• Fri, Jan 3 - 10:00 am ET

The Homosexuality Question I’m Asked About My Son But Never My Daughters

“What if he’s gay?

I’ve been asked this question a grand total of four times in my son’s short, three and a half year lifespan. Every single time it was during a conversation about something like marriage equality (I’m for it) or whether or not being gay is a choice (it’s not). The fact that we’re still debating that last part in this day and age is enough to make me weep for humanity, but what really gets to me is one thing: I’ve never been asked this question about my daughters. Not once.

In fact, before I had my son, who is my youngest and final child (this baby making machine is closed for business, thankyouverymuch) the question was “What if you had a son and HE was gay?” Never was the question about my little girls. Why? I’m not sure. I have some theories, but honestly, I don’t know. Maybe my experience is purely anecdotal and means nothing. But I’ve talked to quite a few other parents who have experienced the same phenomenon, so this must be a pretty widespread anecdote.

My main theory on why this happens is that, for some, lesbians are titillating and therefore have at least a little value in our male-oriented society.Or perhaps human sexuality is indeed on a Kinsey type scale and homosexual men threaten the tenuous masculinity that has been foisted upon men in a society that doesn’t allow for even a discussion of non-traditional sexuality or sexual exploration.

All of this is speculation on my part, and I am the first to say that I’m not educated enough on the subject to do more but speculate. Still though, it bothers me.

As a bisexual woman who has been quasi- out since I was 18, I’ve witnessed the bias that men-who-love-men face as opposed to women-who-love-women. The response that I’ve gotten about my sexuality, when it does come up) has ranged from unabashed support, to disinterest, to asshole teens throwing garbage at myself and my girlfriend on a NYC bus. But never have I experienced the vitriol described by my bi male friends. When you’re a woman, people who don’t understand assume bisexuality is just a phase. When you’re a man, bisexuality is a serious problem, in their eyes. According to a certain segment of the population, a bisexual men is either a closet gay or a liar. It’s unfathomable.

How would I feel if my wonderful, intelligent, caring, brave son were gay? The same way I’d feel if one or both of my wonderful, intelligent, caring, brave daughters were gay: just fine. Probably proud that they were wiling to come out of the closet in such a closed minded world (though hopefully the world will be slightly better). But all in all? Fine. Period.

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  • pixie

    I also find it very interesting, and maybe a little sexist (for lack of a better word) that it’s only ever asked about sons.

    To be honest, I have asked my boyfriend a lot of “what ifs” when talking about ever having children. What if our son or daughter is gay? What if they’re transgendered? What if they have a serious mental disability? I don’t ask out of fear of myself not loving the hypothetical future child, but to get my boyfriend’s thoughts on the issues. I would love my child no matter what, but I think it’s important to discuss things like that when even considering procreating (even if you don’t plan on having a baby for a long time). My boyfriend is a great guy, and I know he’d be a great father if we ever decide to have kids, but his parents are less accepting and a little more bigoted. At one point his mom commented how co-op in high school (for things like carpentry, pluming, electrical) was for the “challenged” kids. They make offhand racist comments and most of the time I cannot tell if they are joking or not. I would hate to think what they would think/say if they had a young grandson named Kevin who wanted nothing more to wear pretty dresses and be a Katie. My boyfriend is not his parents. He is a loving, kind, accepting man, but I’m not sure if I could procreate with a partner who wasn’t proud of their child no matter how they turn out. Thankfully, my boyfriend seems to be the type who would be.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      My parents are similar to your boyfriend’s–ultra super religious and gay is just wrong in their eyes, or always has been. However, they were beginning to suspect that their oldest grandson might be gay. So I asked my Mom how she would feel if he was. She said something to the effect of, He’s my grandson, and I would love him no matter who he was with. And she meant it. I was surprised, but the times, they are a’changing. Some old people can learn new tricks.

    • pixie

      Oh, I know some old people can learn new tricks, and I hope if I ever have a child who is not “normal” in their eyes that they will change their views and accept and love their grandchild. Still, there is that underlying fear of what if they don’t.

