At the start of every new year, we always see stories about how new food trends people need to try. I know I am trendy, and I know you are too, because you once walked by the Hot Topic in your local shopping mall on the way to buy a cheese pretzel from the food court before you procured some new hand towels from JC Penny and you briefly thought to yourself “Yes, maybe I do need a stick on nose ring!”
That’s what us trendy parents do.
So in honor of this, I bring you hot new food trends parents need to try in 2014.
Locally Sourced Food
Locally sourced food will be so hot this year. What exactly does this mean? It means that instead of going all the way across town in rush hour traffic to procure a sack of burgers because you forgot to turn the crockpot on in time and your chicken breasts are still frozen, that you instead go to your corner Circle K gas station and attempt to create a meal from a sad looking banana, a package of Saltines, and some Slim Jims.
Upscale Comfort Foods
Everyone loves upscale comfort foods. This can be anything from buying your lettuce at Whole Foods where it costs nine dollars a head as opposed to your local grocery which has it on sale for 67 cents. Another way you can make your comfort food upscale is by cutting your hot dogs up and putting them IN your macaroni and cheese rather than serving them NEXT to your macaroni and cheese. This recipe is ™ Eve Vawter, you are welcome.
I LOVE vegetables, which is a good thing because veggies are so hot for 2014. The hottest part about this is that you will go to the store, spend half your grocery budget on buying purple cauliflower and kale, and you will forget to roast these items so they will sit at the bottom of your produce bin and then you will get to throw them out while your kids bitch in the background about how dinner isn’t ready yet.
Gluten free items were hot last year and they will be hot again this year. Not only will more people be diagnosed with an actual gluten sensitivity, but other people will think that this way of eating will make them lose weight so they will go gluten free and then find a local bakery that makes gluten free cupcakes and eat twelve and not lose any weight. Meanwhile, parents who have a child with a gluten allergy will continue patiently trying to explain to their friends why their kids can’t eat Pizza Hut and these parents will roll their eyes and think the gluten free parents are exaggerating. All of this will end up with someone somewhere having a horrible bout of stomach issues.
This last one is my own prediction because kids are VERY trendy and most kids love orange food. You can expect to see orange foods continuing to be a hot trend in 2014, with everything from baby carrots to Goldfish cheddar flavor to Kraft dinner to Halo clementines to Kraft singles made into grilled cheese to Cheetos to Sunny D amongst the items your kids will actually eat. There is a small chance that Doritos may come out with a Totally Kool Karrot Explosion flavor in 2014 so you will also be able to add that to the list. Also, orange candy. Including Tic Tacs, which my own daughter feels is a food group.