Even Though I Am A Horrible Candidate, I’ve Offered To Be A Surrogate Because Creating Life Is Addictive

shutterstock_170063141Yesterday I read Bethany Ramos‘ declaration that she could never be a surrogate because she hated being pregnant.  I nodded with her every single concern and gripe, yet at the end I thought — aww I would LOVE to be a surrogate.  That’s not my logical brain talking, that’s some deep weird thing in my delusional mind whispering: do it.  Creating life is addictive.

Like that awful ex-boyfriend you want to call on a lonely night after a few drinks, I have totally and unabashedly romanticized pregnancy.  Which is almost laughable considering my pregnancy history.  It took me two years to get pregnant with my first and just a week after my first positive pregnancy test, I started throwing up before, during and after every meal.  My “morning sickness” lasted until almost twenty weeks.  Yet all of that was nothing compared to my second pregnancy when I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum (before the Royals took it public).  I couldn’t keep down a sip of water.  Anti-nausea drugs worked only if I went to sleep immediately after taking them and when I woke up I would throw up again.  This lasted until I was 24 weeks pregnant.  By then I was down to 92 pounds.  Over the course of those weeks I was hospitalized many times and even when I wasn’t hooked up to an IV for hydration and nutrition, I was on complete bedrest.  It was not a fun time to say the least.

Yet for some unexplained reason I have been fighting major baby fever for at least two years.  I’ve finally come to the point where I realize I don’t actually want a baby to raise and support, but I still want to be pregnant and give birth.  I’ve reduced myself to offering to be a surrogate at any dinner with friends, even to those who have been pregnant, have no interest in having more kids or, frankly, haven’t asked.  I think being a surrogate sounds like the absolute perfect ideal.  I get to be pregnant and give the child to someone who really wants it.  Win-win.

As I write this I realize how completely insane it is.  Even after my first/second trimester sickness passed, I was never one of those people who loved pregnancy.  I never “glowed” and I always felt like my body was being overtaken by an alien I had never met.  I slept terribly between the frequent bathroom trips, the kicks in the ribs and the general discomfort.

After years of negative pregnancy tests, health scares, sheer exhaustion and intense back pain (not to mention the annoyance of never being able to put on your own shoes) — why in the world would I ever want to go through the process of pregnancy again?  The only answer I can ever give is that creating life is just completely, inexplicably addictive, despite all logic and reason to the contrary.

The mind is a fascinating place.

(photo: Vishnevskiy Vasily/Shutterstock)

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You can reach this post's author, Carinn Jade, on twitter.
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  • Bethany Ramos

    Carinn, this was awesome to read because now I sort of kind of understand the draw toward surrogacy. I hated being pregnant, so I’m always in awe with MUCH respect for women with very large families or who are surrogates. After reading this, now I see their POV.

    Also, I definitely have the bitchy #firstworldproblems of hating pregnancy since I didn’t have any health issues. You are a champ because hyperemesis gravidarum sounds like a total nightmare!!

  • Alexandra

    Wow, I can’t imagine being a surrogate, (being preggo now with my first – two), but I can definitely see why you would want to do that. If I wasn’t pretty sure anything that came out of me I’d want to keep, I would join you in volunteering. Although, I have to say, my pregnancy, even at 35 yrs old and with spontaneous twins, has been pretty good so far KNOCK ON WOOD :)
    Good luck to you!! Here’s a tip, do you know any male gay couples? They may be looking for a surrogate!! :)

  • Life-Sized Mommy

    Yes yes yes!
    I have a host of fertility troubles, miserable pregnancies, history of early miscarriage, and two traumatic, dangerous childbirths under my belt. But I would totally love to be a surrogate.
    Sometimes silly dreams take up too much space and logic just can’t fit into your brain.

  • Kay_Sue

    It’s kind of like heroin. I know people like it and can’t get enough, but I tried it and all it did was make me sick and miserable, lol. But I can still get the appeal to others, in a way! :-p

    ETA: I have never tried heroin, for the record, but I have a friend that actually did and didn’t like it, thus why he never became addicted.

  • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

    Wow Carinn! That is amazing!

  • Mila

    You know, I haven’t had children yet but I’ve always wanted to do this too. Its like giving the most epic gift of all time. I haven’t asked my husband about it but I’m totally on board with trying this after we’ve had our children down the road. I don’t know of any gay couples I could be of assistance to but I would probably look into reputable companies for that. Am I the only person who researches stuff like this? Or like donating a kidney, bone marrow, eggs, or adopting every child and puppy in the world?

    • Zoe Lansing

      Since you mentioned donating bone morrow,I strongly recommend joining the National Marrow Registry if you haven’t already. http://www.bethematch.org has tons of info about how to join,what the procedure is like,etc.

    • Mila

      Already on there ;-)

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I’ve always told my best friend I would be happy to be a surrogate for him and his partner if they ever wanted children.
    I love him with all my heart, he’s my very best friend and has been for over 10 years.
    When it popped into our conversation he started crying because in Ireland we are very strict on anything to do with same sex couples, which disgusts me.
    I told him straight out if he and his partner ever wanted children I’d be happy to be a surrogate for them.

    He started bawling his eyes out lol.

    What else are friends for? =)

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