    • h

      Trades for the “challenged kids?” Please. (Not said to you, but in response to your bf’s parents’ sentiments) My bf was an average student and currently has an associate’s in electrical, while I excelled in school and went on to a top tier school. Being with him makes me feel more “challenged” than him at times.. the fact that he just KNOWS how to fix just about anything (even things he didn’t go to school for), that he pulled apart my car’s entire heating mechanism to figure out what was wrong, just by looking at it, putting pieces together… I would be clueless, and even when he is very patient and explains things to me because he wants me to learn and I am interested, I find it very frustrating and incomprehensible, and am always left in awe of his intelligence. And vice versa for things that I am good at that he isn’t. I hate that conception of trades as for those who can’t make it in academia. It may be true to some degree literally, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t last a week in any kind of trade school, so you could just as easily say that traditional college is for those who can’t make it in a trade. The problem is the perception that one is more or less than the other. We all have different intelligences and things that we learn easily or not. And all have value in society.

    • pixie

      Yeah, the trades are nothing to be ashamed of. My boyfriend has quite a few friends who are in the trades, and most of them have jobs now where those of us who went to university don’t. I don’t think they realized they were insulting half my boyfriend’s friends when they said that. (Not that any of them were around, but still).

    • h

      Exactly. Trades pay very well and will never be unnecessary. The problem my bf has faced is finding work with minimal experience despite his degree, how do you get experience if you have none, etc, but that is a struggle that those of us with bachelor’s or even graduate degrees face as well, in our respective fields. Interestingly, he has met people on the other side of the coin in trades: those with experience but no degree, and they face the same struggle finding work. But I also know that once he finds a job that will put faith in him, he will excel, and the money in the trades is huge (something I never realized before being with him, due to said stereotypes). Seriously, the money is awesome. And may keep getting better as more of us arrogant academic types thought our world was made but can’t fix a misfiring circuit (or even know that is what is wrong).

    • SarahJesness

      If my parents weren’t all insistent at me going to college, I TOTALLY would’ve gone into a trade. Mechanics and electricians and plumbers and shit, I hear they can get paid pretty well, and those are skills that our society will be needing for a good long time.

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    I love my kids and just hope they end up with someone who loves them; I’m not going to worry about the gender of that person. I do hope I get some grandkids to spoil one day though, however they want to go about that is fine with me.

    I must say, there’s a typo in here: isexuality. I read it and was like, is that another new term I don’t know? Is that someone who loves his/her iPad too much? :)

    • Kay_Sue

      I am, unabashedly, an iSexual. I’m trademarking that, FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    • Kay_Sue

      I am disappointed to report that there is no way to write this in on Facebook…I’m considering writing a sternly worded email.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Love it. My husband is, too, I suspect. I am often an iWidow.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      … reluctantly edited :(

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      My favorite typo ever, gone.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      we will always have Paris :(

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      That was the best typo I ever typo’d. I’m so sad now.

    • Kay_Sue

      I am heartbroken to see it changed, honestly. It was great.

  • Alicia Kiner

    My theory with this is that it’s rooted in the continuation of the male line. In order for the name to continue on, a son must be born. So if you only have one boy and he’s guy, your line will die out. As far as our society has come, we’re still very sexist. Boys are still more desirable than girls. I’ve never heard a woman who only has a one child who was a girl be asked if she was done. It’s always assumed she must “try for a boy.” but several of my friends and I had boys first and we all heard variations of the “well, at least you have a boy so you don’t have to have another child.” Um, since when did I ever have to?

    • pixie

      When I try to imagine my mom (or even dad) being asked if they were done having kids because I’m a girl, I imagine the person who asked having a black eye from being punched in the face. :)

    • Jessica

      I have older women stop me in the grocery store to congratulate me on finally having a boy, in front of my two girls. Even though this has happened more than once, it always takes me off guard. I need to come up with a standard reply.

    • Lackadaisical

      With two boys followed by a girl I get the reverse. I think people consider a balance of one of each the ideal. My response was always “but my sons are wonderful, just like their little sister. If my boys are that great who wouldn’t be happy with another one. I am glad I have a daughter but I would have been equally pleased with her if she had been a boy”.

    • keelhaulrose

      I think you’re right. I’ve lost count of the number of people, including complete strangers, who look at my two girls and ask when I’m going to try for a boy.
      Never. I’m happy with my girls, and with my luck I’d be like a reverse of the Weasley clan, six girls before I manage a boy. I’m not trying for a softball team, thanks.

    • Alicia Kiner

      I had my son first, then my daughter. Once she was born, everyone was like, Ah, you have the perfect family, you’re done now right? As if it was their business. But most of my earlier post was just the comments I’ve heard, or been told by friends they’ve heard. So it might just be the area I live, but boys around seem to be more preferable. I also live in a very big (generational) farming area, so that may have something to do with it.

