Why The Hell Would You Make A Baby When You Can Fake A Baby?

Screen Shot 2014-01-10 at 6.34.43 AMYesterday my co-editor and Flowers In The Attic BFF FOREVER Jenni Maier from Crushable (And listen, if you aren’t following Crushable on Twitter I have NO idea why, especially considering Jenni does the most hysterical LIVE TWEETING of television shows ever, which she will be doing for Sunday’s Golden Globes) sent me this amazing website called FAKE A BABY DOT COM. That’s right, because why on earth would anyone mess with doing all that nasty P in the V stuff and barfing for about nine months and getting all fat when you could simply just send some money to this company and get the best parts of pregnancy delivered to you, including fake pregnancy test results, fake ultrasounds (Even fake 3-d ultrasounds!) and even a fake baby belly! It’s a bargain I tells ya!

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They also carry fake DNA tests.

Now, now, before you get all cynical and think that women are just using these to scare the fuck out of their husbands after a vasectomy or to show up at da’ club some night and confront their boyfriends who may or may not be cheating on them with their best friends by throwing a fake pregnancy result at them followed by a Long Island Iced Tea IN THEIR FACE I can see many reasons why a lady may need to fake a pregnancy.

But none that don’t involve her wanting to recreate some Lifetime TV movie where a woman needs to fake a pregnancy to get her married lover to leave his wife and marry her or in case she wants to steal a newborn from a hospital and claim it is her baby and she has been pregnant all along!

The disclaimer on this website has to be the best thing ever:

CAUTION: This item has the potential to be used irresponsibly. By completing and submitting the form below, you agree not to use this product for purposes which may be illegal, immoral, fraudulent or hurtful to others. Like almost any item in existence, this product may be used for fun or for evil, depending solely on the intentions of the user. It is designed as a novelty/gag device. Be sure your “mark” has a sense of humor before unleashing this product upon them!We again urge CAUTION when using gags which have the potential of causing emotional harm (as almost any gag or practical joke does). KNOW YOUR VICTIM. Many people will not find this issue humorous in the slightest. Be sure your “mark” has an “evolved” sense of humor

Just in case you fake a baby and your “mark” doesn’t find it funny and pays a hitman to kill you or something.

So will this item be on YOUR Christmas list or will you be buying these items for April Fool’s Day or um do you also find this whole thing just sort of weird and creepy like me?

(Images: Fakeababy.com)

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    • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

      …defintiely file under weird and creepy.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        dude, I think we need to buy you a fake belly so you can smoke and drink in public and see what comments you get

      • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

        Oh my god yes. I quit smoking though!! But I’d suffer through a pack…for science.

      • Bunny Lucia

        Who was the Mommyish reader that got yelled at for having a glass of wine at like eight months pregnant and said “Don’t worry, I’m planning on aborting this one?”

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        That was THE BEST

      • Imalia

        I think this is about the only non creepy way of using these. I can certainly see the hilarity of proudly showing around ultrasound pics while rubbing my fake belly and drinking and smoking.

    • Bethany Ramos

      This is the BEST. With all the cilantro going around, no one will be able to get pregnant anyway.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        BUTT BABIES

    • EX

      I think it’s more of a valentine’s day thing. Just kidding. It’s weird and creepy.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        hahahaha!

    • CrazyFor Kate

      This would be so much more useful in 2008 when Juno-and-Paulie costumes were all the rage…

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      This is the worst – but the disclaimer is pretty epic.

    • Sam Inoue

      I really hope these are only for april fool’s day! Seems like it should be used for some sort of social experiment or something…

    • Morals

      My boyfriends ex of three years decided to get back at him by sending him one of these fake dna tests, his family have been paying child support for the last 6 months, he’s been seeing a child he thought was his and trying to form an emotional connection with a baby he’s never known, luckily we found the website to prove her wrong but a family’s been torn apart by thinking they have a grandson when in reality some phsyco decided to use it as a way to trap a whole family for money and support, she’s now being investigated by social services but wouldn’t be if this sick shit didn’t exist, it gives evil people the means to ruin others lives, funny joke