruin my life. It’s not my fault I was caught speeding, running a red light, and texting and driving!! I was just trying to get home on time for Toddlers & Tiaras”

    • Zoe Lansing

      The worst,IMO,are attention-seeking vaguebookers.2 examples of vaguebooking that appeared in my newsfeed just this weekend:

      Vaguebooker: Prayers desperately needed!
      Friend: What’s going on hon?
      VB: I can’t say.Nobody’s supposed to know about it yet.

      VB: Really thought my life couldn’t get any worse… but it just did.
      Friend:Oh no!What’s wrong?Are you okay?
      VB:It’s kind of personal so I really would rather not say.

      Um, if it’s something you can’t/won’t “talk” about on FB,why write a status about it on FB to begin with?Just to see how many people reply?

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      My step-sister does this *on purpose* to annoy her busybody friends. It drives me nuts.

    • LiteBrite

      One of my closest friends does this all the time, and it drives me nuts. I just want to yell at her, “Dude, if it’s that personal that you can’t tell the story on FB, then don’t say it all. Save it for a private convo.”

      But then again, I’m kind of salty about FB lately, so maybe I need to just get over it.

  • Natasha B

    This is why I got rid of FB. Plus, all the political crap around election times, all the anti gay marriage crap my conservative family posts, all the ‘like this if you love Jesus’ crap. Also, my mom and all my aunts are on there. Former coworkers. People I went to HS with and haaaaated. No thanks. I stick with the cool kids on Instagram/twitter.

    • Bethany Ramos

      The Like This If You Love Jesus stuff blows my mind. I love Jesus, but DO YOU REALLY THINK JESUS USES FACEBOOK?????

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      Oh, glob, yes to this. The daily message from Jesus app makes my head spin. If Jesus has a message for you, he’s not sending it via Facebook.

    • Natasha B

      He does actually have a FB page…… ;) and God has twitter. Sigh.

    • Zoe Lansing

      Jesus has a twitter,as well!I know this because he recently started following me which,although flattering, is a bit surprising as I’m agnostic.Maybe he’s trying to e-convert me?

    • Bethany Ramos


  • kay

    Facebook used to tell you to “reconnect” with people you hadn’t interacted with in a while… it once told me to do so with my husband. Because I never write on his facebook wall.

  • Paul White

    isn’t that what FB chat is for? Eeew.

  • Rachel Sea

    That’s better than the people who bicker, or post passive aggressive jabs on facebook. I despise one sided airing of dirty laundry. If I have a problem with my wife, I’ll tell my wife.

    • Kay_Sue

      Dear heavens, I have a cousin-in-law (I think that’s a thing?) who does this ALL THE TIME, and then it turns into out and out arguments when her husband tries to air his side. So glad for the hide feature…

    • Rachel Sea

      And the divorce feature. It seems like if a person thinks so little of their SO that they are content to publicly hurt or embarrass them, on a regular basis, then maybe the relationship should end.

    • Kay_Sue

      Yeah…that seems like it should be a very serious sign…

  • Kay_Sue

    I am occasionally guilty of posting about my husband, but our posts to and from each other are usually pretty benign–a picture or news article or something that it was just easier to share through Facebook. Anything else we can text, and it shows up much quicker…

  • Ashley

    Semi-related, I’ve discovered a new pet peeve: People who take screenshots of private text conversations and post them to Facebook because they’re just TOO CUTE NOT TO SHARE, DON’T YOU ALL WANT TO KNOW HOW CUTE WE ARE IN OUR PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS?? TELL US HOW AMAZING WE ARE!!

    My cousin just got engaged after 6 months of dating, and she and her guy both post sappy stuff all the time, and she posts their private stuff all the time (texts, notes he writes, etc). And people eat it up! Once in a while it makes me feel bad. Like…because my fiance and I don’t post on Facebook all the time, do people not think we love each other? That we aren’t cute?? And then I realize that (duh) what you post on Facebook =/= relationship quality, and really it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of our relationship. And I’m perfectly capable of enjoying and appreciating sweet things my partner does without needing affirmation from Facebook.

  • zeisel

    narcissism at its best

  • Laney

    One of my close friends does this and it annoys the hell out of me. She and her husband will talk back and forth and there will be like MAYBE 10 seconds between each response. You know they are sitting right beside each other. I hate how people think they are so interesting everyone wants to know what they are saying to each other. Get the hell over yourself. I haven’t been on Facebook in almost 2 months and DAMN it’s been great!

  • MamaLlama

    Agree-I’ve also never understood why people give ‘shout outs’ to their family who is not on Facebook. Like, ‘I just want to wish my mom (or 3month old) a happy, happy birthday! You’re the best!’ I understand if you say, ‘it’s my mom’s b-day so give her a call if you can!’ Or ‘can’t believe my kiddo is 3!’ But to provide direct messages to someone not on Facebook is weird. It’s called Hallmark, people!

    • Bethany Ramos