    • LadyClodia

      I don’t know. I’ve had people ask me if we were going to try for a girl, especially after our second son was born. I’ve also read numerous articles that while gender selection favors boys in other cultures, in the US the trend is to select for girls.

    • Kay_Sue

      I think that’s pretty commonplace when all of the kids are the same sex. My in laws had four boys and got the girl question, but my parents had all girls and were consistently asked if they were going to try for a boy.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Yeah I was just typing – It seems to me like people ask if you will try for the gender you don’t have, so you have one of each at least?

    • Kay_Sue

      My mom always tells the story of how she read, while in the waiting room of her OB’s office while pregnant with my youngest sister, about a family that kept trying for a boy. They had 17 and were pregnant with 18 when they found out that they were having another girl.

      She said “eff that”. Three girls was enough. ;)

    • Bethany Ramos

      OMFG I have always wondered if that kind of thing was possible.

    • ElleJai

      A lady at church had 5 boys and was desperate for a girl. When she got twin boys, she got the message and started looking forward to daughters in law to spoil instead!

    • LadyClodia
    • Kay_Sue

      That doesn’t really prove that the US prefers girls, though.

      For one, the entire article is anecdotal–there are no statistics to show a societal trend. For another, the two or three women featured already had at least one (and one of them had three) boys. They were trying to “balance their family”, to borrow from the article’s lingo. That’s different from preferring girls straight up.

    • Justme

      I’ll be very honest – my husband and I both had strong desires for a girl. If my daughter had been a boy, we would most likely be having a second child. But since she is a girl and we have no desire for a boy, we’re not taking the risk of having another child…in addition to a few other reasons for having an only child.

    • LadyClodia

      We always had a plan for two, and I didn’t have a preference for our first. I had really wanted a boy and a girl, so I was a bit bummed when we first found out that our second was also a boy. Even though people asked if we were going to try for a girl, we knew 2 was our limit (partly because we didn’t want to be outnumbered having to travel internationally.) I’m still hoping for a niece that I can spoil.

    • Justme

      My sister-in-law has three boys…she ALWAYS picks the Christmas and birthday present for my daughter because she never gets to shop the “girl” toys.

    • pixie

      A couple of my Chinese friends and I were asking each other questions about the different cultures we come from recently (they’ve only been in Canada for a year and a half). It’s pretty well known (or said that) in North America that Chinese culture prefers boys and that’s why there’s so many Chinese girls up for adoption. My friends (both girls) told me that it’s starting to change in China because in their culture, when two people get married, the groom’s parents buy the newly weds their first apartment, so now parents are liking having daughters because it saves them money. Perhaps the trend isn’t changing for all the right reasons, but it’s a bit of a start.

    • MellyG

      That’s interesting. My best friend is Chinese American, and when her first child was a boy, there was much relief from her family. However, that’s interesting to note that it’s changing in China. I wonder if it’s the population disparity as well – i was recently reading an article about how, in rural areas, women are very much in demand because there are too many men. So women can name very high prices to be “bought” as brides (i’m not sure bought is the right word…..but more or less name your dowry, or your terms or what not, for becoming a bride) and poor men in rural areas can’t afford a wife. The article mentioned that in some instances., women were sort of running scams on men – taking the bridal money and vanishing.

    • pixie

      Sadly, I can see that happening, I feel sorry for poor guys getting scammed, and I also think the change in China probably has something to do with the imbalance of males vs. females as well.

  • keelhaulrose

    Lesbians are sexy. I know because porn told me. You don’t see man on man sex scenes thrown into straight porn, but two women are commonplace. No man wants to be thrown into the middle of two men, but one of the most common male fantasies is being with two women, and unfortunately porn shows that two women will happily stop paying attention to each other in favor of the plumber who just showed up. In my experience working with stuff like this for my LGBTA group in college that’s why many men were more okay with lesbians than gay man. Most (not all) weren’t afraid of getting hit on, they just viewed gay men as always gay, but lesbians as a phase a good cock could fix. The more “dyke”the lesbian, the more unacceptable her lesbianism.
    It’s why we do get asked that question when our daughters are into “boy” things. I was asked that at Thanksgiving when my daughter told an older family member she wanted to be a mechanic.

