• Sun, Jan 5 - 4:55 pm ET

Cheater Site Ashley Madison Sees Record New Year’s Eve Signups Because People Are Awful

While many people were busy making fruitless weight loss resolutions, or battling a wicked hangover, others took a decidedly more unsavory approach to planning for the new year – tens of thousands of men and women used their New Year’s Day holiday to sign up for the infamous dating site Ashley Madison. You know, the cheaty McCheaterson site for cheating bastards?

According to The Huffington Post, pretty much all dating sites see an increase in sign-ups for New Years, as people re-evaluate their lives and seek out someone to share it with. The difference here, is that on Ashley Madison, the majority of people signing up already have someone to share their lives with. These people are just BORING or “don’t understand them anymore.” Or whatever other bullshit they people signing up use to justify being a piece of garbage to their spouse.

On Friday, Ashley Madison reported a record-breaking number of sign-ups, with over 27,000 Americans logging on to look for a phat dime piece on the side. HuffPo estimates that this means there was a new member every three seconds. That’s a lot of soulless assholery for one day.

Of course, Ashley Madison being what it is (a cesspool of humanity), they released a press release with their findings. The site’s traffic went up more than 20 percent from last New Year’s Day, and a gigantic (as in gigantic d-bags) 344 percent from a regular day. I guess New Year’s Day is the day for trolling strange on the internets. They also reported that 16, 507 men signed up, along with women not falling far behind at 11,004, proving once and for all that both men AND women can be incredibly selfish, cheating mofos if given the inclination and opportunity.

That wonderful example of humanity, Ashley Madison founder Noel Biderman, says that he’s far from surprised at the findings, which doesn’t surprise me since any dude who would found a site for cheating assholes would obviously expect the worst in people:

“Many people re-examine their lives and changes they want to make on special occasions and holidays, particularly the start of the new year.  If expectations aren’t met on a night like New Year’s Eve, that can signify the last straw for a lot of couples.”

You heard it straight from the source, married peeps. I sure hope you “met your spouse’s expectations” on New Years, or you might just be a few short weeks from finding strange hairs in your bed or weird boxers under your couch. Because for some people (read: sociopaths and cowards) it’s easier to cheat than to face your problems or walk away.

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  • Cee

    I had sex on new years, so I’m safe …for now!

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      You won this round, SPOUSE. but Ashley Madison always wins in the end (at least this is what the DudeBro who started that shitstorm must be thinking).

  • NicknamesAreDull

    I was in the ICU on NYE, so I’m just going to assume I didn’t. My bad. I should have totally controlled my organs better. Welp, maybe next year.

    • Mel

      I hope you’re doing better! So sorry you were sick :(

    • NicknamesAreDull

      I’m doing better! I have an allergy to NSAIDS, when I take them, my kidneys fail. I had accidentally taken some NSAIDS and BAM!

      But, my husband got me to care quickly, and everything is good in the Kidney Hood

    • Mel

      That’s terrible, but props to Hubby for taking such good care :) Glad all is well again!

    • NicknamesAreDull

      He is my wonderful medical superhero!

    • pixie

      That’s awful, and I’m glad you’re doing better. My dad is also allergic to NSAIDs and ASA, which is the normal course of treatment for those who have horrible arthritis, so instead of waiting a couple more years until he retires and having the help of NSAIDs, he’s going to need his hip replaced in the spring. (His kidneys don’t fail, but he goes into anaphylactic shock, but neither is good and I hope you don’t have to experience that again!!)

  • keelhaulrose

    I had my monthly visitor on NYE, so I better go looking for my husband’s account…
    I’m going to catch flak for this, but I don’t think Ashley Madison is quite the debbil situation it’s portrayed as. I know there are a few cheating spouses there with clueless wives/husbands back home, but the times are a’changing. I’ve told my husband if he wants to stray we can have a mature conversation, and I’d honestly rather check out the site to make sure he’s not finding some clingy girl in a bar. A lot more people are in open relationships, Ashley Madison just gives them a place to congregate. I don’t agree with having an affair and keeping it from your partner, but I won’t judge someone for what they do with their spouse’s consent.
    And a good chunk of people on that site aren’t married. They just want a physical relationship with someone they don’t have to make a commitment to.

