shutterstock_112991386Candace Cameron Bure has come under fire during the promotional tour of her book “Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose” by suggesting that she lets her husband run the show in their family.  If you ask me the ones going after her are reaching for some low-hanging fruit.  In fact, I’m going to admit I could probably learn something from her words by choosing to sit in the passenger’s seat a little more often.

“The definition I’m using with the word ‘submissive’ is the biblical definition of that,” Bure explained. “So, it is meekness, it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength. And that’s what I choose to have in my marriage.”

I think this is a really important distinction.  No one is taking her power from her.  She recognizes and knows her family dynamic and works within those confines.  She’s not cowering or scared, she’s choosing to engage on her own terms.

“I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work.”

Again, I don’t hear her saying that if she didn’t do what her husband said, their marriage would be over.  I hear her saying that she chooses to put her marriage above her individual preferences.  Submissive does not mean inferior.

“I love that my man is a leader. I want him to lead and be the head of our family,” she said. “Those major decisions do fall on him, but it doesn’t mean I don’t voice my opinion or have an opinion, I absolutely do.”

She further explained: “We are equal in our . . . importance, but we are just different in our performances within our marriage.”

If this works for her, I don’t know what there is to complain about.  As far as I can tell she’s not advocating that every woman bow down to her man or that this is the only way marriage works.  In fact, I’m sure my marriage could use a dose of Carinn submission every once in awhile.  What would happen if I gave in to my husband’s way of doing things for an entire day?  A month?  A year?  Would I transform from the alpha strong independent woman I am today into a meek and mindless servant, unable to think for myself?  I can’t even fathom.  And by the way, I think if I turned into a mindless Stepford wife (which for the record I don’t think Bure is), my husband would surely leave me.  He married me for my strong opinions and my passionate delivery.

For that matter, my marriage could use some doses of my husband’s submission too (what’s good for the goose, right?).  Maybe if we each wore the submissive hat a little more, there’d be more family harmony — who would say no to that?  Not me. We are equally strong-willed, educated and intelligent people.  We don’t need to worry about finding ourselves in the very real and dangerous place of being taken advantage of or controlled.  It sounds like that’s the dynamic of the child star and the hockey player — and it’s been working for them for 17 years.

(photo: Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com)