I’m Going To Start My New Year Off Right With A Home Enema

spa

The New Year is the time of the cleanse and the crazy fad diet, so I figure I’d join the club. But instead of depriving myself, I’m going to lose weight the old-fashioned way—by blowing it out of my ass.

I kid, I kid. But in all seriousness, I’ve worked for two different health companies for more than three years. I’m definitely not on board with crash diets, and I’m also not looking at a home enema as a quick fix for anything. I am a supporter of natural health, and I’m open to many different home remedies—including a home enema.

The home enema topic came up a few years ago when my husband and I were going crazy trying to do something about my older son’s chronic eczema (he was a baby at the time). Like I said, we both work for the same health company telecommuting from home. We wanted to try natural remedies before going for more aggressive methods, especially since A) he was a baby and B) some steroid creams are known to bleach the skin and even increase the risk of skin cancer, according to our pediatrician.

So, we talked to the big health boss of our company (with 25 years of experience in her field), and she recommended a baby home enema. Believe it or not, the process was quite simple since a baby has no idea what’s going on anyway. On top of trying home enemas on our son, we also gave him fermented vegetables and probiotics and cut out gluten and dairy for a time.

I wish I had a magical story about how all of our natural health remedies immediately cleared up my son’s eczema, but that’s not what happened. We ended up using steroid creams for eczema in small amounts since his skin was so bad. We also stuck with health food and supplements (but added gluten and dairy back in because it was so freaking complicated to avoid them), and we got him allergy tested.

All in all, my son is almost 2 years old, and he seems like he’s on the road to recovery. He still has some eczema flare-ups from time to time, but his skin is much, much better. Hooray!

But now I have an enema bucket and tube calling my name from underneath the bathroom sink. I’m not normally one for sticking things in my ass, but I figured since it’s the new year, what the hey. Also, all of the ladies in the Mommyish swarm have been talking about cleaning up their diets. I figured I’d do them one better and go HAM on a cleanse with a home enema.

During the last round of enemas in our house, my husband and I were both curious, so we each tried an enema—separately and spared each other the details. The process itself takes only 10 to 15 minutes and involves a sterile bucket, a clean tube, and writhing around on the bathroom floor. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

For anyone who has ever told me that I’m full of shit, you’re right. And I’m finally ready to do something about it.

Big Ole Disclaimer: I am in no way a health professional, so please don’t take my enema experience too seriously. If you have any questions about sticking things in your butt, consult your doctor.

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This post does NOT mention cilantro at all :(

      • Bethany Ramos

        I’m so disappoint. :/

      • Bunny Lucia

        I actually thought the only reason people ever did enemas these days was to prepare for cilantro. I am so confused that there’s not even a tiny mention.

      • LocalMom29

        Actually, my first thought was that, in my experience at least, “cilantro” itself is an effective enema. Although I very much enjoy cilantro, I’m on the throne the whole next day, if you know what I mean. Sorry if that was an overshare…

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        hahaha I had no idea!

    • G.E. Phillips

      Dumb question: Can you accomplish the same thing with a few laxatives?

      • Bethany Ramos

        Not dumb! But I dunno… In some cleansing enemas, you can insert herbs or probiotics, which may be the diff.

      • jane

        Having done both, “cilantro” is harder to get used to, but if you do, the benefits are way better. Believe me.

        If you really want to “clean everything out” you can basically take a whole lot of miralax, but I don’t recommend it. You run the risk of becoming seriously dehydrated (you lose a lot of water with all that pooping). But if you just do an enema, you’re really not totally cleaning out your whole colon, which is lots and lots of feet long (that’s a scientific measurement). You’re just getting the stuff out of your rectum and the every end of your colon. (My husband has had rectal cancer, so believe me when I tell you I know a lot of shit about shit).

        And there’s really no need to clean out your colon. Tons of bacteria live in your gut, good and bad, and they’re pretty much going to stay there. Taking oral probiotics is a good idea. There’s nothing special about sticking them up your butt. Even if you are dealing with chronic constipation (hello, IBS!) making sure that you’re drinking enough water, exercising enough, eating enough fruits and veggies, etc, should be enough to naturally move stuff along. How can you tell if you’re chronically constipated? If you poop little balls, even if it’s not hard to go.

        End mini-lecture on ass-related health :)

      • G.E. Phillips

        “Cilantro” is more beneficial than enemas. Got it. Thanks :)

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        I am so thrilled that calling it “cilantro” has caught on this well. I knew it was a good analogy.hahahaha

      • brebay

        No! I’m never going to be able to enjoy pico de gallo again! You’re ruining cilantro!

