Getting fit is always ranked number one on every New Year’s resolution list after the ball drops. Sigh… There’s no better way to throw a bucket of cold water on a shiny new year than to lace up your running shoes and hit the gym at six in the morning. Blech.
I really love exercise, but I also really hate it when people boss me around. I’m not going to break a sweat until I’m good and ready, and no New Year’s resolution peer pressure is going to make me change my mind—no matter how many people plan to waste their money on a brand-new gym membership in January.
And if Friends has taught us anything, it’s that your once well-intentioned gym membership will be utterly worthless to you in a few months, and you won’t be able to get out of your airtight contract if you tried. Side note: I once considered faking my own death to get out of a Bally’s gym contract, but I decided to pour money down the drain for two more years instead.
If your New Year’s resolution for 2014 is to go on strike from physical activity, here are 10 of the best excuses for keeping your squishy butt on the couch:
1. I have a Zumba class later, and I don’t want to waste my energy. Zumba is so hot right now.
2. I’ll go if you go…
3. (Insert dirty hand gesture here)
4. What can I say? I’m not a morning person.
5. I can’t commit to a specific gym time right now. I have, like, a really busy day.
6. Gym memberships are $50 dollars… a month.
7. I already had exercise for breakfast.
8. Doesn’t sex burn calories?
9. My bitchy resting face keeps me fit.
10. And the best excuse of all… My kids are sucking the life out of me—who has time for this so-called gym?
(photo: Getty Images)