    • Andrea

      I got the same visitor. I guess I better get that appt with the divorce lawyer then…

    • CMJ

      I just don’t like the premise of “not meeting my spouse’s expectations” being the straw that broke the cheaters back.

    • keelhaulrose

      I get you, but I wonder how many people fall into that category on that website. If you’re looking for a discrete affair you’d have to have a very oblivious spouse. It costs money, and shows up on a bank statement, not to mention anyone with a basic computer knowledge can easily find out if you’ve been there.
      My husband and I have an amazing sex life. But he is the same man. That’s not a problem for me, but some people crave a bit of variety. They’re happy where they are for a variety of reasons, but they want a little extra. How many people haven’t looked at or fantasized about someone else even while in a committed relationship?
      The key is communication. If one spouse communicates their desires with the other, it’s not my place to judge if they agree to one or both straying outside the marriage.

    • CMJ

      I think my issue is the douchecanoe who started the site.

    • Momma425

      A relationship is only open if BOTH people are aware that is is open.
      Not everyone uses the same definition I do, but I define cheating as: “anything regarding the opposite sex that you do that you wouldn’t do with your spouse right next to you.” It is subjective from couple to couple depending on their relationship, and boundaries that they have established. My husband and I both consider flirting to be cheating, and therefore we don’t do it. My husband and I both consider porn to be cheating, and therefore we don’t watch it- but I know many couples who don’t care if the other person watches porn. That’s perfectly fine- their boundaries are different than mine. If a couple has an open marriage- meaning both people are on board- is it cheating? I don’t really think so.
      The word “affair” and “cheating,” imply (at least to me) that both parties are not on board- that one person is lying, sneaking around, and being secretive.
      While I am sure that those in open relationships/marriages do often sign up for Ashley Madison, I’m sure the site gets a very fair number of people who are, in fact, cheating because that is what the site advertises to.

    • keelhaulrose

      I use “affair” for want of a better word.
      As I said, I don’t condone affairs where one spouse is cheating and the other is clueless. It’s consenting couples who need to be left alone.
      Yes, there are cheaters on Ashley Madison. But there are cheaters on Christian Mingle, too. At least AM is being upfront, and I bet the percentage of married members who are cheating without their spouse’s knowledge is actually lower there than on other sites where people aren’t upfront about their current relationship status.

    • Mel

      I think that’s fair. If a couples chooses to have extramarital activities, then have at it! I’ve been both the cheater and the cheatee and they can both suck. Better to have a mature conversation with the person you’re supposed to be closest to in the world. And, if you don’t then you’re a huge dbag who needs to hit the road.

    • keelhaulrose

      Anyone who cheats without their partner knowing deserves what’s coming to them, but open relationships are not uncommon. I’ve been in a couple, but I knew what it was from the start and agreed to it. I’ve also been created on in an exclusive relationship, and told him to hit the road. Communication and consent is key.

    • Véronique Houde

      shame on you for not giving your husband a blowjob… If your relationship fails it’s totally your fault. OR you could’ve totally gone 50 shades style ;). See, you’re a horrible wife. Deal with it!

    • keelhaulrose

      I had no chance to do anything. He had worked a ten hour shift that day, and had another ten to look forward to… the man was asleep ten minutes after the kids!

    • Véronique Houde

      Trust me, I’m no better ;) My boyfriend worked all night New Year’s Eve – I went to bed at 11.30 and dealt all night with a teething baby that would wake up screaming in pain. And my boyfriend worked at 3pm the next day so we barely had time to have a New Years’ breakfast before he was off again ;). I definitely wasn’t feeling the blowjob either lol.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      ROFL. Silly wimenz!

    • ElleJai

      That was my deal with DH. He and his ex wife were cheating on each other throughout their marriage. I hate being lied to, so I made it a condition that if you feel like you want to act on an attraction to someone else, we have a conversation about that and decide together.

      If I find you’ve lied to me and cheated, you’re out the same day.

