The New Year is the time of the cleanse and the crazy fad diet, so I figure I’d join the club. But instead of depriving myself, I’m going to lose weight the old-fashioned way—by blowing it out of my ass.
I kid, I kid. But in all seriousness, I’ve worked for two different health companies for more than three years. I’m definitely not on board with crash diets, and I’m also not looking at a home enema as a quick fix for anything. I am a supporter of natural health, and I’m open to many different home remedies—including a home enema.
The home enema topic came up a few years ago when my husband and I were going crazy trying to do something about my older son’s chronic eczema (he was a baby at the time). Like I said, we both work for the same health company telecommuting from home. We wanted to try natural remedies before going for more aggressive methods, especially since A) he was a baby and B) some steroid creams are known to bleach the skin and even increase the risk of skin cancer, according to our pediatrician.
So, we talked to the big health boss of our company (with 25 years of experience in her field), and she recommended a baby home enema. Believe it or not, the process was quite simple since a baby has no idea what’s going on anyway. On top of trying home enemas on our son, we also gave him fermented vegetables and probiotics and cut out gluten and dairy for a time.
I wish I had a magical story about how all of our natural health remedies immediately cleared up my son’s eczema, but that’s not what happened. We ended up using steroid creams for eczema in small amounts since his skin was so bad. We also stuck with health food and supplements (but added gluten and dairy back in because it was so freaking complicated to avoid them), and we got him allergy tested.
All in all, my son is almost 2 years old, and he seems like he’s on the road to recovery. He still has some eczema flare-ups from time to time, but his skin is much, much better. Hooray!
But now I have an enema bucket and tube calling my name from underneath the bathroom sink. I’m not normally one for sticking things in my ass, but I figured since it’s the new year, what the hey. Also, all of the ladies in the Mommyish swarm have been talking about cleaning up their diets. I figured I’d do them one better and go HAM on a cleanse with a home enema.
During the last round of enemas in our house, my husband and I were both curious, so we each tried an enema—separately and spared each other the details. The process itself takes only 10 to 15 minutes and involves a sterile bucket, a clean tube, and writhing around on the bathroom floor. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
For anyone who has ever told me that I’m full of shit, you’re right. And I’m finally ready to do something about it.
Big Ole Disclaimer: I am in no way a health professional, so please don’t take my enema experience too seriously. If you have any questions about sticking things in your butt, consult your doctor.
(photo: Getty Images)