• Sat, Jan 11 - 1:00 pm ET

Top 10 Things To Do When Your Kids Are At A Sleepover

A few months ago the unthinkable happened – all three of my kids had reasons to be out of the house. My two older girls had sleepovers and a friend of mercifully babysitting my son so I could get some “me” time. And, though it was a moment every parent dreams of from the first time they go 36 hours without sleep, I was at a loss for what to do. Don’t let this be you! When the kids are away, YOU should play.

Here are my top 10 things to do when your kids are at a sleepover…or really anywhere that isn’t up your butt.

10. Pee…in private for once. 

With the door locked and everything! The fact that I would never go to the bathroom alone again was not something they included in the “So You’re Gonna Be A Mom” brochure, and I miss it desperately. So when the kids are gone, pee away, folks. Pee to your heart’s content.

9. Have some snacks

This might be the only time you can chow down on some Chips Ahoy or Pringles without a bunch of grubby little hands begging for some. Enjoy it while it lasts.

8. Ignore your housework

I mean, if you’re like me, you do that even when the kids are there, but dammit now you have quiet time to enjoy. Screw the dishes, and the vacuum will still be there in the morning.

7. Take a nap

This one is a no-brainer. It should be the first thing you do, or you’re a traitor to your kind (tired moms).

6. Get drunk

If that’s your kind of thing, of course. What better time is there to tie one on then when there aren’t a bevy of little eyes watching you pour yet another glass of wine. No one here to judge you, except your cat.

5. Surf the Internet

kids are away

Cat is optional ( lou.stanley)

Again, if you’re me then you do this anyway, but you can’t exactly watch YouPorn with the kids in the room, now can you. Not that I DO that, of course (*WINK*).

4. Have sex

kids are away

Tumblr

Is your significant other around? Grab that sommabitch and take a ride to Bonetown, population, two (or more, if you’re into that sort of thing, I’m not here to judge).

3. Make some phone calls

kids are away

Virtua Kazama

Literally ANY phone call will seem like heaven when you don’t have a bunch of tiny little ears listening to every word you say, or interrupting you to tell you there is projectile vomit on the ceiling (again).

2. Curse

kids are away

Seven31Studios

Curse like you’ve never cursed before. Your neighbors will think you’ve gone nuts, but fuck em’ (see, CURSING IS COOL).

1. Watch terrible television

kids are away

Spring O’Brien

The Real Housewives series is made for times like these. In a pinch any version of Keeping Up With The Kardashians will do. You’re looking for brain rot material here.

Share This Post:
  • arrow2010

    You should never allow your kids to a sleepover party.

    • Mel

      I’m sure I’m going to regret asking, but why?

    • EX

      I know right? I wanna know too. I can’t quite tell what type of crazy this is…

    • Andrea

      What in the actual fuck??????????

    • Blooming_Babies

      Don’t you know all sleepovers are a direct path to Satan’s asshole.

    • Andrea

      Oh riiiiiiiiiight!!! I forgot that I sending my kids to sleepovers make me the Most Horrible/Selfish Mother in the Universe.
      LOL!
      Sleepovers are so common place around here that I forget that some parents think they are the like a gateway drug or something.

    • Iwill Findu

      someone was that kid that fell asleep first at the sleepover party weren’t they.

    • Andrea

      This is the comment FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ahhhaaaaaaa!!!!!

  • Kay_Sue

    I second most of this, except the housework. I use the first hour after they go to clean house, and then I enjoy the fact that it will actually stay clean until they get home…

    Also..snacks. Yes. With no one, not a single soul requesting a bite.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Lol!!!

    • Kay_Sue

      Coincidentally, they are staying at my mom’s tonight. So now that the snacks have been eaten…

    • Kay_Sue

      In short, I love sleepovers. :)

    • Bethany Ramos

      YES!

  • aCongaLine

    Snacks, LONG SHOWERS, and Crime Shows. I like to refrain from my toddler watching Dexter and Law and Order SVU… Probably should keep the dead bodies and serial killers to myself. While I eat ALL THE SNACKS. And ignore my vacuum/mop/laundry basket.

  • Andrea

    How timely! I am just now recovering from a night without the kids!
    Our favorites things to do: go to a restaurant my kids wouldn’t approve of (because they don’t serve chicken nuggets/burgers) or it’s too expensive for unappreciative rats (because they don’t serve chicken nuggets/burgers), drink more than we should, watch a movie we can’t watch in front of kids, have awesome (and loud!) sex, and sleep for forever and/or nap a long time. In THAT order.

    YAY!!!!!!!

    • Bethany Ramos

      Omg this sounds like a beautiful fantasy – my kids are still 2 and under. When do sleepovers start? We get babysitting, but I’m thinking sleepovers with grandparents can happen more regularly in a year or so.

    • Andrea

      OK, we actually started the sleepovers at the grandparents REALLY early. Like months old. However, that won’t work for everyone. The reason we could do that was because (a) my parents live near by, (b) my mom babysat for me while I worked, so she was intimately familiar with my baby(ies) and (c) baby wasn’t breastfed longer than 6 weeks.
      We did it that way because by the time they got old enough, they didn’t even remember when spending an occasional night at grandma’s wasn’t a thing so there wasn’t any separation anxiety.
      As far as friend’s sleepovers, again, we started early (3 years old) because we had REALLY tight friends whose kids were tight friends we our kids and we switched around: one month a night at my house, next time a night at their house.
      For regular people, you can start as early as 6 or 7 I think, depending on how your kid does.
      Last night was a fantasy, Let’s just say I’m still glowing! ;) *blush*

    • Bethany Ramos

      We would do sleepovers now, but the in-laws are kinda… meh. We have left the kids with my mom on vacation when my son was as young as 5 months, and it was AMAZING. I’m jealous ;)

    • Andrea

      I forget how old your kids are?
      But maybe start like sleepover co-op with another (very trusted) family that your kids are comfortable with. One month they sleep over at your house for a night; the next month at their house.
      A night a month without kids is just seriously heaven. And the younger they start, the less problems they will have with sleepovers at other friends’ houses when they are older and start getting invited to group sleepovers.

    • Bethany Ramos

      This is a GREAT idea. They are 8mo and 2, so I think we can start doing that pretty soon. I definitely want to support the sleepover. :)

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    I keep thinking life will be easier when my baby is a child, but then I read things like having to share my snacks and the TV and not saying “shit” and then I realize that maybe not. But then, as you say, sleepovers!
    Actually, I’m banking on my boy going to overnight camp one day. My husband and I will take the week off and, oh, the shenanigans!

    • Andrea

      Overnight camp is DA BOMB.
      I have gotten a lock of flack for some weird reason for sending my kids to one every summer, but I turn a deaf ear. Find one you love and are comfortable with and your kids will have memories that will last a lifetime. My kids LOVE overnight camp and they have been going for 6 or 7 years now. Win for the kids because they have an absolute blast and win for the parents because… pow chicka wow wow!

  • Holly

    All these things I can do when the kids go to bed…except loud sex. And, MAN, would I love to be having loud sex. Anyone wanna take my kids for the night? Or two….?