• Wed, Jan 8 - 10:00 am ET

5 Real Life Vasectomy Fails That Make My Uterus Quiver In Fear

vasectomyEven typing the words “failed vasectomy” makes my vagina clamp shut like a clam and my empty womb turn to dust. Once I got so bold as to Google “failed vasectomy,” my worst fears were confirmed. It happens. Not often, but it happens enough to scare the hell out of me—a woman perfectly content with stopping at two kids.

Vasectomy success rates are estimated at more than 99%, which sounds great at face value. The reason my husband and I went for the big V instead of a tubal is mostly because of price. His vasectomy was only $1000, and it was an outpatient procedure that didn’t seem too uncomfortable for him from my outside perspective. In comparison, the Internets told me that a tubal ligation could cost up to $6000. We also figured that it was his turn to get his man parts smacked around for once. What a guy!

Anyhoo, in my world, vasectomy failure is the stuff nightmares are made of. While it’s highly unlikely to happen, there’s a slim chance I could end up with an unplanned baby after smugly assuming the baby factory is closed forever. Anytime you bring up the topic of vasectomy, there’s always someone who knows someone who knows someone that had baby #3 or #4 after their husband got snipped.

After checking out a few Internet forums, here are some of the scariest vasectomy failure stories I could find with real world consequences:

1. Failed vasectomy made husband’s penis shrivel up and die.

v1

I don’t have any sage advice for this guy per se, but I do feel his metaphorical pain. Even though I’d ultimately love any “surprise” baby that came my way, I probably wouldn’t be too psyched about P-in-the-V until someone could present me with an ironclad contract that promised I would never be pregnant again.

2. Failed vasectomy = baby #4 = depression.

v2

I really feel for this honest mother who is clearly distraught about having a much fuller house than she ever planned for. Even worse, it sounds like she and her husband did everything right and came back with a clear sperm sample but still fell into the minority “failure camp” of 0.6%. That just sucks.

3. Failed vasectomy led to I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant nightmare scenario.

v3

Whoa, just whoa. The back story on this couple was that they both didn’t want children by choice. What’s even more shocking is that this thin woman hardly gained any weight and didn’t even find out she was pregnant until 27 weeks! This couple ultimately stuck with adoption and ended up dealing with depression and undergoing therapy.

4. Failed vasectomies still happen to cheating douchebags.

v4

If a run-of-the-mill vasectomy failure occurred, the wife could possibly be blamed for cheating since the husband was “fixed.” In this unfortunate story, the husband was smugly banging his secretary and ended up getting her pregnant after a surprise vasectomy bust. Doh!

5. Even the best vasectomy couldn’t stop this super sperm.

v5

I don’t know what kind of bullets this guy is shooting, but they are powerful. After a vasectomy and three follow-up tests, his sperm just can’t take a hint. He may have to undergo a repeat procedure to boot. I don’t know if he should be proud or pissed.

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Bethany Ramos, on twitter.
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    . Are you passing through any of these problems,

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    ARE YOU FACING WITCH CRAFT MANIPULATIONS

    DO YOU WANT TO CAST A STRONG LOVE SPELL ON YOUR GIRL OR BOY FRIEND

    DO YOU HAVE ANY RELATION THAT IS ABNORMAL

    DO YOU NEED MAGIC POWERS TO DO ANY THING YOU WANT

    ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER

    DO YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS TO BE PROUD OF YOU

    DO YOU NEED A PROTECTION SPELL

    ARE YOU EXPERIENCING FAILURE AND DISAPPOINTMENT IN ANY THING YOU DO.(ETC)

    If you are facing any of these problems all you just need do is to contact via email ( wiseindividualspells@gmail.com)and it will be handle with full force and with my oracle and ancestors beside me i want to make you testify just the same way other people did that i have helped. Do not die in pain and silence email me so that your problems will be solved by me with full speed.I want welcome you again to my spell temple.If you have any problem that you want my help for just email me and immediately it will be solved. Here is my email address( wiseindividualspells@gmail.com)

  • stella kyes

    I was searching for help on the internet to get my ex lover whom will got divorced 5 months ago, i came across this wonderful man called Doctor OLOKUM of LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM who did a nice job by helping me to get my divorced husband back within 48hours.. I never believe that such things like this can be possible but now i am a living testimony to it because Doctor OLOKUM actually brought my lover back, If you are having any relationship problems why not contact Doctor OLOKUM for help via email: LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM or call him at +2347053977842. Then i promise you that after 48hours you will have reasons to celebrate like me.

  • Hope

    Regarding vasectomies, here’s a fun little story. My dad got one after he and my mom had 5 kids. The 4th died of SIDS and the 5th was in the NICU for a few weeks due to being born premature (we all were) and only weighing about 4 lbs. They decided they couldn’t handle another problem like those, and my dad went the tied and cauterized route. Five years later, my mom got pregnant again, with what finally turned out to be their last (healthy, thank God, and only 3 weeks premature), possibly because she got her tubes tied and cauterized, and my dad got another vasectomy, similar to the first, but cut even shorter. Jump 14 years ahead, and I’m pregnant with my husband and I’s second child (7 years into our relationship, at the tender age of 23). We both agreed that we only want two. We have the second and save up for a vasectomy, which was performed some 9 months ago, about a year and a half after the delivery of our second child. Husband goes in at six weeks and 3 months, both tests come back clear of sperm. And what happens yesterday but that I am four days late and have a positive pregnancy test, strong and immediate, with two more today, different brands, same result. Either God is determined that those in my family will not stop where we want to, or that whole “99% effective” thing is bull. Either way, from what I have observed, trusting to a vasectomy alone, even after clear tests, is a great way to wind up pregnant again.

  • LUCY HARRY

    CONTACT DOCTOR MUZOGO ON THIS EMAIL ADDRESS drmuzogospelltemple@hotmail.com AND HAVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED.
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    so one fateful day my husband received an invitation letter to come for an interview in a petroleum company so he went,
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    got frustrated and he cried home. But few days later my husband suddenly changed his character towards me and my kids but
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  • Natalie Dance

    I always fear this. We went to a top doc, but still.