  • Kay_Sue

    For some reason, a major hang-up with regards to marriage equality is always sex. Always. Look at Phil Robertson’s comments a few weeks ago–his focus on men having sex and completely neglecting to mention gay women at all. It’s an obsession. I’ve gotten into this with every conservative family member I have when the topic comes up, and, and when all rational thought breaks down on their end as it always does, it consistently comes down to, “WHY would a man enjoy anal sex? What kind of man enjoys it?”

    On the flip side, female sexuality is so taboo that I don’t think they necessarily even consider it–and if they do, it’s been so sensationalized for adult entertainment to the point where it loses any real connotation for them. Because it’s billed as an activity that straight men enjoy too, it’s not a threat, in a way. There’s also this overwhelming and misguided belief in some cases that a lesbian just needs the right man–she’s a product of her environment, she’s been mistreated by men, had a bad relationship with her father, etc, etc, and with the RIGHT man, she’ll turn right around and straighten out.

    I think, on the whole, that when you put these various thinking patterns all together in the same bigoted pot, it’s a nifty little sexist stew. Your son being gay would be the end of the world (in their opinion), but your daughter would never REALLY be gay, so what does it matter?

    • Justme

      From what I hear, that particular area of a man’s body can be pleasurable during sexual relations, whether they be with a woman or a man.

      At least, that’s what Cosmo tells me. ;)

    • Kay_Sue

      I actually told one of my uncles this when he made a comment similar to the one that I quoted above. It was four or five years ago, and he proceeded to deem me a harlot (with a straight face, I give him mad props for that!) and not speak to me for nearly a year.

    • Natasha B

      He actually said ‘harlot’? I’ve never heard that come out of anyone’s mouth IRL. Sad.

    • Kay_Sue

      I know. I was shocked he kept a straight face, I certainly did not. I don’t think belly laughter was exactly the response he’d expected.

    • Natasha B

      That would have been my response :)
      I agree with your original comment-very well put

    • Justme

      I picture Ron Burgundy saying something like that…”harlot.”

    • Courtney Lynn

      LOL…I just got a visual of that. Right before he swigs his, “Scotchy scotchy scotch”.

    • aliceblue

      LOL! Let us know if he resurrects such oldies as doxy or trollop. They are such colorful words it would be good to know that they still get used now and again.

    • moonie27

      Not all men who enjoy anal are gay (they’re called strap-ons, people) and not all gay men have anal sex. (I think the number is like 80% do… but I may just be pulling that out of my rear, as 80% is my favorite percentage.)

    • Kay_Sue

      Yeah, I was quoting them verbatim, unfortunately, in that piece of the comment. I don’t think they’d care to take the time to educate themselves on the actual intricacies of human sexuality.

    • moonie27

      I figured, given the context of the rest of your comment! I realized it came across as harsh – it wasn’t aimed at you, just frustration at the world!

      And they should educate them. Human sexuality is the next best thing to human sex.

    • Kay_Sue

      I completely agree. And I didn’t find your comment harsh, I promise. :)

    • Justme

      “Pulling that out of my rear”

      Purposeful pun or not, that was well played, my friend.

    • moonie27

      purposeful… :P

    • helloshannon

      agreed on all points! i also think it is ironic and telling when you hear men talking negatively about gay men but spouting their love for anal sex with a woman. if one is so focused on just the sex part, what is the difference? an ass is an ass if that is what the problem for someone is.

    • Bj Lincoln

      When I can out, many moons ago, I lost count of the “phase” and “you just need a good man” crap. I think my Mom really thought it was a “phase” for 20 years or more. She still can’t handle I am married to a women.
      I think because society puts women in 2 categories, virgin or slut, adults don’t see if they are being sexually abused even when it is going on right under their nose.

    • Kay_Sue

      I am sorry that you had to go through it. People can be so thick sometimes.

  • Lackadaisical

    As someone who went to an all girls school and is attracted to men and women with a brother who went to an all boys school I would have to say you are right, there is a bias. I don’t think it is that lesbians are more acceptable than gay men, I would say that many people find male homosexuality threatening and dismiss lesbians and brush them under the carpet. Obviously neither reaction is pleasant or right.