    • meteor_echo

      You’re clearly a better person than me. I told my man-friend that, if he wants to fuck someone else, he’ll have to break up with me first, and that, if he cheats, he’ll get a boot to the face. I don’t have patience for relationships where the dude wants someone aside from me.
      Then again, I managed to find someone who is staunchly against cheating, so there’s that.

    • keelhaulrose

      I’m not better, just more permissive. I haven’t had sex outside my marriage, and neither has my husband, but I’d rather have a conversation about why he’s thinking about it and let him fulfill a desire that I can’t or won’t than have it festering and turn into a sore spot in our relationship.
      And I have told him I’d find it harder if he had a long term affair or an emotional affair than if he had a one-night thing. One night is just sex, more than that and it’s not a matter of me not fulfilling a single desire or fantasy, more than that and I’m not giving him something he emotionally needs and he doesn’t feel like he can talk to me about it.

    • Kay_Sue

      There really is a significant different, at least in my opinion, between emotional and physical affairs. Tons of research suggests that women take the emotional aspect harder when their partners stray, much like you indicate that you would.

      I can see how having an open mind and keeping that conversation available would be helpful. It would not work in our marriage for other reasons, but it definitely seems like a very valid way to mitigate the potential for pain that an affair has.

    • LiteBrite

      I have a similar opinion. I think I’d be a lot more forgiving of a one-night stand than I would a long-term affair. But then again, we never know how we’re going to feel until it happens, I guess.

    • meteor_echo

      You really are a nicer person. I told my boyfriend that I’m willing to experiment with anything that doesn’t involve other people, animals, brown showers or extensive physical harm, and that if he wants something that I cannot give him, he can break up with me and look for it elsewhere.
      I think I’d be more forgiving of the emotional affair. Then again, I’m a weirdo.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      I mean, most of my jabs were straight up jokes aimed at d-bags who lie to their significant others. I am very sex positive and I think anything done with consent is A-Okay with me (within the law). But you can meet people in open relationships on OKCupid, AdultFriendFinder and even CL. Ashley Madison bills itself as a place to actually cheat.

    • keelhaulrose

      I think their tag line is “life is short, have an affair”. While they tout how discrete they are, discretion is not the sole domain of the secret-affair crowd. I certainly wouldn’t want my grandmother finding out if I’m having sex outside my marriage, and while I don’t think I’d leave my email open at her house if I did have that lapse in judgement OKCupid, AFF, and CL make no attempts to hide what they’re sending. AM does, and while it wouldn’t stop if she opened the emails, it would if she just looked over who it was sent from or the subject lines.
      And if I were a public figure I wouldn’t want my profile easily searchable, or risk it being used in a pop-up ad.
      The question is what is cheating. Some people do use AM to do what is traditionally considered cheating, sex outside marriage with no knowledge of the spouse, but most people think that any sex outside marriage is cheating, even if it’s done with consent. There’s no good word for that, so falling back to words like affair or cheating works to make something look streamlined. No one wants to boost being “the number one website of those who have permission from their spouse to have an affair” when “top website for affairs” looks so much better on the front page.

  • CMJ

    Oh man, I was playing a drinking game with my husband and some friends and we fell asleep before midnight.

    I guess it all depends on his perception of my performance in said drinking game. Crap.

  • Bertie

    In all honesty… Is it possible to search the site for one’s spouse without signing up yourself?

    • Bunny Lucia

      You can make a fake account and sign up for a free trial membership.

  • Kay_Sue

    Is this why that whole kissing at midnight tradition is so important?

  • arrow2010

    I’m pretty sure the % of douchenozzles in humanity has declined since the Middle Ages. It’s just that we have all the raw stats to parade out – it makes it seem as though things are worse.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      A lot of this was purely meant to be funny. I know assholes have existed forever and ever (assholery is truly the world’s oldest occupation).

  • LiteBrite

    I’m pretty sure I DID meet my husband’s expectations on NYE. He expected me to be drunk, and I was. He expected me to be hungover the next day, and that happened too. So, boom, he won!

    In all seriousness, I have told my husband that if he really thinks he can do better than me, then he’s free to try. Good luck with that, bro. I’ll actually give him mad props if he can find someone else to put up with his grumpy ass, even for one night.

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