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The Top 12 Best Parenting Related Urban Dictionary Entries

urban dictionaryUrban Dictionary is one of my favorite websites of all time. In case you’ve been living in a cave and just woke up, Rip Van Winkle-style, Urbandictionary.com is a crowdsourcing dictionary site where anyone can add a word and definition. Unlike Wikipedia, which is also a type of crowdsourcing site, each entry that a user adds some up as a separate definition, so certain words have multiple definitions. And a lot of the are hilarious.

Just like a real dictionary, you can find the definition of just about any word you can think of, and a million more that you can’t. Unlike a traditional dictionary, Urban Dictionary has some ridiculous, humorous and occasionally offensive definitions. And there is no exception when it comes to parenting related entries. Below are the funniest ones I could find.

12. Dear Old Mother

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (1)

This was definitely written by a teenager.

11. This guy’s dad sounds like a douche

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (2)

Either that, or he’s just bitter. I mean, his handle is “Shitastic.”

10. Dr. Doom speaks the truth

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (3)

This is the best description of most teenagers I have ever read.

9. Mom and Dad…

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (4)

The original c*ck-blockers.

8. Parenting = kids are accessories

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (5)

Also known as the Paris Hilton parenting method.

7. Kids…

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (6)

Are also pretty good c*ck-blockers.

6. Poop Factories

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (7)

It’s funny because it’s true.

5. John MacEnroe? A brat? NO!

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (8)

MacEnroe’s tantrums made my kids look like angels.

4. “Toddlers” aka tiny jerks

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (9)

(also see: Brats)

3. Just telling it like it is…

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (10)

#Truth

2. Shitting a Watermelon

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (11)

Pretty much right, except it’s more like shitting a watermelon through your nose. Only messier.

1. Pizzle in your Vizzle

Parenting Related Urban Dictionary (12)

Pizzle in my vizzle reminds me of some kind of kinky watersports sex thing.

(All Images: UrbanDictionary.com unless otherwise stated)

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  • NicknamesAreDull

    I can confirm #7. My husband is going to Afghanistan in a few days and my daughter must have leveled up in cock-blocking because every single time we have tried to prepare for lift off, she has prevented the Eagle from landing.

    • Bunny Lucia

      She really wants to prevent Infant Sibling Disease

    • NicknamesAreDull

      We did too, which is why I got a tubal litigation and my husband got a vasectomy. If a baby can form in those conditions, I’m going to assume I’m about to squeeze out the next Jesus.

    • Simone

      A tubal litigation? Why, did your tubes steal your car or something?

    • NicknamesAreDull

      Well, my husband’s car, but you know.. You have to be strict with them or they’ll walk all over you.

  • Kay_Sue

    I have to say, for the parents entry, would anyone really take away the computer?

    I feel like doing so would just increase the forbidden love aspect, whereas having an uncomfortable and length conversation about adult entertainment’s version of sexuality and relationship versus reality’s version of sexuality and relationships would win me points in the Mom Wars, while also being much more effective at making sure they never watched porn again…

    • Bunny Lucia

      “And this is a picture of behind the scenes of a porno. Yes that is a male who gives the male lead a blowjob to get him hard. Yes that is vomit from the female lead in the corner. No, that is not another male, that is the female lead without make up on.”

    • Kay_Sue

      Precisely! That seems way more off-putting to me.

    • NicknamesAreDull

      I think I would take away the computer, depending on what it was. There are some things on the internet that are awful. If I caught my daughter looking at porn, and it was just basic stuff, I wouldn’t be upset. We would talk about it, but I wouldn’t punish her. If it was extreme, hardcore stuff that makes ME feel queasy, I would probably talk with her, take the computer and talk with her again.

    • Kay_Sue

      Good point, but I was being facetious, to be honest.

    • Rachel Sea

      I would explain in, graphic detail, every way in which different classes of porn create unrealistic expectations, and increase the chances of a person being a crappy lay.

  • EX

    The toddler definition is definitely my favorite, but I may be a little biased at the moment…

  • Jallun-Keatres

    hahahahahaha “pizzle in the vizzle” OMG!!