    I think part of it comes down to the fact that in a society that assumes heterosexuality, boys are brought up with an expectation of penetrating others when it comes to sex and not of being penetrated. While there is more to gay sex and sexuality between two men then that, the mere possibility of a man being penetrated like a woman, which appears a dominating and invasive act, places a man in a more vulnerable position. If many men are raised to be strong, dominant and chauvinistic to female partners, then the idea of such a man being physically invaded (in the way they are expected to treat a woman) seems scary and violent. Hang on chaps, you are supposed to be beer swilling, swearing, red meat eating, rugby playing men, however unlikely it is to be raped by another man that is scary and emasculating to a level that will make a chauvanistic dinosaur man aggressive at the thought of it, not even the actual threat of it. Women live with the threat of rape to some extent but the chauvanistic mind considers that the normal state of things, while for there to be a possibility of it ever happening to a man is unthinkable. As for a man who would voluntarily do it, chauvasaurs and the “little woman” they marry couldn’t be proud of such a voluntarily girly boy. Obviously this very extreme example is not how all homophobic people conciously think but in a culture that indulgently looks the other way at dudebro rape culture the attitude permeates at some level.

    In contrast women are raised to expect to be penetrated by a man so two women having sex isn’t any scarier than what they are raised for. Also, male on male sex is kind of obvious in terms of what goes where, while many sheltered women of my mother’s age (60s) haven’t a clue as to what might happen between two women. To an unthinking bigot it seems silly and an extension of pretend relationship games that they think a woman should have grown out of. It is a wrong and hurtful attitude but tends to lead more to embarrassed ignoring, while gay men seem scarier so become the boogyman.

    With my own kids, because my eldest is not big, rough and tough instead of questions like that we often get an assumption that he will be gay. He is only just coming up to puberty now so I think an assumption either way is a bit hasty. Whatever sexuality he has when he has passed through the maelstrom of hormones that is pubertity I know that he is awesome and I am proud of him.

  • Cee

    I think one of the reasons is because daughters are perceived to have no sexuality. When some people talk about sons, they talk about how many girlfriends he’ll have, what a heart breaker he’ll be, some even comment about the size of their junk or if they “take the tit” right after birth. But when people talk about girls, its all about perserving her hymen and marriage. “You’ll have a boyfriend when you’re 30″ “I got my shotgun collection to show any boy you bring home.” It is not because people don’t think their daughters can’t be lesbians, it is that people don’t even think or accept that daughters/women have sex. The moment a son is born, some people praise his future prowess, the moment a daughter is born, some people resolve to never acknowledge her sexuality.

    • Natasha B

      Yes. That’s what I think too. From the moment the penis showed up on the ultrasound, it was all ladies man, buy him condoms, blah blah blah. I also think part of it is the whole ‘carrying on the family name’ with boys.

    • Cee

      Wow! Condoms?! They won’t be useful by the time he needs them lol

    • Natasha B

      Oh, I didn’t word that well. I meant as in his uncles were all ‘he’ll be buying a lot of condoms’ :)

    • ElleJai

      DH said “just like his Daddy!” when we saw we were expecting a son on the ultrasound. I just replied “What, minuscule?” and he shut up haha.

    • Natasha B

      You. Are. Amazing.

    • ElleJai

      Thank you :)

    • Courtney Lynn

      I should have kept my maiden name and given it to my kid. But I like my married name.

    • helloshannon

      it’s true! with my first son and now my 2nd, both times i had a gender determination ultrasound there were comments from the tech about the peen. “that is a penis for sure! no mistaken that!” “just look at that, wow!”. really, 15 weeks pregnant and people can’t keep penis size out of the convo.

    • AugustW

      I’m pretty sure my dad thought i was a virgin until I became pregnant, even though I was 25 and had lived with a boyfriend in previous years.

    • Cee

      My aunt has a BSN and has been a nurse for about 20 years. She had three daughters with irregular periods and talked all three of them from taking birth control to regulate them because it would mean they are having sex. Two of them got pregnant quite young.
      Some parents really just don’t accept sexual daughters

    • Natasha B

      My mother is like that…convinced my 25yo sister and her serious BF sleep in separate beds when they travel. Ooookkkk mom.
      And all of my kids were immaculate conceptions. (Rolls eyes)
      My dad is much more realistic, thank god.

    • Momma425

      Despite 2 pregnancies my mother knows about, I think she STILL thinks of me as a virgin.

    • Courtney Lynn

      My son was not even a day old and got a comment on his “junk size”. Seriously? He’s now 19 months old and everyone’s already talking about how handsome he’s going to be. AND now we have a 4 month old daughter. The gun comments are already starting. Ugh.