      • Julia Sonenshein

        cilantro 4ever

    • blh

      I really don’t get how an enema would be good for your health. Unless you’re constipated, why do it? Really puzzled about how it would help eczema, too.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        I WATCHED SOME EPISODE OF MY STRANGE ADDICTION WHERE PEOPLE DID COFFEE ENEMAS. This requires a cap lock idk why

      • elle

        Lol I have no qualms about me being super granola and I have done this before! It is not as terrible as it sound I promise! But it’s done to detoxify the liver/gallbladder. Does it actually work? I don’t know but I choose to believe it does.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        but did it make you wired?

      • Toastlette

        It doesn’t work. You can do what you like, of course, but it can and does have ill side-effects. (If the link works, the science-based answer starts halfway down the page and has good links embedded)
        http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/ask-the-science-based-pharmacist-what-are-the-benefits-of-coffee-enemas/

      • Rachel Sea

        That’s like mopping the bathroom and expecting it to get the kitchen clean. The only thing that cleans your digestive tract is fiber. Using foreign substances screws with the parts that make your gut function. Unless you are a drug or alcohol addict, in renal or hepatic failure, your body already deals with toxins just fine. If your body is not filtering toxins on it’s own, you need a hospital, not an enema.

      • blh

        Lol people do some stupid shit bc they think it’s “healthy” and they just want to be different, I think.

      • ktbay

        I used to work with a lady who swore by coffee enemas. She did them like every month. She even offered to do one with me, so I could see that it wasn’t that bad. NO

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        That is so workplace inappropriate. HAHAHA

      • Véronique Houde

        Yeah, that was totally a strange one… :S

      • Bethany Ramos

        In the baby eczema enema, we inserted probiotics for healthy gut bacteria to clear the skin. Otherwise, my understanding is that it’s intended to flush bad bacteria, old stool, etc.

    • CMJ

      All I can think about is the night before a colonoscopy…and I wouldn’t wish that shit (pun intended) on my worst enemy.

      I know it’s different but I still just shuddered.

      • disqus_ZyZglqi9wa

        You are not wrong my friend. I sometimes still have flashbacks to prep day

    • Paul White

      I thought you mean purging your home when I saw the headline.
      As in cleaning shit out of your house.

      I’m going to pretend I hadn’t read the article and that that’s still what I think it’s about.

      • Janok Place

        I expected the same… Maybe DIY Enema would have clued me in…

      • Blueathena623

        YES!!! Me too. I was all set to talk about the pile of crap I have yet to haul off to goodwill, but after reading this article I feel the need to clarify that my pile of crap is made up of various plastic, wood, or paper items, not fecal material.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        You guys we basically need a lot more cleaning of all varieties articles

    • Tinyfaeri

      I can honestly say that an enema has never called my name.

    • StealthGent

      It’s good for, er, cilantro and cilantro related photo shoots, but keep in mind that doing it too often or incorrectly can be harmful. I’ve never heard of it curing eczema, it certainly hasn’t worked on mine, but coconut oil has. Try that and some Dr. Bronner’s/a gentle soap, I think it’ll be more pleasant overall.

      • Bethany Ramos

        Thanks! LOL :)

    • brebay

      An enema for eczema? Um, no. My son had it really bad when he was little, he was seen at National Jewish and Children’s. Eczema is purely topical and is treated with topical products and topical/oral steroids. I’m sorry, but it would have to be life or death for me to do that to my child. it’s pretty invasive and violative. For you, hey knock yourself out, but you do know a couple pears and some Miralax will get the job done just as well.

      • Bethany Ramos

        I’m going to respectfully disagree. The person we were working with had years of experience in digestive health and medicine. There are also extensive studies linking skin and gut health. I’m not backing enemas 100% since this was more of a lighthearted topic, but it was not invasive in that respect. The enema was just one option we tried, among other things. I do know you feel my pain about the stress of chronic eczema though. :)

      • PeacEntity

        I farted on my imaginary robotic cat’s enema and it smelled like fermented ostriches.

      • meteor_echo

        Actually, things like eczema are sometimes rather not conditions, but symptoms. So, if one is having eczema that comes back after being treated by topical creams all the time, it’s rather wise to scoot off to the doctor’s office to check for problems with liver, digestive tract, spleen and kidneys.

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        did you just #hospitalbrag?