    • Frannnn

      I really worry about this if I have kids. How on Earth will I be able to keep from strangling these people? I wouldn’t even want such disgusting, sexist, objectifying thoughts to enter my head about my children.

    • aliceblue

      Don’t hold back. Just come here, let us know, and we’ll help hide the bodies. ;)

  • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

    Well, it’s cool to have a lesbo daughter, cuz she’ll probably get a college scholarship in softball or something.

    Added bonus: No chance of getting knocked up in High School

  • Humphrey Bugoy

    Maybe you’re son looks quite gay that’s why people keep asking

  • Rachel Sea

    Oh that’s easy. Man on man lovin’ is gross, and woman on woman action is good porn. If people could get that same-gender sex is exactly as diverse as opposite gender sex, they’d probably chill out…at least until they realized that exactly the same percentage of straight men enjoy being penetrated as gay men.

  • Muggle

    Male homosexuality is extremely threatening to the culture of hyper-masculinity we’ve got. And acknowledging a woman’s sexuality, gay or straight? yeah, like that’s going to happen. That’s even more threatening.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    I’ve been asked that question too. My answer is that if my son is gay, I’ll have the pleasure of always being the number one woman in his life.

  • Justme

    My dad asked me last summer, “what if she is gay?” in reference to my daughter when we were on vacation as a family and DOMA was being overturned.

    Please understand that my father is one of the hardest working, most honest, loyal and kind men that I have ever known. But he is a little old-fashioned and pretty conservative.

    I cocked my head at him and replied, “And what if she is? I’d rather her live as her true self – out, proud and in a loving relationship, than closeted and miserable because she thinks I won’t approve of who she loves.”

    He didn’t really have a response to that. I just hope that my compassion and open-mindedness towards the issue maybe swayed his viewpoint just a bit.

  • SusannahJoy

    My son is 8 months old. He’s growing out of his separation anxiety phase (yay!) but during it, he preferred women to men. Like, he’d be okish if a woman held him for a minute, but would freak out if a man did. I learned to not mention that fact to people, because both people I said it to responded with “Oh good! He’s supposed to like women better, hahaha!” Ugh. Please don’t assign a sexuality to my infant.

    • Justme

      Same thing when people (namely, my in-laws) comment on my daughter, who is not quite three, having a “boyfriend.” No. She has a best friend who is a boy. They play good guy-bad guy and talk about Toy Story and Spider-Man. I know this because every time we walk by anything pertaining to the above mentioned characters, she tells me how much her bestie loves that character. Pre-schoolers don’t understand complex adult relationships – she just knows that she loves playing with a little boy because they like to do the same things.

      Sorry. Rant over. I feel your frustration.

    • SarahJesness

      That kind of stuff is annoying, and I think it discourages kids from being friends with kids of the opposite sex. Kind of annoying when you can’t hang out with someone without a family member or friend, even playfully, saying “Ooooh is that your boyfriend?”.

  • Joye77

    I have three sons, the oldest is 9 years old, and I have never been asked anything about their future sexuality. Maybe I just hang around people who aren’t jerks.

  • ElleJai

    I recall reading that a British Queen, a few hundred years back, refused to sign legislation outlawing lesbianism because she simply wouldn’t believe it was real. (Either that or she was a closet case).

    She did however sign the laws to ban homosexuality.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    I’m bi, and always have been and I totally agree, I see so much HORROR at the thought that a boy might be gay or (supposedly even worse)like both!!!

    My kids asked me before about people I’ve dated and I’ve always been honest to a point with them.
    It’s not about sheltering them, but at the end of the day, my girls are 8 and 10, they don’t need to know who I’ve slept with…

    They have asked before how we would react if they were gay (came up in conversation regarding my best friend who recently got engaged to his long time partner)
    We (father and I ) simply said that as long as they were happy and their partner treated them the right way, they could date a donkey for all we cared.
    Too much pressure is put on kids to date at an early age anyway, much less worrying about sexuality.

    They know we love them no matter what, and that’s the most important thing, in my book.

  • SarahJesness

    If I was having a kid and somebody asked me that I’d be all like “That would be great cause then I wouldn’t have to worry about him knocking up some chick in high school and having to put off college temporarily or permanently to support the baby”. It’s important to look at the positive side of things, ya gotta remind people of that when you can.